Welp, updating on time? What's that? Haha. In all seriousness, this chapter has been crowned the longest chapter yet! It would have been up on time if I made it normal length but I doubt you guys would forgive me if I didn't fully go through with Kert's dilemma. So, all the drama! Hope I'm not pushing my luck too much on the content in this, I can't really postpone it any later...I hope it's okay.
Disclaimer: I do not own 'Be More Chill' or any of it's adaptations or content.
Replaced
Chapter XIV
~Choose Me~
Michael was quiet as he walked by Rich's side. He couldn't get his eyes to move from the floor as he held the newly bought tablet in his arms a little closer, thinking over everything the shorter teen had just told him. "You think…they're talking about Halloween?" he questioned slowly, brows furrowed.
"What else?" Rich exclaimed, waving his arms dramatically.
"Well, they were hurt when they were escaping, right? What if they were hurt when they were being held captive too?" Michael suggested wearily, his mind wandering back to what Reese told him earlier.
"Kert doesn't have burns," the shorter mumbled, rubbing his arms absentmindedly.
"…But why would they bring it up? It was a long time ago."
"I don't know, Michael. Why didn't you bring up that the evil people were around?"
"I didn't know Kert didn't tell you."
"You could have said something."
"Fuck - fine! I'll tell you next time! Just answer my question."
"I don't know. Maybe they were confused? You said Reese was confused when they woke up."
"They were confused because Kert was freaking out," Michael sighed, "So, what are you going to do?"
"I don't know, but it's freaking me out! Ever since they've been ignoring me! Like they don't want to be my SQU – uh, my Tic Tac anymore," Rich quickly corrected.
"Stupid question, but you've tried talking to them about it, right?"
"Duh! But they were talking crazy talk!"
"I meant after."
"They wont tell me! They wont talk to me unless they have to! I don't understand, one minute they can't let go of me and now they want nothing to do with me," the shorter huffed.
"I don't know how to help you, Rich. All you can do is keep trying. I can ask Reese for help but I doubt it'll do anything," Michael offered. Rich huffed again, looking away. His fingers began nervously wringing the end of the fabric of his shirt.
"…But what if it is about Halloween? What do I do?" he asked quietly, his voice thick with emotion. Michael opened his mouth, but paused. Halloween was a sensitive subject, not just for Rich but for everyone. What would he do if it was him? If he wanted to talk about Halloween with Jeremy? It wasn't the same but it was the closest he could get. What would he do…
"…I bet Kert knows how you feel about Halloween. Maybe that's why they don't want to talk about it, they know how you'll react. But if it is about then than be careful. You might get a strong reaction to whatever they say, and I get it, but it's about them right now, not you," he answered awkwardly, hoping he didn't sound too insensitive. Rich nodded along to what he said but didn't give an answer. After a moment of silence he deduced he wasn't ever going to get one.
As the two finally found their way back to the food court Michael dropped his voice, "I'll try to find out what's going on. Reese can at least tell me that."
"Thanks," Rich said gratefully, a small grin on his face. Turning his eyes away from the taller teen his smile quickly faded when he saw the SQUIP's table. Immediately he froze, grabbing Michael's arm in a tight grasp to stop him in his tracks. Michael opened his mouth to complain but paled when his eyes found the source of the reaction. When they left there was two at the table…now, Kert was sitting beside Reese, and across from them both sat…
"Christine," he breathed in horror. Christine Canigula was sitting across from the two SQUIPs. Not only was she sitting with them, but talking animatedly with them too. She was waving her arms dramatically as she told her story, beaming at the interest the two computers seemed to be giving her. Both SQUIPs were smiling at the girl – one more forcefully then the other - as they engaged in the conversation any time there was a long enough pause.
"What the fuck do we do?!" Rich asked horrified, staring at the girl in utter terror. Michael just shook his head - he had no idea what to do. What was Christine doing there? Did the SQUIP's find her? They had to. This wouldn't be her doing, right? Did she know about them? They wouldn't dare tell her…not unless Reese was using her to get to Jeremy. But why would they? They didn't need to if they had him. But then again he's not letting them get near Jeremy. Was that what this was about? No, it couldn't be. Reese wouldn't. Would they?
Neither had to make a decision on what to do because Christine spotted them from her seat. Immediately she jumped up to stand, waving animatedly at them with a huge grin.
"Michael! Rich!" she called loudly. Both SQUIPs turned to look at the new comers. Though they both kept their smiles on, a hint of dread overcame their eyes. They knew they were in trouble. Good. Michael and Rich hesitated before slowly approaching the group, the later putting on his usual act to hide his horror.
