A/N: So, guys, a big thanks for all the reviews, the PM's, the favorite and followings. It means the world to me. I'll try to post weekly this story and I'll warn you that I have other ones coming soon. Hey, I also draw the cover for the fic! Yeeey! (Sorry, I'm not as good drawing as I am with writing. Not that I think I'm good at all at anything, btw.)
Aaaand I want to friendly remind you that I have a plan and a reason for why things are the way they are in this story, so you are not allowed to want to punch me in the face when you finish this chapter. I promise things get better.
Let me know what you think about this.
I hope you like it!
;D
Às vezes no silêncio da noite | Sometimes in the night's silence
Eu fico imaginando nós dois | I keep imagining me and you
Eu fico ali sonhando acordado | I keep dreaming while awake
Juntando o antes, o agora e o depois. | Attaching the past, the now and the after.
(Sozinho – Caetano Veloso)
That night was warmer than usual. In fact, the Queen was internally cursing the too many layers of her magnificent red velvet dress as she walked into her garden. Droplets of sweat formed along her spine from her neck to her waist. She was uncomfortable with the feeling of the wet fabric against her skin and she felt her humor decrease exponentially as she moved toward her beloved tree.
Why she had decided to wear that particular dress was still a mystery to her.
Oh, women and the things they do in name of vanity… They support their weight in high heels to show toned legs. They suffer with the hot wax burning their skin and then pull every single hair off their legs, axils, and even the groin to have the smoothest of skin. They squeeze their ribs into corsets and pump up their breasts with bras so they are considered attractive.
And that particular woman had a very unique suffering right now while wearing that stupendous red, long velvet dress full of skirts and showing a generous amount of cleavage, because she wasn't dealing with the daily amount of discomfort. Ooh, no… She was also dealing with natural conditions that were way too adverse for her choice of garb. And that was nearly driving her crazy.
Despite the heat and the crankiness, all the thoughts suddenly disappeared from the brunette's mind when she saw the blonde woman lay in the grass, practically naked, with her eyes closed as she whistled. The green dress she wore was so short that it barely covered her strong, pale thighs and the Queen could see her undergarment from where she stood given the position of the Knight. Plus, the straps were so thin that the Knight's shoulders and arms were completely exposed.
The powerful woman took a deep breath and ran her tongue over her suddenly dry lips as she closed the distance between them. The action called the Knight's attention and she opened her eyes with a sheepish smile.
"Your Majesty." She sat and greeted the 'intruder' with a mocking tone that made the brunette lightly chuckle despite her bad humor.
"White Knight." Chocolate eyes drank in the sight of the woman's body one more time before the Queen finally verbalized her thoughts. "Why, in name of the gods, are you practically naked in my garden?"
The blonde cracked up at that and shook her head.
"I'm surprised that you aren't dressed more like this yourself. It's far too hot for a long dress."
The girl patted the grass for the woman to sit and was surprised when the brunette actually took the offer. Her face gave away what was in her mind because the Queen frowned and pursed her lips.
"Shush. I'm not in a good mood and this heat is not helping."
Pale hands rose in a truce motion and thin lips curled into a sarcastic grin.
"I wouldn't dare to say a word about this situation." She chuckled and lay down again. "But if you are so uncomfortable, why don't you just take your dress off?"
"Excuse me?!"
"I mean… You are wearing an undergarment, right? So it's not like you would be naked. Besides, you are in a private area of your castle." The blonde quickly explained.
"You are crazy if you think I'll just take my clothes off in front of you!"
The Knight burst into laughter at this.
"Oh, reaaaally? Just a few days ago you were the one making a move to get me undressed and now you are all ashamed? By the way, it's not like I don't know what lies beneath all that thick fabric, you know? I case you didn't notice, my equipment is the same as yours." The girl teased with a wink.
The Queen pursed her lips and clenched her jaw as she stood up and unlaced her dress and tossed the heavy piece of clothes on the grass, accepting the younger woman's challenge. The movement caused the blonde's laugh to immediately die as she saw the brunette in a black corset and black silk panties.
