Stay Strong, Breakdown

She let her mind wander wherever it wanted to go, settling on random things until, finally, Lily started to think about Christmas. Like every other holiday, her parents often went all out for the Christmas season. Lily had whined and complained about the excessive decoration and how she couldn't seem to walk anywhere in the house without tripping over a sprig of holly or one of the endless garlands her mother spread around the house.

Most importantly, Christmas was a family holiday and no matter how much Lily complained, the traditions that she whined about the most were also her favourite. It was the one time of the year Lily and Petunia always put aside their differences – to the best of their abilities – for their parents. She took a shaky breath, only slightly surprised by the tears rolling down her face. She hadn't even realized they'd started.

It wasn't easy. She appreciated what James was trying to do, and she didn't really want to be alone for Christmas, but he had his family. It was hard for her to see how warmly he'd been greeted and to think that she wasn't going to feel her mother's arms around her ever again. The sobs started coming in earnest, so much so that she jumped when she felt the bed shift under someone else's weight.

"Tink?" James' hand was gentle as he brush hair away from her forehead, brushing down her cheeks to brush the tears slipping down her cheeks. "What's wrong, Love?"

Lily sniffled, trying to get control over her emotions again. She hadn't meant to let herself go like that. She stayed stiff as a board when James stretched out beside her and pulled her into his arms, but eventually she relaxed, clutching his shirt in her shaking hands. Slowly she pulled herself back together, quieting to sniffles.

James knew she'd talk when she was ready. It was Lily's way. "Ready to head down to dinner?" he whispered, trying to change her focus.

She pushed away slightly, lightly brushing against the wet spot she'd left on his shoulder. "I got your shirt wet."

"S'okay. I've got more in my closet. Ready for dinner?"

With a deep, if shaky breath, Lily nodded, pushing herself all the way out of James' arms so she could get up and head to the bathroom. She had not been blessed with a complexion that didn't swell and puff when she cried, but it was nothing a little cold water couldn't fix.

James sat on the edge of her bed, listening to the water run and Lily's still shaky breathing. "Everything okay, Tink?" he asked again, concern soaking his voice.

"Fine," she said weakly. "Memory lane caught up with me."

He'd honestly expected her to break down earlier than this and had been deeply disturbed by the strength with which she carried herself through the halls of Hogwarts. He felt a little relieved that she had. "I'm worried," he admitted.

She smiled at him as she made her way to her trunk, but even she knew the expression didn't meet her eyes. "That's sweet, James, but I'll be fine. It's my first Christmas without my parents, that's all."

That fact hadn't really slipped his mind. He made a mental note to keep a closer eye on her anyway. "If you're sure."

"I'm sure." But her voice was still soft and weak and betrayed her uncertainty. How did one go about life without her parents? "What's dinner's dress code?"

"Muggle clothes," he answered, watching her rifle through her clothes.

"That's not much help," she snapped.

"No need to get snappy," he said soothingly. "Jeans are fine."

"Blouse or sweater."

"Either."

"James," Lily growled. Her patience was thin, her emotional state unstable – not that it was much of a change from her usual emotional state – and he was being vague and frustrating.

"Hey, breathe," he said gently, making her jump when he spoke close to her ear and settled a hand on her back. He smiled apologetically. "Sorry."

She watched as he regarded her now-messy trunk withdrawing the pair of jeans he knew to be her favourite handing them to her. "You're pulling away from me, Tink," he said turning back to let his eyes wander over her trunk again.

Lily looked at his back like he'd grown a new set of heads.

"You've had a rough term, I know that, and I can't begin to try and understand what you're going through nor am I going to pretend I can. But I want to stand beside you, be there for you, support you, remind you you're not alone in this. I can't do it without your help though, Tink. I need you to talk to me, to help me understand what you're going through and what it's like."

Lily felt tears well in her eyes again. This wasn't the James Potter she'd hated with such a passion and he hadn't been that James for a while. "I'm not pulling away," she denied.

He smiled slightly as he bent over to pull out a fuzzy green sweater he knew she loved and he definitely loved on her. He held it out to her. "Sure you are, but I get it. I just want you to know that I am here for you, Lil. Change, I'll wait."

Lily took the sweater, unsure of how to respond to that. She didn't know she was pulling away, didn't think she was pulling away in the slightest. On the contrary, she was simply trying to process, trying to make sense of the things that had happened to her and trying to deal with the murder of her parents. Was time too much to ask for?

It didn't take her long to change, and true to his word, James was standing by the door, waiting for her. She chewed on her bottom lip as he smiled at her.

"Hey there, Gorgeous."

She blushed bright red. "I've never known you to be late to a meal," she teased with a raised eyebrow, feeling an odd rush of security wash over her as he took her hand to lead her down out of her room and down the stairs. Snow blustered in as they hit the main floor, followed by a man and a woman.

"Come now, Allison, it's just a little bit of snow," the man cajoled.

Allison shook herself off, battering her gloves off on the man's arm. "Just a little bit of snow? Harold, I have snow in places snow shouldn't be! I told you we should have flooed home."

"And miss James' welcome home dinner? Those lines were enormous."