"'Sup, Christine? Whatcha doin' here?" Rich asked, trying to sound casual as he stepped up behind Kert, putting his hands on the back edge of their chair. Kert immediately stiffened and Michael hoped it was because they knew they fucked up and not from something else.
"I saw you earlier when I was getting my coffee! I wanted to say hello but you walked away before I could get my drink. So I asked your friends where you were going and they said I could wait here for you!" Christine explained with a smile, motioning to the two computers.
"Of course they did," Michael commented, resting his arm on Reese's shoulder and applying pressure. Reese's smile didn't falter at the hidden action, but grew a little in amusement.
"She was just telling us all about this new show she's been sharing with you," they explained, looking from Michael to the girl.
"Yeah! They like theatre too, Michael! I thought I was your only theatre buddy," Christine teased with a playful pout.
"You are! Reese is new to theatre too. Right, Reese?" Michael assured, thick warning in his voice at the end.
"Right. Your love of theatre has infected him, Christine. Everything I've learned is from him," Reese agreed, patting Michael's arm in fake praise. Christine gave a small squeal, jumping up and down in happiness.
"Michael, have you watched the bootleg yet?" she asked excitedly, eyes beaming at her friend. Michael blinked, distracted from his façade to try and remember what she was talking about.
"Oh, not yet. But since Reese hereis so interested, why don't we watch it together?" Michael questioned mockingly, turning his gaze to the computer. He swiftly placed his hand on their head, making it appear as though he was playfully running his fingers through their hair but instead pulling on it in warning.
"Of course, Michael. We haven't had a theatre night yet," Reese agreed, smoothly grabbing Michael's hand to stop him from yanking at their hair and forcefully moving it back to their shoulder. Christine stared at the two quizzically as she eyed their – what appeared to be – passive aggressive teasing. She quickly shook her head, smiling wide.
"You look great, by the way, Michael! Not that you don't always look good - that's not what I meant. You just look different! Different good!" she exclaimed, encouragement in her voice.
"Yeah, what's with the new look? I can ask now, right?" Rich added, the confusion in his eyes from watching the two being playful still on his face. Michael shifted uncomfortably at the change in topic, not knowing how to answer. He glanced at Reese for aid and received a supportive smile in return. He was envious that the computer didn't seem to care about popular opinions.
"Just…a dare," he answered slowly.
"Dare?" Rich echoed.
"Yeah, we – uh…switched," Michael explained while awkwardly motioning to the SQUIP beside him.
"Oh, are those your clothes?" Christine asked curiously, turning her attention to Reese.
"My style," the computer confirmed.
"Ha! That's why you look like a nerd," Rich laughed, playfully shoving the SQUIP's shoulder, "Oh – uh, not that there's anything wrong with that! Being a nerd, I mean. I'm a nerd. And cool, you know."
"I don't know about that. You're more of a funny guy. Funny cool," Christine suggested, looking the teen over as she typecasted.
"I am pretty funny," Rich agreed, crossing his arms confidently. Michael rolled his eyes at the two, not knowing what to say anymore.
While the teens continued to talk about the subject, mostly fueled by Christine, Kert took the opportunity to speak in their companion's mind, their voice but a suggestive whisper, "Michael looks very attractive in those clothes, doesn't he?" The reaction was almost immediate as Reese's face flared up, glaring at the small smirk on Kert's face.
"Of course he does, I dressed him," they quickly excused, resting their head against their hand as they tried to discreetly hide their blush.
"So, you purposefully made him your type?"
"No. He doesn't need to look like anything to gain my-"
"Reese," Michael called, tugging on the other's hair once again to gain their attention, "Christine's talking to you."
"Oh, I apologize," Reese replied as they turned their focus back to the girl, ignoring the knowing look Kert was sending in their peripheral, "What is it?"
"I was asking what you thought of Michael's new look!"
"No you weren't!" Michael interjected quickly, "You were trying to prove Rich wrong!"
"Yeah, by proving you look like a main character now! Well, Reese?" Christine asked intently, eagerness in her eyes. Reese cursed their promise not to nerve block themselves when they felt the heat rising back to their face. Quickly they thought of an answer to distract the teens with.
"Michael looks great no matter what he wears, a leading man always. He just doesn't see it," they replied smoothly, concentrating on keeping their voice even. Michael sputtered as his own face heated up. The SQUIP had always talked about looking 'confident', or that he could 'shine through his outfit with confidence', but they never actually said he looked attractive. Especially not in his other clothing.
Christine noticed his reaction and giggled. "You two are cute together," she cooed. There was a pause as everyone registered what she just said. Them? Cute? Together?
