Chapter 13

We had no doubts, before the war. Oh sure, we had the what if's and what then's, but they weren't real, refusing-to-go-away doubts. What we had was now, and only now, and we promised we would live now to the fullest, nothing more or less. It was difficult to give up the peace.

It had been a whole three months since she'd last written, and all she could come up with was fifteen pages.

Still, it was something.

It was night time, of course, and Jude was asleep—and Rose, too, thank goodness. She loved her baby too much for words, but the hours in which she slept were precious time for both mother and father. Lucy herself hadn't been out of the house in… what, a week? But she wasn't bored. She couldn't be, with Rose. Jude had to go to work of course, but Sadie was more lenient with him than the usual, which was nice of her. Not that she wasn't always lenient with her former tenants—the older woman came every few days to make sure Lucy and Jude got some form of sleep and nourishment.

"Lucy," Jude mumbled drowsily, "Go to sleep."

"I'm going, I'm going…"

He sat up and yawned. "What are you doing, anyways?"

Lucy turned to him with a small smile. "Nothing."

"I told you my secrets, now you tell me yours."

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at him peculiarly, her eyes wide and her lips curved upwards sheepishly.

"I'm writing."

He looked genuinely surprised. "Writing?"

She nodded slowly.

"Alright. But do it during the day, will you?"

"With Rose, it's a little difficult." She laughed, climbing into bed beside him. Then she put her fingers on his nose for a minute. "You don't mind?"

"At night, I do."

She tugged. "It just keeps getting longer every day… Admit it, you secretly like watching me sitting at a typewriter."

He grinned, "So what if I do?"

"You shouldn't lie to me Jude, it's very bad within married couples." She said matter-of-factly, in perfect imitation of her mother.

"Let me get you a cup of tea, Love, it might calm you down." He retorted, a male replica of his own mum.

"Oh no, it upsets my nerves."

"Max might be able to get you something for that."

"Oh, but you know my brother—he's probably surrounded by promiscuous dope-fiends."

"Well, Dear, that won't do at all. I must make you a cup of tea."

"Oh no, Mr. Feeney, I insist, do not bother, you may spill the hot water all over yourself and then think of the trip to the hospital, and the bills…"

"You're absolutely right, Madam. Should I leave you alone, it is likely that you should forget to turn off the lamp, and then you would wake in the morning with a terrible headache and then trip over the stairs and break something valuable, Mrs. Feeney…"

Lucy grimaced. "No Mrs. Feeney. It doesn't sound right on anyone but your mother."

Jude smiled and shook his head. "Applies to you too, Love."

"The technical aspects."

"Yeah… weren't we going to sleep?"

"That's right…" she was wide-awake though, even as they turned off the lights, crawled under the blankets and he hugged her to him.

She could tell he wasn't asleep either, though.

"What do you think of Valerie?" she asked, after they'd been quiet for a while.

"She's funny. Kind enough, I think, if she can put up with Max."

"But she won't be stepped on."

"True. Why do you ask?"

"Max is looking at her."

"Max looks at every girl he's ever met, except you."

"No, but he actually looks at her. As though she means more than a one-night stand to him."

Jude nodded against her head, which was tucked into his neck. "That's true."

"I'm curious."

"He's your brother. Of course you're curious."

"But I think he actually likes her."

"You've already said that, Luce."

"I know." She closed her eyes and let out a long breath. "I can't sleep." She murmured.

"Me neither." He whispered. "What do you say we leave Mum a note and go to Sadie's gig?"

Lucy sat up. "It's been a while since we've done that, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it 'as." She sat up with her and turned the lamp back on.

"But Rose…"

"She'll be with Mum. Besides, she's nearly three months old now, she can stand a few minutes alone." He was out of bed and getting dressed.

Lucy grinned and got up too. "Ok." She was ready in a few minutes, wearing a pair of old jeans she somehow fit in after pregnancy and a loose green blouse. She moved a sleeping Rose to Mrs. Feeney's bedroom and woke the old woman up gently to tell her she and Jude were going out for a few hours and would be back no later than three. Then she left, and she and Jude walked to Café Huh?

