A/N - Hey guys, I'm so sorry for the delay and for the problems with the formatting of this chapter. Hopefully all the issues have been ironed out now and all will be good. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and finally our two lovebirds seem to be making some headway, lets hope they'll get a truly happy ending one day. As always please read and like and review your comments and likes mean a lot to me and keep me inspired to write!
It has been nearly two months since Charlie brought Sasha to Romania with him and she was finally beginning to come back to herself. She still woke nearly every night screaming and filled with terror but now at least she was able to sleep afterwards again. She was beginning to eat more and was regaining some weight and colour. She had even begun to talk a little more and have conversations with Charlie. Last week he had come home from work to find her talking to one of his colleagues and as he watched he could see for the first time that the conversation and her smile were genuine and not forced or faked and it lifted his heart to see it.
He spent his day under the hot Romanian sun moving through his duties almost mechanically as he worries about Sasha. As usual by the time he has finished work he is itching to return home and as he approaches his hut he sees her, sitting silently on the porch bench, legs up and arms wrapped round them. She is wearing one of his t-shirts, a habit that he would never tire of as he loved seeing her in his clothes far too much, and a pair of leggings. Despite the simple clothing and the lack of makeup, despite the fact that her hair was tied in a messy bun on the top of her head she looked beautiful in setting sun.
"Hey Princess, what you doing?" he asks quietly as he puts his bag down by the door and sits beside her. She doesn't look at him but the way she automatically leans into his body not only lifts his heart but lets him know that she has heard him and so they sit in silence, enjoying the sunset while he waits for her to be ready to speak to him.
"I'm all alone now Charlie," she whispers after a while and he turns to look at her in confusion and concern.
"What are you talking about Sash? We're all here, I am here," he says urgently, trying to show her through his tone how sincere he is and she turns to him finally, tears swimming in her eyes as she stares up at him.
"I'm so tired of being weak," she says now and he sighs as his arm wraps around her automatically, shocked when she pushes him away and stands suddenly moving towards the steps that lead down and away from the house.
"Sash…" he begins standing too but keeping his distance to allow her to come to him if she needed, briefly musing over the fact that lately he seemed to be treating her in a way not dissimilar to the way he treated injured dragons.
"It's like the last seven years of my life have been a blur of weakness and pain and I hate it Charlie. I am so sick of crying and screaming and hurting. I'm sick of being so dependent on people and pushing them away at the same time. I am sick of feeling guilty. I hate it Charlie, I hate it and I hate that I'm still scared. I'm scared for those that I have left, I'm scared that I'm going to lose you all and that I'll never be able to feel normal again," she is almost panting when she finishes her rant her legs shaking as she moves back to the bench and sinks heavily into it.
For a long moment neither of them move as he takes in everything she has said. Eventually though he moves forward, kneeling in front of her and taking her hands gently in his own.
"You are not weak princess, you have suffered more than most people have to suffer in a life time and there is no shame in needing help through those times, you know that and no matter how hard you try to you could never lose us, you could never lose me," he says earnestly and she glances up at him a flush already burning on her cheeks.
"What about when you find someone… when you fall in love and start a family?" she asks, her breath catching and her face burning as she realises that she has just said that out loud and Charlie feels his own face flush and his heart speed up as he realises that this is his chance to tell her but he isn't entirely sure he's ready, or if she is ready, if she feels the same.
"Never going to happen princess," he murmurs, his voice sounding thick with emotion as he attempted to control himself, years of pent up and hidden feelings threatening to break free.
"It will one day though Charlie, as much as I want to… I can't… you," she breaks off with a sigh and turns her head away, gasping softly as he grasps her chin suddenly and pulls her back round to face him.
"I will never leave you Sasha, I promise you that, never," he says, so seriously that she smiles despite herself and nods a tiny bit, her heart thundering so quickly she felt almost sick with it.
"Thank you," she whispers, leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek before standing and announcing that she was going to get some sleep.
For the next few days she stays very quiet as she thinks things through. She knew now that she must begin living again, that no matter what had happened, what was still likely to happen in this war, she needed to be strong. Her parents were together again and they were watching over her, just as Cedric and Dumbledore and Sirius were. She knew that she must start living in the present if she was to help win this fight and save those she had left. Guilt was beginning to seep back in to her thoughts as she thought of Harry, Hermione and Ron out there alone, they would be struggling without her and she should get back to them. Of course the twins had been writing coded notes to Charlie and it had been communicated that the rest of the family were safe and that Sasha should stay there, she was on the wanted list now and it would be virtually suicide for her to travel back to England but she couldn't see how she could stay there without doing anything to help. She had always been there to help and she needed to be now too. Then there was Charlie. Just the idea of staying with him made her heart flutter and her stomach churn, her love for him was just strong as ever, stronger even since he had helped her, seen her at her most vulnerable and still stuck with her but now… she was beginning to think that he may feel something for her too. She would never have believed it, never have hoped it but something in his voice and his eyes when he had promised to never leave her…
Sighing in frustration, she throws herself onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling. It was times like this that she really needed Hermione or Ginny to talk things through with because she really didn't know what to do. Should she tell him how she feels? She know's him well enough to know that he would never tell her how he felt if she didn't go first but could she really risk it if he didn't feel the same. If she did tell him and he saw her only as a sister it would crush her and it would ruin them.