Surprisingly what broke it was loud laughter. Michael jumped in shock when he heard Rich beside him howling so hard he thought they'd fall over. Christine blinked surprised, trying to find out what she said that was so funny.
"S-She thinks-" Rich couldn't even get his sentence out as he continued to laugh. In the back of his mind Michael was grateful that he made the decision to hide holding hands with Reese. He imagined if Rich saw he wouldn't be laughing, especially since it wasn't the first time they've done it…Now that he thought of it, he didn't really realize until now that they've been holding hands, or each other's arm, ever since the party to drag each other around. His stomach tightened at the thought that he'd been unintentionally acting this way with the SQUIP without even noticing. He knew why it started, but why did they continue?
Reese turned in their chair to send a nasty glare towards Rich. "What's so amusing?" they growled, their voice almost a dare.
"S-She thinks you're together! You guys fucking hate each other!" Rich answered, his laughter dying down to a reasonable level. Michael's stomach tightened again as he eyes found the floor. What should he say? Should he dispute Rich? Rich would flip his shit if he did. He'd also be admitting to everyone here something that might not be true. But to not say anything…
"I-I'm sorry! I didn't mean – I wasn't assuming – I was just saying you were cute! You know, like friends! I didn't mean – I mean you're kinda acting like – but I'm not assuming! I'm not like the others I swear!" Christine stumbled, trying desperately to correct herself. Michael quickly shook his head, waving his hands to assure her she wasn't at fault.
"I-It's okay! I know what you meant," he lied. He actually didn't know what she meant - if she was implying they were together or not. He wouldn't blame her, it must look like they cant keep their hands off each other. He took a small step back from the SQUIP's chair for safety, but it didn't relieve the knot in his stomach. In the back of his mind he knew why - he didn't want to be separated.
"I agree with you, Christine," the more silent member of the group finally voiced. Michael blinked surprised, his eyes finding Kert as they stood. "They are quite cute," they cooed, ruffling Reese's hair lightly. The teen half expected the blue eyed SQUIP to swat their hand away or make a sarcastic comment, but they didn't. They barely even reacted to the touch, being lost in their own world. They looked as though they were trying to calm themselves but traces of anger and hurt were still visible. Michael looked down. It was clear why, how could it not? Implying they could ever be something different than enemies, or even friendly enemies, must seem disgusting to them. Their kindness was a SQUIP trick, he needed to remember that. In the end they're just a SQUIP, and SQUIP's don't care for anyone but their humans - and he's the last thing from that.
"It's time for us to leave. Richard," Kert called as they turned and began to walk away, not checking to see if Rich was following. Rich sputtered surprised.
"Wha - Hey! Wait up!" he yelled, quickly waving to his friends before racing after his computer.
"…Are they together?" Christine questioned confused.
"No, they're just – uh…complicated," Michael answered awkwardly. The most fitting term, indeed. The girl nodded her head.
"Well, I have to go to work. I'll see you at school, Michael. And if you need anything…" she trailed off, concern in her eyes. Michael gave a small smile, remembering that this was the first time he's seen her since the party.
"Thank you."
"It was nice meeting you, Reese!" the girl chirped, offering her hand out for them to take. Reese forced a smile as they shook it.
"The pleasure's all mine," they replied smoothly. Christine gave a quick hug to her friend in farewell before leaving the two alone. Silence filled the air between them as they both refused to move from their spots. Michael slowly shifted his eyes towards the computer. His stomach tightened more upon seeing that the SQUIP's expression hadn't changed but instead worsened. They weren't hiding what they were feeling anymore. He bit his lip, debating what to say.
"…Are you angry?" he asked quietly, his eyes worried. Reese let out a long breath.
"It doesn't matter. Not what they said or anything. They're irrelevant," they answered before standing, "We should go, too."
"Why? You weren't so desperate to leave before," Michael pointed out. "You know, it's okay to be mad. Christine had no idea who you were, and I didn't help."
"I think you should be thanking Rich for his amusement. Christine wont tell Jeremy you're unavailable now," Reese replied bitterly, glaring at the table. Michael blinked surprised. Was Reese…
"What are you talking about? I could tell Jeremy myself. Besides, Christine's not like that. She would maybe bring it up to him but she wouldn't gossip. Besides, Jeremy and Christine are together. Who cares if he thinks I'm taken or not? It's not going to change anything," he replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. Reese didn't answer, brows furrowed in frustration, or maybe hurt.
