Immune to the Light

by blueenvelopes

"If what you say about this girl is true, bring her to me." The duel in the Starkiller woods ends differently in this Dark AU, and Kylo Ren takes Rey to Snoke. To the victor go the spoils. But the Apprentice can't seem to keep his hands off his Master's prize.

14. Chapter 14

When General Hux marches into the medibay, Rey is instantly on alert. Instinctively summoning the Force for a fight or flight moment with her redheaded nemesis. This time, the general is taking no chances. He has reinforcements in the form of two troopers and another officer with him. The small parade of uniforms comes to a halt before her and Hux gestures dismissively in her direction.

"Here she is. Keep the troopers with you and watch what you tell her. She is not to be trusted."

Then the general stalks away, leaving Rey with the troopers and the lone officer. The officer is a nondescript looking fellow with a calm, patient expression that is the complete opposite of the high maintenance general who just left. "I am the Chief Engineer of the Finalizer," the man introduces himself with a weak, perfunctory smile. Rey sees that her reputation has preceded her. "The Leader has ordered that you be offered a tour of the ship. What would you like to see first?"

Rey's eyes light up. "Can I see the Engine Room?"

"Not the bridge?" The engineer is surprised.

"Oh, the Engine Room, please!" Rey is gleeful at this unexpected opportunity.

An hour later, Rey's enthusiasm and clear knowledge of the inner workings of the ship have thawed the Chief Engineer's initial coolness. It is not often that this man finds anyone who values what he does-most take it for granted that everything onboard will function perfectly at all times-so he warms to the appreciative audience he has in Rey. Here is a woman who understands the quirks of technology and recognizes good engineering design on a hyperdrive. By the time they are through in the Engine Room, Rey is chatting with the Chief Engineer and the rest of the staff like casual friends. That mutual comfort level must be what moves him to ask Rey how she knows so much about mechanics.

"Oh, I have always liked figuring things out," she reveals. "I like technology."

Her tour guide thinks this to be an inadequate response. "Lady, most kids might dismantle a droid if they are curious. You sound like you could take apart the Finalizer."

Rey laughs at this. "I have taken apart portions of a star destroyer," she reveals. "I used to live on Jakku."

He raises on eyebrow. "Jakku as in the Battle of Jakku?"

"Yes. There were lots of old wrecks around, even a star destroyer."

The Chief Engineer looks at her thoughtfully. "I believe it was the Inflictor that crashed on Jakku." And now for the first time, her guide speaks of something other than the ship's engineering. "Are you from an Exile family?" he asks. "My father was in the Imperial Navy. He was on the Executor."

Rey sidesteps the question about her past. That's a minefield of potential issues she doesn't want to open. "The Executor. I like that name. It sounds so formidable." Rey smiles back at the Chief Engineer as she inquires, "What class ship was the Executor?"

He looks surprised that Rey doesn't already know. "It was Lord Vader's super star destroyer. The pride of the fleet. All hands lost at the Battle of Endor."

He looks away and Rey mumbles an inadequate and awkward, "I'm sorry."

The Chief Engineer just nods and changes the subject. "I'll come by tomorrow. I have some weaponry you might like to see. Ever seen a ventral cannon up close?"

"Oh, I'd like that," Rey beams.

And thus begins a new routine. Every day, Rey explores the Finalizer for an hour with the Chief Engineer. Sometimes he brings along a specialist to explain what they see. And not all of what they see is technical in nature. For Rey visits the stormtrooper barracks, the blaster range, the commissary, and even the swimming pool. Life on a star destroyer is not just war. There is recreation and fun for the crew too.

About a week later, Rey is being shown the officers' meeting rooms where the First Order plots its war when she and the Chief Engineer happen upon Kylo Ren. He's surrounded by officers as he exits a strategy session. It's the first time Rey has seen Kylo since their impromptu dinner after she had returned from Snoke.

"What is this?" the First Knight demands.

Beside her, the Chief Engineer snaps to rigid attention. He nervously spits out his response. "These are the Leader's orders per General Hux, Sir. I am to show Lady Rey the ship."

"Hux ordered this?" Kylo is surprised.

"Yes."

"Hux is not in charge of Lady Rey," Kylo announces coldly. Like she is some sort of turf battle in the making. One more thing for Kylo Ren and General Hux to compete over.

