Chapter 12: Pilgrim's End
Unna'Karis: Leaving the Normandy's crew must have been difficult the first time.
Tali'Zorah: It was, I had no way of knowing what would happen next, and I thought I was saying goodbye to the man I loved forever.
Unna'Karis I'm sure that you were excited in some ways though.
Tali'Zorah: Of course. It was the next part of my life.
Tali paced around the room where she and Liara were staying on the citadel. Since the destruction of Sovereign, things had been rather hectic. Humanity had received a seat on the citadel council, and Captain Andersen was now Councilor Andersen. Tali did not know the dark skinned human well, but he seemed like an honest, honorable man. Humanity would do well for itself.
After a brief scare that debris had killed Shepard, things had gone surprisingly well, though Shepard seemed to have forgotten about Tali's almost confession in the Council chambers. That was what was irking Tali. With Saren gone, everything was in a rush, and she had hardly had time to see Shepard since. The worst part was, with Saren gone, she had to return to the migrant fleet. The data she had on the geth was invaluable, and despite herself, she wanted to see her father again. She missed him, even if he was cold and dispassionate most of the time.
Right now though, she was waiting on Shepard. She wanted one last chance to tell Shepard how she felt, before she had to leave.
The doors slid open to admit Shepard, who strode over to smile at Tali.
"Tali, I heard you will be leaving us." Shepard said pleasently.
"Yes, it's time I got back to the migrant fleet." Tali confirmed.
Nodding, Shepard smiled. "I am sure you miss your people, and your father."
Blushing, Tali looked down and mumbled "Shepard… I… I wanted to…"
Tali felt Shepard's hand on her shoulder and looked up to see his smiling face. "Hey, before you go, I've got something I want to show you."
Tali felt her heart in her throat. Did he know? Did he feel the same way? She had to know, had to find out for sure, she was having a hard enough time confessing her own feelings.
"Um, OK Shepard." She agreed.
She followed him to the elevator, and waited nervously as the lift took them to the presidium. It was one of the few still functioning, most of the others had been damaged by chunks of Sovereign like the one that had nearly killed Shepard. She stood silently by the commander, trying to get a read on him. He seemed tire, worn out, but maybe a little happy. They had just won a major victory, and that could be why. Or was he seeking her attention? People turned to one another in times of celebration and sorrow…
Tali liked her lips and started to say something, but the elevator stopped and Shepard led her out into the ruins of the Presidium. The scorched place by the miniature mass relay where the mako had landed made Tali smile, it had been one hell of an entrance. Near the scorching, twin columns of black stone had been erected, and workers were busy chiseling away at them.
"Over here." Shepard said, and led Tali over to the construction.
The workers recognized Shepard, and several of them called to him, thanking him or praising his actions. He waved back and smiled, but then his face took on a more contemplative expression as he pointed to the columns.
It was a list of names, and as Tali read her way upward, she didn't recognize any of them, until she came to two near the top.
Captain Olev Kirrahe
Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams
"It's a memorial, commissioned by the Council for all those that died fighting Saren. The names of the crews of the Shea, Emden, Jakarta, Cairo, Seoul, Cape Town, Warsaw and Madrid are on here, but I think it's the name at the top that would mean the most to you. I just wanted you to see, so that you would know the Council hasn't completely forgotten us." Shepard said, his eyes distant.
As he spoke, Tali realized that he was still grieving, still morning Ashley Williams. It had only been a few weeks after all.
"Bosh'tet, of course he is. He did love her, even if he did leave her to die." Tali muttered to herself, mentally kicking herself; leaving Ashley to die had not been Shepard's choice. He had decided to allow her to sacrifice herself to save Kaiden and the Salarians. She had died well, protecting her shipmates, and Shepard had made an impossible choice. The right choice, she hoped.
Of course, what that really meant to her was that now was the worst possible time to tell Shepard how she felt, and Tali bit back her words, instead saying, "Thanks, Shepard. I'm glad they are honoring Ashley."
The words sounded hollow to her, but Shepard turned toward her and smiled, his eyes glassy. He nodded, and they stood there together for a few more minutes before leaving.
"Well, I guess this is good bye." Kaiden said, shaking Tali's hand.
