Disclaimer: All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.

This chapter has a lot of information in it, and includes the details of Edward's girlfriends and relationship history.

-ooo0ooo-

"Bella? Bella Swan, is that you?" Emmett's joyful, booming laugh filled my ears. "Look at you!"

"Oh my gosh, I can't bel…oh!" My feet suddenly left the floor as I was lifted in a hug that stole my breath and almost cracked my ribs.

"Even in the dark you sure are a sight for sore eyes," he said as he set me back down. "Wasn't expecting to see you here. Hey, hope that hug wasn't too forward of me?"

"No, not too forward," I rasped, sucking in air. "And it's so good to see you, I can't believe it." My smile was stretched wide across my face. "Does Edward know you're coming?"

"Nah," he said, shaking his head. "Surprises all round, hey?" He chuckled again. "Can I come in?"

"Oh my God, of course." We were still standing in the doorway and I stepped back quickly, opening the door properly all the way. At that moment the lights flickered, and the power was back.

Still a bear of a man, Emmett didn't look too different at all, even if he'd lost those chiseled vampire features. He was older, of course, maybe thirty-five. His face was subtly weathered and he had a deep tan from the Queensland sun. His eyes were blue, like a clear summer sky, and they twinkled with life and humour.

"Yeah, I know," he said, grinning. "I'm even better looking as a human, right?"

I grinned too. "Didn't mean to stare, sorry. But you do look good. Great. And you're a Dad! Edward showed me photos of Hannah and Max."

"Good old Uncle Nedwood." He chuckled softly. "Yeah, I'm a Dad, can you imagine? Rose says she doesn't know who the bigger kid is. I say, what's wrong with me building a swing set that'll take my weight as well as theirs?"

Actually, I could imagine, and the thought of an Emmett-sized swing, big enough to hold him and his children together, made me smile.

"Sounds like life in the McCarty household is fun."

"Life," he said, "is pretty damn good, Bella. But what about you? You're all grown up! Edward told me he'd run into you again. Are things, you know…okay?" He raised a speculative brow.

"Things are going pretty well, actually. Early days, getting to know each other again, but all good."

His beaming smile was so wide and warm, it could have lit up the night sky.

"I'm glad," he said. "Really glad. But listen, if I'm interrupting something here, you just say so and I'm gone."

"Er, no, not interrupting." I motioned for him to follow me into the living room. "Edward's getting a torch from the garage, he'll be back in a minute."

"I tried to call ahead but he never answered. I thought he might have gone to bed."

I quickly checked my watch.

"But it's only ten o'clock now!"

Emmett shook his head, a smirk on his lips. "It really is early days, isn't it? So, tell me what you're up to these days? Do you still have that truck?"

"Er no, truck died. And I'm a marine biologist."

"Whoa!" His eyes widened. "Not what I was expecting. You're always full of surprises, Bella Swan. So tell me…"

"Looks like we don't need a torch after…what the hell…" Edward's voice interrupted and we both turned.

"Hey, there he is!" Emmett moved past me towards the sliding door where Edward had just come in, a surprise all over his face.

"What are you doing here?" He greeted his brother with a one-armed hug then stepped back, coming to stand by me, his hand resting lightly on my waist.

"I'm getting re-acquainted with Bella," Emmett answered. "So, you two are back together again, that's great. Can we send out a save-the-date?"

"Emmett…" There was warning in Edward's voice, a grin on Emmett's face, and I found myself hiding a smile.

Eight years had passed, Emmett had gone from vampire to human, but his open, friendly, no-filter personality was exactly as I remembered. And the teasing between brothers obviously hadn't changed. There was something comforting in that, I decided.

"Sorry," Emmett chuckled. "But Edward sometimes you just make it too easy, bro. So, can I tell Rose?"

"Sure," Edward answered. "And, I didn't think you'd mind, but I've invited Bella to come with me when I come up for Hannah's birthday. I was going to call tomorrow to let you know."

Emmett's face lit up. "That's great. Rosie's gonna be so happy."

The doubt in my thoughts must have shown on my face. Emmett gave my arm a friendly rub.

"She will," he said. "I guarantee it. If he's happy, she's happy. We're all happy!" Then he turned to Edward. "Hey, should we make up separate guest rooms, or…"

"We can discuss sleeping arrangements later." Edward cut him off quickly and motioned for us all to take a seat. "Want to tell me why you're here?"

"Emergency birthday mission," Emmett said, stretching out in the arm chair while I sat on one of the island stools. "Long story." He yawned, something I'd never seen him do before, and which shouldn't surprise me now, but still did. "You'd know if you ever answered your phone or read your texts."

Edward's hand went to his pocket. "I turned it off while I was at dinner," he said, taking the phone out and tossing it on the kitchen counter. "Coffee? Beer?"

"Coffee," Emmett answered. "And then I'll get out of your way."

"You don't have to go," I said.

"Yes he does."

"Yes I do."

The brothers answered as one and then Edward turned to the coffee machine, a smirk on his lips, and Emmett chuckled as he scanned his phone.

"Do you want coffee?" Edward asked me.

"Tea, thanks."
He nodded, grabbed a cup and the teabags, and then hesitated, confusion clear on his face. "Um…"

"Milk. No sugar."

"Should I know that? From before?"
"No." His hand was resting on the counter and I covered it with mine. "Tea is a new thing for me."

His expression relaxed. "Milk, no sugar. I'll remember for next time," he said quietly, and then louder, "So, what's the story, Emmett?"

"I'm averting a gift disaster."

Turned out, Rosalie had ordered a custom doll-house, online, from a company in Sydney. Problem was, it was well-past delivery date and the doll-house still hadn't arrived.

"Some issue with their couriers," Emmett explained as Edward brought him his coffee, and handed me my tea. Then he sat next to me, draping his arm casually round my shoulder.

