Part 3 of the day I upload 4 chapters.

Chapter Thirteen: The Evans Choir

Lilly,

Vernon and I would be thrilled to have you, James, and the boys over for dinner. I think Saturday lunch, one o' clock works best.

Affly,

Petunia

Even through the paper, Lilly could feel the hesitation in her sister's words. She wasn't happy, and she certainly wasn't "thrilled", whatever the letter said. Lilly's nose crinkled at the curt request. Who was she to demand a time and place? Still, Petunia had swallowed her pride and reestablished the connection. Lilly owed her sister the benefit of the doubt.

"Uh oh. I know that look." James shrugged on his cloak. "Petunia didn't accept?"

She crisply folded the letter into her pocket. "We'll be having dinner day after tomorrow at their house. Six o' clock." She forced the neutrality into her voice. Just a normal dinner. Nothing out of the ordinary.

James continued to stare at her through rounded spectacles.

"What?" She snapped.

Her oaf of a husband simply shrugged and muttered "If you say so," before ducking out of the room.

Honestly! "If I say so? This was your idea! Oh no you don't, James Potter you come back here – "

But it was futile. With a poof, James flooed away to the Ministry. Nathan began cooing. "Honestly, Nathan," she vexed her frustrations. "You and I are the only sane people in this house!" She knew what was happening. Her sister was driving her mad. As usual. She humphed and threw her nose into the air, crossing her arms with a queenly dignity. Oh no, not this time. She would be as cool as a cucumber.

Harry began crying again, clutching his head.

Lilly sighed and went to fetch the numbing salve. Albus has said there would be after effects of the transition. The ritual had never been done on one so young, and as such there were few documentations about the effects. He had warned about the constant headaches, though. And indeed, for days Harry seemed to be unable to sleep properly. For the first week, the poor boy needed the salve almost constantly.

Opening the lid, she gently massaged his temples with a single wet finger. As she massaged the salve onto his scalp, she crooned at her eldest son to ease the crying. "Hush, Harry. Hush. It'll be okay. It'll all be okay, hush now."

Once Harry quieted, she cast a simple illusion to keep the boys occupied. Much like a movie, it went through several exciting scenes from one of her own childhood favorites: The Adventures of Tintin. What James doesn't know, can't hurt him. James had staunchly insisted on a strong wizard upbringing, and while she had ended up agreeing, what James didn't know certainly couldn't hurt him. Besides, she'd be damned if her children grew up not knowing Tintin.

Finally, she sagged into the chair. Sirius and James had finally returned to their work as Aurors, though from what James was saying Sirius was mostly drunk and flirting with the boundaries of acceptability. And while Remus was disqualified due to his lycanthropy, the level-headed marauder secured a rather valuable position assisting his father in hunting down dark creatures. His own expertise on werewolves seemed benefit the Ministry's Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. Remus would, of course, take off several days every full moon, but with the backing of his father, that hadn't been an issue.

Lyall Lupin had been the mastermind to discover weaknesses of numerous dark creatures during the war – inferi included. He had been directly responsible for coming up with strategies to deal with dementors and the other spirituous apparitions Voldemort used on a daily basis.

And with Kreacher now taking care of the Black mansion full-time, the house had finally become empty. Leaving Lilly with –

Nathan began crying.

"Dada!" Harry repeated his new favorite word.

"No, Harry. That's a spoon."

"Dada!"

"Spoooon. Spooon."

Harry blinked. "Dada!"

This is what I've been reduced to. Merlin I miss talking to adults. It was her own decision, of course. She wasn't going to work as an Auror when her children weren't well. And after everything James had told her about the way the Ministry worked and how it treated its Aurors, she wasn't very sure she even wanted to be an Auror anymore. Harry's periodic aches were always on her mind, and his daily visits to the Healers didn't change that. And even when that wasn't there, there was that scar on Nathan's forehead. Nathan never showed any abnormal signs, but Lilly didn't trust it. No, she wouldn't let her children out of her sight until they were well.