"Lucy! Jude!" Max shouted over the din when they came in. "Didn't know you were coming!" He came and gave Jude a clap on the back and Lucy a hug, then he dragged them over to where he, Prudence, and Valerie were sitting.

"Hello!" Valerie yelled cheerily. Her wild, chin-length, red ringlets were pulled back in a ponytail, and her shirt and jeans paint-splattered.

"Isn't it great?" she said sarcastically, noticing Lucy's stare. "Your stupid brother decided to steal a few brushes from the studio at work and shoot at me… the couch is like this too."

"Aren't you annoyed about the couch?"

"No, I was going to cover it anyways… he knew that. I'm still going to kill him, though."

"Can I help?" Lucy asked, grinning. "I haven't killed Max in ages…"

"Ok!" both women laughed, already slightly intoxicated. Then Sadie came on the stage, and there was the usual wild screaming…

Jude leaned over to talk to her. "How do you like New York so far?" he asked, smiling.

She kissed him. "Could go out for a breath of air…"

"Yeah, alright." They somehow made it out, arms around each other's waists.

Then suddenly, they were laughing wildly, making their way back to the apartment blearily.

"No wonder I don't do that anymore," Lucy managed between her laughter, "I really can't take the noise …"

"Goes to your head." He told her, also laughing.

"Goes more to yours…"

"I know…"

They made it back and into bed, where they dropped off to sleep, finally, at around two.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rose was going to daycare. How did their little girl suddenly end up in daycare? Lucy had to ask herself. Her baby, in daycare. Like she couldn't take care of her baby herself…

Actually, you can't, her subconscious told her dully. You want her to get an education, don't you?

Lucy hugged her six-month old baby to her chest and kissed her daughter's forehead. She had to go back to work, she told herself firmly. She and Jude were on a bit of a strain at the moment, with her out of work and Mrs. Feeney staying with them…Rose had to go to daycare, and Lucy had to work. And since Mrs. Feeney would be leaving in a few weeks, she couldn't leave Rose with her, either.

So it was daycare.

"Here's her food, and spare diapers, and some toys, too." Lucy handed the daycare manager, a woman in her sixties, her baby bag, and kissed Rose on the cheek once more.

"We'll take good care of her."

"Bye bye, Rosie," Lucy cooed. Her baby gurgled merrily. "Have a nice day." She took leave of her daughter reluctantly, hugging her three more times and reassuring her unquestioning child that mommy would be back as soon as she got out and that she would never, ever forget her here.

"Mrs. Feeney," the elderly daycare manager reminded her. Lucy needed to get to work. Jude would wonder where she was if she didn't say hello when she came in.

She walked slowly to Strawberry Jamz, a feeling of emptiness turning in her stomach. What if they let her run out into the street?

She can't run yet. She can barely sit up.

Right. Can't run. Well, at least that was a little reassuring.

What if they kidnapped her?

Woman's sixty, you did a ton of research, and there were dozens of other children there.

She went in quietly and walked blindly to Jude's studio.

"Hello," he said cheerfully when she came in. She smiled half-heartedly, much like she'd smiled after Daniel had passed away. Jude shook his head and hugged her, an embrace she fell limply into and didn't really return. "You're picking her up in five hours, Lu."

"Yeah, but…"

"Don't pretend you didn't need a break."

"She's my baby. I never need a break."

Jude rolled his eyes and kissed her. "You're a terrible liar, Love."

Lucy untangled herself from him and made for the door again. "See you at lunch."

She met Max on the way to the recording studio.

"Luce, they're getting really annoying back there… I was made for paperwork, not them."

"Hmm?" she looked at him absently.

"Those Beatles of yours. I thought Liverpool boys were all polite and stuff, like Jude—not like that."

"Yeah, you get used to them after a while."

"How'd you do it?"

"Told them I was married."

"Ah."

Lucy left him and made her way to the recording studio, where for young men were banging on a set of drums like idiots.

"Alright, get up, let's work." She snapped when she came in.

"Carrigan! Sorry; Feeney!"

