First posted: January 28th, 2005
Suggested music: "Blackbird" by the Beatles
Chapter Fourteen
Singing in the Dead of Night
"James…" she choked. The sobs swelling in her throat blocked her air passage. She struggled to speak, as sharp, painful intakes of breath broke up her words. "James…I'm so…sorry…I nearly got….you killed. S'all…my fault. I…"
"Shh," James hushed. He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her to her feet.
She was shivering, sobbing, and gulping for air and her strength…seemed to have left her somewhere between James charging at her and watching them wrestle the werewolf away. Her legs collapsed under her weight.
James went down to his knees, took off his blood-stained cloak and wrapped it around her. He looked directly into her face.
"Lily. You're hyperventilating. You need to calm down," he said, slowly and clearly, holding her by the shoulders. "Sirius has Remus under control now. Everyone's okay, there's nothing to worry about. Try to get yourself together so I can get you inside the castle before you freeze."
Lily forced herself to concentrate on breathing. It was difficult… the sobs just seemed to keep coming. She swallowed fiercely and tried to focus on what James was telling her.
"Wormtail!" James shouted to Peter standing alone by the Whomping Willow, whose branches had returned to their violent state of thrashing. "Bring me the Invisibility Cloak!"
Peter ambled over with the cloak and held it out to James. James took it and helped Lily up again, holding her steady.
"Go check on Padfoot," he added to Peter.
Peter nodded and scurried away toward the forest.
"Come on, Evans."
James pulled her arm over his shoulder and supported her all the way up to the castle. When they stepped into the Entrance Hall, James quickly draped the Invisibility Cloak over them and they walked up the marble staircase and started down the corridor at the top. Lily's legs were had stopped shaking enough at this point so that she could walk on her own.
"I think I'm all right now, James— thanks," she whispered.
"Okay," he said, and she took her arm off his shoulder.
Then Lily heard voices. "Did you hear that?"
"No—what?"
"I don't know…hang on…" Lily heard it again and began leading James around a corner. "I think it came from over there."
"Yeah, I can hear it now," whispered James. "It sounds like someone—" They turned into another corridor, following the noise, and stopped short.
Walking in their direction was Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall, Diana Kendel, and Di's little second-year sister, Evelyn, who was in Ravenclaw. Evelyn was bawling, the source of the noise they had heard. McGonagall's arm was on the girl's shoulder. Dumbledore walked next to Di, who stared directly ahead of her, her face completely expressionless.
Lily tried to go back the other way and almost walked right out from under the Invisibility Cloak. James caught her and yanked her back so that they were both flat against the wall.
Lily stared at the group in confusion as they passed. She was so far out of her wits that she could not even make a guess as to what was going on but James was putting two and two together…
"Lily," he said gently, after they were out of earshot. "I think the attack may have been on Diana's family."
Lily stared at him.
"No, of course it wasn't. No one would attack Di's family," she said, brushing the thought away. "That's absurd. Besides, did you see her? I think she would look a little more upset."
James looked away and sighed.
"Let's follow them to see what's going on," said Lily, beginning to walk.
"Come on, do you really want to do that?"
Lily kept walking, pulling him along so that they would both stay safely under the Invisibility Cloak.
"You call yourself a Marauder? Yes! Let's go!" answered Lily, vaguely mystified by James's behavior.
They hurried down the corridor, tracing the steps of McGonagall, Dumbledore, Di and Evelyn. Lily grew even more intrigued when they entered the hospital wing. She urged James to open the door slightly so she could listen to what was happening inside. She peeked through the crack and saw Professor McGonagall talking quietly with Madame Pomfrey.
"…The girls will be staying here for the time being to rest before the funeral," she was saying sadly to the nurse.
"Yes, yes, of course. They won't be disturbed, I assure you," promised Madame Pomfrey. Then she sighed. "It's terrible…and so sudden! Does the Ministry know anything yet?"
"Not much, I'm afraid," answered McGonagall grimly. "They believe the Death Eaters wanted the Kendels to join them…but they refused and then…"
Madame Pomfrey nodded tearfully.
Dumbledore came out from behind a closed curtain, looking troubled.
"Keep a close eye on them, Poppy," he said quietly. "Especially Diana."
"Of course…"
Lily looked away then. James gently closed the door and peered at Lily. He placed a hand on her shoulder and steered her down the corridor. Lily was distantly aware of climbing through the portrait hole and letting herself be directed into an armchair.
"No," she said, after a long silence.
James looked up at her from his chair and waited for her to continue.
"It's not fair. Di's never done anything wrong. She's never hurt anybody! She doesn't deserve this."
James remained silent, nodding his head slightly.
"How could this happen?" Lily went on. "Where are all the Aurors? I mean, it's so random! Why the Kendels? It could have been anybody! Why Di's parents?"