"They lost your order?"

"A whole palate went missing and our order was on it. They offered to refund the money, but Rose really wants the doll house for Hannah. So I said if they gave us another one, I'd come and pick it up."

"Why didn't you ask me to get it?" Edward frowned at his brother. "I could have sent it with the company courier we use at work."

"Only thought of it on Wednesday and I knew you were in Melbourne until this afternoon." Emmett shrugged. "It's okay. I flew down this morning. Was supposed to fly back tonight, but the airport's cancelled flights going north because of the storm. The airline's booked me a hotel room in the city but I still have the hire car and I was bored, so when the rain stopped I thought I'd come and see if you were home yet. And to tell you that I checked out your museum roof this afternoon. That's some bloody good work there, Edward. Seriously good stuff."

"Everyone's seen it in action except me," Edward chuckled. "I'll have to go some time."

"You should," Emmett said. "But can you ask them to take down that sign with the photo on it near the entrance?"

"What sign?"

"The one about the new wing and the project team."

"Is that still up?" Edward seemed surprised.

"Yep." Then Emmett shuddered in mock horror. "Your team looks fine, but you?"

"They told us to look serious." There was a twinge of indignation in Edward's tone.

"Serious? You look like the guy who answers the door in vampire movies. Someone should put a speech bubble above your head…Abandon all hope ye who enter here."

Edward made a rude gesture. Emmett laughed. And I felt like I was back in the Cullen's living room in Forks. Except that Emmett was drinking coffee and yawning. And Edward's arm around me was warm.

The conversation shifted to Emmett's building business, and the new building estate where he'd won a contract, and then to his plan to construct a new, improved, tree house for Hannah and Max.

"Will you design it?" he asked Edward.

"Sure. Are you thinking platforms? Walls? It'll depend which tree you're thinking of. Is it the Moreton Bay Fig?"

It was indeed, the Moreton Bay Fig. Things got technical then and the brothers became serious with talk of stresses and strain and weight bearing beams. Edward grabbed a scrap of paper from the kitchen drawer and sketched something out. Emmett made suggestions and alterations. And then, when some sort of plan had been reached, with measurements to be taken next weekend, Emmett stretched and yawned again.

"Anyway, I'm gonna go, leave you two lovebirds alone."

With a wiggle of his eyebrows he leant forward and set his empty cup on the coffee table.

"Before you go…" Edward stood too, "I wanted to show you what I got Hannah. I bought it in Melbourne, but I can send it back if you don't think she'll like it."

He headed towards his room, no doubt to rummage through his suitcase.

"It's probably a dragon." Emmett smiled as he stood. "It's kind of their thing."

"Like the picture on the fridge?" I pointed towards the kitchen and Emmett nodded.

"Yeah. He made up a story for her once, about a dragon who liked to eat cake. She's been fascinated with them ever since."

"He sounds like a good uncle."

"He's a great uncle." There was real warmth in Emmett's voice. "He's come a long way since he became human again."

"He was telling me about that earlier. The eight days…"

Emmett shuddered. "Yeah, it was pretty bad," he said. "It was worse for Edward though."

"It was easier for you and Rose?"

"Not the change itself. Afterwards."

"You mean the clumsiness and being uncoordinated?"

"That's the least of it," he said, his voice deep with a seriousness I'd not heard before. "The change back, it's a hell of a mind trip, I can tell you that, and Edward, being Edward, thought he was nothing and no-one would want him without his pretty boy vampire face. Took him a long while to sort himself out, but he did in the end."

It took a moment for Emmett's words to sink in and even when they did, I still couldn't believe them.

"He thought…you can't be serious." But an awful realisation began to dawn, and it felt like I'd been punched in the gut. "When you say no-one would want him, you mean me? Oh my God, is that why he didn't contact me? He thought I wouldn't want him?"

"You know what he's like." Emmett cocked an eyebrow. "Are you really so surprised?" There was a flicker of confusion in his eyes. "He hasn't talked to you about that?"

I thought suddenly of our trip home, and the conversation Edward was saving for a not-so-stormy night.

"I think he's planning to."

Emmett picked up his cup, and mine, and carried them to the kitchen.

"He will tell you," he said. "You can be sure of that but it might take time for him to work up to it. I know I would, if it was me. It's not a time I'd want to revisit." He frowned as he set the cups in the sink. "Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Rose always says I only open my mouth to change feet."

Then he grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl and bit into it as Edward came back in the room, a large, thick, book in his hand. Its cover was beautiful in shades of green and turquoise, centred with the elaborate, detailed image of a fire breathing dragon. The title read A Guide to Dragons.

Edward was smiling, talking, looking through the book with Emmett, pointing things out, but I wasn't really listening. I was still trying to get my head around what I'd just heard, and inside me was brewing a crazy mix of confusion, anger, hurt, and compassion.

"Bella?"

"Huh?"

Emmett was coming towards me, arms outstretched. "Can I say goodbye? Just until next week, anyway."

"Oh yeah, sure, of course." I hugged him back, said goodbye, and then watched as Edward walked him out to his hire car.

While he was gone, I tried to put a lid on my feelings. He'd tell me everything in his own time. When he was ready. When the moment was right. But when he returned a moment later, that lid blew right off and as the words came tumbling I wasn't sure if it was the anger or compassion or hurt that came with them.

"Did you think I wouldn't love you if you were human?"

He took a startled step back, eyes wide in shock.

"What?"

"Did you think I was like all the other girls? Like Jessica Stanley? That I only wanted you for your pretty face?"

His eyes narrowed and he shot a glance beyond me, to the street outside. Then he laid the dragon book on the island and inhaled slowly. "What did Emmett say to you?"

"Just that you thought no-one would want you unless you were a vampire. And I guess that included me. Am I right?"

