Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters.
A/N: Thanks to ObsessedRHShipper, who is beta-ing this story.
Chapter Fourteen
Realizing Ron's Feelings
Hermione had only seen Ron once in the last week and a half. It had been the weekend after her grandmother's death and he came over to see if she was doing any better. She didn't know why she told him that she was, and then quickly brushed him off, telling him that she had to go to her parents for a while. It was true … she did have to see parents and she wanted to see them, but she still felt like she was running away from Ron. She didn't really know what happened last Wednesday, but she knew that something had changed between them, and she was terrified about what this was going to mean for them.
When she told him that she would be busy for the next weekend and that she probably wouldn't see him before then, she could see how disappointed he was about that as he asked her what she would be doing. When she told him that she was to go to her grandma's funeral, he offered to go with her, so that he could support her if she needed him. She knew that she would need him. In the split second it took to make up her mind, she knew that he would be an asset to her in her time of need. However, she shook her head. "Ron, I'm sorry. It wouldn't be right," she had started, but he looked like he wasn't done arguing. "My parents would be there … they would think that you're my boyfriend."
It was then that she noticed the look; it was something that had been just under the surface every time that she told him that she wasn't looking for anything serious. She left him as quickly as she could, and she hadn't seen him since; she knew that it wouldn't be right to see him again. Not in the way she had been for months … not in the way that she desperately wanted to right now. And the thought that she couldn't see him made her feel miserable. She wasn't supposed to have let him care this much about her … it wasn't supposed to happen this way.
She should have realized this was going to happen. They had seen each other so much over the last six months. She now realized why she never should have agreed to see him again in the first place … it was destined to turn out like this. She was destined to hurt him and it would have been a lot less painful if they had just ended before they had started. However, she couldn't look back on her time with him and not enjoy all the memories that she had. In fact, she was pretty sure that this time with Ron was the best of her life, so maybe this didn't have to be such a bad thing.
She shook her head immediately at the thought; she really didn't think it was a good idea. She didn't have time for a boyfriend, never mind the fact that she had seen Ron all the time for the last three months and that her work hadn't slipped at all. In fact, things had never gone better for her and she knew that it had something to do with being with Ron. Not to mention she knew that as soon as she stopped doing whatever it is was with Ron, she wouldn't be able to see Harry and Ginny anymore even though they had become her friends. Everything that had been going so well in her life had something to do with Ron.
Still, that look in his eyes made up her mind for her. She wasn't prepared to care about him like she knew that he did, and she didn't want to hurt him more than she already had. She knew she couldn't be what he deserved. She couldn't help but look back on all the mistakes she made in dealing with him … how she made him think that she might someday want more from him.
She thought about how he had opened up to her the second time that they had seen each other. She shouldn't have forced him to talk to her like that … she shouldn't have been pleased that he was being open with her. It wasn't the kind of thing you do with the guy you were supposed to be just shagging. Then she agreed to go on a weekend vacation with him, went out on two romantic dinners with him, and had gotten closer with his best friend and even his sister. How was that supposed to keep the line between a casual affair and a relationship clear? And then she started going out to lunch with him once a week. She even started spending three nights a week with him. She should have known that this was going to happen.
She sighed. She was going to have to do something about this, but she didn't know what that was. She would hate not to be able to see him again. Just the thought of it made her feel sick to her stomach, but she had to. Still, she had let weeks pass by without talking with him. She couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again. She didn't want to see the pain in his eyes as she told him that they couldn't continue. She couldn't even stand the thought of doing that.
Yet, the one thing that seemed to elude her during this whole time was to wonder why it was so hard for her … to wonder just how much she cared about him.
O
Ron was starting to get annoyed by the continued lack of communication with Hermione for the last three weeks. He knew that something had happened the last time that he talked to her. He knew that he had shown her too much when she had said that he wasn't her boyfriend. He knew that she didn't want him there to help her, because her parents would think he was her boyfriend. He hated that she was pushing away from him now. Why did she have to be so afraid of just admitting that she liked him? He knew that she had to like him. The way that she had looked at him all those times that they were together … there was no other explanation other than she had really liked him.
He had always known that she would react this way once she realized that he felt this way about her; that's why he had been keeping his feelings from her. He had been waiting for her to come to realize her own feelings first. However, now he had to scratch that idea and go with the much more forceful approach. If she didn't come down to lunch today, he was going to have to go see her over the weekend and make a fight out of it. He would have to make sure that she knew that he was really into this relationship and that she wanted this too.