A/N: Finally, Alexis gets more of the spotlight... ;)
Rain was lightly hitting the windows, making a calming pitter-patter sound. A drop would hit the flat surface and graciously drip down. It had been overcast all day, and finally the clouds were too heavy to keep the rain tucked inside.
Owen had been pacing the hall at the loft for over an hour. He stopped at the end of the hall and looked out the window watching the traffic below. A few umbrellas could be seen moving briskly through the storm. Cabs and cars were driving to and fro, but none stopped in front of the building.
He arrived in New York a week before he was scheduled. Calling Alexis numerous times, he got her voicemail. After calling the hospital and learning she had taken a month of leave, he hopped in a cab and went to the loft.
Nothing better than a cab ride through Manhattan to get your mind in a depressed mood.
She called him the day they found Rick. Ever since they had gotten the news about the plane crash, Owen had understood about the help Kate would need when it came to the kids. At first, they would spend every free minute with the boys, but after Johanna was born, he saw Alexis less and less. Now, she wasn't even working, and she had not told him about it?
He didn't mind that she was there for her siblings, really, but they too were a family, and he wanted her home every once in a while. He traveled often with his job and was beginning to go overseas more now. The night he made her go to dinner with him, he secretly asked Kate to keep Alexis's cell phone, so they could have an uninterrupted conversation. It was actually Kate that suggested and then demanded that Alexis go home the weekend before Castle was found.
The elevator chime signaling it's arrival and imminent stop startled Owen, causing him to quickly turn around. An elderly woman stepped off and smiled at him as she walked away. He let out a heavy sigh and shook his head. Before the doors could shut, he stepped inside and hit the button for the lobby.
As the elevator arrived at his desired floor, he pushed himself off of the back wall of the car. He exited the elevator feeling depressed, contemplating what to do next. He exhaled deeply, shoving his hands into his pockets, preparing himself to step out into the cold rainy air.
"Uncle Owen!" was squealed through out the lobby. Before he had a chance to react, two sets of arms were wrapped around his legs. A set of hazel and another set of blue eyes were smiling up at him.
"Hey, guys. Where have you been?" he asked as he cradled their heads in his hands, running his fingers through their hair.
Jack stood back and explained, "We went with Alexis to the hospital. Her friend is sick, and Mommy is helping take care of him."
James said, "But we got to see Mommy. We had lunch and went for a walk before she had to go. Grams and Granddad went to help with her sick friend. That's one really sick friend," he added with innocence.
Alexis walked up behind them and peeled James from Owen's legs. She leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Owen's cheek. He didn't need to tell her he was angry, she could read it in his body language, which made the scene a lot more awkward between them.
He smiled at her, but it was a forced smile. She was the only adult that had come in with the boys. So there was little to no chance that they were going to get alone time.
James turned to Alexis, "I'm hungry."
"Me, too. Think we should take Uncle Owen upstairs and have a snack?"
Both boys sang out, "Yeah!" as they walked towards the elevator. Alexis reached for Owen's hand, trying to make an unspeakable amend. In front of the elevator doors, James had his arms spread opened and said, "Open sesame!" as Jack pushed the button and the doors instantly opened. In unison they exclaimed, "Cool!" and skipped into the elevator.
Once inside the loft, they all removed their shoes and hung their jackets up in the closet. James hopped immediately into his chair at the table and waited for his snack.
"All right boys," Alexis called. "It's either apples with cinnamon or a banana and peanut butter sandwich. I'm taking orders."
"Banana," called James.
"Apples for me," said Jack. "What about you, Owen?"
Jack had gotten the bottle of juice from the refrigerator and was climbing onto the counter when he asked about Owen's snack choice. Owen rushed up behind Jack and exclaimed, "Hey buddy, get down. Let me get the cups."
Jack rolled his eyes and said, "I do this all the time now, Uncle Owen. Mom even knows."
"And she doesn't like it," confessed James. Nothing like your little brother to rat you out.
Putting his arms around Jack's waist, Owen pulled him down and stood him on the floor. Raising his hands in surrender and walking toward the table, Jack said, "Well, don't forget my cup is the Green Lantern cup."
Owen filled their cups while Alexis finished putting their snacks on a plate. She cut up an extra apple and put it on a plate with peanut butter. Owen instinctively grabbed two bottles of water and joined everyone at the table.
He kept the conversation away from the hospital, not knowing if the boy's knew what was really going on.
After everyone finished eating, Alexis sent the kids to watch a movie in the office. The argued about what they were going to watch before settling on The Jungle Book.