"No, of course not." But he'd hesitated before he spoke. It was just a split second, but it was enough. The old fault line in my heart rippled.

"So it's true," I whispered. "This is the conversation not for stormy nights, isn't it?"

"Yes. Yes it is, but…"

"Oh my God, Edward, how could you think that?" I decided at that moment that sheer disbelief had come in and eclipsed everything else. "Did you really believe I was a shallow, fickle, human after all. Is that the real reason you stayed away and didn't contact me, isn't it?"

"Bella, no, it wasn't like that."

His voice was soft, but reflected my own pain. I bit hard into my lip. Anger and hurt were starting to give disbelief a run for its money.

"Like what?" He held out his hand to me, but I didn't take it. "How was it not like that?"

He dropped his hand and instead tugged his fingers through his hair.

"It's complicated," he said. "I'll try to explain…"

"Explain what? That your opinion of me was so low? That I was so…"

"It wasn't about you." Edward growled, his voice suddenly a dangerous rumble from deep in his chest. "It was about me." He thumped his chest with a hard fist. "Me. My problem. Not yours."

That pulled me up short. For a moment we just stood staring at each other in painful, angry silence.

"You're right," I said, suddenly exhausted and wishing desperately I could go back to my flat. "It is your problem. Because I can't see how you'd possibly think I was only interested in your looks, or any of the other vampire stuff." My eyes stung and I blinked hard as I crossed my arms firmly over my chest now, effectively holding myself together. "How could you have thought like that when all I ever did was tell you I loved you? Every single day! My God, Edward, I thought you were my destiny, I would have died for you! I practically begged you, over and over, to change me! To make me like you! How could you possibly think…" I stopped for breath, and to steady myself. I inhaled slowly, trying to ignore the agony in Edward's eyes because my own hurt needed to have its say.

"All I ever did was tell you how much you meant to me. How perfect you were, to me. Perfect, and beautiful and graceful. The way you dazzled me! Just your voice…it mesmerised me, I could have listened to you read the phonebook! And you knew all this! You heard my heart go crazy just from looking at you...just the sight of you…"

My words were ringing in my ears, sounding suddenly hollow, bringing with them a truth I didn't want to hear.

"The sight of you…when I'd see…you…when you…I mean…oh my God…" My stomach sank to my toes. I felt slightly dizzy and I dropped heavily onto the sofa.

Across the room, Edward stood very still, head bowed now, defeat in the slump of his shoulders.

I screwed my eyes shut as a sickening reality washed over me. For a moment I couldn't speak. I could barely breathe. I just sat there as understanding took the place of everything else and the only thought in my head was of the puzzle book I'd had as a child. The one where the image of a candlestick turned out to be two people facing each other, if viewed from a different angle.

And suddenly, I was seeing things from a very different angle.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat.

"Edward, when's your birthday?"

There was silence from the other side of the room. When I looked, Edward was staring at me, puzzled.

"June 20th.

"Is that your real birthday?"

"June 20th, 1901." Head cocked, he took some slow steps towards me. "Bella?"

"There's so much I never asked." My voice broke. "There's even more I never said."

He knelt before me, hands on his thighs. A frown creased his brow.

"What?" he asked softly.

My throat felt tight, my voice was shaky.

"I never told you how…how kind you are." I reached out slowly and pushed back his hair. "Kind. And generous. And so gentle. I remember that day in the meadow, that first day, when I was suddenly afraid and you joked that you weren't thirsty, and then you winked, and I…you made me laugh, and I wasn't afraid anymore." I grazed my thumb across his cheek, and the corner of his mouth quirked in a hesitant smile.

Then he winked, and I smiled, too.

"I always felt safe with you, Edward. Not because you were strong, but because you felt like home."

The surprise that flared in his eyes was quickly eclipsed by a tenderness that was almost heartbreaking.

"You have a really dry, almost wicked, sense of humour, and I like that about you. A lot." I touched the stubble on his chin, feeling it's roughness on my skin, before dropping my hand to take his. His fingers closed gently, but firmly, around mine. "You're caring, and thoughtful. You left that note in my truck telling me to Be safe. It was like a little love letter, and I still have it, tucked away in a book on my shelves." I sighed heavily, and leaned in to gently kiss him.

"You were never just a pretty face to me, Edward, but I wish I'd told you these things before."

Edward sighed softly, his eyes melting into mine. "I didn't doubt you,' he said. "I came to realise your feelings ran deep, that you did love me, and that was always the miracle of it." He smiled and sat back on his haunches, his expression intense. "But you weren't supposed to love me. Everything about me was designed to lure you in, but nothing more, and I…I never believed I could…I'd seen human first loves come and go, burn bright and then fade away. And there was nothing about me that I thought would hold your love beyond that."

It took everything I had not tell him what an idiot he was.

"When you said goodbye in the forest…"

"It was all about your safety, absolutely. But yes, I did believe that you would get over me and move on and I'd be just the memory of a rather unusual first love."

Slowly, he pushed off his knees and, still holding my hand, came to sit beside me on the sofa.

"It's complicated," he sighed. "It all goes back to when…"

Then he let go of my hand quickly, the sudden motion surprising me as he stood up and headed for the kitchen.

"If you'd like to hear, I'd like to tell you. But I'm going to need a drink. Would you like one?"

ooo

The night sky had stayed dry since we'd left the restaurant, but the wind came up again and the windows gave an occasional rattle. With the overhead light off now, and the living room bathed in the soft glow of the floor lamp, there was an atmosphere to the room.

"Are you tired?" Edward asked from the kitchen as he poured wine for me and whisky for himself.

"No. Not at all."

Thunder rumbled faintly in the distance. Edward smirked.

"Good night for ghost stories," he murmured.

"Is that what this is?"

He shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe. Visiting the ghosts of my past." He looked up at me. "My human past."

He came to settle next to me on the sofa, keeping a small distance between us, but when I moved closer and leant against him, I felt him sigh. He kissed my cheek, sipped from his glass, and quietly began.

"We take some of our human selves with us, when we become vampires," he said. "You can see the different personalities in my family, you can see to some extent, who they would have been before. Carlisle was compassionate, Esme was kind and nurturing, Emmett has always been happy-go-lucky, and I was…"

"A sullen teenager?"

He smirked. "Pretty much." He swirled the amber liquid round the glass before he took a swig.

"When Carlisle changed me, I was in the middle of an awkward adolescence; not a boy anymore, but not quite a man. Girls were a complete mystery to me and they certainly never looked twice in my direction. I was quiet and bookish, gangly and skinny, all arms and legs and big ears, and so self-conscious it was nearly crippling. As a vampire, I brought those insecurities with me, and in my frozen emotional state, they stayed, always part of me."

"So when you became human again…"

"They came back in full force. And got worse."

He stared into his glass, gazing deep into its golden depths.

"I wasn't a vampire anymore, but I didn't feel properly human, either. Everything was confusing, my mind-reading faded away and I felt exposed and vulnerable, having to trust myself to correctly read all the non-verbal cues that people give. It was terrifying, although I'd had some practice with you, of course." He smiled and nudged me gently. "But it wasn't enough to prepare me for humanity en masse.

"Carlisle had guided me when I became a vampire, he knew what I was going through back then, but not this time. He tried, he did his best, but this was beyond even his experience, and there was no-one else I could talk to."

He inhaled slowly, deeply, keeping his eyes on his glass.

"The first time I shaved, was the first time ever, in either human life. I'd been something of a late bloomer first time round, you see. I didn't know what I was doing and I cut myself on the first stroke, right here." He touched a spot beneath his jaw.

"Oh…not good in a house full of vampires, huh?"

"As you would know." He gave me an apologetic smile, then sighed. "There was blood everywhere, all over the sink, all over me, and the rest of my family had to leave while Carlisle helped me clean up and finish the job. I already knew my being in the house was uncomfortable for them, but this…" He stopped and shook his head. "I was human again, but I'd never felt more like an outsider, or alone. I'd lost one family in 1918, and now it felt like I was going to lose another."

My heart ached so much for him now, I couldn't even begin to imagine what that must have been like.

"It wasn't just about being clumsy and bumping into things, was it?"

"No, it wasn't." He took another mouthful of whisky. "I've told you about coming to see you in Forks."

"Yeah." I leant closer, resting my head on his shoulder. "I'm so sor…"

"No," he said firmly. "Don't apologise for that. Ever." I glanced up at him, and there was a fierceness in his eyes. "Never apologise for that."

"Okay."

He drained his glass, then stood up and went to get another.

"My first instinct, when I saw you that night, was to get out of the car, stride across the road, punch the werewolf in the face and carry you off with me. But I had promised you, more than once, that if you chose to leave me I would never stand in your way."

"I know. I remember."

He replenished his glass from the whisky bottle, his long fingers screwing the lid back on smoothly, slowly, when he was done.
"So when I saw you with Jacob I knew I had to honour that promise. It hurt to turn away. It hurt more than the change that had brought me back to your door, but as I drove home I wondered if I'd done the right thing. I got to Port Angeles and I decided I was going back for you, but I hadn't eaten for almost a day and I was starting to feel the effects from it. So I thought I'd grab a bite before I turned back, but then something happened."

There was an edge to his voice now, something dark and dangerous, and a shiver snaked down my spine.

Edward rested his palms on the countertop, leaning into them.

"It was late," he said flatly, his voice devoid of all expression. "But the diner was still open. The parking lot was empty except for two guys standing by an old Mazda. I didn't give them much thought, my mind was elsewhere, but when I came back out they were waiting for me."

My blood chilled and my skin pebbled with goose bumps.

"Vampires?"
"What?" Surprise crossed his features. "No, not vampires. Why would you think…"

"I don't know, I just did…never mind. Who were they?"

His jaw tightened. "They wanted my car."

My eyes popped open wide. "Oh my God, they mugged you?"

"Yes. Well, almost."

"Were you hurt?"

"No." He frowned. "I couldn't read their minds, but I could guess what they wanted, it was obvious. They came up close, one had a gun. The other demanded my wallet and keys. They began taunting me, and I was so angry. Too angry to be scared. Six weeks earlier they would have taken one look at me and run the other way, but now I was just another weak target."

My heart was in overdrive, my hand clutched tight around my glass. I couldn't be sure, but I thought I heard a low growl come from his chest.

"What happened?"

He exhaled sharply and shook his head. "Actually, I'm not sure. I was glaring at the guy with the gun while I reached into my pocket. I held out my wallet and keys like I was offering them to him."

He spoke through clenched teeth now and his hands had clawed into fists. Even from where I sat I could see his knuckles had gone white.

"I was hating them with every fibre of my being, and hating myself even more for being so weak. I wanted to sink my teeth into their necks and rip out their throats, but then they just dropped everything, turned heel and ran. I looked around, wondering if the police had arrived, or someone else, but there was no-one. Just me. So I got in the car and got out of there."

I felt sick at the thought of him being in such danger, that I could have lost him so easily and never known, but my mind went back to the restaurant earlier tonight, and Karl, and the look on Edward's face. I thought I had a pretty good idea why those two guys had run away.

"You were okay?" I asked.

"They didn't hurt me."

"But it made everything worse, didn't it?"
He nodded. "Shock and fear kicked in a few minutes later and I had to pull over, I was shaking so much. It became abundantly clear to me then, as I sat quivering like a coward by the side of the road, that I wasn't the man I wanted to be. I wasn't the man you deserved. I had nothing to recommend me and there was no way I could protect you; you, who were a danger magnet, and me with Alice's vision hanging over my head. That incident convinced me even more, that you were better off without me. If we'd been together in that parking lot…" He bowed his head. "I tortured myself with that thought all the way home.

