A/N: Hello again, readers, it's been a long time indeed since I last updated this story, about a year perhaps? But lately my Gundam Wing ideas have been raging and I love the future emotional catharsis that awaits Duo and all the other pilots. I apologize for inactivity. I expect that this fic will be updated during the week of 6/10-6/15-however, I also have another fic I wish to update-Volitant. Just like this one, volitant deals with siblings, lol, and what comes out of it. Although, I do intend on maybe doing Endless Waltz with this one. This IS my longest currently-running SI oc fic (aureus ductor is on hiatus but still being continued in aureus puer's form).

Hooray, five years of my first SI OC fic! I noticed more activity from the Gundam Wing community lately, so maybe that's what ignited this fic? Anyhow, I have some interesting ideas for where this fic can go that I will use this chapter to show. (It's been forever since I saw gw so my memories might be fuzzy forgive me)

sudden brief narrator change in intro/then back to duo because uh trowa goes on long philosophical rambles...tbh if you ARE going off on philosophical tangents, you are getting gundam right, I think. sorry for the lack of action going on here, but there WILL be action soon.

""The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him."

― G.K. Chesterton

Mission 14: Respite

Space is good.

Space is what's dear to us, it's what we must protect above all else.

This is what we've been told all our lives. It's what binds us to our existence as Gundam pilots. We must do whatever we can, use whatever force we need, and take down all enemies that stand in our way. There is no getting around this path.

We knew we would be getting our hands stained with blood, blood of innocent people sometimes and other times the blood of the guilty. We knew that with war approaching, that we would be killing entire families, their children, soldiers trying to do their jobs, and other innocents in our endless quest for justice for the universe. We chose to ignore the morals that have held up society for so long, because we didn't feel like listening to them when they practiced the same things that they condemned us innocent teenagers for, only on a higher scale.

We set out on this destiny knowing that what we are doing is essentially murder in its highest form: war, outright massacre, carnage, whatever you want to call it. But we've all seen the suffering that OZ and the Romefeller groups perpetrate, over and over again. We refuse to allow it to happen any longer. As long as they exist, we Gundam pilots will exist and hunt them down and make them fear for their lives, make them beg for mercy, make them watch as their dreams of dominating us, of dominating space go up in smoke and then we extinguish their lives for violating the peace of the universe.

The path towards peace has always required bloodshed, and this is no different. In fact, why would you condemn us for doing what has to be done when there simply is no other way around it? Should all five of us sit there and talk with our enemies, make them see reason, make them our friends and suddenly the whole world has become full of cheerful hearts and rainbows, and the war is over? Don't make me laugh, something like that will never happen, not as long as humans are the way that they are. We are on this destiny for a reason, and that reason is to make the world a better place. To enact change, we must kill and take lives. This is a part of the truth that has been very hard for me to accept, however, it must be one of my purposes in life, because otherwise, what purpose is there in my life?

I possess no memories of my past before I was taken in by the doctor and given my purpose for existing. OZ is my enemy. I will destroy OZ and all who stand with it and for it, all of those who seek to enslave us and steal what is dear to us away forever. That is my purpose as a Gundam pilot-to deliver the universe from this evil that has overcome it. It doesn't matter how I personally feel about it, that is what must be done.

I know the others all disagree in different ways. Yuy has recently awoken from his coma and is doing better, actually, too unbelievably better. How someone like him can survive so much really makes me wonder about my own mortality and if I get in a fight like that, will I be killed, too, or survive? How do we even know what awaits us at the end of all of it?

How do we know that we won't be killed at the end of this long struggle? How do we know that we won't be stabbed in the back, shot at or left to hang, as symbols of how we betrayed space and the nations themselves to slaughter untold innocents? It seems increasingly unlikely that we will get out of this situation alive. If we did, I could sleep properly at night without fears. But I am still haunted by the lives I have ended, however fast their deaths were. It is something that does not go away, no matter how hard you try to make it end.

In the end, I know one thing, that I am mortal and that I will perish, even if the dream of freeing space from tyranny comes true, perhaps I will never live to witness it. Many such greats have done so. I am just a foolish young man convinced that he can change the world. So are the other four. Yuy is an interesting one for sure, enigmatic as hell and hard to read, but definitely he gets the job done. He's a silent one, but so am I, so we have that in common.

Quatre Winner is...certainly an interesting one, too. Who'd imagine a Gundam pilot would be so steadfastly clinging to the idea of pacifism during the heat of battle and killing innocents? It's a moment of pure hypocritical ideation, or, no, would you call that a paradoxical whimsy? I don't know if he knows he has to kill and does it because he has no choice or if he does it and espouses peace as a means to cover for that thirst for blood we all have in our veins. Either way, he's much too kind-hearted for this. In the end, he'll be broken or he will see someone else break and he will die. He's loyal and an interesting ally, though, and I do have to admire his devotion to his beliefs, absurd as the idea of true peace seems in the here and now.