"It's Voldemort. You've read the news. He kills people at random all the time. It won't stop until somebody gets rid of him…and who knows when that's going to happen," said James gravely.
"But…but…someone has to be able to take control of him! It's mad the way he's taking over so easily— James…your neck!" Lily cried when James turned his head, suddenly noticing of aa large gash on the side of his neck.
James put a hand to his neck as though mildly interested in what he might find there.
"Uh, yeah. I forgot about that. I think it happened when I was trying to hold Moony back. I should probably get back out to him now."
"No! You can't! Not with your neck like that! You should really go back to the hospital wing!"
"No way! Evans, you don't get it. No one can find out about this. Do you understand how much is at stake?" he said, his eyes deeply solemn.
"Yes, but your neck is a mess…" Lily countered a little more gently. Then something abruptly sparked in her memory and she jumped back in fright. "Wait…You got bit by a werewolf! That means…"
"I was a stag when I was bitten so I'll be perfectly fine," assured James and Lily relaxed. He eyed her tentatively. "But, Evans, you can't treat Remus any differently…he's still Remus, werewolf or not."
"I'm not one of those blood-obsessed monsters, Potter! I don't care what he is; I still think he's a git."
James seemed partly relieved and partly defensive.
"He's not a git—" he began.
"—Let's just not talk about him!" Lily said, holding up her hand. "I have a few questions about all this. How did you all manage to become Animagi? That's extremely advanced magic."
"I'll explain everything later. Right now, I have to go back out in case Padfoot needs help," he said resolutely, standing up. "You should get some sleep."
Lily looked at him and saw that there would be no distracting him or changing his mind. She convinced him to let her put a cleansing spell on his wound, then she handed him back the cloak he had hung around her shoulders and watched him disappear underneath the Invisibility Cloak. The portrait swung open and then shut again, indicating his departure.
Lily leaned back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. She rested her head on her hand and sighed, feeling much older than she had that morning. She knew she wouldn't sleep if she went to bed; she was too worried about everyone—Di, James, Sirius, and, despite her grudge, Remus. She felt so utterly helpless, sitting there in her armchair. They were in trouble and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Poor Di…Sweet, selfless Di who cared about everyone but herself. Lily blinked back stinging tears. She thought of her grieving friend sitting alone with her hysterical sister in the hospital wing and sat up abruptly. That was it—she would go see Di. She had to. Di needed her.
She marched across the common room with a set face. She was no longer petrified of being caught …if James and Sirius could save her from a werewolf that they were risking everything for, well then, she could certainly sneak through the school at night.
Out of the portrait hole she scrambled, looking in both directions to make sure Filch wasn't lurking nearby.
"Can't everybody just wait till morning before coming and going and keeping me awake?" grumbled the Fat Lady, as Lily crept down the corridor.
Down a few more corridors and staircases and Lily was finally back at the doors of the hospital wing.
Slowly, she pulled the cold handle of the door and peeked inside. It was very dark except for a candle burning behind one of the curtains. All the inhabitants had curtains drawn around them so Lily tiptoed through unnoticed. She poked her head around the shade where the candle was lit. There were two beds behind it. In one, Evelyn was sleeping soundly, the candle on her bedside table illuminating her sad, tearstained face.
On the edge of the second bed sat Di. The bed sheets were still neatly made. Di's back faced Lily, staring out the window at the moon hanging in the grey clouded sky. If Lily had seen her face, she may not have had the courage to disturb her.
"Di."
Di turned slowly and seeing Lily, smiled.
"Oh, Di, I know— I heard…" Lily swiftly climbed over the bed and swept Di into a hug.
Lily released her after a few moments and tried to look into her face but Di turned calmly away to gaze at her sleeping sister. Lily eyed her warily. She didn't appear upset or angry or shocked…she was acting just as though it was any other day. Lily couldn't understand it.
"She wouldn't let Madame Pomfrey put out the candle…she was afraid to go to sleep in the dark," Di whispered, still looking at Evelyn.
"I would be too…after what happened," Lily said softly, also looking at the young girl.
"The dark isn't that bad…" Di paused. "But I better stay awake in case she wakes up and gets frightened."
"Di, go to sleep. It's been such a hard night for you. I'll make sure Evelyn doesn't get scared," Lily said, turning back to Diana.
"No, that's all right, Lily." Di shook her head slowly. Then her eyes flickered over Lily's face and they filled with concern. "Lil, you look exhausted. Are you feeling all right? Go back to bed. I don't know what you're doing here…If you get caught, you might get more detentions," she said.
"I don't care," Lily said impatiently. "Di, come on. You need to talk to someone. I'm here…Tell me what you're feeling."
"I'm just worried you're going to get sick…Are you sure you're feeling all right?"