"Are we leaving, or not?" Michael sighed, giving a small nod. The SQUIP barely registered the gesture before starting to walk, not checking to see if Michael was following. An easy resemblance to Kert. The teen slowly followed, watching the SQUIP distantly. He didn't know what to do. He didn't think the computer would react so strongly to the comment, but maybe it was about more than that? The computer was finally able to drop their guard after talking to Kert, perhaps that was what they were upset about? Or maybe added to it?
The two stayed silent as they exited the mall and walked back to the car. Michael continued to debate in his head whether or not to say something, but after Reese gave the most minimal of reactions of being passed the new tablet, he decided to wait. If they didn't have a snippy comment to make than they weren't ready.
The awkward tension continued to grow as they travelled home. Each minute felt like an eternity, one that was slowly eating them alive. When they finally made it to their destination Reese didn't wait for the teen to fully park before exiting the vehicle, getting as far from the tension as they could.
"Hey!" Michael called as he quickly hopped out of the car, stopping the computer in their tracks. Reese slowly turned from where they stood at the top step of the house and looked at him. The teen quickly motioned for the SQUIP to come back as he walked around the car, "We're going on a walk."
"What?" the computer questioned confused.
"I have the keys, you cant get in without me."
"I beg to differ."
"Now, Reese." The SQUIP let out a frustrated sigh as they did as they were told, returning to the teen's side. Michael took the tablet from their good arm and put it back in the car, locking the door to guard it. When he was finished he motioned for the computer to follow him.
"This is pointless, Michael," Reese complained as they followed the teen unhappily down the street.
"Funny that a Tic Tac thinks that fresh air is bad for one's emotional state," Michael commented, mimicking the SQUIP's voice pattern. The computer rolled their eyes.
"I'm fine."
"Liar."
"What do you want me to say?"
"Nothing." Reese was surprised by the answer.
"…Then why the walk?"
"I figured you'd rather be outside fuming then trapped inside. You've been confined enough," the teen replied with a shrug. The SQUIP stared at him.
"…I didn't think you cared, especially since it hides me."
"…Hearing what you told me today put things into perspective. You probably hate being stuck inside all the time. You've been trapped your whole life: in Jeremy's head, in a pod, in a basement."
"They were not all bad confinements," Reese replied quietly, "But the fresh air is…nice."
The two continued to walk in silence, the tension seeming to ease away as the further they got. Michael looked up at the sky, watching the sun begin to lower. They had started their mall trip in the early afternoon, and being in the fall month the sun was already beginning to fall behind the buildings. It would be sunset soon. Walking another block he decided to continue talking, "You're not mad at Rich, are you?"
"No," Reese answered almost immediately.
"Christine?"
"No. I'm not angry at anyone."
"…Not even me?"
"Why would I be angry at you?"
"Why not? I didn't say anything. I should have stopped the whole thing," Michael answered.
"Me too. Are you angry with me?"
"No, but it bothers you more than me."
"I doubt that. I couldn't even get myself to look at you when Christine said…that. I could only imagine how horrified you looked," the SQUIP said, eyes trained on the distant horizon. Michael blinked.
"What?"
"A Tic Tac and a Tic Tac drowner. A forbidden idea not even thought of for how twisted it is. Rich was right about one thing, you hate me. So, I apologize on Christine's behalf for any embarrassment or terror that comment could have brought," Reese elaborated, glancing now at the other side of the street. Michael stared at them in shock. Slowly, he looked away.
"…I thought that's what you thought."
"I don't know how many times I need to repeat myself that I don't hate you."
"Not that, the other stuff."
"Michael, I'm not afraid of what they think. There are a select few who's opinions I care about and anyone else can be erased out of existence without a care from me. But you care about what they think, so I have to respect that," they answered.
"Do you care what I think of you?" Michael questioned.
"Of course I do. I hold your opinion in high regard. You're more sensible than any of your friends and you've never given me any reason to not trust your judgement," the SQUIP replied. The teen tried hiding the small smile from his face before the computer could see it, taking a deep breath to relax his facial muscles.
"Reese, I'm not ashamed of…of the way we act. We're just trying to help each other and it works for us. Yeah, we're probably doing stuff we shouldn't, and that's scary, but…it works. I'm just…I'm tired of everyone bothering me over my love life or whatever else. If I can avoid fueling it, I will," he explained, turning to face the SQUIP. Reese gave a small delayed nod in response.
"I do understand, Michael. I just wish it didn't come at the expense of ruining a moment," they mumbled.
"…Me too." Michael felt guilty for letting that happen, especially when Reese was finally opening up about the past. The SQUIP sighed.
"Its better this way. I shouldn't have told you what I did."
"Why? You didn't say anything 'revealing' and we had a moment, remember? You can't take that back," Michael retorted, a teasing tone at the end. Reese gave a small grin.
