To all those who, like me, are celebrating today, and to all who celebrate on a different date, and to anyone who has just ever found a reason to give thanks...Happy Thanksgiving! Praying we'll all learn to live every day with a grateful heart...

Consequences

Chapter 14

Weeks passed, with Reid falling into a pattern of morning workouts with Morgan, and afternoon sessions with Hotch or Katie. He was increasingly grateful for the work Morgan was doing with him. The physical strength did, somehow, translate into an emotional stamina that was proving helpful as he relived painful, personal memories with his attorneys.

The trial should have started mid-November, but was pushed out for several weeks by a medical emergency in the judge's family. The prosecution and defense were both offered the opportunity to have the case heard before a different judge. For Katie and Hotch, the decision was easy. Judge Ford had ruled fairly in the matter of bail, and they trusted him to be an equally balanced presider during the trial. They would wait. The prosecution, feeling chastised by Ford in the matter of bail, filed a motion to have the case moved. The court system backlog served in the defendant's favor this time. It was more expedient to wait for Judge Ford. The case would open in December.

For several weeks following her separation from Will, JJ had largely kept to herself. She was supportive of Reid, but didn't see him often. There was a process of self-examination that she felt she had to accomplish alone. Some of what Will had said about her love for Spence rang true with her. But as much as she might be willing to acknowledge it, she thought it would be a selfish reason to deprive Henry of being with his two parents. She needed space, to be sure her love, or lack thereof, for Will, and her love for Spence, were two very different things. And she and Henry needed to cocoon themselves for a while, to find the 'new normal' of their lives. Almost a month into the process, she could feel both of them emerging and reengaging. It felt right to bring Spence back into a prominent place in their lives.

The Thanksgiving holiday was approaching. As they had done for most of the previous years, JJ and Henry would be traveling to Pennsylvania to be with her parents. This time, Will would not travel with them. He'd retreated to New Orleans for the holiday, to be with his family.

She and Reid were having coffee together after his morning FBI Training Gym workout.

"Henry's looking forward to it. He loves going to my parent's place. There's more room there for him to run around."

"JJ, how's he doing without Will at home?"

She took a moment to respond, absently stirring a cup that didn't need it. "He's doing remarkably well. Sometimes I think he's doing too well, you know? We tried to explain it to him, but I'm not sure we did a great job of it. I'm not at all sure what he understood. But sometimes I watch him, and I remember back a few weeks, and I think he looks so much calmer, even happier. And then I wonder what we thought we were doing, to have made our little boy so unhappy to begin with, that he could be happier when we were apart."

Her voice had started to break at the last. She was still so emotionally fragile about it. Reid reached out and took her hand across the table.

"You were trying to do the right thing all along, JJ. It just wasn't clear to either of you what 'the right thing' was. And now you know. It will be all right. You have to believe that. You have to hang in there."

"I know it in my head, Spence. I'm just trying to convince my heart now. It's so hard to think that I might have made decisions that hurt my son. Even if we're on the right path now, I can't forget the pain I might have caused him before."

He waited for a moment before responding. "And you also can't change it, JJ. You can only move forward. I think I heard those words from a very wise woman, once."

She smiled a wry smile at him, recognizing her own words coming back at her. "I guess."

She made an impulsive invitation. "Spence, come with us. Come to Pennsylvania. It'll be good for you to get away from here. And Henry and I would love to have you."

At the same time that Reid was wondering how the elder Jareaus would feel to have an accused criminal to their Thanksgiving celebration, he knew he had to decline.

"Thanks, JJ. It means more than I can tell you. But I can't go. I'm not allowed to travel outside Virginia and the District." He shrugged. "You know, a condition of my release."

She wanted to kick herself. She should have remembered, and now she'd reminded him of the ways in which his freedom had already been limited.

"I'm so sorry, Spence. I knew that, I just forgot. It was stupid of me…."

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop insulting my best friend?"

She wanted to compensate. "Maybe I can get my parents to come here."

