I've completely forgot to thank my reviewers the past few chapters...

*bites lip*

forgive me?

Black Alice Butterfly: I've updated… it just took me a little time to think about what I wanted to happen next…. I hope you like it…. I have to admit I'm a bit stuck on this story…

WolfKeeper989: I'm glad you like the pace… I was worried I went a bit too fast at some point and far to slow at others… I'm glad you're still enjoying the story..

x Bluebell Flames x: I've updated *nodnod* I think I had him be a bit younger… perhaps that was taking things a bit too far, but I felt like it fit somehow… I hope you liked it! I'm sorry it took me so long to update…

NemoChan320: I have finally updated, and yes I had him spill some of the beans… *nodnod* I felt it appropriate… and wouldn't have known what else to do…

draco_luver: I hope you're still liking it!

Neutral747: hey! Thank you! I'm soo glad you like it… I'm sooo sorry this took so long… but I didn't really know what I wanted to do next… I'm still not too sure though…

Jay-Jay Black: I'm sorry you feel that way… but then again… my writing might not be for you… to each his own right?

zo3: okay… calm down… lol… I'm soooo glad you enjoy it so much… I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint too much… it's not the best I have to admit….

now on with the new chapter... I hope you all like it!

When I woke up again there were four people standing around my bed, three boys and a girl and I frowned. What on earth was this? Something told me to run… told me to get out and I push myself into a sitting position. Pansy settled on my bed her eyes boring into mine "Draco, we want to talk to you" she started her face serious. I frown slightly "No, we don't" I respond. What on earth was suddenly going on? What on earth did they want? The brunette put a hand on my knee "It's about time, Draco, that you talked about what on earth is going on with you" she spoke and the three other nodded. I narrowed my eyes dangerously "What on earth are you talking about?" I ask tilting my head at my 'friends'. The four of them rolled their eyes "Oh, come off it Malfoy" Zabini chipped in "You really think we have no idea?" he smirked "you should know better, especially after Creg found you the other night".

I rolled my eyes "You have got to be kidding me" I mutter shaking my head. What had suddenly gotten into my friends? One look at the brunette girl currently settled on my bed told me whose idea this little intervention had been. I sigh closing my eyes slightly as my head was still pounding and this really wasn't helping any. The three boys glanced up at the their newfound 'leader' in all this and she raised an eyebrow putting a hand on my knee "Draco" she spoke softly and I slowly open my eyes and look into her now concerned brown ones. I sigh "What is it you guys really want?" I ask. What the hell do I know?

"For you to finally tell us what the hell is going on with you" she countered and I sigh rolling my eyes. I rest my head in my arms "Why?" I whisper and once again am surprised at the utter weakness of my voice. A soft hand rests on my shoulder and I look up "Because we're your friends and want to help you" she answered her soft hands softly massaging my shoulders soothingly and I feel my eyes flutter close "Alright, alright…" I finally cave in knowing they'd not let it go this time "It's just that…"I really had no idea and luckily my friends seemed to notice. Pansy was still working some knots in my shoulders "Start with telling us what happened last night" she suggested softly. I close my eyes again but nod anyway "My father… he just…" I didn't really know how to say this… it. My father had just not been pleased with my performance, since, well, even if I did win the last match, I had lost against Gryffindor, and yes, my academics were second in our year, but still, Granger bested me. That just wasn't good enough. Not as a Malfoy, especially not coming in second to a mud-blood.

"My work has been slipping…" I start uncertain eyes still closed "He just had to punish me" I sigh not wanting to look them in the eye. It would just make things all the more real. Pansy brushed my hair from my face "So he beat the shit out of you and threw you down the stairs?" she asked in disbelieve and the three others just stared at me "It was just punishment…" I mumble under my breath and the girl wrapped her arms around me "Dray…" she whispered "it's not your fault" she whispered brushing some of my hair from my eyes. I roll my eyes "Of course it is, I just need to try harder" I mutter. The girl rolled her eyes "Drake, you can't…you have other things you also have to focus on, you can't do everything" she reasoned.

I however had grown up with the request of doing as much as possible, and that whatever you did needed to be perfect, anything less was simply unacceptable. I rested my head in my arms. This has really been a tough couple of days and I just felt so empty and drained. I wish I could believe her… but I know the truth. It IS my fault. I close my eyes and Parkinson sees it as an invitation to hold me tighter.

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So now the day's classes and homework is done we spent the rest of the day playing a few games and talking amongst each-other about the next quidditch-match… the inevitable attack on our lives and the rise of Voldemort last year. Whereas no one else would believe me when I told them this last summer, Ron and Hermione luckily, did, and I was glad that I could talk to them about this, and now also about you… I wonder how you were doing now. Were you still sleeping perhaps? Or talking to your friends? I really didn't know. I sigh and push this to the back of my mind. There was nothing I could do at the moment and perhaps I should just leave it? I lean back in the chair I was seated in and just go through the rest of the day.

