Sarin: *wearing a big cowboy hat* Do you feel lucky, fans? Well do ya?

Jem: ... You totally can't pull that off...

Sarin: If I wasn't psychotically evilly constantly planning your destruction...

Jem: Mmmmmhmmmm... Right.

Sarin: blablabla disclaimer. Oh, and we added a Dark Link scene to the last chappy in case you read it YESTERDAY... Jem's got a little updating fever.

_I'm a chappy, lovely lovely chappy, I'm a chappy, lovely lovely me_.

"Home sweet home." Sheik was, for once, early in his spontaneous appearance and was walking with Harry as they entered the gate to enter the Sheikah Village... which was going up in flames. Oops.

"Oh no! The well is on fire! Run Link Run." Somehow knowing that Harry was going to be stubborn and not do as suggested for fear of "losing his manliness" (a thought that always made Sheik snicker), it did not inspire him to have put much inflection or emphasis on the suggestion. And true to form, Harry stood his ground as a smokey purple cloud rose lazily from the well. It didn't look too fearsome... until it spotted Harry, seemed to grin maniacally, and tornado-ed its way toward him. Too late, Harry drew his sword... not that anyone - except apparently our fearless hero - really expected a sword to do Anything against a cloud. Therefore, the sentient cloud got the opportunity to beat the shit out of the Chosen Hero with no chance of getting hit back.

When Harry finally revived, he found himself looking into the worried eyes of his "friend." As a hardly restrained groan of pain escaped, he realized the ground under his head was oddly soft and that his head was elevated. A blush he hoped could be explained away from the heat of the just put out fire crept over his face upon realizing that Sheik had heard the pained groan and that his head was probably in said person's lap. The answer to that was quickly revealed as Sheik stood up and Harry's already hurt head whapped the ground.

"Well... glad to see you're ok." Another embarrassing groan was all that Harry responded. Sheik continued, "Just so we're clear, I have let you off super easy on this mini-quest thing, so I am Not going to just Give you the superspecial magnifying glass stuck at the bottom of the well. Nope, you're going to have to go get it yourself. And to do that..." Sheik's attitude shifted as what would have been an evil smirk crossed his face if you could see all of it... although Harry had seen enough that what he could see left him slightly worried at the next part of the sentence "you're going to have to go back to being that goofy looking little kid again. The windmill guy will tell you all you need to know... but better hurry, that well isn't just going to drain itself!"

And with that, Sheik vanished, the new warp melody ringing in Harry's ears as well as the bells from what he was starting to suspect might be serious brain damage from all the beatings he'd incurred. Struggling to his feet, he swayed to the windmill. The door was old and creaked as he forced it open. When there was just enough room, he peeked inside to make sure he wasn't going to get eaten or anything just for entering. Instead what he found was...

"They're coming to take me away, haha they're coming to take me away hohohehehaha to the funny farm where - oh hello there."

"Umm... hi."

"Are you here to replace me so those nice young men in their clean white coats-"

"Oh, um no. I'm here because I heard you have a melody in your head..."

"Why yes, Doctor! I do have a song stuck in my head!"

Harry looked at the kook, puzzled at his reaction but decided to go with it. "And to get it out, you'd have to teach it to someone. That's the usual remedy. So may I hear it?"

The man looked confused as well. "But Doctor... if you hear it won't you go mad too?"

"I'm a professional, so I think I'll be ok."

The man seemed to accept this and picked up his accordion. After a note or two however, he just picked up splice between a manual music box and an old gramophone, which he had luckily had had sitting next to him and began to play the song within. The tune was very repetitive and the man couldn't seem to stop playing it once he had started, so Harry could easily see how this song had driven the man out of his mind. And yet... he had to learn it. He pulled his ocarina out... and the crazy man screamed!

"Doctor Doctor Give me the News I got a Bad Case of... fear of that thing. It all started when a brat came in and played that thing and the windmill went crazy and the well drained and the song - the sooooooong! It never left my head, Doctor. IT NEVER LEFT MY-"

Harry ran from the windmill, afraid the man would come after him and perhaps even kill him. From hearing the song that many times, he figured he knew it anyway... Quickly, he warped to the Temple of Time. As he approached the pedestal where time flowed more freely, he wondered briefly how he could possibly return through time to when he was a kid again. Lost in thought, he was brought back to his senses when Navi slammed into him.

"HEY"

"Hey yourself you stupid annoying flying-"

She slammed into him again, causing him to trip up a step which somehow ended up sending the Master Sword flying precisely point down into exactly the indentation where he had pulled it out. Time whooshed past him. Guess that answers that question.

Harry looked at his once more chibi-fied body in annoyance. On the bright side, he thought, at least I don't need to go through the voice cracking and the acne again... this way Is a lot easier...

Short little legs pumping, he ran back to the village. He tried everything to make the well drain - playing it next to the well, in the grave yard, all around town, even doing a rain dance (much to everyone's amusement and Saria's pervy comments... oh yeah, he had somehow forgotten about those)... until the realization hit, much to his shock and horror, that he would have to try inside the windmill, in front of the music man, and play the song that would drive the guy crazy. "!" Stupid conscience.

-Skipping the Whiny Angsty Scene Where Navi is Forced to Beat Harry Up and Make Him Enter the Windmill-

He crept in and played it very softly in the doorway. Nothing. A little louder, still as far away from the guy as possible. Still Nothing. Reluctantly and with Navi somehow managing to find a gun to hold to his head, Harry was marched up to the music man and forced to play, cursing Navi and swearing revenge.

After leaving the windmill, Harry peered over the edge of the well that had caused him so much trouble and ruined the music man's life (as far as he knew...) to see what the big deal was. He whistled seeing the drop and listened to the echo come back to him. "Long way down..."

"Sure is!" A voice came. And before Harry could even try to place it, he felt himself being toppled into the well.

A few baddies later and he found himself face to... creepy stalk-like hands with this thing called a "Dead Hands". Nope, couldn't figure out why Harry thought with a hint of sarcasm as he saw the body of the creature emerge once he'd 'killed' a hand. Slash slack hack hack and the magnifying glass was his.

"... That was strangely easy..." Saria's voice rang out. Finally something on topic! Or... not... "If you can see the truth of things with that... does that mean it can see through clothes?"

The practically strangled hero glared at the still happy bouncing glowing ball. Didn't that thing ever get hit? What was Wrong with it? Always so happy and cheerful and Shiiiiiney - He stopped himself out of the sudden lust for fairy blood. He had to get out of here! He was even starting to sound like these... People!

Shaking his head, he warped back to the Temple of Time and heaved the sword out of the stone again like a bad King Arthur impersonator again.

_moving on_.

Sarin: Your line breaks are starting to be telling...

Jem: I'm not even going to respond to that.

Sarin: Reviewing is nice.