He patted her hand. "No, JJ. You and Henry should do as you always do. He's looking forward to it, and so are your parents. Go to Pennsylvania and have a great time. Please, it would make me happy."

If it were anyone else, she wouldn't have believed them. But it was Spence, and it was just like him, and she did.

"What will you do?"

He didn't have the heart to explain to her that Thanksgiving wasn't really a holiday for everyone. That he'd not celebrated it at all as a child, because his mother rejected federal holidays as a matter of course. That he spent most of his Thanksgivings alone, not really missing an experience that he'd never had in the first place. He knew that JJ wouldn't have a frame of reference for that. She was used to being surrounded by family, and friends, and love. It was part of what made her so sad to have given up on her relationship with Will.

Instead of trying to get her to see, he simply said, "I'll probably get together with some friends or something."

She'd knew him well enough to realize that the 'or something' was the more likely plan. And she set about making one of her own.

"Garcia, what, exactly, is this?" Rossi was looking at his plate with decided distaste.

"It's tofurkey. It's the kinder, gentler way to have Thanksgiving."

"But," Rossi was poking at it with his fork, "is it…..food?"

Emily and Reid were laughing at him. But they were also waiting for the answer.

"Of course it's food! It's tofu made to look like a turkey. It's protein, Rossi. Taste it, I'll bet you can't tell the difference." Garcia was already chewing on hers.

Her three fellow BAU team members looked back and forth from one to the other, daring each other to be the first to try it. With JJ in Pennsylvania, Morgan in Chicago with his mother and sisters, and Hotch and Jack with Haley's family, they'd elected to spend Thanksgiving together. Or, rather, JJ had elected for them to spend Thanksgiving together. It wasn't something the team members were accustomed to doing, but the former liaison had prevailed upon three of them to see to it that Reid didn't spend the holiday alone.

"Oh, thank God, yes. Thank you, JJ. You've just saved me from being with my mother and twelve of her favorite ambassadors. Nothing but politics all day long. And advice on how the CIA should be conducting its business. No matter that I tell them I'm with the FBI, they think one initialed agency is as good as the next." Emily was enthusiastic about the plan from the beginning.

"Of course, Cara, I'm happy to have young Spencer to my home for Thanksgiving." Rossi was magnanimous. And still feeling guilty about being unable to deter Strauss from her legal strike against the young profiler.

"Oh, no, it can't be at your place, Rossi. It's too big. Too cold. Let me have it at my place." Garcia was being effusive, and didn't even notice that she'd insulted Rossi's lifestyle. Nonetheless, intrigued, Rossi agreed that Garcia should host.

The most difficult sell had been Reid. "Thanks, guys, but I'm okay by myself. It's how I usually spend Thanksgiving." From anyone else it might have seemed a ploy for sympathy, but from Reid it was simply a statement of fact.

"C'mon Reid, we need a fourth dinner partner." Emily made her plea based on symmetry.

"And I'm making a big meal, and I don't want it to go to waste." Garcia tried using guilt.

"Reid, I'll expect you to be joining us for dinner." Rossi went right for authority.

But the most influential was the absentee profiler. "Spence, I don't want you to be alone for Thanksgiving. Go to Garcia's. You'll have a great time. And then I want to hear all about it when Henry and I get back."

He never could say no to her.

It turned out that tofurkey didn't taste a whole lot like the real thing, but Reid didn't mind. He enjoyed the conversation, the laughter, the distraction that being with the others offered. And he especially enjoyed the lasagna that Rossi had brought, a remnant of his Italian heritage. Reid would never admit it to Garcia, but the lasagna was the most recognizable, and tasty, dish of the day.

The foursome retired to Garcia's living room area with their after dinner drinks. Rossi couldn't help but look around at the décor. The two times he'd been there before had been largely mission-driven. He'd been embroiled in an old case for one of his visits, and he'd been there to question Garcia about an assault for the other. Now, truly noticing his surroundings for the very first time, he was struck by their eclectic nature.