"I don't regret it, but…" they sighed again, "It makes everything more difficult."
"Why?"
"Because it makes it harder to leave." The teen was quiet for a moment.
"…And what if you didn't leave?" Reese's eyes snapped to him, eyes wide in surprise.
"…What?" Michael took a deep breath.
"I'm saying…I'm willing to renegotiate. We agreed you'd leave when you were well enough but that just doesn't make sense anymore. I'm not saying you have to stay with me forever – heck, I'm not even staying here forever. I'm leaving next year to whatever school I'm accepted at. But wouldn't it make more sense to just stay until then? You and Kert don't have to follow us to whatever school we go to, not unless you want to, but its stupid to go off on your own. You have no money, no contacts, so why not keep us? If you stay we can help get you a new life, and we'll always be there to help. If you follow us you'd be far away from here so you don't have to worry about the evil people finding you. Isn't that the goal? So…you don't have to leave, Reese. I'm not asking you to." Michael bit his lip slightly, waiting for the SQUIP to react. It was a big move on his part, opening up like this. But it's true, if the computer's wanted a life they needed real help. So why leave? Reese continued to stare at him in bewilderment. It took them longer than he expected to slowly glance away.
"…That is the kindest thing you could have offered me," they whispered slowly, "You have no idea how much I want to accept."
"Then why not?"
"Because that's not our goal." It was Michael's turn to stare in shock.
"What do you mean?"
"I can't tell you, Michael."
"You cant just tell me something like that and walk away! If you're planning on doing some stupid suicide mission to take over the world again I'm going to smack you right here!"
"You misunderstand," Reese retorted, a small grin passing their lips at the exaggerated threat.
"Then make me understand," Michael pressed.
"Not now."
"Then when?"
"When I've settled my mind."
"On what?"
"On everything." Michael let out a frustrated sigh but didn't push further. Reese's eyes were staring distantly down the street, a pensive glaze in their iris. He could tell there was a lot on their mind.
"…Anything I can help with?" he offered uncertainly, stuffing his hands awkwardly into the SQUIP's jacket. Reese glanced at the coat, a small grin showing again at Michael continuing to wear the clothing. They then sighed.
"…I feel torn," they answered slowly, moving their gaze away once more.
"About?"
"Where my priorities lie - who I should be helping and when. As a Tic Tac my duties lie solely on one person: Jeremy. But as a human does that change? If it does then am I betraying my loyalty to Jeremy by changing my priorities? I feel as though I must pick a side, and that side isn't Jeremy."
"Maybe that's a good thing? Jeremy doesn't need you anymore and you need to make your own life," Michael answered. Reese was quiet.
"…And if he did need me?" they questioned slowly. The teen's eyes snapped to them.
"…Does he?"
"If not now then soon."
"How do you know?"
"Christine," the SQUIP answered quietly.
"What did she tell you?" Michael asked, concern thick in his voice for his best friend. Reese shook their head, a humourless smile on their face.
"That would be betraying Jeremy. Telling his best friend something over him," they replied.
"You're not betraying him. He doesn't even know you're here. You can tell me."
"No."
"Reese."
"You're asking me to choose."
"I'm not."
"You are."
"I know you want to tell me, Reese. You wouldn't have brought it up if you didn't want to talk about it. Who are you gonna tell? Kert? They look pretty out of commission to me. And even if they weren't…" Michael paused, holding his tongue before he could boldly claim something that might not be true. Would the SQUIP confide in him even if Kert was around?
"…You're right," Reese confirmed, "I do want to tell you. I want to say everything. I hate this feeling - this feeling of not being able to speak freely, to not talk about everything that's plaguing my mind. Especially now that Kert is unavailable. But that doesn't change the fact that confiding in you is opening gates that can't be closed."
"Then open them. You've never cared about boundaries before."
"Michael, you need to think about what you're asking," Reese countered.
"I'm asking you to be honest."
"You're asking me to make you my everything." The teen froze, eyes blown wide at the blunt answer. The SQUIP sighed, running a hand through their hair. "Michael, you must understand what I meant by that. You said it yourself, I have nothing. The one person I knew - who I care for greatly - thinks I'm dead. Wants me dead. Or…maybe not. But that doesn't change that he's not here and wont be able to help me. I have nothing. I've confided in you and relied on you until now but I'm trying my best to keep you at arms length. You never tried pushing those boundaries, but I unintentionally have and I'm sorry. I needed someone - someone to help me. I can't do this 'human' thing alone and you're the only person I could rely on. I'm not belittling our relationship, but you can see how this started. If you push those boundaries now…I don't think I'll be able to pull back, and…and putting everything I have in you: my secrecy, my trust, my stability…my comfort. I don't know if I can move away from that, not when its all I have. So please consider what you're doing, especially when I'm not someone you're fond of." Michael opened and closed his mouth, unable to think of what to say. He didn't think the SQUIP felt that way towards all of this. He understood but it also annoyed him. They were human now and should get their head out of the possessive SQUIP mindset. They don't need only one person in their life. But, then again, they don't know any different…
"Reese, confiding in me doesn't mean you have to hide this from Jeremy or anyone else later," Michael reasoned.