Owen was waiting on the couch for Alexis as she emerged from the office. She sighed softly and said, "I sure do love those two."
"I can tell. They love you, too."
She meandered quietly towards him and sat on his left. Curling her knees underneath her, reaching her hand out, she stroked his ear.
She stretched her arm out across the back of the couch, laid her head on her bicep, and smiled at him. "How have you been?" she asked peacefully.
The smile he gave her was a little forced, but at least he was trying. He leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. His left leg was wildly twitching. Bobbing his leg up and down, the cushion was experiencing a small earthquake.
Owen wanted to see Alexis. He wanted her home. But now, the anger about her being away from home was festering inside him, and he couldn't deny that. Running his fingers through his hair, he sat up and said, "So, how's your dad?"
"Hmm, Kate says he's doing better."
"Kate says? Have you not seen him?"
"I saw him briefly. He's not really in the mood to see people right now. He hasn't seen the boys, and they don't know he's alive. Grams has Johanna, and hopefully he will agree to see her soon."
Owen sighed deeply and laid his head back onto the back of the couch. His head hit Alexis's hand, and she ran her fingers through his hair.
"Owen, I know this can't be easy for you, and I just want to thank you for letting me stay here and help Kate and the kids."
Bringing his hand up to his face, Owen squeezed the bridge of his nose. "Do you know when your dad is going to be home?"
"Not really sure. Medically, he can come home. Emotionally, it's a completely a different story. He has been diagnosed with PTSD, and he's going to need therapy. His doctor has set him up with an excellent therapist."
Alexis continued to babble, but Owen's mind was already drifting off. All he heard her say was nothing was going back to normal any time soon. The tension in his lower back was slowly creeping its way up his spine. With every passing second, he felt it make the small, tedious crawl toward his head. Before his head exploded, he had to get the pressure off his chest.
Interrupting her, he fumed, "Alexis! We can't keep going on like this." He quickly rose to his feet, walking about ten feet from her, going towards the windows, thus making their physical separation even more obvious. The rain had let up a little bit. Small droplets hit the windows every few seconds, and the sun tried to peek through the clouds to no avail. Fitting, she thought painfully.
Owen ran his fingers through his hair before he turned around to face Alexis.
The shock on her face was more than obvious. Owen felt bad that he snapped at her. He had never done anything like that to her, but this was his watershed moment. He had to say something. He sat down on the piano bench. Distance, right now he needed distance between them.
"Alexis, I love you. More than you could ever know. And I know when I married you, I married your family. But honey, what about our family? You haven't been home in almost three months. Granted, I have been traveling more with my job, and you being here while I have been gone hasn't been a real problem. But I've been home for almost a week now, and since you're not home and you're not picking up your cellphone, I bet you didn't even know."
Hanging her head, Alexis's hair instantly blocked her view of Owen. She laced her fingers together and inhaled deeply. Lifting her head, she quietly replied, "Owen, I too love you more than you can imagine, but I can't do this. I can't have this conversation or leave Kate just like that."
"No, no, no. I'm not asking you to leave. I know you have taken extended leave from work, and I admire that you have stepped up to help with your brothers and sister. But would it hurt you to acknowledge that you have a husband? Come home every now and then, you know, call often?" Owen's voice was controlled. He didn't want to scare the boys.
Alexis had requested an extended leave of absence from the hospital. It was everyone's hope that Castle would come home and she could care for him medically. But the physical abuse was nothing compared to the mental abuse, which ran much deeper than anyone could imagine.
Alexis was now sobbing into her hands, and Owen's heart just broke. He joined his wife on the couch and took her into his arms. Alexis placed her head on his chest while he ran his fingers through her hair.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "The last thing I wanted to do was make you upset."
"It's not you, it's…everything," she cried. They sat together for a few minutes. Grazing his fingertips up and down her trembling back, Owen tried to comfort Alexis. He could feel her breathing shift from jagged breaths to being more relaxed. She finally sat up, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands.
"Really, Owen. It's not your fault. I have had to be so strong for the boys. First, Dad is dead. Kate had Johanna and needed me then. We find out Dad is alive, and he refuses to see anyone, let alone Kate. Things have just been really, really emotional, and it's all so overwhelming."
"And to make things worse, here I come, all righteous, I know, and the first thing I do is yell at you. I'm definitely not helping."
Alexis leaned against Owen as they sat in the semi-quiet room. Baloo the Bear was singing about the bare necessities in the office, and his voice was floating through the air into the living room. Owen placed his cheek atop Alexis's head and pulled her closer to him. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of his wife. His mind became flooded with thoughts about the emotional toll the last year must have been on this family. They had welcomed him to it when he married Alexis and since then considered him not "extended family" but just "family." So watching his wife suffer with everything that had happened made him grieve too. He gently wiped a tear from his eye as he turned to look at Alexis. She had drifted off to sleep and he wanted to be nowhere else and to somehow make everything all right for everyone.
