"Closer to the Edge"
By Lucawindmover
Chapter Fourteen
"Maybe We'll Meet Again"
Fifteen years previously, in the Fire Nation Capital…
"What am I supposed to do while you're gone, oh mighty Fire Prince?" Katara asked as she watched Zuko tie his final piece of armor in place.
"I don't know," Zuko responded, waving his arm in a vague gesture. "But you have to stay here."
Katara's eyes followed him as he went to his desk. "But why? There's nothing for me to do here. I'm a slave with nothing to clean, or cook, or do." She realized that she was starting to sound a bit like a kid who didn't get their way, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She was bored and tired of being cooped up in his bedchamber. Every time Zuko left he told her she had to stay here and stay quiet. She might as well have been thrown in a prison cell.
Zuko grunted but didn't turn around. "I told you. You are not a slave to me. And as long as you are in this room, that remains true."
Katara frowned and crossed her arms. For a week now she had seen nothing but the inside of this room and its adjoining bath. She had been so accustomed to travelling, to being in markets and forests, ships even. This eternal stillness was going to drive her mad. "Where are you even going this time?"
Zuko had hardly been in the room he shared with Katara, for several reasons. The first being that since he was home and reinstated as Fire Prince, he had responsibilities. He had meetings to attend, paperwork to sift through, royal meals to sit through. The second reason was because, like Katara, he had become accustomed to travelling, to hardly getting to sleep in the same place twice. Being back home was turning out to be more of a curse than a blessing.
The third reason was the one he least wanted to admit. It unnerved him greatly to spend so much time with Katara. Most of their time was spent arguing, but there were a few moments where they seemed to come to an understanding, like that night a week or so ago. The night they had shown one another their scars. For whatever reason, he couldn't banish the feel of her cool lips on his hand, the taste of her warm skin under his mouth. Sometimes, he wasn't even sure that it had happened, and figured they had both been on the edge of sleep or something. Every night since they went to sleep on their opposite sides of the bed and every night he wished it weren't so. Every morning they woke and argued and pushed each other's buttons like no one else could, and he wondered if that one night of tenderness had made all the arguing worse.
"I'm just going to the market," he answered, reluctantly.
"All the more reason you should let me come!" she argued stubbornly.
Zuko thought about it for a moment. Surely some of the things he was buying would be easier to come by if he had her there to give him a hand. He shook his head. She wouldn't be able to walk beside him. She would have to bow and scrape and generally be submissive. If there was anything Katara wasn't, it was submissive. There was no way she would be willing to play that part, least of all if he was the one asking her to do it.
"You don't know what you're asking," he said. He stood up straight, rolling up a scroll and turning to face her. "In here you're safe. You can mostly behave how you please. But it's not the same out there."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, her brow furrowing a little.
Zuko threw his hands up in frustration. "Why don't you get this? Out there the people think that you're a waterbender trophy, a slave, a…" he paused, flustered. "A bedroom fixture. They're going to treat you like that."
"What does that matter to you?" Katara said, narrowing her eyes.
Zuko rolled his eyes. They'd had this discussion more times than he wanted to admit. "In here you can say what you please. You can sass me, yell at me, hell. You can even hit me," he said. He gestured to the window. "But in front of the public, you have to behave. You have to pretend to be what we've been pretending you are."
"A waterbending whore?"
Zuko turned and threw the scroll across the room with quite a bit of force. "What do you want from me Katara?"
"Apparently a lot of things you can't, or won't, give me," she replied, heatedly. "I want my freedom. I want my bending. I want my…" she choked. "My family. But you wouldn't understand, would you? You got to come back home. You got to have your family and your precious honor. What do you care about your pitiful waterbending bed warmer?"
Zuko laughed, a humorless sound. "Oh right. I'm home alright. I've returned to find my sister is a lunatic and my father is hell-bent on ruling the world. That's just what I always wanted. My big old happy family, right?"
Katara crossed her arms, her face betraying her confusion at his outburst. He wasn't happy?
"Look," Zuko said, his eyes narrowed. "You aren't a great actress, okay? If I take you out there and my father finds any reason to think we aren't exactly how we say we are, we might as well hand over our lives. He doesn't suffer liars to live."
Katara's lips pursed in a tight line. "Why don't you just do it then?"
Zuko's eyebrow shot up. "Do what?"
Katara gestured her hands toward her body. "Why don't you just do what you've been bragging about to all your Fire Nation buddies? Then no one would have to act. It isn't like I haven't had to grit my teeth and bear it before."
