Chapter 14
Liara stared at the door to her room and thought about how she now had the freedom to walk through it. She still did not know where to go or what she should do. She considered contacting her teammates from the Normandy, but she felt she was not ready to hear anyone else's feelings about Shepard. Perhaps she was letting her friends down by not being there for them, but she was still reeling from her own emotions and doubted she could give or receive comfort. However, Liara felt compelled to leave the room and feel light on her face and hear the sounds of life around her. She put the cloak on and pulled the hood over her head. She checked her appearance in a mirror to ensure she could not be recognized. Satisfied that her identity was concealed, she walked through the door and headed to the busy Presidium streets.
The apartment complex was located in a quiet section of the Presidium. The openness of the streets was a shock to her; it took Liara a few moments to adjust to the light and space. She did not know where she should go, but she forced herself to move forward. Piles of stone, debris and exposed rebar caused by the Battle of the Citadel were visible in every direction. It was an ever-present reminder of the events she lived through and the reason she was on the Citadel now.
As she walked closer to the financial district, the sights and sounds of people buying and selling overwhelmed her. She felt tense and her skin crawled in anticipation of some unknown threat although she did not know the source of the fear. Although the sensations were immense compared to the seclusion of her room, there was nothing around her which should cause her to be afraid. Her gaze darted around her, searching for some unknown assailant. I have to get out of here! She kept her head down and tried to shut out the environment as she walked towards the Embassy district.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught sight of the base of a building which reminded her of the architecture on Thessia. She turned to view the building. A large, circular door was visible in the center of the building. The remaining facade appeared similar to a tower; graced with long, curved lines of white stone which were far apart at the base but came closer together until they merged at the top. Her gaze moved to the pinnacle of the tower which was decorated with a simple but elegant sphere.
The overall visual effect of the building was comforting to Liara and she was drawn to walk through its doors. After opening the door, she saw the building was a shrine to the Goddess Athame. The interior of the shrine was circular with a statue of the Goddess in the center. The interior of the shrine was peaceful, it's tall, white walls sheltering her from the commotion of the streets. She walked to one of the benches next to the circular wall and sat down.
The statue of Athame was beautiful. The sculpture had the same aesthetics as the shrine itself; it was made of the graceful, flowing lines and shapes culminating in an almost formless face. Liara had never be a devout follow of the Athame doctrine, but she remembered the feeling of wonder and awe she had as a child when she heard the stories of the Goddess' gifts to the asari. So much of the asari cultural identity-the intelligence, the poise, were attributed to Athame's mythical gifts. According to myth, the asari consciousness was due to Athame's guidance when she awakened the perceptions of her people. As Liara looked on the formless face of the Goddess, she could not help but wish it was as simple now; if she had faith in Athame, she would be blessed with the wisdom and perception to know how to navigate through her life without Shepard.
A door opened on side of the room opposite of the entrance. Liara could see the tall, slender form of a matriarch exit the door and walk across the room from where she sat. The matriarch appeared to be absorbed in her own thoughts as she had not acknowledged Liara's presence yet. Liara admired her sophisticated, dark blue gown and the way it flowed around her body as she moved through the shrine. The matriarch looked up abruptly as she realized she was not alone. Her gaze met Liara's and she smiled genuinely. "I apologize," she said with a deep, smooth voice. "I didn't realize anyone was here." She strolled towards Liara as she continued, "I hope I haven't disturbed you."
Liara was speechless for a moment as she looked upon the beautiful face of the matriarch. Her skin was as blue as the sky and she had pale lavender markings which spread out from her eyes to the edge of her crest. After staring at the matriarch for a few seconds, Liara realized what she was doing and stood up to greet the matriarch properly. "Oh, you haven't disturbed me. I mean, I wasn't praying or meditating or anything." Liara was surprised at the awkwardness of her own voice; she hadn't felt this tongue-tied since before the destruction of the Normandy.
If the matriarch noticed Liara's awkwardness, she did not show it outwardly. She took Liara's hand and said, "I am Matriarch Maia. I am the guardian of this shrine. Is there anything I can do to help you?"