"It looks like a tornado tore through a thrift shop." Rossi had the grace to be embarrassed when he realized he'd said it aloud. "I mean that in the best possible way, of course."

"Of course." Prentiss was doing her best to keep a straight face. "Garcia, it's lovely. And so interesting." She was wandering the room, studying objects. She came upon one she didn't recognize. "Penelope, what's this?"

"It's a phaser. Well, it's a lighter in the shape of a phaser. I use it for the fireplace."

"Oh, of course." Pause. "What's a phaser?"

Reid had that one. "It's a multilevel weapon used by the Federation."

Emily was looking at both of them, waiting for the punchline. With none forthcoming, she turned to Rossi. Who was grinning back at her. It seemed even he knew what a phaser was. So she played along. "Right, the Federation. How could I have forgotten?"

Reid gave her a rare smug smile. "You don't know what the Federation is, do you?"

Emily played at being insulted, but she was actually heartened to see that she'd managed to give Reid a few moments of fun. Finally, she gave it up, so they told her. "Well, how could I be expected to know? I was raised all over Europe. And my parents weren't exactly into letting me watch TV."

Rossi had noticed Reid relaxing with the conversation as well, and decided to prolong it. Such was the nature of a discussion among profilers. "Isn't it amazing how much television has created a lexicon for us? Phasers, tricorders, warp speed..."

That was enough to get him going. Reid started with, "Did you know that warp speed is a real concept? It was developed by..." And it went on for a full ten minutes.

All three of the others 'phased' out for the rest of his speech, each lost in a version of the same thought. With Reid banned from the BAU, it had been a long time since any of them had experienced a 'Reid ramble'. And they hadn't realized how much they'd missed it.
Each silently vowed not to take it, or him, or any of them, for granted, ever again.

The long Thanksgiving weekend was the last break before the trial would begin.

In the final week leading up to it, Hotch and Katie worked long hours analyzing evidence sent by the prosecution, reviewing witness lists, planning their own defense strategy. Having worked the other side of the courtroom for most of his law career, Hotch was now irritated by the prosecution's strategy of delayed release of materials, or the burying of important information within mountains of extraneous paperwork. Fortunately, they had Reid for the latter. He managed to get through a three foot stack of papers in an afternoon, whittling it down to the six files that pertained to the case. In retrospect, thought Hotch, the prosecution had done them a favor with that. As the trial neared, Reid was becoming increasingly anxious. Having a task on which to concentrate helped to alleviate some of the anxiety.

Morgan's workouts had increased in intensity. Reid was lifting, pushing, pulling and punching on a daily basis. He left the gym each morning both exhausted and invigorated, marveling at the dichotomy. Morgan had started teasing him about the change in his physique.

"I think we're gonna need to cut back on this a little, Kid. Before I know it, Hotch will be having me analyzing maps and sending you out to break down doors."

"Ha, ha. Like you could analyze a map." That bought him another 20 pushups.

The trial would open without fanfare. Jury selection came first, a task that Katie anticipated would take a week or more. The evening before they were to start, JJ came by the law office after work, bringing dinner.

She took Hotch aside. "How is he?"

"Hyper. Worried. Anxious."

JJ looked over at where Reid was going through a new pile of files provided by the prosecution. "He looks intense. And terrified." She was getting worried and anxious herself.

"It's hard to live with the uncontrollable, JJ. He's not in charge of his own fate, and he knows it."

She turned to her unit chief and gave him a brief hug. "But he's got you, and I know he trusts you. Thank you for this, Hotch. There's no one else who could have gotten him this far without a melt down."

"It's been a team effort, JJ. All of us have had to pull together to help him. If we come out the other end of this intact, Strauss will rue the day she started it. The team will be stronger than it's ever been before."

If. Not when. JJ heard it. Hotch wasn't entirely confident in their case.

She tried to erase the worry from her face as she went over to Spence. She had a funny Henry story for him. When nothing else could, she was sure that thinking of the godson he loved would brighten his day. And she hoped it would remind him of the need to stay strong, and to be ready for the fight. It would begin tomorrow.