"Yeah. Get your instruments and lets go, already."

They scrambled into action surprisingly fast. Maybe a few days with Max was what they had really needed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You burned it!"

"Don't be ridiculous, Maxwell, it's singed, that's all."

"No, you burned it."

"Shut up."

Max shook his head incredulously and turned off the stove, picking at the stew with a wooden spoon. He came out with a few watery lumps, which he looked at disgustedly. Valerie glared at him, then, the stew, then back at him.

"Can we go out?"

"No, you're eating it."

"You're joking, right?"

"No. You are eating it. It's a waste of food."

"Not even those dying children in Africa would eat that."

Valerie punched his shoulder. "Fine. But put it in the compost."

"You have a compost? It's New York City, woman! Where are you going to dump it afterwards?"

"I give it to Mr. Harrison, down stairs. He has a garden in his balcony." She explained patiently, putting it carefully away in a small red bucket.

"Ah. I see."

She glared at him once more

and put the now-empty pot of stew in the sink and started washing it.

"What?" he demanded, baffled that she was still glaring at him.

"You're making fun of me!"

"I always make fun of you, Val. I also happen to be madly in love with you, so will you forgive me?" he waggled his eyebrows jokingly.

"Very funny. Put this away, will you?" she gave him the clean pot, which he put in the cupboard obediently.

"So where and when are we eating?" he asked when he was done. They both sat down at the kitchen table, and there was a roar of thunder outside—rainy season already! Valerie sighed quietly. She'd already been in New York a whole year.

"There's salad in the fridge, and cookies in the pantry."

"That works." He got up to get said items, and came back with the salad bowl, a few forks, and the box of cookies.

"You didn't get plates?"

"Who needs plates?" he stuck his fork in the salad and ate unceremoniously.

"You're disgusting."

"But you don't want to get up and get the plates." He said wisely.

Valerie took a forkful of salad too, ignoring his last comment. She really didn't mind sharing with him, just as long as he was polite about it.

Of course, it was Max, so he gobbled up three quarters of the salad before she could finish her quarter. She didn't mind that, either… did she mind it when he did anything anymore?

"So I found an apartment." He said casually, now starting on the cookies, and moving to the couch. She followed, because he'd taken the food with him, and leaned on his knees.

"Finally." She looked up at him. "You like it, right?"

"It's alright."

"I suppose that's good."

"Being the only son—even if I am a looser—Mom and Dad sent me all this crap I've inherited."

"Ah. So how much do we have to unpack?"

"A lot."

"Ok."

They sat in silence for while, with Max humming absently, and Valerie munching on a cookie. Suddenly, the pounding of the rain on the windows stopped.

"Here comes the sun." Max murmured.

"Yeah…"

"Valerie, can I tell you something important?"

She smiled lazily and closed her eyes. "Sure."

"I really am madly in love with you."

"I thought you were going to be serious."

"I am."

Her eyes snapped open, wide as saucers. She didn't move, or say anything.

"Valerie?"

"Yes?"

"Did you…"

"Yes, I did." She said harshly.

"Oh. Well, I guess I'd better go then." His voice was bitter, and it penetrated a little, that he was going.

No answer.

She heard the miserable click of a door, and she realized with a guilty pang that she'd made him do that. Was that what had been happening to her this last year? Falling in love? It was a little weird, now that she thought about it. But undeniably true.

And he was slipping past her fingers, as she thought about it.

She jumped up and ran after him, not bothering to put on her shoes. He was getting out the door when she was at the top of the stairs, but she flew down anyways.

"Max!" she shouted, just as she got out of the apartment. It was raining again, she noticed vaguely. He stopped, just as he was getting in the car, and turned to look at her with fierce cobalt eyes. She ran him into the car and squeezed him gutless.

"I've discovered I'm in love with you." She whispered. It was raining heavily again, as Max put his arms around her and swung her around.

It was the first kiss she'd had that she actually enjoyed—the others she'd had were so plain and lifeless, but this one was so…

She pulled away and laughed. He was grinning like an idiot on drugs, but he looked at her happily.