Then the Sith turns to her. "Did you shoot him again?" At Rey's side, the Chief Engineer snorts and then hastily turns his laughter into an unconvincing cough. But to a man, the officers behind Kylo frown. They must be Hux loyalists, Rey thinks.

"Well?"

Rey glares at Kylo. "No."

"Too bad." He turns back to the engineer. "Keep her accompanied. I don't want her to sabotage the hyperdrive. She could do it, you know." Kylo sounds vaguely proud when he says this. But maybe it's just the distortion of his mask, Rey thinks.

The Sith turns to leave when Rey stops him. "Kylo." Every head whips around at her use of his first name. He is Ren or Sir to most everyone onboard. But not to her. Rey doesn't know it, but she has just revealed herself to be one of the First Knight's few intimates.

The black and silver mask turns to her expectantly.

"I need help with the holochron he gave me," Rey confesses. Between them, the 'he' needs no explanation. "I can't open it. He wants me to open it and I can't. Will you show me how?"

"It's a Jedi holochron."

It is? "Does that matter?" she asks.

"Yes."

"Oh."

"Bring it by tonight," Kylo tells her. "I'll talk you through it."

A few hours later, Rey and the holochron are sitting across from Kylo at dinner in his quarters. He's got his steak, she's got her muffin. They have done this ritual a few times by now, so it feels surprisingly comfortable and easy. And sure enough, as usual Kylo prompts Rey to ask him a question.

She thinks a moment. There is one thing she has been wondering about Kylo Ren. Well, to be honest, there are many things Rey has been wondering about Kylo Ren. She thinks about this man far too often. But tonight, one question rises above all the rest.

"What did you do for the Light before me?" How did he satisfy this craving, Rey wonders.

Kylo flushes and she recognizes shame in his expression.

"You can tell me." Rey won't judge him. She won't ever judge anyone for seeking the Light.

He nods thoughtfully at her encouragement. And after a moment, he responds. "Mostly I destroyed things to cope. Violence is a good outlet for a Sith. But from time to time, my commitment to my training would waver. And then I would fail to accomplish missions due to my . . . " Kylo frowns, searching for the right words. "Due to my lack of resolve," he finishes.

And Rey doesn't catch his meaning. "I don't understand."

So Kylo tries again. "I am Sith, Rey. A disciple of Darkness is not supposed to crave the Light. My Master would not care if I indulged in women or in excesses of violence. But he condemns this weakness. Because in the past it has prompted me to mercy at inopportune moments. My weakness can be . . . counterproductive."

"I think I get it," Rey tells him. "If you can't feel the Light, then you are tempted to be the Light."

He nods yes. "A Sith must be immune to the Light, Rey. He shouldn't crave it. He shouldn't be moved by it. And that's why I had to kill my father. To prove that I could go through with it. It was a test. There have been other tests before and I have failed them. Because I have been weak for the call to the Light."

"You killed your father to impress Snoke?" Rey knows her voice sounds horrified. Because she is.

But Kylo doesn't seem to register her censure, for he keeps confessing, "You grow into Darkness, Rey. A man cannot handle it all at once. But somehow, I got stuck partway along the progression. I am Sith, but I am a weak Sith. Weak for the Light." He looks away and adds quietly, "Weak for you."

Insight flashes up to Rey now. "You have been avoiding me, haven't you?" she whispers.

Kylo doesn't deny it.

Rey thinks back on her visit to the Supreme Leader. "Snoke wants the Light too," she tells Kylo.

But he disagrees. "No. Darth Plagueis is the most powerful Sith to ever live. My Master knows all there is to know of the Dark Side of the Force. He disdains the Light. He will tolerate it, even use it for his own aims. But that's all."

Rey isn't so sure. Because in hindsight Rey recalls an ecstatic and roaring Snoke at the moment her Light had blazed forth. But she doesn't pursue the point.

"Are you done?" Kylo glances over at what remains of her muffin. She nods. "Good. Then let's see the holochron."

Rey hands it over to him. He inspects it for a moment, turning it over in his hands with a reverence that surprises her. "I've seen a few of these. My uncle found some in Kenobi's home on Tatooine. But they looked a bit different than this one. Same blue and gold, but much more ornate. This is sleek. It looks more Sith than Jedi."

"The Sith have holochrons?"

"Yes. Come," he rises from his chair and moves to the couch, placing the holochron on the small table in front of it. Kylo pats the sofa next to him and Rey takes the cue to sit at his side. "You open a holochron with your mind through the Force. Concentrate," he instructs.