Realization dawned on Zuko, shortly followed by fury. Almost blinded by rage, be began tearing his armor off and flinging it at the screen in the corner. Each piece thunked loudly against the wall before falling uselessly to the floor, each punctuated with a different epithet that Katara was astonished and embarrassed to hear. She had no idea what he was doing.
Katara flinched with each piece, moving farther away from the rapidly destabilizing Fire Prince, until she had almost backed against the wall. She hadn't meant what she said. She'd only said it out of spite and anger. She hadn't realized it would have this kind of effect on him.
Zuko stormed across the room toward her, dressed now in just his tunic and pants. It was what he would normally wear around the palace, and she had seen him in much less, but to Katara it now seemed ridiculously scarce.
He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and pressed her up against the wall, knocking the air from her lungs. She was too shocked to even fight him. "What…?"
"Is this what you're asking for?" Zuko shouted at her. His face was hovering directly over hers. "Do you want me to be brutal? Do you want me to be a savage? Do you want me to be like him?"
It didn't even need to be explained, who the him in this situation was. Two large tears fell down Katara's cheeks before she had even noticed her eyes had welled up with them.
"Well, do you?" Zuko shouted again, shaking her shoulders a little. She shook her head.
He let go of her and stalked to the other side of the room to give himself a little distance. "I can't believe you would even—urg!" How could she have said that? How could she have, even in taunting and frustration, implied that he would treat her in such a fashion? Did she really see him as such a monster? He kicked his wardrobe, pleased to see when a large crack appeared up the front. He was sorely tempted to punch his mirror as well, but at the last moment decided he didn't want bloody knuckles.
Zuko paced back and forth from the bed to his mirror, his hands alternating from being fists at his side to curling in the dark tendrils of his hair. After a moment he stopped and turned back to her.
Katara had sunk to her knees, her arms wrapped around her middle. She had never seen him so angry. She had never seen him so close to losing it. He had frightened her terribly and now she was afraid to take his eyes off of him, in case he was to attack her when she wasn't looking.
"I am not a monster," he said, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. "I am not my father!" he shouted.
When Katara said nothing and just stared at him with wild eyes, he continued. "See, this is what I was afraid of. Now you're terrified. This, THIS is exactly what the people out there are going to expect to see. Do you understand now?"
Katara nodded mutely and watched as fire momentarily formed around his fists. Zuko took a deep breath, extinguished the flames. He moved over to his desk again, turning his back on her.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. He still managed to hear her.
"No, I'm the one who should be sorry," he said. He turned his good eye over his shoulder and looked at her. "I had the chance to put things right. I had the chance to side with you, and not Azula, and I failed," he said, and hung his head in defeat. "I was a coward."
Katara struggled to her feet, but she didn't move any closer to him. "You were not a coward, Zuko," she said.
He whirled around to face her. His hands held on to the chair to his desk so hard that Katara thought it would break from the force. Or burst into flames. "How can you say that? After all that's happened?"
Katara clenched her jaw. "I didn't say you did the right thing, because you didn't. I said you weren't a coward, which is true. A coward doesn't fight the way you did back there. A coward doesn't fight for what he wants, like you always have. But you know, if you're so worried about doing the right thing now, you still can. There is still hope."
It was Zuko's turn to be confused. "What are you talking about? The Avatar is dead. I saw it with my own eyes."
Katara felt his words almost like a physical blow. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Yes, he is. But if you wanted to bring peace to the world, there is still hope. There is still something you can do."
"How? How is there hope?" Zuko asked, throwing his hands wide. What could she possibly be talking about now? "What can I do?"
"You could kill your father."
He couldn't believe she'd said such a thing. Kill his father? Zuko shook his head again, still not following her logic. How could Zuko kill the Fire Lord? He couldn't even fight the man, let alone kill him. Hadn't their failed Agni Kai proved that? There was no more hope down that line of thinking than there was down any other.
Well, and no less hope either, one part of his brain argued.
Zuko shook his head again and leaned against the wall he was standing next to.
He was in the market square in the lower part of town. He'd managed to escape his palanquin and dart off on his own before the bearers could even react. He was now catching his breath in an alley before heading off to make the purchases he needed.
It wasn't that he was trying to hide the fact that he was the Fire Prince. But he'd become accustomed to being able to move around a marketplace without having everyone bowing and scraping. He had found, during his years of exile, that he didn't much like all the pomp and circumstance he'd grown up with. He certainly didn't much like riding around in a palanquin anymore.
