I gasped when he slowly slid out and trust back into me with more force then before. As he moaned into my neck while covering it with open mouth kisses finally he lifted his head to look into my face. I could see the hurt in his eyes from that fact that he wasn't the first man in my life but also I could feel the radiating and adoring affection which he was so desperate to hide from me and even from himself until now,... until this very moment when he could be with me as he confessed only few hours ago. But our time had come to it's end when an abrupt knock gained our full attention.
"Thorin,... Lord Elrond wants to talk to ya'." We heard Dwalin's voice as he rushed into his leader's lobby. Thorin grumbled something in khuzdul which I didn't exactly understand, but I had my suspicions.
"Coming!" He yelled before Dwalin could get any closer and find out what we were doing, and slowly slid out of, while adjusting my undergarments along with his clothes and put me down. I looked into his worried eyes and gave him an encouraging smile. He gave me an apologetic look before he rushed out from our secret spot and joined Dwalin. As I heard the slamming door and their receding footsteps as they get more distant; I came out of my hiding place with hurry and without any thinking stepped out of the room, when I bumped into someone.
"What's the big rush, my dear!" I heard Gandalf's cheerful voice, as he lifted my chin up to force my already blushed cheeks to betray me more.
"I.." I blurted, but couldn't bear his searching eyes and turned my face from his. He just stood there silently for a second examining me.
"I see!" He stated so obviously that I had to look back at him.
"What!" I barked in a not too feminine manner.
"So you have finally arranged !" He said and pointed his finger to my neck. I became crimson red as I have realized what he might just found. "BLOODY HELL! I screamed inside. Did he just made me a love mark? I tried to cover it with my palm and saw the hint of satisfaction in my old mentors eyes. I've got mad, not just because I was flushed and sexually frustrated after not finishing anything at all, but also the one person I didn't want this to know was staring at me.
"You old monk...you know nothing!" I spat at him with rage,but couldn't hurt him at all. He still had his spark in his eyes that I know from old times, that he knows something important and wouldn't share it with me any time soon. But just as soon his mirth came it disappeared, when his eyes got stern and distant.
"We must arrange you preparation Blossom!...Soon...We can not waist more time further." And before I could protest, he rushed after Thorin.
And there I was. Alone again with my unspoken words lingering in my head. I gathered myself and walked to my once secret spot in the nearby woods,near my ada's house. Lazily I walked into the river which crossed the meadow, and without caring over my dress I looked at my reflection. The girl who looked back was scared and confused. She was not the woman who left the other world to help her friends . Although I was in my "home" I felt lonely.
"Looking at your own reflection won't help ya' find the answer ya seek..." I heard a rough voice from behind. "..but jumping righ' in the middle would do." I heard Dwalin's chuckle, but when he got no reaction to his words he jumped in the river himself and walked next to me. His harsh action stirred the water up so much that I couldn't find my image on the water-plane anymore. He gently reached for my left hand and silently stroked my wound. "Sometimes what we're looking for is within hand's reach...maybe these things are so simple that other's would never guessed what they mean to us but we do know...a wound for example." I looked at his face but he was so deep in thought that I didn't want to ruin one of his big moments. "I thought that we would never see ya' again...and here you ar'...all grown, and strong." I gave him a week smile before he cupped my cheeks with his palms and made me to look into his eyes.
"Don't!" I whispered. He looked at me confused."Don't make me feel wanted or worthy." I continued. As I finished my sentence realization shone in his eyes and he raised his eyebrows angrily. I dropped my eyes from his features in embarrassment. "I'm lost.
"No!" He stated. "You're confused and scared...but never lost. You are where you should be. Right here with your company, .. with your godchildren...and with Thorin. And don't ya' give me that look youngling. " Hearing his nickname he gave me years ago I couldn't help myself and started to laugh from the bottom of my heart.
"Oh Dwalin! I'm flattered. So does it means what I think it means?" He shortly grumbled something under his mustache in khuzdul about difficult women, but slowly he smiled as well. We were distracted by distant voices from the house and I could see Thorin and others like Gandalf and Balin walking out to the balcony of my fathers house. Dwalin followed my gaze and got a glimpse of how our eyes met briefly before I tear mine away.
