"Thank goodness you're home, sir!" exclaimed Alfred, as he opened the door to Bruce hours later. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, Alfred," whispered Bruce. "But I appear to be the only one who still is."
"I'll get you a drink, sir," said Alfred, as Bruce collapsed into a chair in the living room.
"Is Miss Kyle here?" he asked.
"No, sir," he said, surprised. "She was here earlier tonight, and I told her you were in Arkham, and she raced off without a word. I did not assume we would be seeing her again."
"She rescued me from Arkham," said Bruce. "And I asked her to meet me here after I took Dr. Crane to the hospital."
"What's wrong with Dr. Crane, sir?" asked Alfred, handing him a drink.
Bruce sipped it. "He's been exposed to his own fear gas, and the effect is…horrible. His mind is broken, I'm afraid beyond repair."
He downed the glass. "And that's not all," he said. "Harvey's face has been…burned, and he seems to be raving like a lunatic, and Miss Isley…"
He trailed off, burying his face in his hands. "She's become some kind of…monster. God, this is all my fault, Alfred! I created the Joker! I'm responsible for all that's happened because of him!"
"Sir, you mustn't blame yourself," said Alfred, soothingly. "You didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"No," he whispered. "But it's my responsibility all the same. And I have to live up to that."
He stood up. "Please tell me you didn't obey my orders and destroy the Batman equipment."
"In a rare act of insubordination, sir, I did not," replied Alfred, lightly, pressing a button on the clock which swung open to reveal the Batcave. Bruce smiled, clapped his faithful butler on the shoulder, and then took a deep breath, heading down into the darkness.
…
Batman landed on the rooftop, looking out at the gaslit city of Gotham. He was heading for The Cat's Cradle, hoping something hadn't happened to Selina to stop her from meeting him.
"I thought you'd never show," said a voice behind him. He turned to see Catwoman smiling at him. "I like the outfit," she commented.
"Why didn't you meet me?" he asked.
"I wanted to do a little more digging," she retorted. "And you'll be glad I did. Follow me."
They jumped along the roofs, two dark shadows among the fog and smog of the city.
"There!" said Selina, stopping at last and pointing down to a pawn shop. "That establishment has recently come into possession of a few pieces of jewelry – a diamond tiepin, a ring, and a pocket-watch, engraved to be the property of one Oswald Cobblepot."
"Any idea who brought them in?" asked Batman.
"Yes, the owner recalled, with a little persuasion," said Catwoman, grinning as she glanced at her nails. "It's just down the road here…"
They landed on the roof across from Quinzel's Hot Pies. "The man in the pawn shop said it was the woman who runs this place," said Selina. "Harleen Quinzel. I'm betting she probably knows what happened to Mr. Cobblepot, and the sooner that crime is solved, the sooner the police can go back to focusing on the Joker."
"Well, let's go see what she has to say for herself," said Batman, grappling over to the roof of the pie shop. He held out his hand to Selina and she took it. Pulling her close, they sailed over the street together and landed on the roof. Batman put a finger to his lips as they leaned over the skylight, peering inside the shop.
Harley was trying on the new outfit the Joker had bought for her – he had told her he wanted her to be his costumed partner in crime, Harley Quinn, and she was more than happy to oblige him. The dress was a very fetching red and black with diamonds, complete with a black mask and white face paint.
"How do I look, puddin'?" she asked, twirling around.
"Mmm, I could just eat you up, my scrumptious little cupcake," he purred, taking her in his arms and kissing her. "Oh, I can't wait for Batsy to find us, so we can see you in action! He should be here any second now…"
The skylight shattered as both Batman and Catwoman dropped into the room, poised for action. Harley shrieked, hiding behind the Joker, who just grinned at them, laughing.
"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear!" he chuckled. "Though I can't say I'm familiar with your pussy, but the more the merrier, right?"
"We meet at last, Joker," growled Batman.
"Oh, we've met before, Batman," replied Joker, grinning. "Maybe you don't remember, because my appearance has changed a bit. But I owe it all to you, buddy!"
"Why did you kill those women?" demanded Batman. "And attack the square? And what have you done with Mr. Cobblepot?"