"Somebody just give me a sign," she growls into the empty house, freezing as she hears a sudden crash from the living room. She is on her feet in an instant, her wand held tightly in her hand, heart beating wildly as she creeps out into the short corridor and down towards the living room. Silently she peers around the corner and surveys the empty room, letting out a sigh of relief as she sees the open window and the smashed picture on the floor. The breeze must have knocked it down. nevertheless she casts a few charms to check there is no one else in the house and when she is satisfied she is alone she moves out and casts a quick 'repairo' to fix the broken frame and fix it. A smile spreading across her face as she sees the picture. It is the one she had sent him all those years ago, of her dancing with the twins at the Yule Ball and glancing around she sees it is the only picture he has displayed in the house and that makes up her mind for her. She would tell him, tonight, and then she would leave to find Harry and help win this war so that she may hope for happiness with Charlie, or for him at least if he did not return her feelings.
Her resolve was set though and despite the knot that had settled in her stomach she showered and dressed in shorts and a t shirt, brushing through her hair and then going to sit on the porch to let her hair dry naturally, she liked to let it dry the muggle way, and await Charlie's return from work.
"Hey Princess," the voice and use of her nickname startles her and causes heat to flush through her as she looks up and smiles. His own heart swells and he feels his smile widening as he sees her looking better, healthier and happier than she had since… well since before the Quidditch World Cup.
"Charlie, will you… I mean… can we… do you want to go for a walk with me?" she stutters, internally reprimanding herself, how would she ever tell him how she felt if she couldn't even ask that properly.
"Of course, let me just dump this and then we'll go," he says excitedly throwing his bag inside the house and grabbing her hand, leading her away from the house.
They walk for an hour or so, Charlie showing her the sights, the dragons and the mountains and the lake and relishing every gasp and excited noise that she makes, her fingers squeezing his and her other hand occasionally grabbing at his arm as she sees a dragon take flight or something catches her sight in a way that takes him back to the afternoon of the World Cup when everything had been so new and full of magic for her. Eventually, he leads her to a little outcrop overlooking the lake, the mountains serving as a backdrop for the setting sun and they sit for a while in silence just watching the beauty of sky as it lit everything up with purples and oranges and reds.
"It's beautiful," she murmurs and he nods in response although his eyes never leave her, he doesn't think that he has ever seen her look more beautiful than she did in this moment, a happy contented look on her face for the first time in years and the sunset reflecting off of her skin making it glow slightly.
"How are you feeling?" he asks after a while and she turns to smile at him briefly before looking back over the lake.
"Much better," she responds before taking a deep breath and turning to face him again, "I do have something I need to tell you though and I don't know how you'll respond and it's… it's really hard to, to say so I need you to be quiet and just listen okay," she says and his face shows his confusion and his concern are visible on his face even as he nods slowly and she takes another deep breath and closes her eyes. It would be easier to say this if she wasn't looking at him she decides as she turns to stare out at the darkening lake once more. "Charlie Weasley I'm in love with you," she suddenly exclaims in a rush, feeling her face flush deeply and letting her breath out shakily.
"You mean it?" he asks and something about his tone of voice makes her turn to look at him and she nods her head, gasping as he suddenly pulls her towards him and kisses her gently.
She doesn't think she could ever do justice to that kiss in a description and neither does he. It is like coming home for the first time, like being complete and whole and happy for the first time in their lives, as if up until now they had been living their lives in black and white and now everything was in glorious technicolour. It was cliched and sounded ridiculous but it was the truth and it was incredible and intense, although that may have something to do with the fact that they had been hiding their feelings from one another for so long.
"I have loved you for so long, too long," he whispers to her when they part, foreheads pressed against one another and breath mingling.
"Really?" she asks her eyes shining and he smiles moving away slightly and tucking a few stray strands of hair behind her ear, leaving his palm resting against her cheek. "I always assumed you just thought I was an annoying little kid hanging around that just sort of became your best friend," she muses and he laughs.
"I think the second I saw you the summer of your fifth year at the qudditch cup I knew I was in trouble," he smiles and she smiles in response before her own smile slips slightly.
"I have to leave soon though," she says sadly and he starts pulling her around to face him and letting his worry show in his face and voice as he speaks.
"What are you talking about princess?" he asks and she sighs, letting her fingers trace across the features of his face briefly and delighting in the fact that she could do this freely now, as she had wished to do for so many years.
"I have to go back and help Harry and Hermione and Ron," she says quietly and he tenses even further, pulling her hands into his, his eyes pleading with her, despite the fact that he could tell her mind was made up and she was too stubborn for her own good, it was part of the reason he loved her.
"It's too dangerous Sash, the twins, they said, you're being hunted," he tries and she smiles again, leaning forward to kiss him softly.
"I have to Charlie, I have to try to help," she whispers when she pulls away and he hangs his head slightly, her hands still held firmly in his own.
"I can't go with you Sash, I can't protect you," he murmurs and she sighs a little leaning into his chest as he lets go of her hands and winds his arms around her body pulling her flush against him as they gaze out into the darkness.
"You have to trust me Charlie, and I can go knowing that you love me, I have something to fight for, our future," she says quietly and his arms tighten around her his head buried against her neck, his lips grazing against her neck in a way that made her shudder.
"I love you more than anything and I trust you above anyone, I don't want you to go but you better promise me you won't take any risks, stay safe for me princess so that we have a future together after all of this is done," he mutters into her skin and she nods her head, her heart feeling both lighter and heavier than it had in a long time, a feeling that caused knots of joy and tension to build within her. Why couldn't things ever just be easy and simple?