We have reached an end, friends! I hope you like this, I think it's a fairly exceptional ending. :D

My Baby, My Honey, My Love,

I'm sitting here at my desk writing to you because I had a nightmare. It's like 4 AM I think, and everyone's asleep. But when I have nightmares you always chase away my fears, and I thought maybe writing to you and pretending you'll hear will make it better.

I had a dream that I was sitting there, playing with Alex under our tree. You were beside me, talking to me with your hand on my thigh. I remember that specifically because I miss that so much- just your hand on my thigh made me crazy. In a good way.

Alex was little- like a year old. She started chasing a butterfly. Remember how she used to run? And sometimes she would fall, and you would hurry up and inspect her everywhere, but I would just pick her up and set her on her feet again.

And then she fell. But when she fell, she disappeared.

We got up and ran to see where she went, and found a huge hole in the grass, and it was just black. Then I was in my uniform- all camo and everything.

You were on your knees, crying and yelling Alex's name into the hole.

Then Miller, my leader, was there behind you. He put a foot on your lower back, and he was about to shove you down the hole.

I kept yelling at him not to do it- you're all I have left and I love you too much. You didn't even notice- you were still yelling into the hole.

Then Miller pushed you, and you fell. Somehow I caught you, and you were still crying, telling me not to let you go. But I was losing my grip.

I accidentally dropped you, and I remember crying so hard. I lost both of my babies.

Then I opened my eyes and I was in a block, and everyone around me was in their uniforms and doing drill, and the leaders were all yelling at me to do pushups, but I was crying too hard.

Then Miller held a gun to my head and told me to do pushups or else. But I physically couldn't. He pulled the trigger.

Then I woke up sobbing.

And I had to tell you about it, even if you never hear.

And I had to tell you that if I ever lost you and Alex, that would be the end. I would probably want to die and maybe go so far as try. But I'm too scared of death. You're my everything- both of you. Sure, Alex is my flesh and blood, but you're just as important to me. You're the love of my life.

I love you so much, Kendall. And I decided something the other day, when I was thinking about how much I love you.

It's selfish for me to allow you to love me so much then leave you. Because that's what I did if you're reading this. I left. Died. You're so easy to love, and to ask someone to just not love you is evil. I know. And to ask you to push away your feelings for someone else is cruel. Love is the best feeling in the world, and a life without love is not a life at all.

So baby, if you decide that you're ready to love again, please do. It hurts to think about it, but at the end of the day I just want you to be happy and taken care of. If you find a man that makes you happy and takes good care of you and that you love, you deserve more than anyone to be happy.

And I was thinking about if you chose Logan and decided that it's not my place to tell you not to fall for him. I'm gone, and you already gave me a life full of happiness and love. And no matter how awful Logan is, you love him and Alex loves him, and he's the best choice for you.

I just ask that you don't forget me. And don't ever let Alex forget me. Don't let her call him "Daddy".

And honey, I love you so much. These years with you have been the happiest of my life, whether we're fighting or having financial troubles or fucking into the morning, I've been so happy to do it with you. Thank you for showing me how to love, thank you for giving me that experience and for the wonderful daughter we have and for th

I didn't search the paper for the end of the word, which I assumed was "the", and I never searched for what else he was thanking me for. I would never know.

This was the last letter to me that James wrote, and he never got to finish it.

He was writing it as he heard the intruders. He didn't even bother with the rest of his word- he guessed he would be back later to finish. But he died before he could return.

It seemed like he knew he was going to die that night, by the way he was telling me how much I mean to him and telling me to move on. It was eerie, and I'm sure it was even scarier to him.

There were so many letters from him- over twenty- and they all just stop with a mere "th". I slowly put the letter back into the envelope he never got time to mark and tossed it aside on the bed.

Alex climbed up onto the bed and sat beside me to watch TV. Her curls were wet from her recent bath and she was in an Aladdin night gown.

I hadn't seen her smile for about a week now and it was killing me.

Every time I asked why she was so sad, she said "Daddy left me".

"How about some ice cream, pumpkin?" I offered. She shrugged up to me, showing me that she didn't want any, and I knew something had to be done. She always got excited over ice cream.

"Is there anything I can do to make you happy again, Al?" I asked softly.

"No."

"How about I read you a letter from Daddy?" I offered. "I bet that'll cheer you up."

For the first time in a while, her eyes seemed to light up a bit and she nodded. I reached into my bedside table to get the next one marked for her, and I let her open it.

She climbed into my lap and held the paper and I read it over her shoulder.

Alex,

Hi, baby. I miss you so much, even though I just got off the phone with you! When I talked to you, you were crying.

You said that you missed me so much that it made you cry. And that made me cry. So we were on the phone crying together, and Daddy was trying to make us feel better.

I know you must miss me a lot by now, since I've been gone. But I promise it gets better. I promise it won't hurt so bad in just a little while.