"On what?" Rey asks. This is where she gets stuck.

"Begin by levitating the holochron and then let the Force do the rest."

Okay, Rey thinks. Maybe this is sort of like pouring wine with the Force for Snoke. She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and reaches for the Force. Slowly, the little cube rises off the table, shaking a bit as it goes. And then suddenly it splits into component parts, all hovering over the table. Rey's eyes snap open and she looks over to Kylo in alarm. "Did I break it?"

He smothers a chuckle. "That's what it's supposed to do." Kylo smiles encouragingly. "Now, here come its secrets."

A hologram projection appears after a moment of static. It's a recording of some kind. Together, Rey and Kylo watch side-by-side in rapt attention.

The hologram shows an elegant, youngish looking Muun woman. She's sitting on a couch in what looks like someone's house. Dressed in very expensive looking clothes. From her fashion, Rey can tell that this recording is old. Probably late Republic judging by how ornate she looks.

"Are we recording?" the strange woman asks. An off-camera droid beeps an affirmative answer. The Muun woman smiles and looks directly at the camera to begin. "My name is Shan Merga-"

"Damask," a deep male voice from off-camera corrects. It's a familiar voice but Rey can't place it.

"My Jedi name was Shan Merga," the woman reminds whoever is speaking. Then she continues. "I am Padawan Learner to Jocasta Nu. Master to no one."

"You can omit that part," the male voice interjects again. "The stupid Jedi did not appreciate-"

"Stop!" The woman looks annoyed by the repeated interruptions. She turns her head to address someone to her right. The movement reveals her lovely profile. She has beautiful, smooth grey skin. "This is how all Jedi holochrons begin-with a recitation of credentials. It's tradition. And I am master to no one. That's a fact." The Muun lady frowns at whoever she addresses. "Now, if you want me to do this, go away. Go micromanage something else for a few minutes. I don't know why you want me to do this," she grumbles.

The off-camera man is impatient with her objections. "Because you know a great deal about the Force."

"I used to know about the Force," the Muun lady responds dejectedly.

"You still have all the knowledge, even if you no longer have the skill. And your knowledge should be preserved. When the Jedi are gone, the Light will remain. The knowledge of the Light should remain too. Do this, my dear, for posterity. Do it for the Force. Do it for me."

"No one is ever going to look at this tape," the woman complains. "You will never fully dismantle the Jedi Order." The woman's expression and tone tell Rey that this is an old argument she's had many times previous.

"No, my love. I will avenge you." The man's response is full of menace. "I look forward to killing the Jedi. Master Yoda most especially."

The Muun lady makes a face. Clearly, she's forgotten that the camera is still recording. "I don't need anyone to die. I'll settle for getting my Force back."

"I won't," the man snaps before vowing, "Yoda will die for his crimes. As will they all. Every last one of them." The man's voice is hard and cold. He is resolved and will not debate this. Now he starts issuing instructions. "Be sure to talk about your visions and what it means to surrender to the will of the Force. How you get deeper into the Force and how you pull back. You were masterful at that, my dear. Simply masterful. You were a joy to watch."

The Muun woman nods with little enthusiasm. "Okay."

There are sounds of footsteps leaving and then the woman faces the camera and somewhat grimly begins again. "I am Shan Merga Damask. Former Jedi Knight of the Galactic Republic. Padawan Learner to Jocasta Nu. Master to no one. E-Expelled from the Jedi Order . . . " The woman falters a moment. Then she rallies to rush out the words, "Expelled from the Jedi Order for marriage and deceit."

And then the Muun woman starts talking about the Light. About the various Jedi theories of the Force and how they each have a kernel of truth but they mostly get it wrong. About how to practice connecting with the Force through meditation. The long-ago woman looks less stiff and more engaged now. She's even smiling a bit wistfully now and then when she speaks of the Force. Her initial reluctance is gone as she warms to her topic. Because, yes, this woman does know a lot about the Force.

Your focus should not be on going deeper into the Force so much as on the control of pulling back, she advises. You almost swoon into the Force. Going into the Force should be effortless, never labored. It's the getting out that is the harder task. Control is the skill to refine, she instructs, not immersion. Control is how you build stamina. Control will allow you to stay in the Force longer and to use the Force more potently over time.

The woman in the recording turns out to be a Jedi seer, not a healer. But much of what she describes resonates with Rey. Rey might have used different words, but she recognizes the concepts this woman speaks of. The Muun woman even has a few specific techniques that Rey thinks might be worth a try for Force healing.