"Max! Valerie!" came a small screech from above. Lucy stood out on the balcony staring at them skeptically. "Get inside, now!"

The couple hurried in quickly and raced up the stairs, till they banged into the door of her apartment. It took them another minute before Max was pressing Valerie against her door and kissing her fiercely.

She pulled away and put a hand on his mouth, smiling. "That's enough! Get off of me and let's sit down and discuss this like adults."

"Fine, fine." He picked her up and dumped her on the couch, where he sat down beside her and stared at her intently for a full minute, and she back at him.

"Bet Lucy comes storming down here in an hour or so." She said with a grin.

"Bet you're right."

"I'm always right, Carrigan."

He grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, where she tucked her head into his neck and closed her eyes, as they'd done some time ago… only it wasn't so comfortable back then.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They woke up in the same position at about midnight.

Valerie stood and stretched, a little sore. Not because Max wasn't comfortable, but because sitting on anything for twelve hours straight did that to you.

He woke up and watched her.

"You should go." She turned and kissed him lightly as he stood too.

"Are you sure?"

She smiled, "Absolutely."

"Because, if you weren't—"

"But I am—"

"I would be more than happy to stay."

"I know you would. But I really think you should go."

"Valerie Valerie Valerie… so innocent…" he shook his head.

"And planning to stay that way. I'm serious. Go."

"But—"

"You're coming back tomorrow for breakfast, aren't you?"

"Yes, but—"

"Or do you want me to come? I haven't been to Sadie's in a while—I'd like to say hi."

"You just don't want to make breakfast."

"No, I don't. Besides, all you would get would be cereal anyways. You finished all my cookies."

"Fine fine… but there's only cereal there, too."

"I know."

"So…"

"Not much difference."

"It'll taste sweeter because you love me." Max sighed, with such a fake, cheesy expression of lovesickness that she had to laugh.

"If Capt'n Crunch was any sweeter, it'd be really gross. But it's midnight, not breakfast time, so get out!"

Max sighed again, really this time. "Fine, fine…"

She walked him to the door, and down the stairs, and to the car, which she would never have done normally, but she was a little sad to see him go.

Max stared out at the sidewalk. "Ah, look at all the lonely people."

"How do you know they're lonely?"

"Because they don't have a Valerie."

She rolled her eyes. "You're full of those today, aren't you?"

"Valerie, if you were a laser, you'd be on stunning."

"Go away!" she nearly shoved him into the car with a small laugh, then ran back up, since she was still barefoot and messy from her previous excursion into the rain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lucy turned back incredulously at Jude. "I knew he liked her!" she came in, where he hugged her tightly.

Mrs. Feeney came into the room with a peaceful look on her face. "I'm leaving tomorrow, Dears." She told them flatly.

Lucy looked up at her mother-in-law. "Why? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." The older woman shrugged, but Jude saw past the calm exterior.

"Really, Mum—"

"Nothing at all."

He would regret it, years afterwards, that he hadn't pressured her into telling them more.

"But I need you to take me to the port, tomorrow."

"Alright…" Jude frowned, and let go of Lucy as his mother exited the room.

"You don't think she's… sick, or anything, do you?" his wife murmured worriedly.

He tried to reassure both himself and his wife. "No. I hope not. No, it's…impossible."

Lucy went without another word to their bedroom. When he came in, her pillow was slightly wet, and her nose blotchy, but she was asleep, so he couldn't say anything.

Rose stirred awake and made a small noise. He went to his daughter's crib and picked her up lovingly, rocking her back and forth and humming, as he'd seen Lucy do so many times. Rose smiled and drifted off to sleep, as most babies are likely to do. He didn't stop rocking her when her eyes were closed though—he'd learned from experience that if he stopped the minute she fell asleep, she'd wake up and he'd have to start the process all over again.

After a few minutes, he kissed her forehead and put her back in the cradle. Lucy was only a few feet away, sprawled on the bed with her pajamas buttoned wrong and her hair askew… so he picked up his sketchbook and drew them both the way he saw them—copies of each other, only Rose had different coloring.