"Oh, wow. That's something I wasn't expecting to see." The Knight bit her bottom lip as her eyes scanned over marvelous toned legs.
"Do you like what you see, dear?" She asked in a purr.
The blonde shrugged. "Eh. I can't complain about it."
Choosing to ignore the warrior's comment, the Queen picked her dress up from the grass and placed it next to the blonde so she could sit. When she bent to place it on the ground, she looked over her shoulder and caught the girl staring straight at her backside.
"Stop drooling, dear." The brunette teased. "For someone who 'can't complain about it', I would say you are more than just enjoying the sights."
"What can I say? It's a great view from where I'm seeing you." The girl winked and the brunette couldn't help but blush.
This wasn't going how she planned. The Queen was the one who was supposed to make the Knight blush, not the opposite. Why was she feeling so light around that woman in first place? Just the day before she wanted her head on a silver plate and now she couldn't control her eyes that kept staring at those strong legs and toned arms.
She cursed herself when she wondered how it would feel to have those legs around her waist and those fingers inside herself.
No. This wasn't right.
She should focus on her task: conquer and destroy. She would have her fun at the right time.
This was just lust. She could handle it.
The girl sat up and locked gazes with the woman. They held each other's eyes for a long time before the blonde smiled and admitted, "You are exquisite. Especially your eyes."
The brunette's jaw nearly dropped, but she caught herself just in time. That wasn't the first time somebody had complimented her attributes. That hardly was the best thing she had heard somebody say about her body. But never before had somebody said anything that wasn't related to the obvious beauty about her.
"Why, thank you. Why do you say that?"
The girl chuckled and shrugged.
"Because you are. And your eyes… I don't know. They are so intense, so full of life… Even when you don't want to show your emotions, your eyes give you away. I think they are truly the most beautiful thing about you." She thought a bit before she added, "Well… The most beautiful thing that I know about you so far."
"I thought that you said that you wanted me to win your heart, not the contrary, dear."
"I wasn't trying to. But it's good to know that it worked anyway."
"Who said it did?"
The blonde winked again and offered a smile. "Your eyes."
The Queen chuckled and filled her voice with sarcasm to hide what she really felt in that moment.
"If you say so…"
*FIRE BIRD*
"Why a feather?"
The Knight averted her eyes from the bird to look at the woman who sat next to her. She held the Queen's gaze as she thought about the question.
"You aren't ready to know that yet."
"What do you mean?" The brunette asked with a frown, more curious than frustrated.
"Consider the explanation a second gift. When you earn it, you get it."
"Then it is not a gift, it is a prize." The Queen said matter-of-factly.
A laugh came easily from the girl and the bird answered it with its own song.
"Yeah, I suppose it is." She kept quiet for a moment before she formulated the question she wanted to ask. "Hey… Why did you kiss me?"
The brunette frowned at the unexpected question. She looked at the bird that was then quiet as it also wanted to know the answer. She took a deep breath and rested her chin on her knees. It wasn't a very royal position, but she felt somewhat safe from everybody's judgment while she was in her garden like that. And, well… She was already in her undergarments in front of the other woman, so it wasn't like she was totally in the ruler role right now.
That question required some kind of deliberation before it could be answered. The woman couldn't say the truth, but she also didn't want to lie to the blonde. Something had changed since that kiss, even if she couldn't exactly pinpoint what.
She could admit to herself the lust she felt for the woman. She was young, attractive, and a challenge, to say the minimum. That was the reason why she had chosen that kind of punishment in the first place. She intended to make the girl fall in love with her, have fun for a little while and then crush her heart to dust. She would make the girl taste her own words of trust, respect, and equality.
However, when the blonde left her chambers the other day, she couldn't name what she felt. Anger, bitterness, disappointment, frustration… All of those and a few other emotions that weren't good on any level.
When their lips touched… It was one of the best kisses she had ever tasted, even if had been just a light brush of lips. She wanted more. She wanted those pale lips over her whole body. She wanted those hands to caress her skin. She wanted to grip her hair to keep the woman close to her.
