Italics are a flashback.

Song used is I Still Ain't over You by Augustana.

The Start Of Something New

Chapter Fourteen

Out of luck and out of tune
Half a day and left confused
Love may wash away the bruise
But I still ain't over you

Days had passed in between from the last time Brooke had seen Nick, when he abruptly announced that he would like to be involved with her and as Brooke leaned back in her seat upon the airplane bound for home in Los Angeles, she couldn't help but mull over the way her life had become since her very first encounter with Nick, up to the two days she spent in Tree Hill to celebrate Thanksgiving in Tree Hill and what it had brought her—a life without Nick. Had she really been stupid enough to have said she didn't want to see him again?

She needed to be on her own. She needed to be alone. And in his response to her harsh comment, he had walked out on Thanksgiving dinner, before it had even begun, leaving the others to question her emotional involvement towards the guy. Was she falling for Nick? Had that been the reason she had let him walk out of her life for good? She didn't change her mind, there were no second chances. Nick had gone and done what Brooke had ordered. He had allowed himself to walk out of her life. There was no turning back.

--

An hour and a half after Brooke and Nick had arrived in Tree Hill and then at Nathan and Haley's place, Nick had been formally inducted into their clan when the guys had discovered the talent he possessed playing basketball while Brooke and Peyton assisted Haley to prepare Thanksgiving dinner.

"Wow, Nick is really quite awesome at basketball," Peyton exclaimed, turning back to Brooke and Haley after she watched Lucas, Nathan, Jamie and Nick play basketball outside. "Plus he's not too half bad on the eye candy. You've got great taste. Nice job, Brooke. "

"And I agree with you there," Haley added while she chopped onion.

Peyton and Haley bared a wide grin to Brooke which made her blush.

"Uh-huh, just don't let Lucas and Nathan know," Brooke stated with a small laugh.

"No, honestly," Peyton began, studying Brooke's unsure face. "He seems like a really nice guy and the guys like him so that's something. He seems to care for you a lot, Brooke."

Brooke just stood there, reeling from what Peyton had said. She knew he cared for her. He said he wanted to be with her but Peyton nor Haley knew that. Brooke hadn't told them and she didn't want to tell them.

"Yeah, I know all that but it's scary falling in love."

There would be the excitement of being with a man she loved. The commitment to share lives and futures, she knew in her mind, she didn't want a man with a dangerous profession. Yet her heart yearned for Nick.

"No!" she said aloud, shocking both Peyton and Haley. It was all so confusing. He had other friends, yet he chose to spend his spare time with her and her friends. Maybe, just maybe, she was falling for him.

"Is Nick important to you?" Peyton asked, getting straight to the point.

Brooke closed her eyes, wishing she could say a resounding No! But she was fearful she was in over her head and whichever way she chose would cause heartache—either now or later.

"I don't want him to be," she said at last.

"Why?" Haley asked with concern in her voice.

"He's a police officer. He's been injured before as a result of his work. He could be hurt again."

"And?"

"I can't go through losing someone I love again. It hurts too much."

Peyton and Haley were silent for a moment.

"We don't always get to choose," Peyton said at last. "Don't throw away something precious."

"I can't do it again. I can't risk it. You guys saw me when I learned about Adam. I was a wreck. I can't bear that pain again." And she feared it would be worst with Nick. She hadn't known him nearly as long, but her feelings seemed more intense, more mature. She couldn't imagine a world without him in it. How would she ever live through his death?

"We're too different," she continued. "Being with him scares me."

"I scare you?" Nick asked from behind the girls. He had obviously come inside through the back door and quietly overheard what Brooke had said. Brooke turned around to face Nick with a startled expression. She wasn't expecting to have Nick eavesdrop in on the conversation. She was expressing her fears and doubts to Haley and Peyton and sure, she should probably be conveying her uncertainties to Nick but right now, she wasn't expecting to—until now. She was just glad Lucas and Nathan hadn't come up behind Nick as well. She wasn't sure how to handle the situation but she knew if everyone was caught in the middle, the circumstance would then become a whole lot more nerve-racking.

"We'll leave you two to talk together," Haley finally said, breaking the earth shattering tension that felt like it could shatter glass into a million pieces.

Haley did a once over to her dinner preparation before she and Peyton removed themselves from the awkwardness that was surrounding Haley's kitchen, but not before Peyton swiftly turned to Brooke and mouthed "good luck" to her.

For a moment, Brooke studied him, hoping she'd find the right words to explain herself profoundly. He looked dark and intense and more fabulous than any man had a right to. She wasn't sure she had the courage to go through with this. But for her own sake and Nicks, she had to. She couldn't string him along any more than she had already been doing. It wasn't right for her to have him fall for her in hoping someday she would feel the same way about him as he did for her.

She did not want to be paralysed with the pain of falling in love with someone only to lose them to an early death once more.

He looked wonderful. His shirt was unbuttoned, his sleeves rolled back over his arms from playing basketball. His jeans were fitted, soft from wear and moulding his long legs. His hair needed a trim but he looked terrific. Her heart sped up which made it even harder to explain herself in terms she needed to get out.

"So I scare you?" Nick asked, sounding astonished so that the question was no longer on the tip of his tongue but it was hanging in the air waiting to be answered. Brooke could tell it was like she had hit an iceberg. She saw his cheek muscles clench to cloak his tension. Brooke wished she had that knack.

Brooke inhaled a deep breath before speaking. "Being with you does," she clarified lightly. "There's a difference. Of course you don't scare me. You're kind and honourable and fun to be around. That's some of what scares me."

"I don't get it."

"I could fall for you," Brooke blurted out unintendedly. She refused to admit she already had. She would nip that infatuation in the butt. She was fighting to keep her heart whole and safe. For the first time she spoke, he seemed to relax.