"Di, stop it. After what happened, you're worried if I'm feeling all right?" exclaimed Lily. "You have to be wrenching apart…"
"Yes, but it won't help to cry. I'll be fine but Evelyn is so young…She needs me. Thanks for coming but it's really late. You have classes tomorrow. Think about your grades, Quidditch…Go get some sleep, Lil."
"Di, come off it. I don't want to go to bed! I want you to tell me what you need, what you're thinking," Lily persisted, tears sliding down her cheeks.
Di smiled and reached up to wipe Lily's cheek, catching a tear.
"Lily, I don't need anything. Please, just go back to bed. I'd breathe easier knowing you were back in the Tower."
Lily sighed resignedly and grasped Di tightly in another hug, whispering, "You're the strongest person I know."
Then she dashed back out from behind the curtain. As she made her way through the beds, she spotted a familiar potion bottle on a bedside table. On the label it said, "Hasty Healer: Mends cuts in a flash!" Lily recognized it as the potion Madame Pomfrey used on her when she scraped her leg falling out of a tree in her second year.
Lily grabbed it and left the hospital wing.
* * *
"Evans…Evans…" a sing-song voice was saying.
Lily ignored whoever it was. Her muscles felt dead and she just wanted to be left alone so she could sleep.
They poked her in the arm. They were not going to leave her alone.
"Get up, Evans! Wild mountain trolls are taking over the school!"
Lily jerked away from the poking and blinked.
James was standing over her, grinning, and Sirius was snickering behind him. They both looked flushed and tired, their hair and robes disheveled.
"What?" groaned Lily.
"Just a little trick to get you up," shrugged James. "Have you been here since I left?"
Lily realized she was still in the common room, having fallen asleep waiting for the Marauders to return. She still held the healing potion in her lap. Through the window, the sky was paling into a mellow grey.
Lily nodded in response to James's question.
"When did you get back?" she asked groggily.
"Just a minute ago. Moony will be back later but he always takes a day in the hospital wing to get his strength back," said James. "Transforming really drains his energy."
"Oh," muttered Lily. "How's your neck?"
"Perfect, as always. Why do you ask?" said James, feigning ignorance.
"That's rubbish, Evans," cut in Sirius. "It split open again while we were heading to the Shrieking Shack and started bleeding all over the place. Prongs nearly fainted from all the blood loss."
Lily scowled at James and James scowled at Sirius. She stood up, showing him the potion.
"I got this for you. Sit down…I'm going to put some on your neck," Lily ordered in a way that rivaled Professor McGonagall. James promptly obeyed. "What do you mean, Sirius? Why were you were heading to the Shrieking Shack?"
"Oh, I thought Prongs explained it all to you," said Sirius, taking a seat across from James's chair. "You might as well hear the whole thing anyway. The Shrieking Shack is where Moony transforms." He grinned, and Lily was glad to see that he seemed to have forgotten his anger. "That's why everyone thinks it's haunted. The Whomping Willow is planted right over the entrance to the passageway that leads to the Shack. Dumbledore arranged it all so Moony could come to school."
Lily listened, fascinated, as she took a clean towel she had retrieved from the girls' bathroom and poured some of the potion onto it.
"Moony…" she murmured. It dawned on her that this was the secret Remus had mentioned in the little café during the Christmas holiday. Had that really been important to her? It all seemed so stupid now. "That's where those names come from."
She pressed the towel to the cut on James's neck. He twitched away and twisted around to look up at Lily.
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" he demanded.
"Yes! The directions are on the bottle!" retorted Lily, firmly holding the rag back up to his skin.
"Why does it sting so much?" snapped James.
"Stop whining…I have to keep the towel here for a whole minute for it to work properly," said Lily irritably. "Think you can handle that?"
Reluctantly, James turned his head back around so he faced Sirius again. Sirius sniggered, obviously at something James was doing that Lily couldn't see. Lily squeezed the towel harder against James's neck.
James winced. "Not so hard!"
"I saw that face you made," Lily returned.
"What face?"
"Tell me, Sirius," said Lily loudly, ignoring James. "Some fully-trained wizards can't even manage to become successful Animagi. How the hell did you guys do it?"
"What can I say? We were no ordinary group of fifteen-year-olds," said Sirius, smiling smugly.
"You were fifteen?"
"We've been working on it since we figured out Remus is a werewolf," James explained. "By our fifth year, we finally got it to work. Sirius and I had it down first but Peter took awhile. He still has trouble with it."
"Where is he anyway?" asked Lily, keeping the towel on James's cut.
"He went upstairs to sleep when we got back. He doesn't handle the late nights so well," answered Sirius. He swept a lock of silky hair out of his eyes with an elegant flourish. "So, Evans, I heard you got pretty upset when you thought James and I were going to die." He raised his eyebrows.