The next morning I watch as you stride into the great-hall. I meet your eyes and you simply shrug as if to say 'I am fine' I however think we both know better don't we? I think I don't even know half how broken you really are. I wonder how you will survive the summer. Three months with you father at the Manor? That must be torture and I hope we can find a way to help you. I couldn't bear the idea what could possibly be done to you over that period of time. Your friends glance over at you, and I see Parkinson put some food on your plate. You sigh running a hand through your hair about to protest, but she shoots you a look and you seem to think better of arguing with her. It's almost enough to make me smile, and I'm glad I apparently was wrong. They probably had known something was wrong but for whatever reason decided not to mention it, until yesterday. Perhaps because they knew how uncomfortable it would make you? I shake my head. It has become time for classes. Charms, I think. I simply follow my bushy-haired friend up the stairs.

I wonder if you'll be able to get through all of your classes today. I mean. You did have a concussion and that could plague someone for a long time. You appear to be doing fine though as you just sneer something at someone in your way before gracefully sliding in your seat and taking out the necessary books. Always keeping up appearances eh? I follow your example taking out my own books and I just wait for the lesson to start. How can you be in class already? Shouldn't you be in bed? I watch you in concern. I would need to have a talk with you later on leaving the hospital wing. I run a hand through my hair, trying to pay attention in class. I simply write down notes and just wait for the nightmare to end. When it finally does I notice you quickly gathering you things and trying to get away before anyone else has left the room. Your friends stare after you but I'm out after you. I know where you've gone… at least… I think I can guess.

And yes, there you are, in the nearest bathroom gripping the sink with one hand whilst holding your dagger in the other. Why do you keep doing this? Don't you realize how destructive this is? Or do you just simply not care anymore? I guess it's the latter. I simply reach out and gently take the dagger away from you. I don't want you to get even more hurt that you already are. You look up confused and then give me a look that reminded me of a small child that is trying to get what it wants. I sigh shaking my head "Draco… you don't have to do this anymore" I state but you just bite your lip and close your eyes "Yes I do" you reply avoiding my gaze. What am I going to do with you? It won't be long before you just decide that enough is enough and just…

I didn't even want to think about it. You just stare at me again and I don't know what I can do or say to make it better, but I do know that this has got to stop. I know I won't be able to convince you of that, of course, but this was not the way to deal with things. I turn my gaze back on you "Draco, maybe… maybe you should tell Dumbledore" I tell him, but of course you shake your head.

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Fuck…. Suddenly I feel my knife being taken from my hand. I quickly glance up to find you once again had decided to follow me, and this time, you actually planned on doing something, it seemed. I simply stare at you with an – what I'm sure – is a pleading look and I silently curse myself. What the hell was wrong with me lately? It was as if, after you found out, I had just turned to jelly and I find my strength fading fast. Ugh, I'm disgusting, and father is right to do what he does. He's right to punish me until I finally just get it right. You are now once again telling me to go to the headmaster with my problem. NO! I simply shake my head. I'm not getting anyone else involved, especially an adult. Hell I hadn't even told Severus, so why should I tell a virtual stranger about this? Besides, I'm sure Dumbledore would have a good old laugh and just spur father on. It's my own fault really, and it's not that I deserve any better anyway. I still hadn't figured out why you even gave a damn and I suppose I never will.

You seem to guess my thoughts though and bite your lip "but… Dumbledore can help" you insist, but I shake my head once again. Don't you get it? Dumbledore would not help me. I'm a coldhearted Slytherin git, and a Malfoy no less… the old man hates me, and I suppose not without valid reason. My father had tried to get him expelled on several occasions so why should he bother helping me, even if I would go to him. Besides… I don't need help… oh no, I'm just fine… Uhg, what's the point? I don't even know why I keep lying to myself… although it is rather comforting. I look back up at you "You're not going to tell him are you?" I ask almost frightened. I know the headmaster was like a… what? Grandfather or mentor or something for you and that you thought he'd just magically make it all better, but…. I was not convinced.

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I shake my head "No Draco, I'm not" I try and assure you. I wouldn't, not without your permission anyway. But you couldn't stop me from trying. I mean, I could try and take your father on myself, but somehow, I did not think that was such a good idea. I just watch you for a minute "We should get to our next class" I speak up eventually and you take a deep breath trying to pull yourself together and I swear I can almost see your face freeze over as your mask returns. That still amazes me. How you could so easily pretend nothing happened and move on. I hadn't quite figured out how to read through you yet… but I would get there. We head out of the bathroom and then to our next class. When we entered the room we slipped in our respective seats. My friends give me an inquiring look. I turn to them and quickly explain what had happened. Hermione quickly covered up her initial shock on finding out about your little habit. She glanced over at you worriedly and I can even see concern flash over my red-friend's features.