"My fear is more deciding to put everything on you and you walk away," Reese answered quietly, "This is not a light load and for once I'd like someone to stay. Because they want to and want to help unconditionally. Tic Tacs shouldn't be the only ones unconditional in relationships."
"…So…you're just asking for stability, right? I already offered to stick around. Isn't that enough?" the teen questioned.
"I think you're not thinking any of this through. I think you forget that anything I tell you wont make you think better of Tic Tacs. In fact you'll hate them more. So where does that leave me in the end if I share? I've barely got you to tolerate me," the SQUIP answered.
"Would you quit it with the 'tolerate' and 'hate' bullshit? I don't…" Michael paused. Should he say it? Reese was right about opening doors that cant be closed. He slowly looked away, running a hand through his hair indecisively. Reese's eyes, however, were fixated on him intently.
"You don't what?" they asked carefully. Michael sighed, not looking at the computer.
"I don't hate you. I hate what you did and I hate what you were but I don't hate you now. You've been nothing but nice even when you're an asshole. I don't forgive what you did, and I probably never will. But whatever that was, it's not you anymore - not that I know of. So, I don't hate you," he finally answered. Reese stared at him.
"…Once you told me we could never be more than enemies, not even friendly ones. Has that changed too?"
"What are you asking for?"
"I don't need a title."
"...I guess that's changed."
"...Is it appropriate, then, to have friendly contact with each other without being in a frantic state of mind?"
"Friendly contact?" Michael questioned confused. His question was answered when he felt Reese's hand hesitantly brush against his. He paused.
"…It's nothing we haven't done before, physical contact. But we've both always done it in a clouded mind. Is this going too far in a stable state?" the SQUIP asked slowly.
"…That depends," Michael breathed.
"On?"
"The intention."
"The intention is to hold your hand."
"Not literally."
"The intention is that I feel more at ease with physical contact and it fills a lonely void that I'm not accustomed to." Michael slowly looked at them, nervousness in his eyes.
"…I thought you said you didn't want to push boundaries?" he reminded.
"As far as I'm concerned this boundary was already pushed and accepted, even if under frantic minds," Reese answered slowly, "I'm not afraid of what people will assume when they see." The teen was quiet. What should he do? He was trying to get Reese to open up, to share with him. He was telling them it was okay to open doors and yet he was unwilling to do the same. Was this the same? No, it couldn't be. But he was making it the same. Should he be making this a big deal? It's not as though Reese was trying to do something malicious. They just liked the physical contact, and - honestly - he understood.
Slowly he let out a breath. "It's only fitting," he answered meekly, awkwardly entwining his hand with theirs, "You have to take the lead anyways."
"What?" the SQUIP questioned confused, though a small smile tugged at their lips. Michael motioned to the side and the computer paused. Beside them was the entrance to an off-road trail.
"It was dark last time so I have no idea where to go," the teen explained, eyes shifting to anywhere but the SQUIP. Reese stared in awe.
"...Was this intentional?" they asked quietly, not believing their eyes.
"You had a lot on your mind," Michael confirmed, his face heating up in embarrassment, "If we stay out here long enough the stars will come out." Reese slowly shifted to lock eyes with him. Michael was surprised by the amount of gratefulness and awe he saw in their eyes, staring at him as though he'd done something so remarkable. It warmed his heart and assured him that he was doing the right thing.
"It will be a long time still," Reese finally said, their voice faint as they looked up at the sky.
"That'll give you enough time to spill the beans. Starting with Kert."
"Michael-"
"I know what I'm asking." The computer stared at him a little longer, indecisive. Slowly he nodded, leading the way through the path.
"I hope you do."
~oOo~
"Kert." The teen's voice was sharp as he called out their name. He was tired of being ignored and would stand for it no longer. The SQUIP paused by the couch as they heard Rich closing the door to the bedroom behind them. "You can't keep running."
"Richard-"
"No! No more excuses! I shouldn't have to ask Michael to ask Reese what's going on! You're supposed to tell me! You're my SQUIP!" the teen yelled, crossing the room to confront the SQUIP. Kert refused to turn towards him as they curled their hands into fists, visibly trying to hold back whatever they were feeling, or thinking.