And they certainly didn't need the money. James' parents, Godric bless their soul, had left their son a wonderful nest egg. So what was this itching she had? She stared at the letter from Zonko's for a fourth time. Dumbledore, it seemed had recommended her specifically as "one of the most exceptional charms students in the last three decades." She sighed. It had meant a great deal to her. But a joke shop? Somehow, she had always imagined herself in a nobler walk of life.

And now, every store and business in the greater London area wanted her.

"Quite the catch, you've become."

She smiled, turning around. Remus was eyeing the pile of letters. "Remus. How are you?"

He smiled widely for the first time in weeks. "I start Monday. I'm nervous. Excited."

She showered him with smiles. "You'll be fantastic. They're lucky to have you."

He chuckled and shrugged his tattered robes. "Yes, well. We'll see. Father's the one they really wanted to keep happy. The way they look at it – if hiring Lyall's son is what it takes to keep him happy, then they'll do it."

"Then you'll prove yourself in your own right. You'll show them that Remus Lupin is far more valuable than Lyall will ever be."

He smiled. "You're kind to say so. Still, it'll be nice to be so close to Father after so long. I think he's missed company, ever since Mother's death."

"It must be difficult for him to live in an empty house."

Remus nodded. "Yes. I'm thinking I'll move in with him. Keep an eye on him, you know. He needs help these days." He threw her a cautious glance. "And how are you handling this empty house?"

She sighed. "It has been tough." Sensing the oncoming bout of bawls, she quickly picked up Nathan and began rocking. "I miss having and adult to talk to. But I can't leave them, not in this state. At least not for a couple months until they're better."

Remus took Harry in his own arms and tickled the boy's nose. Harry giggled and gummed Remus' finger. "Not going to be an Auror?"

She wilted. "I'm afraid not. Please don't tell James?" She pleaded. "He's not ready. I think he has this fantasy where we'll both be Aurors or something, but that's really he and Sirius. Not me."

Remus nodded approvingly. "I quite understand. Have you thought about starting your own company?" He ventured.

She blinked. "My own company?" It seemed so… well, Muggle.

"Judging by that stack of letters, you've got loads of offers, and yet no real opportunities. Why not make your own?" Remus gave an embarrassed shake. "Forgive me, Lilly. That was incredibly forward of me."

"No! No, not at all. Remus, we've been friends far too long for you to say things like that."

"You're right, of course. Forgive me."

"And no more apologizing!"

"Forgi – I – yes. Well, sorry."

Her furious stares met apologetic eyes.

Even after Remus had left, his suggestions was whirling around in her mind. Start her own company. It was certainly appealing. She could throw herself into something that didn't involve the most basic motor functions and nonsensical babbling. She could delve into the deeper aspects of charmswork that had always intrigued her while keeping an eye on the twins. And she would be in complete control.

But what would she do? She knew nothing about financing a company. What if they lost money and she didn't even know? Vaguely, she tried to recall the incredibly long ledgers her father had kept. It seemed quite complicated. And at the end of the day, starting a business seemed rather different from practicing fancy spellswork.

"Lills? Are you listening?"

"What? Oh, James. How was your day?"

"Just more Ministry nonsense. Darling." He squeezed her shoulders. "Are you alright?"

"I was just. Remus had apologized! Well, a business is rather different. And those ledgers, who even wants to deal with those?" She had just realized none of that made any sense at all. She slumped over her husband's arms. "I think babbling and cooing to Harry and Nathan all day has made me forget how to have an intelligent conversation."

James seemed to beam. "Is that witch for 'You miss me'?"

She pecked her husband's cheek.

"Dada!"

James discarded her in an instant, whipping around and parading Harry in his arms.

"Dada!"

His face beaming with pride, James swung the boy around and showered kisses. "That's my boy! His first word, Lills! His first word! And bloody quick, too! They're not supposed to speak for another two months!"

"Dada!"

"Look at him go! He knows his old man, all right."

Lilly faltered. James was so happy. Would a single white lie really matter? What importance did a single word hold, anyways. She hugged her husband. "It's a miracle," she smiled.

"Dada!" Harry finally managed to grab his favorite spoon and started waving it around.

James examined his eldest with a full arm's length between them. "Erm, what now?"

Harry patted James' wrist with the spoon. "Dada."