And then there was that note, the gift, the light conversations they were having, the dream…
Brown eyes met green again and the brunette finally managed to speak.
"You are a very attractive woman. And you infuriate me most of the time, so I thought a little game would be fun." She said.
The girl chuckled and shook her head. As if on cue, the bird started its melody again as it flew around the garden and landed on the blonde's shoulder. The Queen watched the whole scene, amazed, and her eyes focused on small pitch-black ones. It got even hotter with the creature so near to them, but neither woman seemed to care about it, as long as the bird would keep singing.
Restraining her movements to not scare the magical creature, the brunette remained still despite her desire to touch it.
A pale hand ran over flaming feathers and the song became happier than before and red lips curled into an unaware smile. A small head shook before nuzzling into golden curls, which caused the girl to crack up.
"Ha! She likes me!"
The powerful woman watched the scene intrigued and pursed her lips before she spoke.
"Indeed, dear. I think she does."
"Hey." The blonde greeted as she walked toward her desk.
"Good morning, Miss Swan." Regina spoke without looking up.
It had been a busy week and Emma was all too used to the treatment her boss gave her to mind the careless attitude. With the conference coming up and the exams week just passing, it seemed that twenty-four hours of the day weren't enough to keep up with all the work that had to be done and that behavior became even more frequent from the brunette.
The girl started to organize some files by importance and urgency to be filled or reviewed as she spoke. "I called the hotel and made the reservation for you. They said it was the last room they could book given the conference so I would guess it isn't the best they have."
The brunette hummed.
"I suppose that won't be a real problem, since it's just for two days." The woman looked from the paper that was in front of her to the computer screen and frowned. She then looked at the girl and pursed her lips. "Did you say it was the last room they could book?"
Emma shrugged. "Yeah. Why?"
"Did you make your reservation earlier?"
That time it was the student's turn to frown.
"Why would I? I'm not coming."
Regina tilted her head slightly to the side and asked. "What do you mean you're 'not coming'?"
"I mean exactly that. I can't afford this trip." And I don't want you trying to kill me after a whole weekend together.
The professor sighed deeply and rubbed her eyes under her glasses.
"Miss Swan, the University is the one who's affording this. Your only expenses are the personal ones – food, drinks, and whatever else you consume there." The brunette looked into emerald-green eyes and softly said. "You are going."
Emma shook her head again.
"I don't want to, Regina. Plus, all the rooms were already taken and there is no way in hell that I'll share a hotel room with you."
"What is that supposed to mean?" The professor asked angrily.
"I'm not coming. Period." Emma turned back to the things she was organizing and the brunette looked back to the computer screen as she spoke.
"That's not an option."
The girl growled, annoyed.
"And why is that?"
"Who else will present your work?" Regina pointed out without looking at the blonde. "By the way, did you finish it yet? I need to read it and send it in to the examining board as part of my project."
Emma sighed heavily and leaned into the backrest, rubbing her eyes tiredly.
"Almost. I need to proof read it to check if it's all good. I guess I can do it now, but there is other stuff you asked me to do and I'm not sure where to start."
Regina looked at her again and took a sip of the coffee the girl had put on her table when she came in. "Please, finish it first. I have to send it tomorrow, tops."
Emma nodded and focused on the task at hand. She actually enjoyed writing it so much that she felt a bit sad that she finally was going to finish it. The last time she felt so given to her work was when she wrote that book…
But this was something completely different. Her book was an escape from her time in jail. The girl had written it because she felt the need to release her emotions somehow. It was how she found out that writing was a way to control her mind. It was an escape different from reading…
When you read, you are getting out of your mind and jumping into another person's imagination.
When you write, though, you are traveling through yourself. Each description, each dark scene and desperation your characters live and see… That's all inside you. When you write, you are releasing your demons and your angels. It requires control of your thoughts; a focus on what you want to show to the world.
There's no writer in the world that shows all the things they put on the paper. Some things are written just to get it out of the writer's system. It's a way to clean their minds and vanish all the bad stuff they think or feel – or at least try to do so.