"Hard to believe it's all over." Garrus mused. He was staying behind on the Citadel for now, helping with repairs and security. He had talked about rejoining C-Sec, but his heart didn't seem to be in it.
Liara gave Tali a hug, her eyes wet with tears. "I will miss you. Send me a message sometime, alright?"
Liara had opted to stay aboard Shepard's ship a bit longer, with her mother dead and her dig site destroyed, she had nowhere to go.
"Of course." Tali said, her own voice thick with emotion. "None of you be strangers, OK?"
"Hmph. I think I'll be a bit too busy busting head on Tauchanka for weepy extranet messages." Wrex grumbled. "Hell, I don't think I-" I stopped as Tali embraced him, squeezing the old warrior tightly.
"I'm going to miss you, Uncle Wrex." Tali said softly. She felt Wrex's arms pat her back gently. "And I will miss you too, little Tali, my niece." They separated, and Wrex coughed slightly. "Keep your guns close, and don't slack off. You never know when those combat drills will be useful."
"Thanks, but I don't think anyone's going to ambush me on the migrant fleet." Tali said wryly.
"Hmph. Watch your back anyway." Wrex said, his voice filled with unbelief. Tali was sure he couldn't imagine a community that wasn't based around killing your family members, but she hoped one day that would change for him.
She turned last to Shepard, and to her surprise he embraced her. "You take care Tali. I hope your pilgrimage gift is accepted by your new captain."
"You will always be my captain, Shepard." Tali choked out, her voice thick with emotion, hugging Shepard tightly.
They separated, and he looked down into her eyes. Tali screamed inside, infuriated at the mask coming between them. It was a curse, a blessing, a barrier. Why did it always have to be there? "Good luck Tali."
A chime sounded, the last boarding call for passengers on her transport. Grabbing her meager belongings, Tali waved good by one last time as she stepped aboard, and the door hissed shut.
She sighed, and moved toward the passenger compartment. Shepard had upgraded her ticket to first class for her, so her trip to the system the migrant fleet was in would be a comfortable few hours. She located her seat and sat down, staring out the viewport at the citadel as the ship prepared to leave. She spotted Liara and waved, smiling at the small blue figure.
"Annoyed: What are you doing in this seat." A booming voice said behind her, and Tali turned to see an elcor flight attendant staring at her.
"This is my seat. It was reserved for me by Commander Shepard." Tali declared, waving her ticket under the elcor's nose.
Glancing at the ticket briefly, the elcor replied, "Sarcastic: A likely story. Irritated: Get back to steerage where you belong."
Tali felt herself growing angry. "I am Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. I was one of Commander Shepard's squad that took down Saren. This is my seat."
Another passenger, a turian businessman in a fine suit, approached and wrinkled his nose. "What's a suit rat like her doing next to my seat? Steward, remove her!"
"This. Is. My. Seat." Tali said through gritted teeth, flashing her ticket again. "I have my ticket, right here."
"With growing anger: You probably stole that ticket. Firm directive: Move back to steerage, now, or I will remove you." The elcor said, taking a menacing step closer.
Reaching back for her gun, Tali swore as she remembered she had been required to stow it with her luggage. "Where is this ships captain! I demand to speak with her! You have no right to make me move!" Tali raged.
"With grim determination: There are no quarians allowed here. Rude reminder: The sign is right behind me." The elcor didn't change his tone, but he seemed to be gloating.
"Can't you read basic, space trash?" The turian businessman goaded.
Tali glanced behind the steward, and sure enough, a sign said "No Quarians or Krogan Allowed."
For a moment, Tali was ready to take them, gun or no gun. She had fought tooth and nail for them, lost one of her shipmates, and sacrificed more then they could ever know. But as she looked around, none of the faces she saw showed support. Some looked away, as if they wanted to help her but were to embarrassed. Others frowned at her, obviously irritated, but most just ignored the scene. It wasn't like it was their problem.
For a moment, Tali hated all of them, wanted to stand, to scream to shout, to remind them all what they owed her. She saved their lives, their families lives, their friends lives and it had cost her dearly.
"I Forgive You." The words struck Tali almost like a physical blow, echoed in her mind as Sovereigns had. But they were the words of Shepard. His message of love, of peace.