Towards the end of the recording a child walks in front of the camera. Only his back shows, not his face, but he's clearly a Muun like the woman. The boy doesn't seem to understand that he is interrupting. "Mom, where's my datapad?" he whines. "I can't find my datapad."

"Again?" the woman asks. "I haven't seen it. Did you ask Milo?"

"He hasn't seen it either," the boy complains. "I need it for my homework."

"Well, when did you last see it?"

"I don't know," the boy grumbles.

And that answer irritates the Jedi woman. "Caar Damask, when will you learn to keep track of your own stuff? You're ten now." She looks exasperated.

"Can I borrow yours?"

"Sure," she concedes. "It's in my purse. But be sure to charge it afterwards. Now, let me finish this recording for your father. He's been nagging me to do this for forever."

"You're recording something?" The child turns around and faces the camera head on. He looks just like his mother. Sweet-faced with a broad mouth. "Oh, hey Four Dee. I didn't see you there." The boy turns back around to his mother. "Is this more of Dad's Force stuff?" he gripes. "The Force is so stupid."

His mother gives him a look. "Do not let your father hear you say that."

"Well, it is," the boy retorts with childish resentment. "It's all he cares about. The Force and money."

"You know that's not true," the woman says softly. "Your father loves you very much. And so do I. You must be patient, Caar. There is still plenty of time for you to have an Awakening."

This too is apparently an old argument, for the boy explodes with a pent-up vehemence that is totally disproportionate to the tone of the conversation. "I don't have the Force, Mom! When are you and Dad going to admit that? I don't have the Force and I never will and I'm glad about that. I'm glad!" And then the boy stomps off camera. "This is all your fault!" he accuses.

The woman sits on the couch a long moment, looking down in dismay as she bites her lip. Then she sighs as she looks up to speak to the droid doing the recording. "Four Dee, we'll have to do some editing before I put this in the holochron." She flashes a little wry smile as she wipes furtively at one eye. "Posterity needs knowledge of the Force, not our family drama." Then the recording fuzzes out into static.

It's over.

Rey sits back, processing it all. "That was . . . She was . . ." Rey can't quite find the words to describe what she has seen. Because she recognizes the name Shan and she has placed the male voice at the beginning now.

"You know who she is, right?" Kylo confirms her hunch. "Shan Damask was the wife of Hego Damask. Hego Damask was the Chairman of the Intergalactic Banking Clan during the latter days of the Old Republic. And Hego Damask was the public alias of Darth Plagueis."

"That was Snoke's voice on the tape, wasn't it?" Rey asks.

Kylo nods. "I knew of his former life. And I knew he had a history professor wife. But I didn't know until recently that she had been a Jedi. And I never knew they had a son together."

Rey looks hard at the holochron cube that has reassembled itself. It is resting on the table before them, its secrets safe and secure once again. Locked by the Force inside the little blue cube. This glimpse into the private past of the Supreme Leader is so unsettling to Rey. Because the Force, the family, the conflict. It's all so . . . wrong.

Sure, Rey didn't grow up with her own family. But she has seen real families on the holonet. Nice affluent families like the Snokes must have been. Families where everyone smiles and says hello when someone walks in the room. Families where in the afternoon Mom is in the kitchen finishing baking cookies. She doesn't have to work because Dad makes good credits. The kid comes in and kisses her hello and Mom pours him some blue milk to go with the cookies she baked and he tells her all about his day at school. Maybe Mom gives him some good advice that helps him through some problem at school. Then the kid says thanks and goes off to do his homework with the datapad he takes good care of. He's responsible like that. And after homework and a few chores, Mom lets the kid waste time with his friends. Maybe go to Tosche Station or someplace fun like that.

Later that night, Dad comes home and everyone happily has dinner together. It's nice and normal. Yeah, sure maybe Mom can be a bit zany when she is stressed and Dad does stupid things like forgets their anniversary. Or maybe he gets laid off and they worry about money for an episode or two, but it all turns out alright because they are a family and they love each other. Everyone stays together and it's happily ever after. No matter what happens, everything always turns out okay in the end. At least, that's how it works on the holonet. But those holonet families are nothing like the Snoke family, Rey sees.

"They are so weird." Rey frowns. There is so much wrong with the Snokes. Starting with the Sith paterfamilias vowing murder and revenge. But one thing rushes up to the forefront of all the conflict. "Real families don't fight over the Force."