Martha and Jackson had gone out with Alexis and the boys for lunch. Against Castle's wishes, they sent Alexis home with the boys and brought the baby to the hospital. Kate hadn't really seen her in a week. She knew Johanna was in capable hands, but she needed to be with her. Sitting in the hallway of the hospital, Johanna slept peacefully in her mother's arms, completely unaware of the friction around her. Quietly, Kate let a few tears fall before she wiped her cheeks.
Martha placed her hand on Kate's shoulder. She leaned over, placing her forehead on Kate's temple, and in her infinite wisdom, she said, "Oh kiddo. Please don't cry. You're going to make me cry. And we don't want me to ruin my make up. Next thing you know, they'll be reserving me a bed."
Kate gently laughed, turned and smiled at Martha. "Why does he have to be like this?" Kate questioned. "It's like all of a sudden he doesn't have a filter between his brain and his mouth."
"Has he ever?" Martha replied as they both laughed. "Look Katherine, I know my son. He loves you so much, and in his mind, he thinks if he keeps his demons to himself, you won't get hurt. But we both understand it's just the opposite. Now we need to make him understand that."
"I told him he could confide in me, but he refuses," Kate trembled. "I guess I can't complain too much. Years ago, after my shooting, he was so gracious and let me deal with all of the emotions. He never pushed me. He never rushed me. He was just leading the way, waiting for me to take his hand."
She shifted Johanna's weight and placed her on her chest. The sweet smell of the baby's head flooded her nostrils, bringing a small smile.
Kate added, "I owe him the same respect. But you know what, Martha? He wasn't afraid to bring down my walls, and I'll be damned if I am going to sit back and let him put up some of his own to keep me out. He's not going to be alone in this. I am going to follow him and wait for him no matter what. I will scratch and claw my way in."
"Oh kiddo. Richard can be so stubborn. But you, my girl, you can be, too." Martha winked at Kate as she whispered, "He will come back to you. I guarantee it."
"Rick, think about what you're saying."
"I am thinking."
"Well, you're not thinking clearly; that's for damn sure."
Castle huffed and forcefully leaned back against the hospital bed. Jackson Hunt was sitting across the room, staring disapprovingly at his son. Kate and Martha were in the hall. What Castle didn't know was Kate was sitting in a cold chair, holding their baby wiping tears from her eyes because she had heard everything.
Jackson stood and walked closer to Castle. "Listen son, I spent so many years watching you from a distance," he acknowledged. "And that is something I can't get back and will regret for the rest of my life. But you, you have been given the opportunity to be with your family. The same family you fought so badly to get back to, and for this?"
Castle's fists were clenched tightly. He released his grip and brought his hands up to run his fingers through his hair. Cradling his head into his hands, he exhaled sharply before he snapped, "Who the hell do you think you are? You have some nerve to come in here and tell me how I should live my life. You have no right."
"You know, you're right. I shouldn't have any say or opinion. But I do. Right outside of this door is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to you. You have a woman that is willing to stand by your side no matter what, who will fight for the real you to come back. And from what I understand, neither of you have made this journey easy for the other, at all."
Jackson sat at the end of the bed near Castle's feet. "Like I said, for forty years I watched you. I watched you grow up. I watched you make mistakes and triumph. I watched you become a man and then a father. But you know what I never did? I didn't get to tuck you in at night or take you fishing, or give you advice for prom. I didn't get to be there for you. And I would give anything to change that."
Castle huffed again. He wasn't sure if he was angry at his dad for not being there when he was growing up or for him being here now. Maybe he was mad at himself for knowing his dad was right. It was just too much to take. He shook his head and tried to ignore the pain in his chest. He didn't want his family to experience or go through any more pain and loss because of him. He was not worth it.
"But, Rick, like I said before. I am proud of you. I am proud of the man and the father you have become. Let me help you."
"Help me?" he mocked. "Why? You haven't been here so far, why would you want to be here now?"
"Damn it, Rick! Just stop it!" Jackson argued. "Get off your fucking high horse and let me or Kate help you."
"I don't need your damn help, alright? As far as I'm concerned, you can just leave again and judge me from afar"
"Well, dream on, Richard. I'm not going anywhere and neither is that woman outside your door. So unless you are planning on slipping out during the night, you have no say in this. And the last time I checked, Kate Beckett was the best detective ever to come through the NYPD, so I seriously doubt you would get far. But if you think you're up to the challenge, buddy boy, go ahead."