When you start to miss me, just remember how much I love you. Remember how we used to snuggle and watch The Wiggles. Remember how me and Daddy would hold your hands in the park and swing you. Remember how I used to braid your hair, and how Daddy would try to but it would fall apart and we would laugh at him. Remember how you and me would get up early and make cinnamon pancakes, then go wake Daddy up by jumping on him.

Don't remember what my funeral was like, or how much you miss me.

Only think about the happy times.

Sometimes when I miss you, I think about those times and I smile and feel a little bit better.

I love you, Alex. You're my baby, no matter how big you get.

Love,

Daddy

Alex stared at the words for a second before looking up at me with his hazel eyes and long lashes.

"How come he writed this?" she asked. I cocked my head at her and thought.

"Because daddy thought a lot about us, baby. And even after he's gone, he wanted us to know how much he loves us," I said, stroking her moist hair. "Especially you. He wanted you always remember him. And he thought about us so much and sometimes he couldn't call us to tell us what he wanted to say, so he wrote it down."

"Oh."

I loved how this letter was perfect for the situation. James addressed her problem of her missing him somehow and told her how to feel better about it. He was so amazing.

"Do you feel a little better?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Alex said, twisting her lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too, pumpkin," I smiled before kissing her nose. "Los is here- go get him."

I was impressed that I heard Carlos' car door slam before she did, and she jumped up and scrambled from the room just as Carlos opened the front door.

I smiled as I got up and heard Alex greet Carlos, and Carlos greet Alex with the same noisy enthusiasm. Carlos was my last chance to make her happy again- he hadn't really babysat a lot in the past week, and I knew he always cheered her up no matter what.

I found him on his knees hugging her tight, a few pizzas and a dozen cupcakes on the table nearby.

Alex was kissing his face happily now, and I loved to see her so happy.

"I brought cupcakes," Carlos sang to us.

"Chocolate?" Alex asked, pulling away.

"Of course!"

"Pizza first," I warned Alex. "Then you can have cupcakes."

"Pizza?" Alex squeaked. "Sausage? Is it sausage, Los?"

"Of course it's sausage, baby."

Soon Logan showed up and we all ate the pizza in the living room.

"She's almost back to normal," Logan said from beside me on the couch.

"We read one of James' letters, and it seemed to cheer her up a bit. Then Carlos showed up with her favorite foods, so I think that finished the job," I said, looking over into those dark eyes that I had trusted for so long, that held so much safety and happiness.

I sneaked a glance at Carlos and Alex before kissing Logan a few times, never able to get enough of him lately.

"Awe!" Carlos squeaked, ripping out lips apart to find that he was staring at us happily. "You two- I knew it was only a matter of time."

Honestly, I was convinced that Carlos would be mad if he found out about Logan and I. I was glad that he was happy for us, though.

"You're not mad?" I asked hesitantly.

"Mad? No way! I love love," he grinned. "And I love to see you start to be happy again. Congrats, you guys. You're so cute."

Logan grinned up to me and I had to crack a smile. Suddenly we didn't have to hide from anything or anyone. We were allowed to do what we want when we want. Allowed to be happy.

Carlos and Alex soon disappeared into Alex's room to play, and Logan and I set up a game of chess on the coffee table.

"The house is just so… happy," I said as Logan thought out his next move.

"Everyone's together," he said, moving his queen piece and giving me a mischievous look as I realized how his move affected my next one.

"Daddy!" I heard Alex squeal excitedly.

"What, Al?" I called absently.

"I missed you so much!"

"What?" I said, turning to the bedroom door.

The game was lost as I got up to see what she was talking about. I found Carlos sitting on the bedroom floor, looking confused, and Alex with her head tipped back and looking upward with a huge smile on her face.

"Alex?" I asked warily.

"I'm scared," Carlos laughed nervously.

"Daddy's home!" Alex smiled to me, pointing upward.

I looked to where she was pointing and a flash of James' smiling face invaded my brain, making me blink. Nothing was there.

"That's great, honey," I smiled supportively.

"Yeah," she said. I felt Logan come up behind me, his hand brushing my back.

"Her imaginary friend's back," I explained. His dark eyes rose to me, worried.

"I don't think this is healthy," he murmured.

Logan had mentioned taking Alex to a therapist before. He suggested she might need help coping with the loss of her father, and then the imaginary friend came along and it only bothered him more. But James, I knew, would absolutely flip his shit if he was here and heard even the idea of taking her to a therapist.

She's not crazy!

She's just imaginative!

She can take care of herself, just let her be!

"She's fine," I insisted. "Kids have imaginary friends all the time."

Logan sighed and shrugged watching as Alex happily sat and patted the spot beside her for the invisible James.

Then I saw it. What she saw. Maybe not really, but I saw it in my mind's eye.

I saw James sitting Indian-style beside our daughter in his full army getup. He was looking at Alex, watching her play and talk, taking her in. Every time she would look at him and he would give an encouraging grin.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked in surprise, and I found that he was looking up at me with concern. "You're crying."

"What?" I blinked to find that tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. "I'm fine."

Logan's arm slid around my waist as we watched Carlos play along, listening to Alex tell him what Daddy's saying.