Even the good things… Those are written as a way to preserve the feelings, memories, and ideas and keep them for eternity. Those are shared as a way to extend the good to other people. Those are a gift from the writer to the reader.
This work though… It was something totally new to her.
This was the best of Emma. And she was a bit sad that it was almost done.
Because that meant that she didn't have anything better inside her.
The blonde kept walking as she looked inside her backpack, looking for her earphones, and didn't see the person standing in the middle of the hallway.
"I'm so sorry." The girl immediately started to apologize when she saw the pretty blonde girl with curly hair she had just bumped into. "Are you okay?"
Sweet, Swan. Can't you go one day without running over somebody like a runaway train?
"I'm fine." The girl smiled and Emma got lost with the sight of the dimples on her cheeks.
"Ahn… Can I buy you a coffee or something as an apology?"
The blonde's eyebrows raised in surprise.
"Oh, wow. That escalated quickly." She teased.
Emma could feel her cheeks burn as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. She readjusted her backpack on her shoulders and offered a sheepish smile.
"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that." She chuckled a bit. "It's just that I'm not used to running into pretty girls like that and this made my brain stop working properly." The blush on the girl's face and the way she averted her gaze was enough for Emma to regain her confidence and straighten her back. "It's okay if you don't want to." She shrugged.
The girl's eyes widened and she rushed to explain herself.
"No, that's not it. I'm just waiting for somebody, that's all."
Emma nodded and smiled.
"Look, I gotta go. But I really wanna know your name." Emma said.
The girl blushed again, but smiled.
"Anna. But my friends call me Tink."
Emma laughed at the cute nickname and extended her hand.
"Emma. It was a pleasure, Tink." She winked at the girl as she released her hand and started to walk away. She grinned like a fool when she slightly turned back to see that the girl was still looking at her.
The diner was a bit fuller than usual that day, so Emma sat at the counter instead of picking a booth. She took her notebook from inside her backpack and scribbled some thoughts she had to add to the final part of her paper as she waited for Ruby.
"Look who I found! Emma Swan: the heartbreaker of heartbreakers!"
The girl looked over her shoulder with a frown as she turned around, but her features softened when she recognized the guy who had spoken to her.
"Graham!" She greeted with a smile and placed her backpack on the floor to let the boy sit. "How you doin', man? It's been a while…"
The guy offered a smile that could make any girl melt and shrugged as he sat. "I'm doing fine. I quit from the Rabbit."
"Really? That's why I'm not seeing you there then." He nodded. "Why?"
"You know that I'm studying law, right?" She nodded and waited for him to continue. "So… I was looking for something in the area and it turned out that I got an internship at the police station."
"What?! That's awesome, dude! Congratulations!"
He chuckled and shrugged.
"Thanks. What about you?"
"What about me?" The girl looked confused by the question.
"What are you up to? Job, studying, dating…?" His tone was casual, but the look he gave Emma was enough for her to understand what he really wanted to know.
She shrugged and closed her notebook.
"Eh… I can say that I've been through worse things in my life." She smiled as she looked at him. "But I got to admit that working with Regina is not that bad. I expected worse."
Graham frowned and tensed a bit when he heard that.
"Regina? As Regina Mills? The Evil Queen?"
Emma sighed heavily. "Yup. That's her. But I found out that she's not as bad as everybody thinks."
The guy raised an eyebrow and tilted his head slightly to the side. "Is that so?"
The blonde nodded and chuckled.
"She's not a big talker, but she also isn't a bitch all the time. Mostly, yeah. But not always."
The handsome boy simply nodded and pursed his lips into a small smile.
"So… Are you seeing anybody?"
And there was it. Emma licked her lips and took a deep breath.
"Nope."
Graham smiled and visibly relaxed. He leaned in to get closer to the girl and took her hand, lightly brushing his thumb over the back of her palm.
"So… I was thinking… Would you like to hang out or do something with me sometime?"
Emma chuckled at the sweetness of the boy. She couldn't help but say yes to those puppy eyes.
"Sure. I just don't know when I'll have time for that, but I'll let you know."