"The best detective? Seriously? If she is so good, why didn't she find me? Did she even bother to look?" The hatred was almost palpable. His neck veins were about to burst, and he didn't even acknowledge it.
And there it is, thought Jackson triumphantly. Castle finally revealed why he was so angry.
"Richard Castle, don't you dare say something like that!" Martha scolded.
Both men ripped their heads toward the door. In the middle of their screaming match, they didn't hear Martha and Kate enter the room.
Kate stood with her mouth agape. Her expression could not hide her shock. She stood dumbfounded and clutched her daughter tighter to her chest. The color had drained from her face. Her eyes darted frantically around the room looking for an escape, but her limbs were not responding. She felt as if the room was spinning and just wanted to run away.
Instead, she quietly turned around and walked out of the room while a new wave of tears treacherously betrayed her hurt.
Martha gritted her teeth and hissed, "What are you waiting for? Go after her!" The narrowing look in her eyes was not one to be argued with.
Castle rose from his bed and walked toward his parents. Glaring, he pointed towards the door and revealed, "Get the hell out of my room. Now!"
"No," Jackson stood his ground and shielding Martha with his body, quietly replied. "We are not going anywhere." He walked over to where the table and chairs were and sat down.
"And if that stubborn head of yours knows what is good for you, you will immediately go after that girl and bring her back," said Martha as she joined Jackson.
"Mother," Castle hissed. But Martha cut him off before he could say anything more.
"Do you seriously think that Katherine would not come looking for you if she remotely thought you were alive?" Castle went to answer; again she stopped him.
"No. You don't get to say anything. You just sit down and listen." Disarmed by his mother's commanding voice, Castle did just as he was instructed.
"That woman went through hell after you were declared dead," Martha began. "Richard you know damn well that she would have gone to hell and back if she even suspected you could have survived that crash. There was no doubt in anybody's mind that you were dead. The evidence said so. She held your sons as they cried over the loss of their father. She stood by Alexis as she worked through the loss. Alone, with only grief as company, she gave birth. That Katherine is one strong woman. Not once did she cry in front of the boys, not once did she break down, not once did she…" Martha's voice trailed off as she began to cry. Blinking away the tears, she found her strength to continue.
"And if you think that for one moment, she thought you were alive and she gave up on you, you don't deserve her. Let her leave and get over you."
Castle admitted defeat to himself when he let out a loud sigh. He looked sideways at his mother with a last sliver of anger in his eyes.
"Listen, kiddo. It's only natural to be angry. But don't direct your anger towards her. She is not the one to blame and neither are you. Let her in. You're damn lucky to have her and your family back."
Martha strolled to the bed and brushed her fingers through Castle's hair. His head was down, refusing to look at his mother. Cupping his face with her hands, she gently pulled his face to hers. Placing a kiss on his forehead, she whispered, "Don't forget you have a baby girl that has never met her daddy. Johanna Rodgers Castle is only a baby, Richard, your baby. And she needs both her parents."
"Wh-What? Rodgers? Her name is…"
"Yes, Richard," Martha smiled. "Now, go."
Castle smiled as he stood to his feet. Wrapping Martha in his arms, he whispered "Thank you," and placed a kiss on her cheek before going in to the hall. He looked in both directions. Nurses were busy going over charts and speaking with the doctors. Around a pillar to his right, he thought he saw Kate's hair. Rushing toward her, his heart began to flutter like butterfly wings. He rounded the corner to discover it's the head nurse, Alyssa. Panicking, his eyes scanned the long hallway. Bouncing from wall to wall to the end of the hall, his eyes searched frantically for her. He turned around to go to the other side of the nurse's station. She had to be here somewhere. Faintly, he thought he heard his name. Turning on his heels, he saw Alyssa approaching him. "Mr. Castle, are you okay?" she asked.
"Um, yeah. I'm looking for Kate. Have you seen her?" He tried unsuccessfully to hide the panic in his voice and in his eyes.
"Yes, sir. She left with the baby a few minutes ago. I asked if she was planning to come back, and she said 'not today'. Is something wrong?"
Castle was instantly hit with the overwhelming urge to vomit. His head was spinning, his brain went blank and he felt as if he had just been punched in the gut. He hung his head, as Alyssa immediately grabbed his arm and led him back to his room. Instead of talking to Kate, he pushed her away. And this time, it might have been his one last time.
A/N: Hang in there, our story isn't over... :)
Thank you to ever one for your reviews!