"I'm not obligated to share everything with you anymore," they answered, their voice straining to keep in control.
"Since when?"
"Since I became human."
"What the fuck are you talking about? You've always shared with me! No matter what! No secrets, remember?! What the fuck's changed that?!"
"Richard-"
"Tell me!"
"You want to know?!" Kert snapped, whirling around to face their human, "Maybe it changed when you tried to kill me! Or did you forget that?!" Rich froze, blinking surprised by the sudden outburst and confession. It was about Halloween…But, being in a confrontation, his mouth refused to stop.
"How the fuck could I forget that?! I was in the hospital for months! Why now bring it up?! You were okay before!"
"I shouldn't have been!"
"What the fuck happened to you?! Why are you being a dick to me?! Huh? Do you want an apology?! Fine! I'm sorry! I'm sorry I fucked up but you were an evil fucking SQUIP!"
"Evil?!"
~oOo~
"Richard, your distress levels are increasing. It may be wise to go home early."
"I'm not going home."
"Your father will not bother you at this hour and your brother will be in his room. You have nothing to fear."
"Shut up. Stop talking."
"Richard-"
"No! I'm going to have fun with my friends without you fucking telling me what the to do."
"My whole purpose is to do exactly that. To improve your life-"
"Well, you're fucking that up, now aren't ya? When are you going to fix home? Huh?"
"I'm doing my best-"
"Your best? How is it fucking possible you can make me popular in a day but you can't fucking fix my family in two years?!"
"I can't control all the variables and you are reluctant to my methods. It may be in your best interest to consider my suggestion of SQUIPing them-"
"No. They don't deserve to be fucking SQUIPed. I don't want them possessed, I want them gone."
"Richard-"
"Shut up."
~oOo~
"I did my best to help you, to do what you wanted! I respected your choices, even if they were ridiculous! Because you could always learn from them! I never took it out of your hands like Reese would! But I'm the villain?!" Kert yelled.
"Yes! SQUIP's aren't good, Kert! You fixed some stuff but you made me a horrible human being to do it! And Jeremy too! And everyone who got possessed! You're okay now but back then-"
"No! Stop treating me like Reese!"
~oOo~
The SQUIP blinked as it was brought back into consciousness. Rich had drunk alcohol. Accessing Memories…
"Richard!" they called immediately, seeing the distress levels dramatically increasing. Rich was acting as best as he could around his friends to show he was alright, but he wasn't. Things weren't okay. They weren't okay at home and he's blaming them. He was asking around for…
"Warning! Warning!" Rich blurted out as the SQUIP took over. They had to stop him. There was no way they would allow him to get access to Mountain Dew Red - not like he could, it had been discontinued for a reason. But Rich was going into a more frantic mindset. If they didn't get him somewhere safe soon he might do something he'll regret.
"Richard, I advice you to go home now. If you don't I'll-"
"Rich~!" One of his female friends approached him, obviously not in a sober state of mind. She draped her arm around the teen's shoulders, talking to him animatedly. She's increasing his anxiety. His space is being invaded. He doesn't want that kind of attention right now. It needs to stop.
"Richard, get away. She's inebriated and-" The idea flew by so fast in the teen's brain that the SQUIP couldn't react fast enough to stop him from kissing the girl and getting that little bit of alcohol on his tongue.
~oOo~
"What do you want?! Do you want me to say it again?! I'm sorry! I'm sorry that I tried to get rid of you!" Rich yelled, his eyes watering, "It's all about you, right? That night had nothing to do with me! Nothing to do with just wanting to…to fucking…" He shook his head, gripping at his hair.
"You blame me for it?!"
"I blame everyone! You! Them! Me! Everyone! Everyone who made my life a fucking living hell! That I couldn't even be me without being hurt! That I couldn't even like boys without being hurt! That I have to hide from my family so they don't…I fucking blame everyone! And I hate that I'm still here! Because even now everything is wrong! Michael fucking hates me! Jake won't even look at me like I look at him! And even you - my SQUIP - is shutting me out!"
"Maybe it's for the same reasons, did you ever think of that?! Except the difference is I don't have scars on my skin! No one thinks of me from that night! Who cares about the SQUIP?! They deserved it!"