"I was just a weak, ordinary, human male. And I was afraid that, without the things that made me special, and different, I wasn't enough."

It was almost audible, the clean, swift, breaking of my heart for him. Tears spilled onto my cheeks and I dashed them away quickly.

"Edward, you know it wouldn't matter to me if you…"

He smiled and shook his head, letting me know I didn't need to say anything. I wanted to go to him. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and tell him I was sorry for what had happened to him, and that he was an idiot for thinking he was less because of it, but I didn't think it was the time. He needed to just get this out, and he needed me to listen. I pulled up my knees and hugged them to my chest.

"I was an even bigger mess after that," he went on. "I spiralled into a deep depression, but getting therapy wasn't an option. Can you imagine what my patient notes would say?"

"You'd be an interesting case study."

"Or the basis for a book. Horror genre, of course."

I smirked, heartened by his attempt to lighten the mood a little.

"No, more like fantasy, than horror," I teased. "Who'd play you in the movie version?"

"I don't know." He shrugged and pointed at himself. "I think we can agree, there's only one me," he said.

"You got that right." I took a long pull at my glass, processing all he'd told me, still not knowing whether I wanted to beat sense into him, or hug him until my arms broke.

"You obviously worked through it, though?" I said a moment later.

"I did." He sighed. "Carlisle was incredible. He did all he could, reading up on psychology and psychiatry and doing his best to adapt it to my situation. Still, there were times I thought about asking him to change me back, but…" He trailed off, then cocked his head, eyes suddenly thoughtful. "I don't want to sound pathetic," he said. "I'm worried it's beginning to seem that way."

"No! Not pathetic, just…very lonely. And confusing."

He nodded. "It was. A very lonely and confusing time." He shook himself, as if to escape the memories. "Anyway, one day, months later, I was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, unshaven, uncaring, and I wondered what you'd think if you saw me right then, at that moment." He scrunched up his face. "The thought horrified me and I realised then I was actually perpetuating the situation, instead of improving it, so I decided I had to change.

"I started going to a gym, as much to get used to interacting with humans as to build myself up. I signed up for two different types of self-defence classes, and I enrolled in college. Rose and Emmett were in the process of finding their own place and I decided to do the same. I got an apartment not far from the campus and for the first time in my life, I had a place of my own." He rubbed at his stubbled jaw. "It was a good feeling," he said. "I began to feel less exposed, less vulnerable, as I got better at reading other people. My confidence slowly grew. Physically I became stronger. I began to feel better about myself. And emotionally, I out-grew those awkward, anxious, insecure teenage years, like every human does."

He pushed the whisky glass gently back and forth across the marble surface of the island.

"I finally became the man I was always meant to be."

I groaned, and dropped my head onto my knees. "And that's when you came looking for me again, and saw that photo. Am I right?"

He frowned as he slowly turned his glass in circles.

"Edward?"

He looked up. "Yes?"

"That smile you saw in the photo. It wasn't what you thought it was. It wasn't because I thought Alex was the love of my life." I hugged my knees tighter, watching the questions in his eyes. Questions he'd believe were none of his business, and would never ask.

"It was New Years, Renee was trying to get a nice picture and she didn't ask us to say cheese, she said to think of all the happy plans we had for the year ahead." I tugged absently at the hem of my jeans. "Graduation was only a few months away and I was summa cum laude. I'd already secured a fantastic internship, I had a new apartment lined up and I was going to New York in March for an exhibition of Shakespeare's manuscripts. My year was looking pretty great and I can remember thinking, as my Mom lined up the shot, the future was bright and I was excited. That's why I looked so happy."

The warmth in Edward's eyes went straight to my heart. Then his lips quirked with a smile. "Summa cum laude? I'm impressed."

"You should be."

"Not that I ever doubted you could do it. More wine?" He held up the bottle.

"No, I'm good, thanks."

He filled his empty glass with water and drank it down in one go. He'd obviously decided two whiskies were enough for one night.

"And then you came to Sydney, right?"

He nodded, and put the whisky bottle back on the shelf above the cupboards, and the wine bottle in the fridge. Then he grabbed an apple from the bowl, like Emmett had done, and bit into it.

"Want one?" he asked.

I shook my head, watching him. There'd been so many missed opportunities and wrong decisions but now we were here, together, on the doorstep of a future that was brimming with new possibilities.

He felt so far away, across the other side of the room, but at the same time, I knew these conversations would be harder if we were sitting close. We needed the distance and the space. But even so, I longed to be curled up in his lap.

My eyes wandered to the fridge, to the picture there. I thought of Uncle Nedwood, and Daddy Emmett, and dragons and tree houses. It had been so good to see Emmett again, and to see him so happy, even if his parting words had opened up a whole new can of worms.

"This tree house you're planning is pretty cool." The sketch was still on the coffee table and I nodded towards it.

"It should be," Edward said, smiling. "It's mostly Emmett's vision really, I'll just make sure the thing won't fall down. He's got a good eye for what kids like, very in touch with his inner-child, Emmett is. This is the second one he's had for the Max and Hannah, expanding them as they get older, I think. Actually, he could probably create a really successful business building extreme tree-houses."

"Oh! You could do that together!" I grinned as the idea grew. "Cullen Constructions. Oh, wait, no that won't work. McCarty and Mason? Mason and McCarty?"

"Tree House Builders Extraordinaire?" Edward chuckled. "Oh, the possibilities," he said and took another bite of apple.

"Tree Top Hideaways?" I suggested, smiling.

"Tree Houses R Us?"