Besides, he had a mission.
His father had decreed that all Earthbending and Waterbending slaves not be given Fire Nation clothing to wear. Currently, Katara had nothing else to wear, and that was one of the reasons he couldn't let her come out in public. Part of this decree was to humble the slaves, to show them that they did not belong to this land and that this land would not be their home. Another part was to make them stand out. A man with a Waterbender slave would be given more respect and a higher regard, just because his slave was a Waterbender.
So Katara needed clothes.
His hand tightened around the scroll inside his robes. He had spent days trying to sketch the pattern of her previous Water Tribe attire. He hadn't asked for her help because he didn't want her to know what he was up to. He didn't know how many lengths of paper he went through before he managed to draw up a decent representation. He wasn't even sure how close he'd gotten it, but he figured it was as good as he was going to get.
After he caught his breath, he moved out, looking for a tailor. He passed stalls selling all sorts of things: spices, lengths of cloth, fruit and vegetables, salt. He couldn't help but pause at a stall selling jewelry. A flash of blue had caught his eye.
"Hello fine sir," the old woman minding the stall said in greeting. Zuko knew he was still dressed in his Fire Nation Royalty regalia so he was surprised that she had greeted him so informally. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the woman was nearly blind with age. "Are you looking for something for a special lady?"
Zuko blushed. "Uh, no. I just saw this and it caught my attention. What is this?" he asked, holding up a flat, round stone. There were several on the table, ranging from pale white to stark blue. They were all impossibly smooth and flat and fit in the palm of his hand.
The woman took the item from his hand and felt it for a moment before replying. "Oh, now this is a special wonder, all the way from the South Pole. They are coralstone, very rare. They come from the stomachs of the sealeopards. The Water Tribes use them in jewelry, very exotic."
Zuko pursed his lips, remembering the necklace of Katara's that he'd stolen from her ages ago, back when he had been searching for the Avatar. That necklace had sported a stone similar to this one. He wasn't sure what possessed him to do it, but he grabbed the bluest one of them and paid the woman for it. He slipped the stone in his pocket, resolved to find out how those Water Tribe people would carve all those tiny designs into them. He would ask Katara about it.
Finally he made it to the tailor, handing the man the design.
The tailor gave him an odd look. "These look like Water Tribe robes, Your Highness."
"They are," Zuko replied. He was looking through a collection of the man's fabrics, trying to find the right color.
"I don't mean to pry, but are they also woman's robes?" the man asked.
Zuko glared at him, causing the man to take several steps back. "Yes, they are. I have a Waterbender, er, slave. And she needs these items so that I can make her presentable. I need two of those made, and some, uh, under things."
He looked back at the fabric and became exasperated. He threw his arms up and whirled on the man. "Don't you have any blue?"
The tailor shook his head. "No Your Highness. Blue dye is hard to come by, and very expensive."
"It can't be that expensive is the water peasants can all wear it," Zuko grumbled. "Look," he said to the man. He pulled out a bolt of black fabric and held it out. "Make one set in this, and order the blue dye. I'll take care of the costs. When the blue comes in, make two more sets with it and contact me when they're finished."
The man nodded. "Sir, it would be easier if I had her here to measure."
"Well, that's not possible. I've given you approximations, that'll have to do. Have them finished in an hour."
With that, Zuko unloaded the necessary coin and stormed out of the man's shop.
By the time Zuko returned, Katara had cooled off. She had done what she could to clean up his room a little: making the bed, organizing the writing brushes and charcoal sticks on his desk, gathering up the crumpled papers and throwing them in the wastebasket. She felt better for having done something before retiring to the widow seat to watch the clouds roll by.
When he came in with a paper-wrapped parcel, she grinned. She couldn't help it. "What did you get at the market?" she asked, hopping up from her seat.
He tossed it to her and she caught it clumsily. "Open it and see."
Katara's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Is it for me?"
Zuko rolled his eyes and moved over behind the screen to change his clothes. He hated wearing so many layers in an already warm place. But the Royal Family was expected to. "Why else would I have you open it?"
Katara grinned and sat down on the edge of the bed. She pulled loose the twine holding the paper folded and gasped at what she saw.
They were robes of stunning quality, made of a fabric Katara was not familiar with. They were mostly black, with a light gray border. She stood and held the dress out in front of her, realizing that it was tailored similarly to her Water Tribe dress. Also in the package were a pair of black leggings and a few sets of light gray under wrappings. She blushed at this, thinking of Zuko buying her underwear. Wait, why was he buying her anything?