Liara's gaze fell to the floor as she said, "No, I don't think so. I'm not even sure why I am here. I suppose I was just looking for a break from the noise in the street. I didn't even know this was a shrine before I walked in here." Liara considered introducing herself to the matriarch, but she didn't want to be trapped in a long conversation and decided not to tell the matriarch who she was.
Maia smiled at the young asari again as she said, "Yes, it is rather noisy out there. I spend so much time alone here that I feel inundated by all the sights and the sounds as soon as I walk outside the door. I can't wait to get back inside the shrine to get away from all of that chaos out there."
"Yes," Liara exclaimed as she looked at Maia again. "I felt the same way. I don't have anywhere to go, though, so I just forced myself to keep moving forward until I ended up here." Liara was uncertain about what to say to the matriarch. She looked at the statue of the Goddess and said, "Your statue is beautiful. I don't remember seeing one quite like it." The matriarch also looked at the statue and nodded in appreciation. Liara asked, "Why doesn't the face have a defined shape? That is unusual."
Maia looked back at the maiden and said, "I like to think her face is formless because each person can interpret for herself who the Goddess is. Some people look on the statue and see all the qualities they like best about themselves. Others look on her face and see all the attributes they wish they had. The sculpture is designed so it works in both ways."
"What do you see?" Liara asked. "That is, if you don't mind telling me."
The matriarch looked at Liara for a few moments before answering. "I see the unknowable." The elder asari circled the statue, looking at the curvature of the statue's face as she spoke. "Every time I finally think I understand what the Goddess is like, I find my perception of her is ripped out from under me by some new experience or piece of information. It's happened to me countless times and still I keep coming back and trying to figure it all out again." She laughed as she said, "Thank goodness the face of the statue is so open to interpretation or I would have to replace it each time I go through this cycle."
Liara could not help but smile at Maia. "It's so strange to me that we are standing here talking about the unknowable. I've been having some conversations recently with a human about similar issues. He recommended I talk to another asari for perspective. I had no intention of talking to anyone else, but, yet, here I am."
Maia nodded as she said, "I've had that experience before. It's disconcerting when you end up where you are supposed to be despite your best efforts, isn't it?" Liara could see mirth in the matriarch's eyes as she said, "Well, at least it is for me." She walked to the maiden and placed her hand on Liara's shoulder, "Regardless of whether you intended to end up here or not, just know that you are welcome here and I would be happy to listen if you would like to talk."
Liara pulled away from the matriarch's touch and walked a few meters away. Liara was automatically distrustful of matriarchs after she saw the blind, mindless following Benezia had acquired among younger asari. Liara knew Benezia was wise and she deserved to be respected. However, it seemed Benezia was more mindful of her followers than she was her own daughter. This was the reason she left Benezia years ago. Liara decided that she would follow her own ideals instead on relying on the guidance of a matriarch.
This matriarch was different. Maia seemed authentic in all the ways Benezia wasn't. Liara was guarded with her interactions with everyone except for Shepard. She could not understand the longing she felt to share her deepest emotions with this stranger. Liara turned back to the matriarch, "I think I would like to but I have been sworn to secrecy by…,"she stopped midsentence. She did not want to reveal that the Alliance and the Council had demanded her silence. She sighed as she said, "Some important people have asked me not to talk about all the things I really need to talk about."
Maia nodded her head in understanding, "I wouldn't ask you to betray a confidence. You seem to be carrying a heavy burden though. Anything you say to me would remain confidential. I'll respect you decision either way."
Liara studied Maia's face as she considered her options. Her conversations with Locke had been helpful but she didn't think he could give her all the answers. She did not feel ready to face her friends from the Normandy. She did not know if Maia could provide the answers she needed, but Liara knew she could not make it through this situation on her own. "Liara looked at Maia's deep blue eyes and said, "I think it would be good to talk for a while."
"Wonderful," Maia said. "I have the perfect place for us to sit and talk where we won't be interrupted." She walked to the door across from the entrance to the shrine and opened it. She gestured with her hand for Liara to enter the door as a host might greet a guest coming into her home. Liara looked at the threshold to the door and felt that she would not be the same person when she walked out of it again.
Note: I'm trying my hand at writing some symbolic details. I haven't figured out the balance yet between too obscure and too overt. I get the impression that using symbolism in a story is a bit like using sage when cooking - if you add more than a pinch, you'll ruin the entire meal.