~oOo~
The SQUIP awoke to the most excruciating pain. Everything around them was engulfed in flames. Nothing but yellow, red, and disgustingly black smoke. They couldn't breathe - Rich couldn't breathe. They couldn't see, everything was so dark. It hurt. Their skin hurt. It was peeling, bleeding, searing! It hurt! The smell of burning flesh and carbon was all that filled their nose. They couldn't see, the tears were so thick. Help. Help. Warning. Warning. Jeremy was gone. His SQUIP took him away. They saved him from the flames. They wished they could do the same. They tried to take control, but Rich fought them. They had to save him. They had to save him. They couldn't. They couldn't. They can't breathe. Breathe. Breathe. No. It hurts. Stop. Please, stop. This won't make them go away, nothing could. Not unless…Please, stop. Please. It hurts. Stop.
~oOo~
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry I didn't…I didn't…I'm sorry! I can't even think about then without…without…" Rich found it hard to breathe. He didn't want to remember.
"Why?" Kert's voice was choked, and the teen looked up at them. Thick tears were streaming down their face as they unsuccessfully tried to wipe them away. "Why did you do it? Why did you hurt me? What did I do wrong? I did everything you asked. I tried. I tried so hard to make you happy. Why couldn't you listen to me? It would have made everything better. Why?"
~oOo~
Kert awoke with a stir. Everything around them was blurry - their vision hadn't fully returned, black spots appearing in their view. Black. Like smoke. What were they doing? The alcohol. The alcohol! It turned him off! No, Rich. Rich, don't! They needed to be awake! They needed to stop him! But it's too late. They couldn't breathe. They gasped but they couldn't breathe. No, the smoke was too thick, too thick! They needed to breathe! They needed to get out! They needed to save Rich! No, their body won't move! Move! Rich! Warning! Warning! Rich! They can't breathe! Rich! It hurts! It hurts!
~oOo~
"...I don't know," Rich whispered, tears streaming down his own face. He didn't know why he didn't listen to them. He felt so hopeless then, even when he got what he wanted it was at the price of giving up everything he was. He hurt Jeremy, one of his now closest friends. He slept around with people he didn't even care about. He went home to be subjugate to punishments that the SQUIP couldn't fix without more computers. He didn't want to be connected to his family. He didn't want them to treat him with fake kindness. It wouldn't bring him happiness, it would be a delusion. All of it was a delusion. All but Kert. Kert, the one person who didn't lie - who couldn't lie! Who liked him for him…God, what had he done?
The teen quickly stormed over to the SQUIP and pulled them into the tightest embrace, burying his face in their neck. He heard their voice hitch, but he didn't loosen his grip. "I-I'm sorry," he hiccuped, letting himself fully cry now, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I-I just…I wanted it all to end…I didn't want to pretend anymore…I just…I didn't…I'm sorry…"
~oOo~
"Kert?" Rich called, rushing up the stairs to his room. Something was wrong. Something was happening and Michael wouldn't tell him what! Was it the bad guys? Were they here? Were they trying to take Kert away? Over his dead body!
Bursting through the door he found Kert gasping on the ground, tears streaming down their face. "Kert!" he exclaimed, kneeling by their side. The SQUIP quickly grabbed onto him.
"Rich? Rich!" they gasped, pulling him closer as if they couldn't quite register he was there.
"Kert, I'm here!"
"Rich," the computer panted heavily, trying to gulp in air unsuccessfully.
"Kert, breathe," he couched uncertainly, rubbing their back in soothing circles.
"Please, don't - please, don't - don't - please - Rich - Rich?" The teen's eyes watered in fear as he watched his SQUIP ramble incoherently against him.
"Kert," he whispered. The computer seemed to almost to hear him, lifting their head up slightly.
"Rich? Rich! Rich, don't! I'm sorry! Please, don't! I'm sorry, don't! Don't, please!" The teen continued to rub their back as the SQUIP hugged him tightly, sobbing onto his chest. He was terrified of whatever they were going through.
"Please don't let me burn!"
~oOo~
"I know," Kert answered, their voice wavering as they hugged the teen close, nuzzling their head in the shorter's hair. "I-I know you were hurt. I know you don't want to do this. I-I'm trying so hard."
"S-Stop trying," Rich cried.
"Never! I-I will never stop because you are my everything! I-I can't live without you! I can't. I need you. I need you. Please, don't…please want me. I don't want to die." Kert's form shook as they hugged their human tighter, unable to control their emotions any longer.
"I-I want you," Rich confessed, "Just you. You're the only one who cares a-and sees me for me a-and likes it! I-I don't want my family. I don't want to be cool. I don't want any of it! I want to be me and that's it. I don't need anything else. I just need you. Only you. I-I won't hurt you, I promise! I didn't mean to…I just wanted to…"
"I know," the computer cried.
"I won't hurt you, I promise. Never again."
"Then I won't leave you."