"He thinks everything is a 'dada', doesn't he?"

Lilly giggled. "Even worse, I'm afraid." She hugged her husband from behind. "He thinks that spoon is Dada. Been going on about it all day."

"All day! I missed his first words all day?"

She chortled and kissed his back. "Don't worry. You'll have the chance to hear his favorite word all night. He's all yours." She retreated to the peace and quiet of the bathroom, but it was short-lived. Evidently, her brilliant husband who managed to become a full-fledged animagus at fifteen years-old couldn't quite handle two nearly four month-old children.

After feeding and burping them herself, she tucked them into their cribs. A single kiss on each of their foreheads and a soft whispered good-night later, the house resumed its peace. She and James were on the sofa in front of the fireplace, cuddling for the first time in weeks.

"We need to hire a babysitter," James yawned. "Those rascals are too exhausting."

"Yes, well. Being mistaken for a spoon will do that to you."

"Oh you think that's funny, do you?"

"Well it's not just – aaah! James, stop! James!" But the tickles didn't cease. She gasped for air and fought her way to freedom, but it was too late. Her hair was a mess and the blankets had been tossed halfway across the room. She glared at him through her messy tangles.

And suddenly, a mischievous smile crawled its way onto his face. "Let's do something dirty tonight."

She raised a brow. "Like what?"

He eyed the blanket hungrily. "Let's go to bed. Without putting that blanket into the hamper." His devious teeth shined.

She gasped. "So evil." She kissed him. "I love it."

He picked her up and carted her off to the bedroom, where the new parents promptly fell asleep.

Children, Lilly realized as she awoke to a groggy household the next morning, are the single greatest form of sex-prevention. The sun had barely come out, but Harry would, without a doubt, start crying within ten minutes. Groaning, she cracked her neck and rolled out of her mattress. Last night was an incredibly rare opportunity. She and James sent the kids to bed early and had an extra hour.

An hour thoroughly well-used. She stared longingly at her pillow. There was a time, she knew, where she didn't love sleeping so much. But she couldn't quite remember when that time was. There was a chill indifference to realizing that they had become the boring couple that preferred napping to passionate lovemaking, but anyone who thought they could manage twins better was welcome to try.

The simple fact was that parenting was unsexy. And her teenage dreams could shove it.

James' snores rumbled through the room. That man can sleep through anything. "James, wake up. James you promised it was your turn to take care of Harry and Nathan." Nothing. Frowning, she fetched her wand from the night table. With a quick flick, James was on his feet, soaking head to toe. The bed, of course, was rather dry. Lilly batted the most innocent eyelashes. "The children are calling, dear."

James-the-troll grumbled and trudged away.

They were going to her sister's soon. And she had to get mentally prepared. As they zipped around, getting Nathan and Harry ready, Lilly inundated James with all her sister's rules. "Make sure you don't even mention magic. She gets really nervous. And better not say you work for the Ministry. Just say you're a police officer. And remember that – "

And through it all, James calmly assured her that he had everything under control. "Yes, Dear. I understand, Lilly. Of course, I would never."

But she couldn't help but feel that this whole meal was simply a disaster in waiting. She hadn't been this nervous since she introduced James to her parents. The worst part was that time seemed to fly faster and faster the closer they got. She had no time at all to mentally stabilize herself; as the car turned onto Privet Drive, Lilly felt her mouth go dry. Cursing her nerves, Lilly smoothed her skirt and put on her best smile. With a deep breath, she rang the bell.

The door opened, revealing a woman who'd lost far too much weight and gained too much neck.

She wanted to hug her sister. She wanted to curl up together and gossip like little girls. But Petunia's eyes convinced her otherwise. "Good afternoon, Petunia." Lilly forced herself to maintain calm as her eyes grasped the largest man they'd ever seen. The man was enormous, and there was no hint of any neck. "A-And Vernon!" She tried for enthusiasm, but she had a sneaking suspicion that it came out as a squeak. "How are you?" she held out her hand.

After a painful pause, he took her hand.

"And you must be Lilly. Pleasure to meet you at last." Vernon turned to James. "And you must be James."