Lily glared down at the top of James's head but chose to ignore Sirius. She still couldn't believe everything that had happened.
"I think it's been a minute…" She removed the towel and examined James's neck. "It worked! You're good as new."
James lifted a hand to his neck to feel for the wound. The cut had completely vanished, the skin having healed over, and all that was left was some dry blood. Lily wet the towel with her wand and washed it off.
"Why thank you, Evans!" Without any notice, he grabbed her hand and kissed it.
Lily snatched it back and shot him a slightly surprised look.
"You're welcome, Potter," she said calmly. "See you guys later. I'm going up to get some rest before class starts."
With that, Lily walked around James's chair and headed for the girls' dormitory staircase.
"That's it?"
Lily turned back around to face Sirius, who was frowning at her. She flashed him an inquisitive look.
"What happened to the yelling? The face pummeling?" he demanded in disbelief. "Prongs just kissed you, Evans. I want some action!"
Lily waved her hand offhandedly. "Oh, put a lid on it, Black."
"Yeah, Padfoot, put a lid on it," added James, grinning broadly.
"You too, Potter," said Lily, before climbing the stairs.
* * *
Lily stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself in a towel, sighing in relief. She dressed and put on some clean robes, feeling somewhat refreshed after her crazy night.
Lily wandered back into the dormitory and saw that Summer and Tara were still sleeping, apparently unaware that their friend hadn't come to bed until dawn.
Lily flicked on her music—the Beatles— which conveniently worked in waking her friends. Lily had always been known in her dorm for her love of music. Ever since she was very little, she had loved listening to her father's records. When she came to Hogwarts, she didn't stop listening to the muggle music, but simply added some of the wizarding kind to her collection.
"Ah, Lily, it's so early!" moaned Summer, blinking. She sat up slowly, her eyes squinted and her hair in disarray.
Tara, on the other hand, rolled over and sat up without a fuss. Once Tara was awake, she was awake. "Where's Di?"
Lily hesitated, not exactly sure how to explain. "Di's in the hospital wing," she said quietly.
"Why?" asked Summer, her voice laced with urgency.
"The attack that we heard about from McGonagall was on Di's parents," explained Lily. "They were killed."
Summer and Tara looked aghast.
"No!" gasped Tara disbelievingly.
"Poor Di…" whispered Summer.
"We can go visit her at break before she leaves for the funeral," said Lily.
"We need to go now! Di needs us, we can't wait till break!" Tara said, horrorstruck, as she swung out of her bed.
"No…I think she'd be overwhelmed," said Lily firmly. "I talked to her last night and she would want us to go on with our day normally…not skive off classes. I'm not even sure Madam Pomfrey will let her have visitors."
"You went to the hospital wing last night?" asked Summer quickly.
"Well, yeah. I was doing some work and I saw Di leave with McGonagall so I followed them later and snuck in to see Di," explained Lily, carefully leaving out several details.
"Fine, we'll go at break then," Tara said, giving in. "I still think we should be with her…I can't imagine what she's going through."
"I suppose we should get ready for class, then," said Summer.
Lily nodded. Summer and Di went off to the bathroom to shower and get dressed.
Lily curled up on her bed, waiting for them to finish. The Beatles began to sing 'Blackbird' on her charmed record player. She looked up at the window, striped with trails of raindrops sliding down the glass.
Blackbird singing in the dead of night.
Lily thought about her parents at home. She wondered what it would be like if they suddenly weren't there anymore. Her eyes followed raindrop after raindrop as they fell slowly across the window panes.
That was how it was going to be for Di from now on…no mum or dad to welcome her home. One minute she had parents, the next, she was an orphan.
The trails of rain criss-crossed and collided…
Her parents hadn't done a thing to provoke it. They had simply lived. But that was enough for Voldemort. Enough for him to kill.
More water splattered onto the window. There was now a tangled web of water.
It could happen anyone…
Harder and harder the rain poured, the pearls of water swelling and swiveling faster and faster. They merged, all heading downward against the glass.
Anyone Lily cared about…her family, Summer, Di, Tara, all her friends, even James, Sirius and Remus, ridiculous though they were deeply engraved in her life, whether she liked it or not …
They joined together into one giant flow of water, impossible to tell one raindrop from the other.
…And she couldn't imagine it without them.
The rain splashed down the window like a river, distorting the grey background.
They were living in this moment, which made them susceptible to the killing. To this war. They could be gone, just as easily as Di's parents.
All at once, the fall of rain weakened. The stream leaked out into separate threads of water, sinking downward, alone, once again.
…Whether she liked it or not.
Take these broken wings and learn to fly.
"Lily? Are you ready?"
The song ended. Lily got up from her bed, turning away from the window, away from the truth.