"Wait!" I cried. "I've got a good one! Really good." And Edward began very dramatic drum roll on the counter top. "Are you ready?"

"Yep."

"Top Tree Houses!"

The drum roll stuttered and stopped. Edward looked at me blankly.

"That's it?"

"It's a play on words. Tree top? Top tree? Like, it's the top company for building tree houses. Top Tree Houses. Do you get it?"

"Er, yeah. I get it. How many wines have you had?"

I picked up a scatter cushion and threw it across the room at him. Of course it fell short, and he didn't even flinch. He did smirk though.

"It wasn't that bad," I pouted.

"Actually, it was. It was really bad."

I tried so hard to glare at him, as I took a sip from my glass, but there was a twinkle in his eye and all I managed was a giggle, which made me snort my wine and shoot it out my nose and down my shirt. Of course, that made Edward laugh. I thought the mortification would kill me, and I was surprised when it didn't. But then, despite my embarrassment, I was laughing too.

"Oh my God, it burns…"

Edward laughed even harder. I collapsed onto the sofa, racked with belly laughs that made my sides ache. Meanwhile, he was leaning against the fridge, head thrown back, body shaking, losing himself completely in the moment.

It was beautiful to see.

"I'm…sorry…" he gasped between breaths.

"Don't laugh…" I giggled. "It's not funny."

"Oh yes…" he gasped. "It's very funny."

The laughter went on for a while, gradually slowing to giggles, and then gasps as we caught our breath and wiped our eyes.

"It's funny because that was my most embarrassing moment," he said, coming out from the kitchen and dropping down next to me on the sofa.

"Seriously?" I asked. "You snorted wine out of your nose?"

"Fettuccini."

My mouth dropped open, and then the giggling started again.

"How did you manage that?"

His lips twitched as he tried not to laugh. And then I was surprised to see him blushing, a soft warmth flushing his cheeks.

"I was out at a restaurant. Eating fettuccini. Obviously. And I felt a sneeze coming, fast. I was mid-chew, so I grabbed a napkin, covered my mouth, but a piece of fettuccini shot out my nose."

"No!"
The belly laughs were back. I flopped out of his arms and onto the sofa, squirming in laugh-induced agony while he grinned down at me.

"It hung there for a second," he said. "Swinging. I think I was in shock. And then it dropped off onto my plate."

"Ohmygosh…what…did you…do?"

"Apologised, wiped Alfredo sauce from my nose, then stood up and took my plate to the kitchen. Then I was so embarrassed I couldn't go back to the table so I left money with the waitress and left."

"Oh, Edward." My body seriously hurt now. "Who…were you…with?"

"It was a business meeting with my manager and two colleagues and a new client. It was my third day at my first job."

I gasped for breath. "That's seriously embarrassing."

"Yes, it is." He touched my nose, smiling. "I win."

I batted his hand away and he grabbed my wrist and pulled me upright again. We both slouched down on the sofa, shoulders touching. The heavy, fraught atmosphere, the hurt feelings of the last little while had been washed away, and the world was new and bright again. Perspective was back.

"How did we get onto all this?" I asked, wincing at the ache in my ribs.

"You came up with a terrible name for our tree house company."

"It wasn't terrible. I've got another Dinky Di Tree House Designs."

"Dinky di?" Edward's tone made me glance up. "You've immersed yourself in the local language, Bella."

"I know." I flashed him a smug smile.

"Do you know what it means?" he asked and I rewarded him with an eye roll of spectacular proportions.

"Of course I do. Beryl uses it sometimes. It means real. The genuine article. Authentically Australian. Doesn't it?" I was filled with sudden doubt. "It's the same as true blue. That's another one she uses….oh my gosh…" It all came together in my mind, and I could see as Edward's eyes lit up that we were on the same page.

"True Blue Treehouses!" Our voices chimed together. We both laughed, and then groaned, and rubbed at our sides.

"Edward, that sounds…"

"Perfect." He grinned. "It's a pity we don't actually have a tree house company to name."

"Not yet, anyway. You should absolutely do this."

He was nodding, suddenly thoughtful. "It might be worth talking to Emmett about. It could be more than kids' tree houses, it could expand into bigger versions. Holiday houses. Weekend getaways. This could have potential."

The excitement was clear on his face, and I could practically see the ideas forming in his mind. I watched as he took a last bite of his apple and tossed the core neatly into the bin.

"Australia's been good for you and your family, hasn't it?"

"It has. We're very comfortable here," Edward agreed.

"Must have been hard at first, though. Lonely."

"It was. Very lonely. But I made friends. Good friends."

And just like that, my mood shifted as Fiona, Jenn, and Elise made a sudden reappearance.

Were they the friends he meant?

Bugger, as Beryl would say.

Why now, when we were having fun and things were relaxed and old hurt and misunderstandings had been cleared away?

I hugged my legs to my chest again.

Was this always going to happen? Would I always be wondering? Alexander and Sam had both had girlfriends before me and it hadn't bothered me like this.

Renee was a big believer in writing down worries or fears on a piece of paper, then tearing it up. "Clears the heart and the mind," she would say. "It's like throwing your worries away!"

Maybe I should grab my notepad and give it a try.

I should never have asked Edward about them. I wished now that I didn't know their names, or how long he'd been with them.

But I couldn't erase their names from my mind. They were there, and maybe that was the problem. Because I only had part of the story and I was filling in the gaps in ways I didn't like.

"Edward?"
"Yes?"

"I think I want to know about your girlfriends. I think I need to."

There was a beat of silence, surprise registered clearly on his face, and then he nodded.

