REEEEEEEEEEE

Chapter 14: Life without crack isn't life at all

"Excuse me, sir, could you tell me where I am?"

The hardcore drug addict looked the young girl up and down. "Do I know you?"

The young girl thought for a moment. "No, do I know you? Oh wait, the answer is also no. Anyways, I've been following this map to my ex-girlfriend's house for like, six hours, and I think I'm lost." Seiko handed the man the map she had been dutifully attempting to decipher.

The man, trying not to look high, took a glance at the map. "Well, there's your problem, it's upside down!" He handed it back to the girl in the correct orientation.

"Oh, silly me! Thanks, sir!" and with that, the girl was on her way. Unfortunately, both of them failed to realize that the so called "map" she was in possession of was, in fact, just an old candyland game board.

Seiko wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed on a good day, but between her anxiety about Naomi and the overwhelming amount of lung cancer inducing Marijuana smoke permeating the air, Seiko really couldn't think straight, though she was very relaxed. "Now where is Grandma Nutt's house…?" It seemed that Seiko had taken a wrong turn somewhere and ended up in the junkie district. "Ah, there it is!" Seiko, being extremely high, had mistaken the writing on a sign hung over a dark alleyway to be "Grandma Nutt's house," when in actuality it read "Bust a nut house."

She went into the dark alleyway and came to a door with another sign over it reading: "Bust a nut house is here!" And so Seiko opened the door and went inside. She came to a very nice looking lobby with a receptionist behind a polished oak desk with a little mascot plushie of a man cracking open a walnut sat atop it.

The receptionist's eyes were closed. "Hello, and welcome to Bust-a-Nut. May I take your order?" she said, extremely bored.

"You're Grandma Nutt, right? That means I only have 66 more spaces till I get to Naomi's house!"

The receptionist, who had a nametag labeled 'Yggdrasil,' opened her eyes and looked very surprised. "Oh, you're a female? Then you must be here for an interview. Hold on, sweetie, I'll tell the boss. You just sit tight for a few minutes, kay?"

Seiko didn't remember applying for any kind of job, but then again, she didn't remember her own name at the moment, so she sat down on one of the nice lobby chairs and picked up a magazine.

A few minutes later, Yggdrasil came back into the lobby and motioned for Seiko to follow, which she did. She was led through several hallways that looked like they hadn't been touched since the seventies, covered in flowery wallpaper and patterned carpet. Finally they arrived at the door of an office, and Yggdrasil said, "Wait here, hun. It'll only be a second," and then she went inside.

After a while of awkward waiting, Seiko heard a voice come from the office.

"Come in."

Seiko stepped inside, and was greeted by the heavy aroma of old people and hand sanitizer. The room was just a white marble box with a simple desk and chair in the middle and a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling. Behind the desk sat Yggdrasil, clad in a roman style toga, but still wearing the nametag.

"Sit down." She said.

"But… There's no chair…"

"I didn't say sit down in a chair, Seiko Shinohara."

"Huh? Wait, how do you know my-"

Yggdrasil put a finger to her lips, motioning for Seiko to be silent. "Sit down."

Seiko sat on the hard marble floor, criss cross applesauce style.

"Now, something is troubling you, yes? Something to do with your girlfriend."

"What? Naomi? I thought I was here for some kind of interview… Just who are you anyway?"

The middle aged woman laughed. "I suppose I'll tell you, child. I am Yggdrasil, goddess of Crack. You breathed the holy fumes of Crack Cocaine, and now you have come to meet me. So, while you're here, why don't you tell me what ails you?"

This made a surprising amount of sense to Seiko, but she wasn't in the mood to chitchat. She stood up, intending to leave the establishment, but the door she came in was missing. Now it was just her and the goddess. No windows, no doors, no hope of escape. "So this is some kind of dream? If I'm asleep, then what happened to me in the real world?"

"The real world? Some druggie was smoking crack while you were walking by, so now you're passed out in a WcDonald's parking lot high as a kite. You won't be coming down anytime soon. So, sit down and we can talk."

A chair effortlessly melded into existence in front of Seiko, and so she sat down. "Of course Naomi is troubling me. And it's all her fault, too! Her and that stupid trap, Satoshi! What did I do to deserve this, anyway? I was a good girlfriend! I did nothing but support Naomi through thick and thin! But did she ever support me? No! All she ever cares about is her stupid hentai." Tears welled up in Seiko's eyes.

"Child, I can see that you truly believe these things, but there's something else, isn't there? I sense guilt. It wasn't entirely Naomi's fault, was it?"

"Guilt…? I'm not guilty of anything… The whole thing that started this was the fact that I told her I didn't like hentai anymore. How is any of this my fault?!"

"Child, it was your own stubbornness and lack of communication that lost Naomi. You pushed Naomi away when she was trying to cheer you up. You abandoned her just as much as she abandoned you. Never once did you try and apologize straight up, but instead schemed and plotted, coming up with roundabout ways to 'win' her back, as if she were nothing but a trophy. You expected her to crawl back to you like some poor lost puppy. Even your first meager attempt to say sorry was bred in insincerity. What part about this is not your fault? What don't you have to be guilty of?"

The tears were now streaming freely down Seiko's face, much like a miniature river. "That's not true… I… I never meant it like that… You're wrong about me! It's not… My… Fault…" The room was melting all around them, turning into utter darkness. The desk and chairs disintegrated, leaving Seiko crumpled on the ground and Yggdrasil standing over her. Now it was only them and an infinite plane of nonexistence.

"But child, it is your fault. You hurt those around you with your ignorance, and now you refuse to own up to it."

Seiko knew it. She knew everything coming out of the Crack Goddess' mouth was true, and she knew she needed to listen to her. "What… Should I do?"

Yggdrasil gave a warm smile, and the room returned to normal. "Do what you should have done from the start. Give her an apology, let her know how you really feel. No tricks. No schemes. Just heartfelt confession. Do as I have commanded you, and Naomi's heart will soften."

The room around the two lit up like the midday sky, and Seiko could feel her presence in the dream fading away. "Wait, what's going on?!"

"Goodbye, child. Heed my words!"

Wowow! Guten morgen, meine kittens! I hope you enjoyed that chapter! Y'all better leave nice reviews now, ya hear? Or else. NAWWW I'M JUST KIDDIN' PUDDIN'! I'd never hurt a precious kitten of mine! Now it's time for me to retreat into my basement to write more fanfiction, because this is just what I do now. Still waiting for that dank fan art, by the way. Also, if you don't think that Seiko and Sachiko would make the PeRfec couple than your rong and i hat you. I HAT YOU!111

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