Joker giggled hysterically. "Why? Why did you decide to dress up in a bat costume and fight crime? Why did your kitty cat do the same? Why are some people born with the ability to change the world and some people born barely able to get by in it? Why is the sky blue and the grass green? Because they are. No point asking why, is there? As for Mr. Cobblepot, Harley, why don't you fetch these people a pie?"
She nodded, eyeing them warily as she headed for the cellar. "The real question is, what took you so long to find me?" asked Joker. "I wouldn't have had to kill all those people if you had just hurried up and been a better detective, y'know. I expect the police to be useless bunch of incompetents, but I thought you'd be smarter than them. I see I was wrong. But you're here now, and that's what matters."
Harley emerged with a pie, which she placed into Batman's hand, and then quickly hid behind Joker again. Batman looked from the pie to Joker, puzzled.
"I don't understand. What does this have to do with Mr. Cobblepot?"
Joker giggled. "Take a bite and see if you can find him!" he chuckled.
Batman dropped the pie to the ground in horror. "You…baked him into pies?" he gasped.
"Delicious, nutritious, and cost-effective," said Joker, nodding. "It was just common sense, Bats."
Batman reached for handcuffs on his belt. "As if you weren't already in enough trouble for murder…this is going to see that you're both locked away for a very, very long time."
Joker chuckled. "I don't think so, Batsy. I really don't."
He suddenly struck at Batman with the hot poker Harley had brought up from the cellar. Batman fell back, roaring in pain, and Selina rushed to see to him while Joker seized Harley's hand and raced out into the street.
"It's fine – just a scratch," said Batman, pushing Selina gently away. "Let's get after them."
"They're heading toward the warehouses!" shouted Selina as she and Batman raced down the deserted street after Joker and Harley. "On the river!"
"You follow them – I'll try to cut them off!" shouted Batman, grappling up to the roof again. He saw the pair racing down toward the dock warehouses and flew after them, his cape spreading behind him like a pair of wings.
He landed on the warehouse roof to hear a strange rumbling from underneath him. The the roof exploded, sending him crashing toward the ground. He grappled onto a neighboring building just before he hit the cobblestone, staring back at the explosion and watching as the clown hot air balloon emerged from it.
He felt a hand grab him, helping him onto the roof. "Come on," Selina whispered, bounding up on top of the balloon. Batman struggled to his feet, shooting his grappling hook onto the basket as the balloon soared higher into the sky.
"I think we're being weighed down by an inconsiderate rodent, Harley," said Joker, smiling down at Batman. "Doesn't he have wings of his own?"
Batman heard the screech of metal, and then he saw the Joker draw his sword cane, slashing at the rope that held Batman. Batman grabbed on to the bottom of the basket as the rope gave way. He saw that the balloon was heading upriver, and realized with a lurch that they were on a course toward city hall.
Then he saw Joker hanging upside-down from the basket in front of him. "Hi, Batsy! Boy, you get a headache doing this too much, doncha?" he chuckled. "Is that why you're always so grim, too much sleeping upside-down? Do me a favor and hold this for me, would ya?" he giggled, tossing a lit bomb at him.
Batman threw it away from city hall, hitting the river below. "Oops, clumsy, have another!" laughed Joker, throwing another bomb at him.
"Mr. J…there's a cat trying to deflate the balloon!" shouted Harley from above.
"Hang on, Bats – I'll be back in a second!" said Joker, pulling himself back into the basket as Harley slashed at Selina with the sword cane. "Harley, be careful…" began Joker, but his warning came too late.
Just as Selina tore a hole in the balloon with her claws, Harley tore another one with the sword cane, sending the deflating balloon plummeting toward the ground. Joker grabbed Harley's hand and they both jumped out over the river, and Batman followed them. He managed to grab Joker around the collar, dragging him toward the shore. He heard Harley shriek as Selina grabbed her, and they met on the river bank, slapping both Joker and Harley in handcuffs.
Selina smiled at him. "Well done, Catwoman," murmured Batman.
"Thanks," she murmured. "But I'd prefer a little reward rather than your thanks," she murmured, sliding a finger down his chest.
"What, exactly?" asked Batman, thinking he probably knew.
Selina grinned, and then kicked Joker in the crotch, punching him across the face. "That," she said, sauntering off with Harley screaming after her. Batman couldn't suppress a grin as he hauled them both off to the police station.