Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Harry, Snape or any other characters you may recognize throughout this story. I also do not own the wizarding world or anything else you recognize from the Harry Potter series. That all belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling.
Chapter 14 –
It was a great many moments later when Harry could finally tear his eyes away from the mirror. His changed visage was so unexpected yet somehow, perfect.
'Alright, for now we will sort out the things in the living room and then see where today takes us' Snape directed. He looked to Harry's reaction, but all he got was a quick nod and the boy turned back to the mirror, completely absorbed with his new image. As he moved into the next room to give Harry a few moments alone he heard Harry gasp, a pale hand quickly clamping over his mouth as though he was trying to cram the sound back in as he started into the mirrors cool surface.
Two large steps and Snape was back by the boy's side. 'What is it Harry?' concern filled Snape's voice and his hand reflexively headed for the boys shoulder but stopped short, still uncertain of his feelings and even more unsure of the reaction he might elicit with such a gesture.
'My eyes….they are black…. I was …sort of hoping they would stay like my mums… I have so little to remember her by' they nodded gently at each other completely understanding. The older wizard would also strangely miss seeing Lily's eyes even as difficult as it was to see her in James son.
Now sure that nothing serious had befallen the accident-prone wizard he left Harry to his thoughts he moved back into the living room, busying himself with the service tray and the remainder of breakfast still in the kitchen.
It took almost a full ten minutes before Harry sat himself down beside his uncle on the well-worn lounge. There was simply no denying his heritage now, nor did he find he wanted to anymore – a calm acceptance had filled him. 'Perhaps there is some hope for my life yet?' Harry wondered to himself.
'Let us get started then shall we, some of the items in this box I feel now belong to you.' Removing the intricate lid from the silver box, he used both hands to place it beside its base and took the letter from its place on the top. It was not sealed but a feeling of lingering magic caused his senses to tingle at the familiar magical signature. The scent of Lily rose from the box; Harry looked up as though hoping his mother would appear out of thin air, the scent filling his head with forgotten memories of the many happy moments his parent had given him.
A similar sensation gripped Snape, washing over his broken spirit in waves of pure joy. More of Lily's memory charms fell away; the two halves of a single life began to heal together.
Placing the letter to one side, he picked up the Head Girl badge previously a powerful charm, now a simple memento and gently dropped it in Harry's palm. 'This was Lily's proudest achievement and now its only fitting that is goes to you. One day I will show you my memory of the day we …. she found out the Head Girl position was hers… it is quite an amusing recollection. Your mother was always a happy person but on this occasion she was unable to wipe the smile from her face for many weeks' A small sad smile crept to Snape's lips.
The next few hours were filled with this exchange of what amounted to Lily's personal effects, many of these things he had gathered from the burning shell of the Potter family home just hours after their demise. He was not proud of his intrusion but now felt decidedly less guilty about his presence there. There was no way he could ever have imagined a position where he would return the items but that was exactly where he found himself.
Lunchtime had come and gone completely unnoticed by the two strikingly similar wizards, though neither one would have eaten anything anyhow. It was the sort of thing Miss Granger would have insisted they do, though why Snape though of the young witch this moment he could not be sure. Her life had been made forfeit during the final battle, along with her red headed companion – a fact for which he was still blaming himself. If he had just seen that self-preservation would never win with the golden trio he could have perhaps saved them all, instead in saving Harry he had doomed the boys friends.
As he sat wondering if things were meant to be different, he speculated that the gravity of Harry's loss was indeed much greater than even his own.
The last item in the box was by far the hardest to part with, he was sure Harry wouldn't want to keep such a thing but he felt it was right to offer it just the same.
A small piece of parchment, obviously torn from a larger piece in a hurry, its creator more interested in haste than appearances. It was more of a memo than a note, containing only a few simple words.
I'm sorry
He had lost count of the number of times he had agonized over this, her final message. At the time, he had assumed she meant sorry for choosing a path that was plainly suicide, a path he could not save her from. 'This is the last thing your mother ever gave me Harry; I know you probably won't want to keep something so painful I hope you can understand why I did so.' Taking a final glance at the tiny fragment, he pressed it into Harry's waiting hands. He still had one finger in contact with the paper when the room suddenly seemed to shift and the tiny threads holding his memories in place began to unravel.
He had not expected there would be so much he was forced to forget.
His love for Lily was still constant but suddenly he was stuck by an unknown emotion. Tears burned his eyes threatening to spill across his pale cheeks.
He gasped as he saw them standing by the lake at Hogwarts, arms encircling each others waists 'I love you Severus' Lily's memory whispered, her delicate fingers brushing down his cheek and lightly scraping across his lips.
As his focus finally formed and he found her eyes clearly, clusters of memories bubbled and began to burst. Forgotten moments flowed relentlessly one after another.
Lily's smile filled his broken heart with such joy he thought surely he had died and past over. He saw them as children at school, friends through it all, sitting in the library, practicing potions and again embracing – leaning in to share a soft lingering kiss. He felt like he was flying and falling all at once, together they stood at graduation smiles as wide as Cheshire cats.
More memories were surfacing; Lily's sorrow at discovering he had taken the Dark Mark, her decision to protect him with her life if it came to that. Snape took a deep breath, his mind desperately trying to force him back to reality but the pull of his hearts desire was completely overwhelming. Yet more pictures surged forward as though aware of his struggle, he could see Spinners End – it was just as dull and ugly as he remembered. Rain poured from the murky sky, flooding the poorly built gutters and drainpipes. A feeling of dread spread across his chest.
Noises like shoes hitting the pavement drew his attention, he could see no one, but he was sure of what he was hearing. However, he simply could not comprehend why the figure of his former self took a quick look around and then promptly hid away in the shadows. He was purposely avoiding her!
Tiny tugs pulled at his memory and all at once in a flood of emotion he understood - she had come to say goodbye. He was hiding from her because he was already under the spell of her memory charm and in his reality, she hated him.
Lily stopped just short of the doorway eyes never straying from the building; placing her hands gently on the door, she drew a breath realizing that he was not inside as she had half-heartedly hoped. Her head dropped forward while she considered her plan. Kneeling slowly on the dirty mat, she spoke softly 'I came to see your face one last time. I've made my decision.' Letting her hands drop to her stomach it was suddenly clear she was in the last stages of pregnancy 'Please look after yourself, when the time comes you will be all this child has in the world. I am sorry it has to be this way. Please know that I love you… I hope you can forgive me.' Sliding a letter under the door Lily stood taking one last look and then turned walking briskly away.
With a start, Snape felt the connection of his two worlds fusing into one, perfect once more. He now knew that the legendary fight that had ended there relationship and eventually her life had never actually taken place, it was but a false memory created to make her plan come to fruition.
'Oh Lily, how could you? He whispered very softly.