"Okay," he said. "Um…" He looked around, tugging his hand through his hair. "I was just going to suggest we get some fresh air." He motioned towards the deck. "The wind's died down, the rain's stopped. The furniture's been under cover and dry…would you like to sit outside?"

ooo

Bundled in a blanket, I curled up on one sun lounge while Edward sat on the edge of the other. The sea had calmed, the moon was out and it shone on the water, creating patterns of shimmering silver on the surface.

It felt peaceful out here, and I let myself absorb that peace. With every breath I took, I let it fill me, until the tight knot in my stomach began to unfurl.

I took another deep, calm, breath, as Edward settled himself, and began.

"Vampires are mostly self-sufficient, solitary creatures," he said, staring out at the view. "Whereas humans have very different needs."

"Oh…"

"I don't mean sex," he said quickly. "I'm talking about companionship. Connection. Belonging. We need it in a way that vampires don't. You would have seen a closeness among my family, and that's because we'd all kept in touch with our human sides, we cultivated those feelings as much as we could. When I became human again, those needs came back. Not right away though; I wasn't suddenly hit with the urge to run out and make friends with the first person I saw, but gradually I realised that, while I would never exactly be the life of the party, I did enjoy the company of others."

"You wanted friends."

The lamp light from the living room cast enough glow so that we weren't just a pair of silhouettes sitting on the deck. I was able to make out Edward's shy smile.

"Who'da thought?" he said.

Then he leant back, lying along the lounge with his long legs stretched out.

"It didn't really become such a thing until I moved here, until I truly believed that you'd found happiness with someone else and the best thing I could do, for you and me, was to let go."

He rubbed his hands over his face, sighing softly.

"Anyway, I'd been here a few months and I did start making friends, slowly. There was a bloke called Adam, we worked together in my first job here, and he introduced me to Aussie Rules. He became a good mate and we still get together to see the Swans play whenever we can.

"I got into bushwalking on weekends with a few people I'd met through the gym. We'd go up into the Blue Mountains for day treks, or sometimes we'd go canyoning, or abseiling. Fiona was one of the group."

My heart clenched as he folded his arms across his chest.

"It was just friendship. She'd had a bad break-up with her fiancé a few months before I met her. She wasn't looking for a relationship, and neither was I. She was easy to talk to and we had things in common apart from the gym and bushwalking and sometimes the two of us would get together for a concert or a movie. It was relaxed, easy. Pizza in front of the tv, that sort of thing." He paused. "It was nice to just be."

He leant his head against the back of the lounge and stared up at the sky.

"We'd known each other for about eight months, nearly nine, and then one weekend we were riding mountain bikes along the Oakes Trail, and she came off hers. I stopped and went back and took her hand to help her up and once she was standing, she didn't let go right away. It surprised me. Then when she did drop my hand, I wished she hadn't. I missed the contact. And that was a surprise too, more of a shock really, that I felt that way."

He glanced across at me, buried in my blanket.

"You okay?"

I nodded, though I would have been lying if I said it didn't hurt to hear him talk like this. Although with each new piece of information, I found the hurt was becoming less and less. It was almost like listening to stories about other people, though I couldn't say why.

"Go on," I said. "I'm fine."

He looked back at the sea, his face thoughtful in the moonlight.

"This new humanity I'd been given was truly a miracle. I'd been given a third chance at life, how incredible was that? And I began to wonder, as we walked the bikes back to the car…would it be so bad if I tried to find some happiness in that life? Would it be so bad if I tried to make the best of the precious gift I'd been given? Would it be wrong?"

He turned to me, and even in the shadows I could see the questions in his eyes. Eyes that asked if I understood.

"No," I whispered. "It wasn't wrong."

He dropped his gaze. When he spoke again his voice was soft, but certain.

"It wasn't a decision I made lightly, and it was still a while before anything happened between us." He paused again, gathering his thoughts once more, it seemed. "Times were different, I was different - no longer seventeen and no longer living on the edge of society. And my view of the world had, in some ways, changed."

He was silent then, and the only sound was the soothing purr of the ocean. I rolled onto my back and studied the few stars that were peeking through the darkness. Ancient pin pricks of light, as old as time itself.

"You would have seen these same stars in 1918, wouldn't you?"

"No," Edward answered. "Wrong hemisphere."

"Oh." Of course.

"Same moon, though."

"Did it look the same back then?"

"Pretty much."

I rolled onto my side again. He rolled onto his, and we were facing each other.

"Why did you break up?"

"We decided we worked better as friends."

"No bad feelings then?"

"No, none. It was more of a mutual realisation. I think, looking back, we'd been a comfort to each other. We're still friends now, though we don't really see each other," he added quickly. "But, I did go to her wedding last year."

Her wedding.

Mentally, I took a variation of Renee's idea, and crossed Fiona's name off an imaginary list.

One down, two to go.

"What about Jenn?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "She worked in the café where I bought my coffee each morning before work. She was into photography, so was I, and we struck up a friendship. After a while it became something more, or at least, it seemed to be headed that way. We went out to dinner a few times. We saw some movies. Went to a couple of exhibitions. Took a lot of photos. She was bright and funny and creative, but the closer we got, the more it didn't feel right, and she sensed that too. So we ended it." He hesitated. "It was an affectionate relationship, but it never got serious." He gave me a significant look and my mouth popped open.

"You didn't sleep with her?"

"No," he said. "I didn't."

My heart did a little fist pump as Jenn just got her name crossed off the list, too.

A breeze blew in, tossing Edward's hair and he brushed it out of his eyes.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked, burrowing deeper into the purple cashmere.

"I'm fine," he said. "I don't feel the cold. Are you warm enough? Do you want to go in?"

"No. I like it out here."

"Promise you'll tell me if you change your mind."

"Promise."

He nodded, and rolled onto his back. "And then there was Elise," he said.

There was a slight change to the tone of his voice, very slight, but my ears pricked up.