It wasn't like the blonde was too excited to see anybody lately. She had said the truth when she told Ruby that she wasn't looking for a relationship right now. But as she looked into those green-ish eyes that she couldn't say what exactly color they were, Emma felt like she couldn't reject the boy just like that.
She liked him. He was a decent, sweet guy who treated her well. And she appreciated that. However, her heart was locked for any deeper connection. So she would just let things be and try not to hurt him when the time came.
Deep down she knew she wasn't being completely honest with herself, though. The real reason why she didn't want a relationship was that her mind was already taken by thoughts of one specific person that she didn't want to admit she wanted to know more about.
Even if she already had admitted it.
It was just too confusing and a bit painful to think about it, so Emma pushed those unwanted thoughts to the back of her mind and just focused on the conversation she was having at the moment.
"What the hell is this?" The professor snapped the second Emma stepped inside the office. The girl looked up at her with a frown and walked toward the woman who was holding a paper in her hand and a furious look in her eyes.
"Hello to you too." She said as she took the paper from the brunette's hand and read it. "This is what you asked me to do. What's wrong with it?"
"You wrote about The Evil Queen! That's what's wrong!"
The student looked puzzled as she watched Regina snatch the paper from her and walk from side to side in the room. She had no idea why the woman was so pissed and wasn't sure if she wanted to find out.
"You said I could write about the perspective of the villain as if she was a hero." The blonde said as she sat on the couch. "I figured that I should write about a known one so people would already know her history and could understand my point of view. I don't get why you're so mad."
Regina let out a sarcastic laugh and stopped in front of the girl.
"Yes, of course. And you couldn't have chosen anyone other than the character that inspired my horrendous nickname, could you?"
"What? No!" Emma stood up and stepped forward as she ran a hand through her golden curls. "That's not it! I just wanted to write about her because I think that she isn't evil at all. I think she's a misunderstood character that has some fucked up actions, that's all. I didn't think this would affect you personally."
"Well, it did." The woman snapped and turned her back to the girl. The student could only watch as Regina took a deep breath and placed her hands on her hips. "You know how this makes me look?" She turned to face the girl who simply shook her head.
"I have no idea what you are talking about."
"People will think that I asked you to write this so I don't look like such a bad teacher because of the association between your choice of character and my all-so-tender nickname."
Green eyes widened in realization and pink lips parted in shock.
"That's not what I meant, Regina. I'm sorry. I just wrote it because I… I don't know. I always had some sympathy for her. I always thought that she went through some dark things in her life and that made her become the way she was." Emma shook her head and dropped onto the couch again, feeling suddenly sick. "I see her as a hero, you know? Because I can only imagine what happened to her to become as bitter as she is."
The brunette clenched her fists and jaw. Her nostrils and pupils were dilated and her breath was heavy and fast.
"That's right: you can only assume things. But here's the thing, Miss Swan. When you write a scientific article, you can't just imagine things or assume them. You have to argue it based on facts and other research." Regina snapped. "And you can't base your theory on things that are just between the lines. You can't talk about some person's life without knowing what she lived through."
That caught the student's attention. She got to her feet and walked toward her boss.
"This is literature, Regina. This is a work made to instigate the reader to think about the 'what if' and about what's beneath the obvious information in the text." She pointed out. "And I did argue it with facts. I mentioned Freud and some other psychiatrists' research. I looked up many books and mentioned them in the article. I put a totally impersonal voice in it. And I made it perfectly clear that all my interpretations around the Queen's actions were based on what is said in the book." Emma took a deep breath before she asked, trying to contain her anger. "What else did you expect from me?"
"That you weren't so stupid to the point you would choose anything that was personally associated with me!" Regina practically yelled at the girl.
"Hey! Watch it, woman! I thought it was a good choice." Emma shouted back. "And we would never have this discussion if you weren't such a lovely lady who totally doesn't deserve the nickname in first place!"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Dark-hazel eyes narrowed at the pale girl as the woman hissed that question.