"I've tried talking to him about going to Dumbledore" I tell them and they looked up in wonder "What did he say?" the bushy haired girl asked and I shrug "Of course he won't" I sigh "Not that I was expecting anything different of course". The other two nodded "We'll just have to keep trying" Hermione spoke determined. I smile slightly nodded. I was happy they had taken to helping you as well, although I had not expected anything else. You were just sitting in your seat and stared ahead blankly. Why couldn't I figure out a way to help you? Why wouldn't you help yourself? You didn't want your father in trouble, did not want to even think about what was going on… but you couldn't go on like this, could you? I couldn't really force you to do anything. I sigh before turning back to what the teacher was saying.

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I know you want to help, I do, and I know I should appreciate it more, but, why couldn't everything just go back to normal? I just wanted to pretend nothing had happened and that it was just… What? A figment of your imagination? Was that really what I wanted? For it all to just go back to how it had once been? For it to go back to the way things were before. I closed my eyes. I don't think I can do this for much longer. I'm really starting to lose it. Pansy glances over at me and puts a hand on my shoulder. I force a smile, but know how fake it must seem by the look in her eyes. I don't really know what I can do about it though and just turned my attention back to the teacher. I run a hand through my hair and jot down some notes. I was glad when the day was over and I was able to just go out and relax for a little while. I gathered my things and quickly making my way from the room telling my friends I'd see them later. I made my way outside and sat down in the grass wanting to just sit and stare out over the water not thinking about anything at the moment.

I wasn't there for long though when Pansy had decided to follow me. I heaved an inward sigh but smiled anyway closing my eyes for a moment. The girl sat down beside me and without a world put a hand on my shoulder. The brunette started massaging my shoulder and neck and I close my eyes for a moment relaxing into her touch. I eventually lay down in the grass as she led me into her lap and started stoking my hair, still silent. She smiled softly showing the softness no-one else ever really got to see. I close my eyes once more and she is happy to just sit there and run her fingers through my hair in silence. Feel myself drift off to sleep, but I force myself to stay awake. I had work to do and that wasn't going to happen if I was asleep now was it? Pansy sighed "It's alright Dray" she soothed "You need to rest" she whispered gently and I sigh shaking my head "You know I can't" I reply and she sighed shaking her head. "Draco… you can't go on like this" she stated "You have a concussion… you shouldn't even be out of bed" she pointed out.

I run a hand through my hair "That's no excuse…" I hear myself mutter and am completely mortified at the pitiful sound that is my own voice. She just shakes her head and I can see her small hands are clenched into fists. I smile despite myself. She was such a good friend and I just count my lucky stars to have found her. I then close my eyes for one more moment as she simply continues her rhythmic movement humming softly to herself. I slowly feel myself drift off to sleep. I was just so exhausted. I wonder how it could have all changed so much.

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What am I going to do? I need to find some way of helping you, but it's been months since I've figured out your secret, but I still haven't the slightest clue as to how I can get you out of this situation. Not without betraying the trust you had had in me. Perhaps that would be worth it though. At least then you would be safe. I couldn't do that… not yet anyway. I ran a hand through my unruly hair. How could it be that no-one else had found out yet? Well… alright, so your friends had some clue as to what was going… perhaps they had even held they own intervention of sorts, but they too couldn't really do anything could they? Not unless you suddenly decided to do a complete 180. That was not going to happen was it? I walk outside and see your blonde head resting on Parkinson's lap. I smile slightly shaking my head for a moment before walking over. It was only then that I realized you're asleep. I can only imagine how tired you must be. The girl now looked up and smiles briefly giving a nod in acknowledgement.

"Potter" she greeted barely above a whisper, probably trying to keep from waking you. I smile and sat down in the grass next to her "How is he?" I ask keeping my voice down as well. Lord knows you need your rest. She now shrugs her shoulders "You know him" she sighed motioning towards you with her hand "No one ever really knows". I nod my head in affirmation. That was a fair assessment if ever there was one. I shake my head slightly wondering if that was ever really going to change. I came to the conclusion that the answer would probably be a resounding NO. That however didn't really matter. There were plenty of people now keeping an eyes on you, so I figured that sooner or later we all would find a way. Now slowly two grey eyes opened with a groan.

Thank you all for reading! I hope you liked it...

It was not my best work I'll admit... but I hope it was alright...

please don't forget to leave a review...

xxx

malou