"I knew her through work, she was the actuary who did the risk analysis on some the projects I managed. She had a brilliant mind, a quick wit and she was one of the first people I met when I started at Tully and Tomm. When she moved to a new job in Canberra, we stayed in touch, as friends, and we'd catch up whenever she came back to Sydney to visit. Gradually, things became…" He shrugged the end of his sentence. "It was a long distance relationship and it didn't work out."

I wanted to ask why, but I got the feeling the question wouldn't be welcome. The way he spoke about her was different than the others. More formal. Almost like it was a prepared speech.

He stayed staring at the sky, while I stared at him.

"Are you still in contact?"

"No." He shook his head.

"Um, bad break-up?" I hesitated a guess, unsure of his reaction.

"I thought we were on the same page about most things, but it turned out we weren't."

There was something he wasn't saying and I wondered if I could ask. Was it too private? Then I wondered if I even wanted to know.

While I was thinking this through, Edward turned onto his side, and his vivid eyes met mine.

"She cheated on me."

My mouth swung open like a squeaky gate.

"Oh my God…" That bitch! "Why? How did you find out?"

"Why? I never asked, but I can assume the distance was part of the problem. How? She sent a text to the wrong number. My number."

Oh, shit. "And I'm guessing it was obvious it wasn't meant for you?"

"It was more, ah, descriptive than her usual communications. And my name's not Luke."

The gate was swinging again. "What did you do?"

"Replied with a polite request that she permanently delete my number from her contacts." He shrugged again. "Then I deleted hers from mine."

Very dignified. Very Edward.

I didn't know what to say. Did it make sense that I was hurt and angry on his behalf? In my imagination, I crossed Elise's name off the list, tore it up, and flushed the pieces down the toilet.

"That's just…I don't know what to say."

"I got over it."

The wind blew up again, lifting the edge of the blanket and chilling my feet. Edward reached over and re-tucked it snugly around me.

"I think that's everything," he said, settling back on his lounge. "My whole dating history. There's been no-one else. And, ah, no-one has stayed over, in case you were wondering. I didn't live here while I was dating Fiona, I never got that serious with Jenn, and Elise was three hundred kilometres away."

Then he frowned, softly. "Fiona did visit Rose and Emmett with me a couple of times. The others didn't. And of course, no-one knows the truth about my past." He paused. "I think that really is everything."

This last pieces of the picture shouldn't have mattered, but in a small way they did, and I was glad he'd told me.

But a sudden thought popped into my head and the words were out of my mouth before I could check them.

"Did you get tested? Crap, I should have worded that better. Um, I just meant that if she'd…you know…had other partners while…"

I stopped before I made things worse. It might be a valid question when starting a new relationship, but this probably wasn't the way to go about it.

There was a flash of confusion on Edward's face that quickly shifted into understanding.

"Er, I'm all good." He cleared his throat. "I've never gone unprotected."

That little declaration was unexpected.

"Never?"

He shook his head. "Not once."

"Why?"

"Just my preference. Well, it has been."

Wow. There was a flutter in my stomach as I thought what that might mean. I began to smile, and so did Edward.

We fell into silence as we lay on our sides, facing each other. At that moment the world slipped away, and there was only the two of us, with the stars and the low, soft, rumble of the sea.

"Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for telling me everything."

He did the cutest little scrunch of his nose, and it made me laugh.

"It's been quite an evening."

"It has," he said. "Not exactly how I expected it to go." He chuckled softly. "Bloody Emmett."

I giggled again. "After tonight, do we have anything left to talk about?"

"I don't know. The weather, maybe?"

We were smiling at each other again.

"Do you think we can move forward now?" I asked. "Leave all that stuff behind?"

"I'd like that," he said.

The breeze tugged at his hair again and it blew it into his eyes. He brushed it back quickly, his long fingers pushing it out of the way with a flick.

"I'd like to get a gift for Hannah," I said.

Edward's smile widened. "We could go shopping tomorrow and find something."

"And the museum," I said. "I want us to go to the museum tomorrow. You need to see your ceiling."

"We'll do both," Edward promised.

I started to say that sounded like a plan, but the words got lost in a yawn.

"You're tired," he murmured. "And so am I."

I was about to protest and say I was fine, but the truth was the evening had left me completely wrung out and drained, and now it was all catching up with me.

"Bed time," I managed to say through another yawn. "I need my pillow." A moment later, before I'd even had a chance to sit up, Edward had lifted me into his arms and was carrying me slowly to the spare room.

He kissed my forehead as he set me down.

"Sleep well," he said. "I promise I won't watch."

"You don't do that anymore?"

"No." He stroked my cheek tenderly, his eyes smiling into mine. "Not anymore."

After all the long hours of talking, saying goodnight seemed to be happening too fast, but I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.

"You should go to bed," I whispered. "We both need sleep."

"Mm hm…"

But nobody made a move.

Then Edward sighed, pulled me to him, and kissed me so thoroughly I was breathless.

"I'll be next door if you need me," he said, voice rough as he let me go. And then the door was closing and he was gone.

My lips were still tingling as I undressed and pulled on the oversized t-shirt that I liked to sleep in.

I climbed into bed, pulled up the doona, and fell asleep to the sound of the shower running next door.

When I woke a little later, the shower had stopped, but the sound of a soft, rumbling snore was coming down the hall. With a sleepy smile, I rolled over.

"We'll have to fix that," I murmured, and fell back into a dreamless sleep.

-ooo0ooo-

A/N: Thanks so much for your reviews. They really make my day and I'm trying to respond to everyone but if I haven't got to you yet, please know how much it's appreciated : )

Thank you Melanie for casting your eagle eye over my words. Mwah! xx Have you read Melanie's work? She's a NYT Best Selling author and you can find her on Amazon as Melanie Moreland.

Oh, and the fettuccini incident? Yeah, that really happened. Won't say to whom : )