"Well—"

"No, don't joke about it, Nick. I'm serious. I'm not up to that. Not now, maybe not ever. I don't want to fall in love. I don't want my life to be tied to someone else's. I don't want to be a hostage to fear the rest of my life."

"It's the police officer thing isn't it?"

"Partly, but only partly. I don't want to get caught up with anyone. It's much safer this way."

"Safer than what?"

"Than being crushed when a person I love dies. For several weeks before you met me, I didn't know if I could even get up in the morning."

"That's a natural progress of grieving. But you did get up, you moved ahead. I know it was tough losing Adam, but you got past it. You have your whole life ahead of you."

"And I'm feeling safe now. The worst of the grief is gone but not all of it. And I remember. Now I have my baby to plan for, Clothes over Bros to expand and more designs to look forward to. I feel I'm in charge of things—and I like that. I want it to continue. I do not want to be at the whim of fate and risk losing someone close to me again. So I don't want to fall for you. I don't want to tempt fate by spending time with you and trying not to fall in love. It's better if we just end it now."

She wanted to dash from the house—from Tree Hill. She had said what she needed to say; now she needed to be alone.

But Nick didn't know that. And he had his own agenda.

"You don't mean that, Brooke. You can't. We have something special going on here. Something unexpected that neither one of us went looking for, but it found us anyway, I don't want to call it quits. I want to spend time with you, see if these feelings can grow and strengthen and give us each other."

She shook her head. She didn't want to hear anything like this. He had to agree to end things immediately. He had to!

"Hear me out," he said, stepping closer, placing his hands on her shoulders. She tried not to notice the tingling sensations his touch caused. She was hanging on by a thread.

"I've spent my entire adult life planning to play things safe, not get involved. I vowed never to be responsible for someone else. I wanted safe too. But you changed that. Knowing you shows me what I'm missing."

"No, you're missing nothing. This is just sexual attraction. You don't want a serious relationship," Brooke said.

"I do. I want one with you. I love you, Brooke."

She heard the words and panic flared once more.

Wrenching herself free, she turned as if concerned, seeking a way out. Nick blocked the path to the door.

"No, I don't want to hear this."

"Maybe you need to hear this sweetheart. It changes everything. I love you. I want you to fall in love with me, for us to get married. We'll raise your baby."

"No!" What if she fell for his words? What if she fell all the way in love with Nick, and he died? How could she bear the pain a second time? She couldn't do it.

"No. I don't want to see you again." She took a calming breath, tried to school her voice to betray none of the agitation she felt. This had not gone at all as she wished. She thought, hoped, he'd agree instantly.

For a moment, she was tempted. But she was not strong enough after all. She had to watch out for herself and her baby, and risking her heart again was not an option.

"Nick, please respect my wishes. Don't call me. Don't come by my apartment to see me. Let's part as friends."

"I don't want to part," he said in dissatisfaction.

"Please, don't make this any harder than it is." Could she hold out? She felt like dwindling when she looked into his eyes. She saw pain there. Was it reflected in her own?

"If it's hard, why do it?" he asked.

"I have to. I just have to."

He said nothing. After a moment, he stood aside and walked to the door. In only seconds, he was out the door, heading towards the bus line to get to the airport.

Brooke saw pain in his eyes as he left and felt the pain in her heart.

She was doing the right thing. She knew she was. But it still hurt.

"Better a short hurt now than after I really got to know him, made him a part of my life. This will pass quickly. To go on would have threatened everything—my very existence," she told herself.

--

A few days later when Nick had safely made it home again after he walked out of Thanksgiving, he couldn't believe everything that had happened. He had bared his soul to Brooke. He had told her he loved her and that he wanted to marry her. And she had said no. She had turned him down.

He couldn't help but wonder if this was how Brooke felt when she learned of Adam's death. Was this was she feared? Did she fear the emptiness he hadn't desired ever in his life? He had wanted her to come back to him. He had wanted to stay and make her listen to him. He had wanted to hear her say that everything was one big misunderstanding and that she did want him to be a part of her life. He loved her! Had she heard him? He had never loved another woman like the way he loved Brooke.

Of course she had heard him but it had been the last thing she had wanted to hear. And if the truth be known, Nick wasn't entirely sure he wanted to love her either. Not now. Not when she'd spurned him without giving them a chance. But feelings had nothing much to do with wants.

Only guarantees suited Brooke, and those couldn't be given. No one knew if he'd be alive tomorrow. He didn't want to cause her pain by dying young. But what if he lived to be eighty? She had thrown away his chance at happiness because of fear. Fear of something that might never happen.

Or could happen at the next stake out, a voice in his head said.

If so, all the more reason to see each other as much as they could. Life was too short to ignore what was right in front of them. How could she throw it all away?

He threw himself down on the sofa, staring off into space. Life sucked. He had been a fool to let his guard down and fall for a pretty brunette with an engaging smile. He wanted her with a power he hadn't known before. But she didn't want him. The irony wasn't lost on him. He'd fought love for so long—even the concept. Now he had fallen right on his face. He should have never introduced himself all those weeks ago. God, he wanted her.

The next few weeks were going to be the hardest in Brooke's life. She knew that as Brooke quietly slipped into her apartment later that evening after she had arrived back in Los Angeles and headed for home. She didn't feel like doing anything else but go home and sleep off her worrying pain and jet lag.

Nick had only been gone for a few days but she missed him already. A phone call would have him back in no time. The apartment was quite. Sighing, Brooke lay down her overnight carry bags on the chaise lounge and headed to her bedroom. Tomorrow she would unpack her bags. Tonight, all she wanted to do was sleep away her taunted twinge of emotional sorrow.

'Cuz When the walls come crashing in
When the flames come closer down
Just remember time and again
I still ain't over you