"Zuko, why did you buy me these things?" she asked softly, still running her fingers over the light, smooth fabric.
Zuko stepped out from behind the screen, sporting a light tunic and pants, his favorite thing to wear in the heat of his homeland. He shrugged at her. "You didn't have any of your own clothes. Father made a decree saying that all, uh, slaves, had to wear clothing from their homeland," he paused and then gestured at the dress she was holding. "But the tailor didn't have any blue, so this will have to do until the dye comes in."
Katara looked back down to the clothes, still in shock. She shook her head and said, "Zuko, I don't think I can accept this. These had to be very expensive. What kind of fabric is this?"
"I don't know actually. It's angorosomething. Made from camel-goat fur, I think. And you have to accept it, the law says so," he paused and grinned. "Or go naked. Your choice."
Katara laid the dress down on the edge of the bed. "And if I choose to go naked?"
Zuko sputtered and turned bright red, but Katara just laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Don't bust a blood vessel, Mr. Fire Prince."
Zuko narrowed his eyes at her and stalked over to his desk. "Hey, what did you do?"
Katara came up behind him and peeked over his shoulder. She had to stand on her tip-toes to do it. "What? I organized your desk."
"Organized?" he said, turning around so fast that Katara had to grab his elbows to keep from falling over. She righted herself and took a step back. "I had it organized the way it was!" he shouted, throwing his hands up. "Now how am I going to find anything?"
Katara crossed her eyes and fake-pouted at him. "Oh poor baby. Now you have to reorganize your desk. Good grief, this is the thanks I get for trying to do something nice?"
"Bah!" Zuko replied. He turned back to his desk and pulled out his chair. "Whatever. You know what, go take a bath or something. Try on your clothes. I need some time to myself here."
Katara pinched her eyebrows together in frustration. When he didn't turn back around or offer any other arguments, she sighed and went back to the bed. She collected her things and went off to the bathroom to wash and change.
Katara had to give the Fire Nation one thing: heated indoor plumbing. She had never had such wonderful, heated baths in all her life. Back in the South Pole, bathing was done very infrequently. With the threat of hypothermia at every corner, bathing was not a high priority. But once she had been able to have heated baths, she lived for bathing.
In the middle of her bath, she'd had a thought though, and rushed the washing. She got out and dried herself, begrudgingly, with a towel. As she wrapped herself in her new undergarments, she realized just how much she'd missed having them. She really would have to thank Zuko for those, if nothing else, a thought which made the heat rise to her face.
Ever since the night he had shown her his scars, she'd been more afraid of him. Not afraid that he would hurt her, or send her away to the Fire Lord, or anything terrible like that. She was afraid of his hands. She was afraid of his warm breath on her cheek. She was afraid of his lips on her neck. She was afraid of not hating him. She didn't know how to not hate Zuko, and it wasn't something she was ready to start learning any time soon.
Though, she had to admit to herself, she hated him a lot less now that she had underclothes.
She pulled on the leggings, which were a little long but she could roll them up. It just felt good to have leggings again, instead of Zuko's old training pants. She pulled the dress over her head and adjusted it. It was a little looser than her old one had been, but far more comfortable than the linen shirt she had worn before. The fabric of the dress was so soft and yet strong. She wasn't afraid she would rip it or strain it, which was a good thing for a bender.
Not that bending factored into her life much these days.
Looking in the mirror, she was reminded of her question. She dried her hair as quickly as she could and strode out of the bathroom to confront Zuko.
Zuko had been doodling little designs on a scrap of paper, using his charcoal stick. He almost remembered what Katara's necklace had looked like. There were swirls, which he figured were waves, but that was all he could remember. So he drew little waves and had them wrap around a little sun. He didn't like that and scribbled it out. He had just started another doodle when he heard the bathroom door open. He glanced over his shoulder to see Katara coming out in her new clothes. He turned his attention back to his paper for only a second before realized what he had seen and turned around quickly in his chair.
He hadn't seen something so beautiful before. She was stunning in black, he thought, marveling at the way his design flattered her so. The slits up the side of her dress were probably higher than her original dress had been, but then it didn't matter much since she had her leggings on. He could feel his face getting warm and he looked away, trying to be nonchalant as he asked, "So, do you like them?"