"Ya' know, it was difficult for me to accept the idea of an outsider amongst us back then...when his father told me to train ya'.." And he pointed with his thumb behind his back towards Thorin. I was surprised and a bit sad over what I heard, but before anything got worse he continued. "But after our first lesson it was gone. I saw how desperate you tried to do the things right and you succeeded. I've never told ya' this, but I was proud of you...I am proud of ya' Mimur!..And Mahal knows I did pull for you two!" I was shocked to hear this from my former trainer, but then shock transformed into a gentle warm feeling. First in my stomach and slowly it grows and reached my lungs filled my heart and slowly moved to my hands. And after a very long pause my eyes drifted to the setting sun as it caressed my skin with it's rays and it was then, when I realized my fingertips was glowing. "Oh my God! I thought to myself.
"Sorry!" I said and started to run back to the house but haven't missed how Gandalf and Dwalin looked at each other and how the old wizard gave a grateful nod to the dwarf behind me and I haven"t missed Thorin's scared look. When I almost reached the gardens with my sloppy dress an arm pulled me back slightly from stepping into the house.
"And what is this supposed to mean?" I heard Elrond's confused voice probably for my appearance in such state. As we were standing face to face with my ada I saw the others from the balcony reached us and tried to follow the events. As for this, ada changed the language into sindarin. He didn't want his guests to be involved in this. " Man agóreg?" (What did you do?). I shut my eyes. "Iellig!" (My daughter!) "An gell nîn." (Please.) I Gave his hand a gentle squeeze but couldn't bear to be near him after discovering the truth and my newcome identity. So I just bowed and went to my chamber without saying a word. When I closed my doors I walked to my balcony and raised my eyes to look into the sun again. I needed time to figure things out. I lifted my hands up to see if they started to shine again, but nothing happened. I leaned over to the doorframe and gazed ahead me. My mind slowly drifted to the memories of this days events: Finally waking up... talking to Galadriel...learning what I am...the fiest...Thorin's eyes as he scanned my bare skin and my tattoo...hunger...his kiss...how he filled me. And before I noticed it happened again, just before I heard a law gasp behind me.
"What are you thinking now?" Gandalf asked, as he lightly grabbed my glowing hand in his.
"Gandalf." I asked confused. " I didn't hear you coming." He watched me carefully before letting my now normal looking hand down. He looked into my eyes as if he wanted to read my thoughts, but I avoided his searching gaze. "Me?" I asked in my embarrassment. "Nothing in particular...really."
"Interesting." Was all he said. " Meet me at dawn tomorrow. We shell find out what else you can do beside glowing hands." He said before patting my shoulder and gathering himself to leave.
"Gandalf!" I whispered after him. He turned back to me again with questions in his eyes. "I can't do it." I admitted.
"Doing what? Standing by the doorframe or changing your clothes for dry ones? Or.."
"NOOO...you're not listening to me." I stopped him childishly and even stamped my foot on the floor. He turned his full body towards me and smiled gently.
"I am listening to you Blossom! Open up your heart and tell me what do you feel!" I closed my eyes and sighed deeply. After I calmed myself I started to tell him the first words what came to my mind.
"Weight...loss...fear...anger." I felt warm fingers caressed my closed eyelids, and suddenly a new sensation overwhelmed me: hope! But as soon as I opened my eyes with confusion the feeling was gone. I was standing face to face with my old friend and all the feelings were gone. Not just the bad but the good ones either. "Emptiness." I said finally "What if I can't do this?" I asked and looked him in the eye.
"If anyone can do it, then it is you my dear!" He said
" I doubt it." I added.
"To doubt something is like to fear in advance from the unknown. You shouldn't do that." He said and started to leave.
"Gandalf!" I shout after him again. He stopped in mid-motion and looked back at me.
"Hm?" He raised one of his eyebrows.
"Thank you." I could see confusion in his eyes so I clarified my gratitude. "For sending Dwalin after me." But he still acted confused. "Don't look at me like that. I saw your shared glimpse. I know you talked him into this." I chuckled. He just shrugged and grabbed my door handle before he gave me a meaningful wink.
"Perhaps. And I think you should change. These wet clothes won't fit such a lady. Oh, and before I forget, the others are looking for you. They'd like to give you a proper welcome after what happened." And with that he left.
"Old nutcase!" I laughed to myself and headed to my wardrobe. I found a white lace evening gown with law neckline but modest enough not to challenge a certain dwarf's mood. After I found myself presentable I peeked out to avoid other elves from the household and followed the voices of cheerful laughter at the backyard where the company decided to build their own camp and lit a bonfire. When I emerged from the shadows they greeted me with loud ovation and flying sausages and I had to lean out from their way.