"It would have been better than landing in a snow back. You should have let me do the guiding."

Lily looked up to James to find him smiling. He winked at her as he cleared her throat. Both newcomers looked up. Almost immediately, Allison broke into a large smile. "James! There you are!"

Lily watched as he was gathered tightly in the woman's arms, stifling her giggles as snow rubbed off on him. She obediently helped him brush it off his back when she let him go.

"Thanks, Mum," James said sarcastically as he shivered.

"Blame your father, dear, he was the one that insisted we apparate home. Well, you know how the floo network is at rush hour."

Meanwhile, Harold had managed to get most of his wet clothing off and held out a hand for James. They hugged briefly. "Toughening up there, m'boy? Quidditch season is over."

"Quidditch season is never over," James responded cheekily, taking Lily's warm hand in his own. It was as much for her reassurance as it was for his. "Mum, Dad, meet Lily."

"Well aren't you pretty," Harold Potter exclaimed immediately. "And you say she's just a friend, James?"

James could have melted into the floor and only hoped his mother wasn't going to embarrass him too. "I'm sure, Dad."

He was lucky. All Allison did was send her son a significant look. "It's a pleasure to meet you, my dear. I'm sorry to hear about your parents. How are you holding up?"

Once again, Lily's smile didn't reach her eyes. "Coping."

Allison's smile was encouraging and she reached out to squeeze Lily's hand. "Come now. I'm sure Nona has a virtual feast prepared."

"Did someone say food?"

"Well there you are Sirius! I was wondering if you'd gotten lost!"

"Not possible, Aunt P. I know this place better than Jamesie."

James glared. "Thanks, Padfoot."

Sirius waved a dismissive hand. "Someone mentioned food."

"Of course, let us not stand in the way of the stomach of Sirius Black," Allison conceded. "Will you lead the way, Mr Black?"

"Delightedly, Aunt P. Might I escort such a lovely lady to her dinner?"

Lily and James simply rolled their eyes at Sirius' antics and even Harold watched with amusement in his eyes, as if this was a regular occurrence to him as much as it was to Lily and James.

"You know Sirius," Harold said, heading off after his wife and the incorrigible teen. "He'll eat everything before we sit down. We'd better get in there."

Lily let James lead the way part of the hurt healing. Maybe this would be the best decision she could have made after all.

Later that night, after James had walked Lily upstairs, followed soon after by a pleasantly full Sirius, Allison and Harold were left alone in the sitting room while Nona oversaw the clean up of the kitchen.

"She's a pleasant girl," Harold said as they settle in front of the fire.

"She's a dear," Allison agreed with a smile. "Quiet, yes, but it's only to be expected after losing her parents like that. Are there any leads?"

"Unfortunately not. Dumbledore has a theory as to why the Evans' were a target, but nothing concrete."

"This is serious, isn't it Harold. Everything is falling apart."

"Now let's not be pessimistic, my dear. Good always triumphs over evil," Harold tried to reassure his wife. "We've got some of the best minds on our side."

Allison sighed. "I don't know if it will be enough."

"Of course it will."

"We've lost so many, Harold. How many more do we have to lose before we lose faith?"

"Now, now, Allison, don't go thinking like that. We have a whole new generation to teach the right things to. Maybe they can do better than we did."

"It's already starting for them Harold. This was the tip of the iceberg." Silence descended over them for a few minutes. Allison smiled fondly as she heard James talking to Harold's mother. "We're losing him," she said softly, her eyes on the crackling fire.

"Whatever do you mean, Love?" Harold asked, rubbing his hand over Allison's ankle, thankful for the change of subject. He dealt with the war every day, the last thing he wanted to talk about when he got home was the same thing.

"He's growing up."

"He's in love, you mean," he answered proudly. "Could you ask for a better woman?"

Allison liked Lily. She'd heard a lot about the redhead through James' many letters and though Lily had been quiet, the times she had spoken had been intelligent, surprisingly aware and insightful. Allison sometimes believed that Hogwarts protected children from the real world around them and everything that was happening in it, but it seemed Lily was very aware of the things happening outside of the world of Hogwarts.

Not only that, Allison had gotten a chance to observe her son with the young woman throughout dinner. It seemed like they knew what the other wanted before they had to ask for it. Instead of passing the green beans to Lily, a food apparently James knew she hated, he handed them over her head to Sirius, while Lily spooned a generous mound of mashed potatoes onto his plate. Lily had also put James in his place more than once, and though she looked at him like he was her hero, Allison recognized that it wasn't idol worship.

The final straw had been seeing James wheedle Lily until she agreed to go to bed. They balanced each other, challenged each other and matched each other. Allison would have been crazy to ask for anything better for her son. She sighed.

"Could you ask for a denser pair?"

Harold chuckled as he stood, taking her hand to guide her to stand. "Come, Love, let's head to bed."

Sweet moments, I hope. That was the goal. For now, that's what the theme will be, at least until they get back to Hogwarts, then all rules are null and void and, once again, Lily's in for a bit of a rough time.

Thanks to everyone that's reviewed! I love getting them, and I apologize for how long this took to get done!