She took a deep breath. "I am Tali'Zorah nar Rayya. This ticket was purchased, in my name, for first class. If their is a customs officer or supervisor, I would speak to them to explain the situation."
"With irritation: No, you will not-" The elcor began, but another voice interrupted.
"What seems to be the problem here?" A gruff human voice demanded, as a C-Sec officer made his way over.
"Courteously: This quarian refuses to move to steerage as is proper." The elcor explained.
The officer turned to Tali. "Oh? Is that so?"
Tali felt hope beat within her heart. Humans hadn't been on the galactic scene very long, and most of the ones she had met hadn't been terribly specifically toward quarians, though there were plenty of xenophobes, at least they seemed to be fairly unilateral or hate turians in particular.
"Officer, as I was trying to explain to the steward, my ticket was purchased for me by Commander Shepard. It clearly states that it is a first class seat."
The officer examined Tali's ticket, and turned to the steward. "Look, the ladies ticket is for first class. What's the problem?"
"Helpfully: It is our companies policy that quarians and krogan not be allowed to ride in first class. As you can see from this sign, we clearly post our policies." Tali couldn't help but feel the elcor sounded a bit smug.
The officer turned to look at the name plate, then shrugged and turned back to Tali. "Sorry lady, can't do anything about their policy."
He then turned to the elcor. "See that her ticket is refunded equal to the cost difference between first class and steerage."
Now Tali couldn't decide if she wanted to scream, cry, or punch someone. But this was the only ship to the Castellus system, where the turian fleet was bartering for supplies with the turian coloney of Digeris. If she waited for another shuttle, the fleet was likely to move on, and it would be weeks more before she was able to locate them again. She ground her teeth, and acquiesced.
"That would be acceptable to me officer." She said, trying to ignore the turian's obvious sneer. The elcor reluctantly refunded her account, and Tali climbed back to the steerage compartment. She found a nice hidey hole in a corner and sat down, already missing the Normandy. .
"Hey. Freak. That's my spot." A krogan rumbled dangerously.
Opening her eyes slowly, Tali repeated in her mind what Kaiden had told her. Love your enemies. End the cycle of hatred. She slowly rose.
"My apologies, why don't you sit next to me?" She said, helpfully as she could manage.
The krogan shoved her and growled. "I don't like anyone in my spot. Move."
That was too much. She had been willing to give up her seat once, but this krogan was just going to shove everyone around until he got his way. Moving faster then the eye could see, Tali knocked the krogan's legs out from under him in a singe sweep, then leaped on top of him with her knife pointed at his throat.
"I am Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, student of Battlemaster Urdnot Wrex. And this is my spot. You can sit next to me, or you can buzz off and die. Your choice."
The krogan gasped for breath, eyeing her carefully. "Um. I think I will sit next to you."
Tali jumped to her feat and helped the krogan up. "Good. Then I will have someone to talk to."
"Goodbye, Urdnot Tali. Your instruction will aid me as I crush my enemies. Fight well." Weyrloc Elgar bowed slightly, and ambled off the shuttle.
Tali sighed. She had just told him a few stories to be polite after he had told her of his own great feats, and before long Elgar had challenged her to an arm wrestling contest to see if she was telling the truth. Tali had hacked his armors servo-joints and tossed him to the floor when he saw it as an opportunity to try and break her arm, and after a second demonstration of her combat prowess he had taken to calling her Urdnot Tali. Apparently clan Urdnot was a powerful one, and Wrex was not a complete unknown, though his name was more famous as a merc then as a former clan leader. Elgar had managed to drag a few more techniques out of her, and seemed to hold Tali in some form of respect.
As she exited, the other passengers kept well away from her. She was fairly certain it was not because she was a quarian. To the poor souls who had been in steerage with her and Elgar, she was the scary woman who had tackled a krogan then proceeded to tell some of the most horrifying and bloodthirsty tales that they had ever heard. She supposed it was a step in the right direction. Sort of.
She walked down the boarding tube, only to be stopped on the docks by a turian guard. "Look, I don't know how many times we have to tell you people, but you stay in your own damn conclave or in the merchant quarters. We get to many damn complaints just from you people walking around."
Tali was ready to give the turian a scathing piece of her mind, but she realized he might be able to help her locate representatives from the migrant fleet.