After about an hour of this, he put his things away and went to bed, hugging Lucy close to him and watching Rose over the top of his wife's head. He wouldn't give them up for the world, he thought sleepily. His mother's sudden announcement made him paranoid over their well being… because even though he'd only had a wife for about a year, and a child for half of that, he couldn't imagine life without them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Valerie stirred awake miserably. It was about midnight, she and Max were comfortably asleep on the couch once again… Why had she woken up?

Ah. The yellow phone was ringing.

She delicately got his legs off of hers, and dislodged her arm from under his head, where he had been using it as a pillow. The phone was still ringing, but it had been ringing for some time, so she should hurry and pick it up…

"Hello?" she said sleepily.

"Valerie?"

"Joan!" she woke up suddenly at the sound of her younger sister's voice.

"You have to come home."

"Joan, you have to tell me why…" though her sister was barely ten, though she still insisted on people following her orders blindly.

"Anna, and her baby…"

"What?" she'd known Anna was going to their parents' for while with her baby, but she hadn't known much more. Dave was supposed to have gone with them, and her mother was going to see her grandchild and everything.

"He's… dead."

Valerie didn't say anything. What time was it? What day, what hour, what minute… when had it happened?

"Yesterday. Anna's depressed as hell and mom, too, and Dave left…" Joan was sobbing on the other end of the line, and Valerie was getting close to it.

"Where… where to?" she managed.

"He said he needed a break."

"A…A break?"

"You have to come. We need you, Valerie, please, please…" Joan broke down again.

Valerie released a long breath. "Ok, Joan, don't cry. I'm coming. I'll be there tomorrow afternoon, ok? Please don't cry."

Joan sniffed, "Ok."

Valerie let out a breath of relief as she hung up and shook Max awake.

"You should go," she murmured.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing… Just, you have to go. I have some things to arrange…"

He sat up. "There's something you're not telling me."

"I…I'll tell you tomorrow morning." There were tears coming to her eyes already. Now that she wasn't comforting Joan, she was sick with worry about her sister and nephew herself.

Max was silent for a moment, his hand on her cheek. "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow morning."

She returned his kiss half-heartedly, and he looked at her concernedly.

"Max?" she asked, when he was halfway out the door.

"Yeah?"

"Come by really early, Ok?"

"Ok."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jude drove Mrs. Feeney (he could drive—he just chose to let Max do most of it) to the port in Jo-Jo and Sadie's car, with Lucy in the back next to Rose, who was firmly tucked into a car seat. The drive was spent in silence, with Lucy and his mother's occasional chatter and Rose's baby noises. He loved his mother, but he wished she would say something. Anything, right now.

"Mum," Jude said worriedly, as they got out of the car, "are you sure…?"

"I'm positive, Jude."

"Why?"

"I've told you why. I miss Liverpool."

Jude chose not to say anything about that. Instead, he hugged his mother tightly and kissed her cheek. "We can always come to you, some day." He told her gently.

"I hope so, Love." She turned to Lucy, whose nose was red and eyes threateningly full. "You take care of my grandchild, young lady," she smiled and hugged her daughter-in-law, who hugged her back as best she could with Rose on her hip. "And you," Mrs. Feeney took Rose from her mother's hands and kissed her cheek, "be good to your parents."

She was off in a few minutes. Jude and Lucy waited with their child as the boat untangled itself from the port's ropes and anchors and slowly made it's way over the horizon, a big, hulking metal thing that didn't look too graceful at all.

Jude kissed Lucy on the cheek and took Rose from her, for which she smiled gratefully. "Well, Love, for the first time in, what, a year and a half? That we have the house to ourselves."

Lucy chuckled and gestured towards the child in his arms, "Not quite, Judy."

Jude looked at Rose and snorted, grinning a little "This thing? That doesn't count. She'll be in her own room in just a few months and…"

Lucy punched his arm, "You've been talking to Max too much. Innuendoes and those kinds of comments belong at home, and they stay at home." She lectured severely, though he could tell she didn't mean an ounce of it.

"Yes, dear." He said meekly, and they made their way to the car again.