Katara smiled and twirled around twice. Zuko's breath stopped in his throat. "They're really beautiful, Zuko. I hate to say thank you but," she paused, blushing lightly. "Um, thank you."
Zuko tried not to smile, but couldn't help it. "Well, you're welcome."
She was holding his old clothes, the ones that she had been wearing since her attack. "Um, would it be okay if I kept these?" she asked. She wasn't sure why this embarrassed her. "You know, for sleeping?"
Zuko shrugged. "I suppose so. There was nothing in the decree about sleeping clothes."
Katara bobbed her head. She started toward the bed and then had a thought. "Um, is there somewhere I can store them?" she asked, turning back toward him.
Zuko stood and went to the foot of the bed, opening a trunk there. It only held a couple of pairs of extra boots anyway, so he figured it wouldn't matter if she took the space. He removed the boots and gestured for her to put her things there. He tossed the boots back behind his screen. When he turned around he found her kneeling in front of the closed trunk. Her thoughts looked awfully far off.
"Um, Katara, is something wrong?"
She didn't get up, didn't look at him. "When the Binding Bands were put on me, do you know what they did with my necklace?"
Zuko's shoulders slumped. "No, I have no idea what they did with it."
He watched as Katara slowly curled in on herself and began to sob. He couldn't help it, that's what he told himself as he squatted on the floor next to her and touched her shoulder. When she didn't flinch away he took it as a sign and pulled her into a sideways hug. She turned and buried her face in his shoulder and cried. Zuko wrapped his arms around her and let her get it out. His thighs greatly protested this, however, and after a few minutes he inelegantly fell backwards on his back, startling her out of her misery.
He sat there stunned for a minute and Katara started to laugh through her tears. She sat back on her heals and watched as the Fire Prince sat up and started to massage his aching legs.
"Sorry about that," she said, wiping the tears from her face.
Zuko just shrugged, trying to brush it off. "I didn't realize that necklace meant so much to you."
Katara's face fell and her hand went up to her neck automatically. She cringed when her fingers only met the metal of the band there. She sighed. "It was my mother's. It was the last thing I had of hers."
Zuko's frown deepened. "Well, then I am more than sorry for your loss."
Katara nodded, looking very much like she might cry again. Zuko had hoped to wait until he'd thought of something to carve on it, but decided to cheer her up he would show her the stone that he'd found. "I got something else at the market today," he said reaching into his pocket.
Katara watched in curiosity as he pulled the stone out of his pocket and dropped it into her waiting hands.
Her eyes went wide in shock when she recognized what it was. "Zuko, where did you find this?"
He rolled his eyes. "I think I already told you I found it at the market."
Katara rolled hers in return. "Alright then, why did you buy it?"
"It caught my eye," he said shrugging. It made me think of you, he added mentally.
She grinned and rubbed her thumb across the surface. "You know, in the Southern Water Tribe, men find these and carve them specially to give as an engagement present. They give them to girls when they propose."
Zuko's stomach dropped out and he felt his face flush. "Oh, uh. Well, I wasn't proposing you know."
Katara frowned at him and handed the stone back. "Well I know that, dummy. And it wouldn't matter if you would because I would say no."
He shoved the stone back into his pocket and frowned. "What? Why would you say no?"
She looked at him like he'd clearly lost his mind. She gestured between the two of them. "What part of 'mortal enemies' did you forget?"
"Well that's fine then, because I wouldn't have asked you anyway," he said lamely, standing up and stalking to the door.
"Fine! Where are you going?" she shouted after him, struggling to her feet.
He growled and didn't turn around. "I'm going to train or something. You are driving me mad!"
And with that Katara was left alone to mourn her loss in private.
A/N: By all things holy this chapter got away from me. I'm sure you all approve of having more to read, but I have to tell you my hands are tired, lol. I hope everyone likes the chapter. If you have any questions or concerns, please pm me. Or leave a review! I get stupidly happy when I get new reviews. Thanks so much for reading.
Also, I now have set up a separate Facebook account for my writing! www . facebook . com/Lucawindmover (minus the spaces). This is a great way to keep informed about updates, brainstorming, ask questions and give feedback. For authors, it's a great way to bounce ideas and keep in touch. I hope you will all friend-request me. It's been a lot of fun using this account to keep up with writing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender and I make no money from my stories. I just really enjoy tormenting the wonderful characters that have been provided for us. I also don't own the lyrics to "Closer to the Edge" by 30 Seconds to Mars, but it is a great song.