Her husband seemed all stone. "Pleasure," James extended the firmest handshake Lilly had ever seen.

Pleasure to meet her? What were these two going on about? Something was going on between the two men, but she couldn't be sure what. Before she had a chance to study them further, Petunia relented and led them to the living room.

"So, James. What do you do for a living?" Petunia's mountain of a husband seemed to practice James' name, staring it down like he would a crouching lion.

James, for his part, seemed to return the feelings fully. "I'm a police officer, Vernon. I deal with the worst of the lot – serial killers, and the lot."

"A gruesome line of work, James. Keeping the community safe, are you?"

"I like to think so, Vernon. It's dangerous but rewarding. Besides, Vernon, someone has to do it."

Lilly didn't bother to hide her shock. She ogled at her husband, only to turn and gape at Vernon Dursley. What were these two doing? They had met each other at least three times before, and it was no secret that they hated each other. It was amidst the open stares that she saw her own sister's shocked face, and the blood drained from both Evans sisters. They both immediately averted their gaze.

"And what about you, Vernon? What is it you do?"

"I deal in construction, James. I operate a drill company. We're the most rapidly growing company in all of England, James. I expect we'll be number one within the year."

"So business is good, eh Vernon? That's wonderful news, Vernon."

She couldn't take it anymore. What in devil's blazes was going on? She searched for help from Petunia, and to her shock, her older sister's eyes were desperately begging her. Suddenly, Lilly stood. "Excuse me, I'm going to help Petunia with lunch."

"Ah – Yes. Do excuse us." Petunia quickly caught on, and the two sisters nearly ran from their husbands' madness. "Is this your idea?" Petunia hissed when they were finally out of earshot.

"Mine? Your husband is the one who started this whole idiocy! 'And you must be Lilly. Pleasure to meet you at last.' What does that mean, Tuney? As if he hasn't even met me?"

Petunia stiffened. "You've obviously done something to him."

Lilly's eyes widened as the implication sunk in. "You think." Her hands were trembling. "You think we'd do something to him?" Petunia, for her part, betrayed no fear. Indeed, Lilly thought it was a miracle she could even see with her nose so high. "Your oaf of a husband doesn't need anyone doing anything because he's already – "

A loud rip and crinkle from the living room.

Both sisters peeped out to see James and Vernon opening a bag of crisps.

"No junk food before the meal!"

The shout came in unison, and for a moment they glared at each other. Then, Petunia, as if showing Lilly how a true lady did it, calmly took the bag from James, folded it up, and placed it on the coffee table. Lilly ground her teeth as Petunia gave her a smug smile.

"'A lady does not raise her voice.' You'd do well to remember Mother's etiquette lessons, Sister."

Lilly forcibly relaxed her fists. How? How after so many years could Petunia make her so angry in just a few short sentences? This… This incredibly irritating woman. "You were shouting just as loud as I," Lilly accused.

The daggers in Lilly's eyes had no effect. Petunia chortled as she removed the roast from the oven. "A little young to be playing tit for tat, aren't we? But I supposed you always did compare yourself to me."

Nothing had changed. Nothing. "I think you have quite the handle on the meal. I'm going back to the living room."

Petunia snorted. "I'm not leaving you and your husband alone with Vernon."

And the two marched back, nearly arm in arm.

"Everything alright in there?" James ventured.

"Oh, splendid." Petunia smiled.

"Yes, just fantastic." Lilly spat.

Somehow, Petunia managed to make even her brows scold Lilly. A lady does not spit. The quotation rang in Lilly's head, and her molars met once more.

"James and I were just discussing our plans for the children. You can never start planning to early, can you James?"

"I agree entirely, Vernon. Did you know, Lills – Vernon just told me the most fascinating tidbit. It seems that babies start learning as soon as they're born. Simply by talking to the children, even when you're just feeding them or just playing with them, you help them learn. Isn't that right, Vernon?"

"Absolutely, James. I tell you, I was just as surprised when I found this out. Doctors say that by speaking to the children, you can further their mental development by weeks."