"I don't suppose that it's procedure for you to escort me back to the conclave is it?" Tali asked the guard hopefully.
He blinked at her, mandibles twitching in puzzlement. "Um, yeah, it is. That gonna be a problem?"
"Nope!" Tali said cheerily, "Keelah, its the best news I've had all day. Lead on officer."
He muttered something about her oxygen filters needing changing, but led on, abet slightly confusedly.
"Here it is. For the love of spirits, please, don't go out again unless it's with an official pass and escort." The guard instructed hopelessly, obviously sure she was going to sneak off as soon as his back was turned.
"Oh, believe me. Unless your name is Garrus Vakarian, I have no interest in seeing a turian for a long time." Tali snorted, then waved cheerily and walked into the compound.
She felt a wash of relief as she spotted a quarian woman loading a crate of food onto a shuttle, and hurried over. The quarian woman turned to face, her, and her body took on a questioning stance. "Yes? Who are you?"
"'After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I will return to where I began.'" She quickly recited, to excited to worry about her being a captain or not.
Her body language changed rapidly, her hands fluttering up in excitement and celebration. "Oh, a pilgrim! How exciting, did you just get in? Poor thing, the officers must have thrown you in here with us! This place is like a prison, I swear, but the captain's handled them well enough. Oh, let me go introduce you to him. What was your name child?"
"Tali Zorah nar Rayya." She said, hoping the woman wouldn't recognize her.
The other quarian gasped, and clutched Tali's hands. "Oh, Captain Han will be so pleased to hear you're back! He and your father have been worried sick about you! Come, quickly, this is such good news."
Tali gulped. It figured. Though in a way, it was fortunate. Admiral Han'Gerrel vas Neema was a good man and a family friend, and she had actually strongly considered joining the crew of the Neema. Fate seemed inclined to have her do just that, and frankly, she was ready to be a part of a crew, any crew. Her time, however brief, away from the Normandy had reminded her of just how unfriendly and dangerous the galaxy was for a lone quarian.
She threaded her way through the enclave, though it was slow going. Every new face had to be introduced, though Tali enjoyed the formalities, especially since she was interested in joining the Neema's crew. She was a good ship, and several of her crew in addition to Admiral Han'Gerrel were known to her. They greeted Tali with enthusiasm, and she responded in turn.
There was one quarian in particular she enjoyed seeing again, a strapping young male named Ven'Orra vas Neema, one of the engineers aboard the Neema. She had met him a time or two before, and she was glad to see him again. From what she knew of him he was rarely ill, the sign of a strong immune system, very strong, and excellent with machines. And most importantly, single. He had been one of the reasons Tali had strongly considered the Neema. Oh, Tali hadn't forgotten about Shepard, but he was gone,Ven was here, and it was good to see such familiar faces.
Finally, she was formally presented to Admiral Han. He obviously recognized her, but formality had to be observed. Work had stopped, as everyone in the camp came to see what would happen. Tali did not have to present Han with her pilgrimage gift, she could instead ask for transport to a ship of her choice to present her gift to that captain. It was prestigious and fun to provide transport to a Pilgrim, and the crew would be excited and happy if that was what Tali chose. Having her join the crew though was much more interesting, as they would get to have a new crew member, not to mention see whatever gift the famous daughter of Admiral Raal'Zorah brought first hand.
"Who is this that stand's before me?" Han demanded, his voice deep and formal.
"A Pilgrim, returned from her journey." Tali replied.
The crowd hushed, waiting. The first few phrases were the same whether or not Tali intended to stay on the Neema or not.
"How do I know you? I do not remember sending you."
"I have wandered far."
"Where have you wandered, Pilgrim?"
"Adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust."
"What do you seek, Pilgrim?
"To return from whence I began."
"Where did you begin Pilgrim?"
"At another place, but to there I cannot return."
"Why can you not return?"
"We cannot return to our Cradle, the Garden is lost."
A moment of hushed silence followed, respectful reverence for Rannoch.
"What do you seek?"
This was the part where ritual parted. If Tali responded "A home to call my own" she was formally asking to become a part of the Neema's crew. If she responded, "I seek the place called" and then said the name of another ship, she was requesting passage.
Tali paused a moment, as was traditional, rubbing her chin as if in deep thought. She could feel the anticipation, the anxious waiting that surrounded her.