" 'Ey..you supposed to catch that not to duck." Bofur yelled disbelievingly. From the corner of my eyes I could see Bombur rushing past me and grabbed the fallen sausage, then triumphantly raised it high, before dropping it into his mouth.
"Jesus!" I said disgustedly.
"Waste nothing!" He cheered full mouthed, when Kili and Fili found their way to me and leaded me to their sitting spot, where all kind of instruments were piled up.
"What are these for?" I asked cautiously.
"Ey folks the lassie don't know what to do with these!" Nori laughed and made my mood swung from confused to furious. I could tell by one glance that the rest of the company were so drunk that couldn't differentiate their heads from their butts but still it hurts me nonetheless. Before I could respond I heard a law chuckle from behind and his unmistakable baritone.
"I think the lady knows very well what to do with such an instrument to make it sing." Thorin said teasingly which caused a shiver down my spine and the heat started to build up inside me once again. Our eyes locked and I barely recognized the others full hearted laughter around us after his double-meaning words. He cornered me before he barely brushed his body to mine to reach behind me for his harp. I gasped at the feeling of his closeness and lowered my gaze to avoid being caught, but I felt calloused fingers under my chin.
"Don't you dare hide your eyes from me again." He commanded in a low husky voice ment only for my ears to hear. When I lifted my orbs to meet his I could see his joy and long lost playfulness.
"Are you teasing me my lord?" I whispered. His thumb ghosted over my lower lip and his gaze lingered on them with hunger. I could sense how desperately he tried to hold himself back in front of the others.
"You were not at the meeting." He changed the subject for relief.
"I had chores to do, but I think ada helped you to find the answer you seek." I smiled sadly. He immediately noticed my mood change and got distant.
"Indeed!" Ha answered and turned his back at me walking to his spot with his instrument. I didn't want to push him away with my elven heritage nor with such a sensitive topic which was so dear to his heart. But I felt I must stay away from him until I know where I'm heading. Still, I felt I devastate our moment. I watched him preparing his harp and started to play one of his kin's slow ballad of old times in their secret language. I heard how the others joined him with their own instruments. It was beautiful. For one single moment he looked in my direction but cast his eyes down abruptly. My boys gathered themselves and accompanied me with understanding smile plastered to their faces as they made me to sit down with them. Fili embraced my shoulder while singing, never missing his uncle's rithm. Kili just reached for my hand and squeezed it as if he was afraid that he would lose me forever. I smiled at their devoted love for such a humble being like me. And I was grateful for the first time for being here. As the song started to fade away Thorin gathered himself and bid goodnight to the others. I waited for him to turn and talk to me but he didn't. I slowly stood from my sitting position and got past him to reach my destination. He eagerly followed my movements when he noticed where I was going. Only few steps far from their camp was a large harp illuminated by the moon in a clear visible area. I slowly sat myself down behind it and touch the strings. Back home there was a song which fitted my love for him. And I decided that this was the occasion that I should show him. What it truly means to me to be near him after all what happened, and gently I started to sing.
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone
(I heard how the others stirred to get a better look, but all I could see was his ice blue eyes filled with unspoken words)
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love
And not feel your reign
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me
Oh, you loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am, and I stand
So tall, just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me
I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need here on the ground
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down, eh ooh
You're on to me, on to me, and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
I was afraid to look up and met his gaze, but when I finally did he was rooted to his previous spot. He didn't say a word just staring at me, when I heared a week voice next to me.
"That was enchanting Blossom." I heard Bilbo's compliment and I had to force myself to turn away from the leader's shocked features.
"Thank you Bilbo!" I gave him a week smile which faded immediately as soon as I noticed Thorin's absence.
"Maybe it wasn't a good idea after all!" I murmured under my nose, when I saw Balin sat next to me.
"Give him time. He only realized today that you came back. It's still hard to get used to it for myself." Balin said. I gave him a nod and excused myself. When I left him alone on the bench I heard him sigh deeply before saying.
"Kids!" I almost chuckled at his words. But he was right in some ways. We both could act like children, and with that final thought in my head I went to my chamber leaving the others to get rid of their drunkeness.
(Sara Bareilles: Gravity)