"He says he missed you," she said, carefully brushing a doll's hair.

"I miss him, too," Carlos said.

"And he said he had to go, but now he's home cause now everyone's happy," she said. "And he misseded me too much."

I imagined James telling her all this from beside her, then leaning over to kiss her temple and smooth down her hair. Suddenly I wished he was here so that he could do those things for real.

"And-" Alex cut off, looking to her side silently, listening. "Really?"

Carlos' eyes rose to me in concern and I just smirked and shrugged.

"And he says that Daddy looks cute today and he's happy that he's happy," she said, looking back at me. I grinned and she grinned back before turning silently back to the her doll.

"That was really elaborate for her to make up on her own," Logan said.

"Maybe she's not making it up," I said.

"Oh please," Logan said, rolling his eyes. "Like it's a ghost?"

"I don't care what it is," I said with a shrug. "It's making my baby happy."

Logan paused and looked up at me, finding that I was serious, and smiled before hugging me.

"You're a really great dad, you know that?" he said. "She's so lucky to have you."

I stood against the doorframe, watching as Logan lay Alex in her bed and covered her up. Alex pulled James' jacket from beneath her pillow and hugged it to her side.

"Can you get my bear?" she asked, sitting up. Logan looked around the bed at all the stuffed animals and found a bear, offering it to her. "Nooooo, not that one. My bear has a pink bow on her neck."

"Pink bow, pink bow…" Logan said as he searched. "Ah! Found it."

He picked up Alex's favorite bear and gave it to her, and she kissed it before hugging it to her other side.

Logan tucked the blankets up to her shoulders and smoothed down her hair.

"Daddy says not to forget the nightlight," Alex said. I was surprised "Daddy" didn't say something nasty to Logan.

"Oh. Of course," Logan smiled, getting up to blink on the little nightlight across the room before returning to the bed. "Are you ready to sleep yet?"

"Yeah. Night, Logie. I loveyou."

"I love you, too, Ally," Logan smiled, leaning down to kiss my daughter and hug her before getting up. "Sweet dreams."

I made my way to the bed to do the same before going to turn out the lights. Before I did so I looked back, hearing Alex murmur a sweet "I love you, too" and I imagined James bending down to kiss her forehead, then her nose, then her soft pink lips.

An urge to go to the image of James overwhelmed me, but then there was a presence behind me, arms sliding around me.

I turned to find big black eyes on my green ones, a smile ready for me to return.

"I need to get home," Logan said softly. I clicked off the lights, the images of my husband escaping my mind.

"Don't go," I pouted. "Stay the night."

"I have class in the morning and my books are at home," he smiled a little.

"Get them tomorrow."

"Kendall."

"Please?" I pouted, pressing my forehead to his. I knew I could always convince him to stay the night- he was putty in my hands. My hands roamed up and down his sides and to his ass, pulling him to me.

"Maybe… I could stay a little longer…" he said in a daze.

"It would be a shame if you got carried away too much to make it home."

"Such a shame."

The good thing about being with your best friend is that you're comfortable with him. Comfortable enough to shower with him, comfortable enough to wash him and let him wash you. Comfortable enough to sing as you did so, because he knows you always sing in the shower.

And maybe comfortable enough to let him blow you beneath the steaming water.

At least, that's how comfortable I was with Logan.

Of course I returned the favor. What kind of a host would I be if I didn't?

After we were dry and dressed, me in just my boxers, Logan in his boxers and one of my shirts, I turned on the TV and off the lights, meeting Logan in my bed.

"You should keep some clothes here," I suggested, lying with him, his small body immediately pressing to mine.

"It's more fun to wear yours."

I thought about how James and I always wore each other's clothes, being about the same size. His pants were too big on me, though, since he was bigger and more muscular, and I was naturally lanky. I still had all of his clothes and wore them sometimes because he was quite fashionable.

It was different, sharing clothes with Logan. He was smaller than me, so I couldn't very well wear his clothes, but I can't tell you how cute he looked in mine.

Come to think of it, when does Logan not look cute?

I especially loved nights like tonight, when he was in just boxers and my oversized t-shirt, his face scruffy from a weekend of not shaving it, his dark eyes happy as can be. These were the nights when he was cuddliest, always touching me, always wanting to be close to me. When he didn't really care what we were doing, as long as I was there, too.

He makes me feel like a god.

"I wish you knew how great you make me feel," I said, my fingers tracing his sideburn. "I mean, I don't even know how to repay you for all this."

"Just lay here with me and act like you like me," Logan chuckled. "That's all I ask."

"I like you a lot, Loge," I laughed softly.

Logan looked up at me and smiled, and I kissed his forehead.

"Not just sexually either," I added. "I like you like I want you here forever, in my arms."

"Your wish is my command," he smiled, hugging me tighter. "I'm here until you let me go."

"I won't."

"Forever it is, then."

Thank you all for your endless support in everything I do! Honestly, if it wasn't for you guys I wouldn't still be writing by this point, I would have quit. :D So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for keeping me afloat in this crazy website! :)