Number Five is something else, definitely a dedicated and talented fighter. His bloodlust is very high, but like me, I sense he has a finesse for the whole thing. He seems very rash and spontaneous, though not without reason. He is exactly like Yuy-not a team player, but a lone wolf type. That will have to change if we are all to work together in this. I didn't really get to meet him for too long so my impression of him isn't as clear as the image of the others are.

Which leaves me with one last pilot to discuss, perhaps the most normal of us all and yet uncanny...Number 02, or, as he cheerfully told us, "Duo Maxwell." Like the rest of us, Maxwell shares the same goal-to eliminate OZ and save outer space and all of it from utter annihilation. He clearly has some bloodthirst, but he's more discreet about hiding it, from what I've noticed.

What's a bit more off-putting, though, is how...normal he is. He seems utterly well-adjusted to the idea of dying out in the middle of space, being kidnapped, or killed inside a giant robotic suit, he doesn't seem to have any problems with it. He can blend in. He's smart, he's cunning and he's good at hiding his tracks. He looks like one of the populace that OZ controls.

Apparently, Maxwell broke in to save Yuy from OZ, a very bold and daring plan indeed and escaped. He is constantly on the move and trusts no one-or, if I might be so inclined to say so-Maxwell does trust too much, the same as Winner. Those are not good traits for a Gundam pilot to possess. It leads to nothing more than foolishness in the heat of battle to trust that your enemy will not kill you. It is better to kill them first before they can kill you.

That being said, Maxwell isn't stupid, he is charming, friendly and an all-around nice guy, the best kind of disguise, honestly, for the most ruthless soldier. The cheerful one can be the one who snaps your neck without a second thought. He looks normal, so he blends in. But at the same time, he stands out like a sore thumb. The "sore thumb" aspect is probably his lack of planning ahead, he mostly lounges about and then attacks when needed. He has no backup plans and seems to trust that things will work out.

The idea of a psychic power is utterly absurd, however sometimes Maxwell seems to know a lot more than he should. How he got such knowledge, I'll never know. We Gundam pilots don't reveal our secrets to each other, we just work alongside each other and carry our secrets home with us, and put them to rest when we rest. Nothing is entirely certain, but the one thing I can say about Maxwell for certain is that he has lost a lot of people important to him.

Why else would he casually greet us, total strangers, like we were long time friends? Why else would he save Yuy when he had nothing to gain out of it but OZ coming after him? Why would he run so many risks?

All I can say is that he must have great hopes in us, a group of strangers, instead of rationally fearing that he will die in the process.

Maxwell is one hell of a fighter and strong to boot. That's a plus. He doesn't lose his cool as much as others do. He has erred in battle, but he does his best.

However, I am still very curious about him. Who is he, really? Duo can't be his real name. But then again, Trowa isn't my real name. We all don't share our real names and contact info with others, mainly because we don't need to and can't afford the risk of exposure.

All I can say for now is that Yuy is going somewhere else for a while-without his mobile suit, he can't be an effective fighter.

But there is one thing I can say about all of us with certainty: we all wish OZ would die and we all love space. Enough to die for it.

Duo's POV (regular pov has returned for the rest of the fic)

Sometimes I can't help looking back on the past and wondering what should have happened differently. But at the same time, I also realized that I can only live the life that I have currently without any real regrets.

I am not afraid of being myself anymore. I will do what I can to bring the normalcy of the world back into order. I will do it even if it costs me my life, my soul or my sanity. Dreaming of Sister Helen the other day made me realize that, past life or not, this world is also mine, it is not a game, it is all very real. The mistakes I make cost me things and they hurt dearly.

I still recall how it felt to kill that man, how smug I felt afterwards, and how it affected my emotional stability afterwards.

I recalled briefly how jarring it was to be in normal society after ages of being at war, before the actual main event has begun. It's almost like I lived in two different worlds during all of this. How in denial can you be to act like it's not happening right in front of you when it really is?

I suppose that's what my old world would call part of PTSD, huh?

"Considering the circumstances, I suppose it's not irrational to acquire such a thing." I muttered.

After all, seeing everyone you care about slaughtered in the blink of an eye in a second life as a child can really screw you up. It's just that I haven't fallen apart from all of it because I'm good at moving on, or at least acting like I have. Acting is the best trick you have here. You either kill people or else you die.

That's the truth of being a soldier. I'm not here to be everyone's friend. I'm here to do what needs to be done.

But still, my mind cannot forget the images of dead soldiers, ones I gunned down with Deathscythe. My mind refused to let me forget.

Over and over again, I saw the image in my head, of corpses, decapitated, bludgeoned, bloody...and shook my head, trying to clear my mind so I could think properly. However, I kept feeling a terrible dread going through me, a feeling that something very terrible was going to happen shortly.

"I'll deal with that whenever the hell it hits me." I said reassuringly to myself.

No matter how near or how far it might be, I was certain of one thing-that I was myself.

That's more than enough reason to keep on fighting.