The two took turns telling the wives about child development, and if Lilly's jaw went any lower, it would have hit the ground. She wanted to scream that perhaps James should have married Vernon if he felt they were such a fit. She wanted to pull out her husband's hair and feed it to the man. She wanted to –

And then, it was crystal clear. She turned to Petunia, and her sister seemed to be on the same page.

"We have to take care of something." They marched off in unison, for once not caring that they were a single voice.

Once they reached the kitchen, the Evans sisters seemed to eye each other suspiciously. Twice in unison might be coincidence, but three times?

"They're in on it together." Their voices harmonized.

"Damn," Lilly cursed.

"Lilly!" Petunia gasped.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh come off it, Tuney." The frustration was piling. "Those maddening men are in it together! Don't you see what this means?"

Petunia gathered herself. "Of course I do. I realized it before you did."

Lilly's eyes narrowed. The gall! "I seem to recall you accusing me of doing things to your husband."

"Oh don't be daft; my own sister jinxing my husband. Indeed!" She scoffed, but as soon as the words were out, Petunia clasped two palms over her mouth.

Lilly's own eyes grew to be as wide as saucers. And before she knew it, she was wrapping her sister in a fierce hug, and tears were streaming down her face, damping Petunia's dress. "Petunia, I… Tuney, I… I missed you so much!" She choked out between quiet sobs.

Protective, elder sibling instincts tore apart the cobwebs and leapt out of long-buried memories. Petunia cradled her vulnerable sister in a familiar embrace as they whispered long-missed condolences and apologies. Finally, Petunia cupped her sibling's face and wiped Lilly's tears.

"I am sorry things happened the way they did. I should have given Vernon a second chance." Lilly moped.

"Oh shush. You know men are nothing but trouble. I'll have no more nonsense from you; you're too smart for that." Petunia scolded, but her heart wasn't in it. And suddenly, she softened. "I am sorry I didn't make you a bridesmaid. You know you were always my maid of honor. I love you, Lilly."

Another, softer round of tears.

"You remember the promise we made?" Petunia patiently guided a stray curl out of Lilly's face and around her ear.

Lilly nodded. "Every week."

Petunia gave an approving nod. "That's right. We will meet every week from now on. And we certainly won't let men get in the way of our sisterhood, will we?"

Lilly shook her head. "No," she answered dutifully.

Petunia gave her a familiar tap on the nose. "No, we won't."

And suddenly, Lilly was wrapped in a hug once more.

"I'm sorry, Lilly." The whispers came slowly. "I've been prideful, resentful, and a horrible sister. I wasn't even there for your wedding. And when I heard that this… Voldemort attacked you."

Lilly felt her sister shiver uncontrollably.

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Lilly couldn't suppress a tearful giggle. She nodded. "I'm just glad to have my sister back."

A strange, hushed, scraping sound seemed to roll into the kitchen.

Lilly tried to ignore it before realizing what it was.

"They're laughing at us!" They intoned. Fists on hips, they marched out arm in arm to confront the two most serious men in the world engaged in discussing a very serious no-laughing-matter subject.

"So, think this is funny, do you?" Lilly glared at James, who did his best to find sanctuary in his new best friend Vernon.

"Well? The lady asked a question, Vernon!" Petunia nearly barked.

Vernon did his best to eliminate what little neck he did have and sink inside himself like a turtle. Wide eyed, he stared back at James while doing his best at achieving invisibility, and the husbands collectively wondered when they could afford to not look at one another. The Evans choir was in full force.

There! Lilly saw it, and she doubted the watchful eyes of her sister missed it either. Her marauder of a husband had winked at the other man. Ooh, these men. Lilly's voice was sleek ice. "Petunia, let's show these men that we, too, have quite a sense of humor."

Petunia maintained her soul-boring gaze on Vernon, but her voice, too, suddenly dropped a hundred degrees. "Ah, yes. Humor."

James froze. Any remaining blood seemed to drain from the husbands' faces.

This chapter was quite difficult for me. I'm not very good at humor, and this is my first attempt at it. I've tried to put character-driven humor rather than plot-driven, but I'm not sure how it turned out for another person (don't have a Beta yadda yadda). If anyone has any tips on writing humor, much appreciated; it truly is something I'm probably weakest on.