Chapter 14 - Never See Me Again.
Dougie.
I just ran, although I didn't exactly know where I was running to. Out of habit I ran to the Jones house. But I knew that was a bad idea for two reasons. One, because no one was home and two, even if they were home Shay hates me. And I promised her I would be out of her life for good. And I meant that. She didn't need me and I didn't deserve her. So I was done. At least one of our lives will be okay. As soon as I ran past the house, a car pulled into the driveway. I assumed they were just getting home from the party. I picked up my pace to make sure they didn't see me.
It was pitch black out so I ran in the light of the streetlamps. I was nearing the McFLY house but I was sure all the guys were pretty pissed at me as well. I was on the street of the house by the time I lost my breath. I crumpled into a ball in the street under the perfect circle from the light post that illuminated the road. It was useless running. As fast as I wanted to run all my problems were going to catch up with me in the end. I was too stunned to even cry at first. I'd cried enough for that night. So I just laid there. With any luck a car would come speeding down the road and crush me. I probably deserved that too.
"Dude, what the...Dougie?" I knew that voice. That stupid dopey accent was the voice of none other than Danny. He was probably here to yell at me for what I had done to his sister tonight just like everyone else. I deserved that too.
"Dougie, Dougie, Dougie, what are you doing, mate?" Danny asked as he got closer to me, an amused edge to his voice, "Napping in the streets there, buddy?"
I didn't answer. I just let my body shake in time with my sobs. It was useless.
"Doug?" he asked, concerned now, "Mate, what's wrong?" he knelt down beside me. "Dougie for God's sake, answer me!"
I couldn't speak. I tried to, but all that came out of my mouth were more cries. I haven't cried in years. I didn't cry when I broke my wrist and I didn't even cry at my great aunt's funeral. But tonight I've done nothing but cry. Everything I knew was getting turned upside down.
"Please don't cry," Danny said. It was probably the only thing he could think of to say, I'm sure him finding my lying here crying like a seven year old scared him. "Come on, get out of the street, come inside. Someone's gonna run you over."
"Let em," I mumbled through my tears, "In fact, you do it. Get your car and run me over as many possible times as you can."
"Dougie what the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, not in an angry voice, but a scared one. Almost as if he was going to break down himself, "I'm scared dude, tell me what happened."
"Ask your sister." I told him, "After she explains then maybe you'll take me up on that offer to run me over again."
"Doug, no matter what happened I'm not going to kill you," Danny said, laughing lightly, "Come on, get out of the road and tell me what happened, okay?" He grabbed my arm and helped me up, but I only walked far enough into the yard so I could fall back down into the grass again. Danny seemed to just go with it. He plopped himself down next to me.
"Danny, I screwed up." I told him, I started talking fast, tripping almost every other word, "See, I made things right with your sister but then my mom and dad started fighting again and then I was upset so I got invited to go out tonight so I did and then I thought booze would make everything better but it didn't and it only got me into more trouble because--"
"Slow down, slow down, buddy. I'm not going anywhere." Danny told me, putting his hand on my arm.
I took a deep breath and continued, "So I was drunk and I took Leah back here and then before I knew it we were kinda....naked."
"Kinda naked?" Danny laughed, then caught his breath and looked a bit disappointed, "Dougie.."
"I know I know I know," I told him, "I know it was a mistake. And then...and then I completely forgot it was Shay's birthday and she must have come looking for me since I didn't show up. Well guess what? She found me."
"Doug..." Danny didn't even know what to say to me. I closed my eyes tight and waited. With any luck he'd hit me hard enough to send me to the hospital.
"What are you doing, mate?" Danny asked me. I opened my eye, "Aren't you gonna hit me?"
"No I'm not going to hit you. It was a mistake man, we all make em. Besides if anyone gets to hit you it's gonna be Shay."
"Too late, Tom already took care of that." I rolled my eyes. Danny let out a loud laugh.
"You aren't mad at me?" I asked him. He shrugged, "I don't know I mean...I know I should be pissed at you but I'm not."
I sat silently as the pain of my dad leaving washed over me again.
"Doug, you aren't crying because of that are you?" he asked me. I shook my head and closed my eyes, sucking in a big breath of air. My voice was shaky, "Danny, my dad left."
"When's he coming back?" he asked me. Thick guitarist....
"Danny you don't get it," I whispered, "I mean he left. He left my mom and he left us. He isn't coming back."
Danny's face fell, "Dougie I..." Tears formed in my eyes but I tried to blink them away before Danny noticed. Too late. He pulled me into a hug, his hand grabbing the hair on the back of my head. My face buried into his shoulder and I shut my eyes hoping that maybe when I opened them this world would be back to the way it should be.
It didn't work.
"I'm sorry," Danny whispered.
"Hey what's going on?" another person asked. Tom.
I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and sighed, "N-nothing."
"You're taking this whole thing with Shay pretty rough aren't you?" Tom asked me. I just glared at him. "What?" he asked.
"Mate," Danny shook his head, "That's not it."
"No, go ahead, Tom. Yell at me some more please." I told him. "Hit me again to give me another black eye to match the one I already have. Kill me. Go ahead, mate. Kill me."
"Dougie," Tom started. I pushed myself off the ground and turned to leave.
"Dougie quit it. No one is going to kill you okay?" Danny told me. I just kept walking.
"None of you are going to kill me, you mean." I muttered to myself, "Which means I may have to take matter into my own hands."
The second I got home, I realized at once that my mom still was out with my sister. Good. I walked into the bathroom and started searching the medicine cabinets. I looked through all the bottles until I found the one I was looking for.
Sleeping Pills, it read. I always took these when I was sick but couldn't fall asleep. Enough of them should do fine. I poured them out onto the counter and counted them. There were at least fifteen. I wondered if that would be enough.
I stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red from crying and my left eye was bruised and swollen. My hair was disheveled and I was still bare chested because I had left my shirt in the bedroom at the McFLY house.
I picked up each pill one by one and stared at them all in my hand. I leaned my head back and dropped them into my mouth. I filled a cup with water and placed it to my mouth.
This world will never have to see Dougie Poynter again.