"A home to call my own." Tali finally said, and excited whispers went through the crowd.
Now Tali had to present her gift, to be accepted or refused by the Captain. An especially weak or poor gift could be rejected, though usually captains accepted anyway. Not Han'Geral. He was a strict Captain, and he had a full, well respected crew. He had rejected several pilgrims with mediocre gifts, who then had to endure the embarrassment of being carted off and given to a ship more willing to take on new crew. Tali was nearly certain that her gift would be accepted enthusiastically, but you could never be sure with Han. He was certain to be extra demanding of his old friends daughter.
"We have no room for those who cannot build a home of their own. What do you bring to my home?" Han intoned, and Tali thought she detected a hint of excitement in his voice, though he was to stoic for her to read easily.
"Complete technical readouts of several new geth platforms, battle tactics and formations of geth fleets and ground troops, current geth deployments around Rannoch, and geth doctrine in the event of an invasion."
Silence fell over the essembly, and Tali could feel a hundred pairs of incredulous eyes on her.
"Oh? Is that all?" Han replied, and Tali heard several quarians break out in laughter.
Tali felt her heart in her throat. That was NOT the response of a captain about to accept a new crew member, and she nearly panicked. She would never be able to face her father, and she would rather flee to Tauchanca and become a krogan in earnest then join a lesser ship after being rejected. Bosh'tet! She had shot to high...
Suddenly, Tali remembered something. It was unusual, it was unorthodox, but it might just be enough to tip the scales in her favor. Besides, Han had asked if that was all...
"No, I also bring you this!" Tali said hurriedly, and brought up the recording she had found in the geth base, and the sound of a quarian singing filled the air.
O people, weep for thy children
O people, cry for the lost
O people, morn for thy homes
O people, thy garden is lost
O children, lost and without a guide
Weep for thy parents that disown thee
The garden lays abandoned
Its caretaker has fled
The gardener has left her children
To play alone among her flowers
O people, why do you destroy your children
O children, why do you slay your parents
The garden is stained with blood
Blood of the gardeners, blood of the children
The garden waits for its maker's hand
As the children roam its streets, lost
O people, O children why are you lost
Silence once again reigned, and Tali was certain even the most distant could hear her heart beating. Han stood silently, and the crowd watched.
"It is, um, a song from before the Rebellions I think." Tali nervously added, licking her lips.
Suddenly, several quarian's broke down crying, and the sound of sniffles and weeping filled the air. Great. First they laughed at her, now they cried because her gift was so worthless.
"Oh keelah, I'm doomed." Tali whimpered softly.
Finally, Han spoke. "Keelah Tali, I was joking! That was the best damn pilgrimage gift I've ever seen, and then you bring me this?"
Bosh'tet! She had been so close, but she had brought that song up! What sort of pyjak brained varren spawn could screw her pilgrimage gift up by adding another!
"By the Ancestor's girl, I would have begged you aboard my ship for just the song or that data on the geth! To have both... You have surely brought the greatest Pilgrimage gift ANY quarian has EVER brought to a captain." Han paused, then bowed deeply.
Tali was shocked, speechless and happier then she had ever been before, all at once.
"Tali'Zorah... I would be honored if you would join my crew."
The crowd cheered wildly, and Tali felt the weight of the world lift from her shoulders.
"I'm home." She whispered.
Tali'Zorah: I only wore the name Vas Neema for a few years, but I remember her well.
Unna'Karish: Few aside from what remains of the Neema's crew even remember that fact, you are much better known as Tali'Zorah vas Normandy
Tali'Zorah: True, though to me Vas Neema will always have a special place in my heart
Authors Note;
Were going to be spending quite a while on the quarian fleet. It was two years from ME1 to ME2, and remember, this is not Shepard's story. This is Tali's story. I won't go over everything that could happen to her in exhaustive detail, but there were obviously several major events in Tali's life behind the scenes, such as her gaining command of a detachment of quarian marines and fighting a war against the geth that lead to her loyalty mission in ME2, as well as the political turmoil that lead to the events of Priority: Rannoch. I also plan on fleshing out quarian culture, religion, romance and politics in a way that agrees with cannon but answers many of the questions left floating around.