Kylo snorts. "Mine did all the time."

"Your family had issues, Kylo." You killed your father, Rey thinks. And you're still planning to kill your uncle. "The Force is your thing. You were Skywalkers," she rationalizes.

"So were the Damasks," Kylo tells her cryptically. "And they don't seem half as messed up as the later generations."

"I feel sorry for that kid," Rey says softly. For the unhappy Muun boy who will get beheaded in his sleep while his mother is hacked to death. "Snoke said that the Emperor killed him."

"In a lot of ways, I was that kid." Kylo's voice is bitter. "My family fought over everything, Rey. The Force, politics, money, you name it. My mother would scream, my father would leave and then she would cry. Then my uncle would come over and start meddling. He always made things worse."

"So, what did you do?" Rey asks.

Kylo shrugs. "I skipped school. Ran away. Locked myself in my room to study the Clone Wars. Things like that."

"That doesn't sound like you at all," Rey frowns. Kylo Ren isn't a man who avoids conflict or runs from his problems. If anything, the First Knight goes looking for trouble. Just look at how he pokes at General Hux.

Kylo looks her squarely in the eye now. "One day, I stopped running from it all and decided to confront it. To use my emotions instead of bury them. To take charge of my life instead of arguing against what others had planned for me. I liberated myself from the expectations and values of others. It was the most empowering decision of my life. Never once have I regretted it."

"What decision?"

"To become Sith."

Rey frowns at this. "Even with all the killing?"

"The Sith are not butchers, Rey. There is always a reason for our violence. Sometimes you must use messy means in order to deliver progress. In this war, we are architects of the future. In the end, we will settle on peace and the Force will reset to a new balance. You will see."

"I don't understand this balance idea. It doesn't look like the Snoke family had any balance." Rey is still stuck ruminating over the strange family dynamics she has just witnessed. The Dark had married the Light. The Sith had bound himself to a Jedi. But whatever balance that was supposed to bring didn't exactly seem to work out judging by this recording full of stale bickering. "When Snoke speaks of his Jedi wife, it sounds like he actually might have loved her," a confused Rey tells Kylo. "But his wife didn't look very happy on that tape. I don't think she liked talking about the Force either."

"That's because she didn't have the Force anymore," Kylo reveals. "The Jedi Council stripped her of the Force. I guess when they expelled her."

"Can you do that? Can you take someone's Force away?" Rey turns wide eyes to Kylo.

He shrugs. "Apparently, so."

"Well, I don't want to be her," Rey whispers her thoughts aloud. "I don't want to be trapped married to Snoke."

She feels Kylo reach to cover her hand with his. "I'm sorry, Rey. I wish I could change things for you."

She turns to him now. "Kylo—"

But he stops her, squeezing her hand slightly. "Rey, I wish I could change your past. I wish I could change your future. But I cannot."

"You can," Rey looks to him with hopeful eyes. "You could let me escape," she urges. Rey is babbling now. For seeing Snoke's long dead Jedi wife has made Rey suddenly feel very desperate. "We could make it look good. He would never know that you helped and—"

"No," Kylo stops her. His dark, intense eyes are full of regret. "You know I can't do that. I must obey my Master. And besides," he half-smiles, "I like having you around."

That must remind him. For abruptly, Kylo stands and walks over to the table. He begins cleaning off his dinner knife. They lock eyes and Rey knows what's coming next. He helped her with her holochron cube and now it's Rey's turn to return the favor.

And now, the idea that Rey has been turning over in her mind all week comes straight out her mouth. "Kylo, I don't have to heal you for you to feel the Light." At least, she doesn't think so. Not after what had happened between her and Snoke.

Kylo just smiles across at her. "I like you healing me, Rey."

Yes, she knows. She's witnessed that pleasure from both Sith now. And that's what has given Rey this idea. "You would like this too," Rey tells him, feeling her face blush hot and red. Can she do this? Is she really bold enough to do this? To thwart Snoke like this?

"What do you mean?" Kylo asks as he walks forward, already rolling up his left sleeve.

Rey stands now and intercepts the knife he has poised to cut. "No," she says softly as she drops it to the ground. "Let's do this differently." Kylo looks down at her questioningly. But while Rey might be brave enough to do this, but she isn't brave enough to put it into words. So she settles for action. "Kiss me," Rey whispers as she reaches up to pull him his face down to hers. "Kiss me, Kylo."