"You know exactly what I mean, Regina." The girl placed her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes at the brunette. "You got that name because you earned it. You failed a whole class, for fuck's sake! You have no friends and nobody likes or respects you! They only fear you. And you can't do anything about it because you never show the minimum respect to anybody! Not even to me. And I'm the only one who takes your shit all the time! I'm the one who is still here despite you treating me like trash. I'm the one who likes you despite you being a heartless woman!"
"Do you think it's easy for me to show respect to anybody when I've never really been treated with it?" Regina snapped. The girl could see the rage dancing inside dark-hazel eyes. "I do respect you, but I'm not exactly the best one to show some appreciation for what other people do."
"I bet it would be easier to do if you weren't such a selfish bitch." Emma snapped back.
"I'm the selfish bitch?" Regina screamed and the girl immediately knew she had hit the open wound. "Let me tell you something, you little ungrateful brat." The brunette stepped forward into Emma's personal space, fists clenched at her sides and her nostrils flaring as the woman exhaled her anger. "I know I am lonely. I know people fear me. I know how much pain I have to deal with every second of my life. I don't need somebody to remind me how miserable I've been through every single day, just like you seem to think you have the right to do."
The brunette lowered her tone and walked away from Emma. "Do you have any idea what it feels like when people call you evil? Did you ever have to deal with people avoiding you because of rumors about things you have done? Do you have any notion about what it's like to hide behind your reputation so people won't abuse you?"
Emma felt the tightening feeling in her throat when she heard those words. She had absolutely no idea the professor felt that way and she couldn't force herself to speak.
With her back turned to the student, Regina remained in silence for a long time before she continued. "You were right. I kept your job so I wouldn't be alone all the time. I kept you here because nobody ever stands up against me or for me. I like having somebody around to talk or to argue with, because before you I had nothing!"
The blonde watched how the professor's shoulders were shaking and the girl realized that the other woman was crying. Emma wanted to touch her, but she knew better than that. Instead, she stood there in silence, just listening while Regina broke in front of her.
"Do you know what it's like when no one wants you around?" Somehow, the woman managed to keep her voice strong. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep your emotions buried inside for so long that you can't even remember when the last time that you actually felt something was? Can you imagine how hard it is for me to have you keep talking about how hated I am?"
When Regina turned to face her student, the girl could see the tears coming silently and furiously down her cheeks.
"Regina, I'm-"
"Don't." The woman raised a hand to stop the girl. "I'm not finished and I don't want to hear." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "You know nothing about me. You had no right to talk to me like you did."
Her voice softened and Emma felt so ashamed of herself that she just wanted to run away. The hurt and pain on the woman's face were so intense that the blonde almost couldn't bare to look at her.
"You always storm inside here and begin to argue with me without even questioning first. You always make your own conclusions before you ask me why I did something." The girl opened her mouth to disagree, but remained in silence when she saw Regina raise one eyebrow. "When I came to pick you up at the police station, I did it because you called me. I brought you to my house because you were too shocked to tell me where you live. I stayed with you during the night because I know how it feels when you have that kind of nightmare."
Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath to restrain the tears that started to form in her eyes.
"I helped you because you helped me. Do you think I'm evil because of that?" And that was what it took for her break into a million pieces.
Regina fell on the couch and began to sob uncontrollably. She buried her face in her hands and cried without a care that another person was seeing it. She was tired of this. She couldn't hide her emotions like that anymore.
"I offered you the job because you have talent. I do like how you work." The brunette took a deep breath to control her voice. "But then you kissed me and I didn't know what to do because I can't have this. I could lose my job. I could lose everything."
Regina looked up and locked gazes with Emma. "You are right. I do want you. But not in the way you think I want. All I want is somebody who doesn't judge me. All I want is not feeling alone all the time."
Emma took a step forward, but the brunette shook her head again. "I need you to understand that we can't be together. We can't have anything, because that would destroy me. It will be hard enough to deal with the fact that people will think that I made one of my students write that."
The brunette averted her gaze from the girl and sighed heavily. "I won't fire you because of personal issues. But right now, I don't want to see you."
At that, the blonde slowly nodded and turned in silence. She stopped at the door to glance at the fragile woman one more time before she left her alone. Again.