The Uncanny Titans

Chapter 14: Beauty and the Beast Boy

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer- All familiar characters belong to DC.

Quote of the day- 'I spit in the face of people who don't want to be cool!'

Jump City-

The T-Car pulled up outside a rather fancy-looking restaurant. However, Cyborg wasn't the one driving. Beast Boy was the one behind the wheel. Normally, there would have been no way in hell that Cyborg would have let Beast Boy drive the T-Car on his own. Luckily for the cybernetic Titan's nerves, Raven was there too. She and Beast Boy were on a date. The half-demon empath had finally plucked up enough courage to tell Beast Boy how she felt. After a brief burst of manic laughter, Beast Boy realised that she was serious. He managed to compose himself and made plans for the pair to go out to dinner together.

Beast Boy held out his hand to help Raven out of the car.

'We've arrived, milady.' Beast Boy bowed theatrically. Raven chose to ignore that and looked up at the rather exclusive-looking restaurant.

'I have to say, I had a bad feeling about letting you choose where we were going to have dinner.' An impressed Raven stated. 'I never thought that French cuisine was your thing. I always thought that you were more interested in bad pizza.'

'Uh, Rae... I'm over here.' Beast Boy waved from a restaurant a few doors down. Raven's face fell at the sight. Her companion for the night's activities was standing outside a brightly-coloured building decorated with faux palm trees and cheap-looking statues dressed like pirates. Printed on a red-and-yellow striped canopy was the name of the establishment: Captain Jack's Pirate Adventure.

'I knew it was too good to be true.' Raven sighed as she allowed herself to be led inside. 'Just try not to make a scene, okay?'

'What, like this?' Beast Boy grinned as he started to mimic a pirate. 'Avast, ye scurvy dogs! Yarr! But why has the rum gone? Savvy? Yarr!'

Raven glared at her companion, but chose to stay quiet. She would let Beast Boy have his fun for now. She could always drag him into one of those dark and dreary cafés that she liked so much some other time.

A little while later-

Raven was now sitting at her table beside beast Boy. The green-skinned changeling was wearing a paper pirate's hat on his head.

'C'mon, Rae. You have to wear your hat!' Beast Boy held up his date's hat. 'It's all part of the experience!'

'Just think yourself lucky that I allowed you to choose where we were going on our date.' Raven shot back.

'Hey, I wasn't the one who blurted out their true feelings all of a sudden.' Beast Boy pointed out. 'Are you sure that your emotions haven't gone ka-ka again?'

Raven simply ignored her date's comments and called over one of the waitresses.

'Excuse me, can I have a knife and fork, please?'

'I'm sorry...' The waitress explained. 'Pirates didn't use knives and forks, therefore, there are no knives and forks at Captain Jack's Pirate Adventure. It's all for the sake of authenticity.'

'You don't have knives and forks, but you have Pepsi and pitchers of Budweiser?' Raven frowned sceptically. 'Would you care to tell me how that's authentic?'

'I barely earn minimum wage here, okay?' The waitress sighed. 'So are you gonna give me your drink order, or what?' That was when Beast Boy chipped in.

'Avast, ye comely wench! Me first mate and I have just travelled from the Spanish Main, and we've got ourselves a perishing thirst. Give us yer finest rum or I'll make ye walk the plank, savvy?'

The waitress just rolled her eyes in exasperation and walked off to go serve somebody else.

A little later-

The patrons had finished their meals and the entertainment was about to begin.

'Hey, Rae, check this out...' Beast Boy gently poked his date with his elbow. Raven looked back wearily at Beast Boy. The wisecracking shapeshifter had put the skin from his baked potato on his face and was wearing it like a mask.

'Silence of the Lambs!' Beast Boy exclaimed, before mimicking Hannibal Lecter. 'Hello, Clarice. It's such a pleasure to see you again. Hfthththth!'

Raven rolled her eyes and took a sip of her soda. Perhaps going on a date with Beast Boy wasn't such a wise idea after all.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, Captain Jack's Pirate Adventure had an uninvited guest. That uninvited guest was none other than the illuminating villain known as Doctor Light.

The Not-So Fair Doctor made his presence known by a burst of light that stunned the audience and the actors on stage who were duelling with swords.

'Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise for interrupting your dinner. Now, if you will allow myself to introduce... myself. I am Doctor Light, and I am here to liberate you of your money, credit cards, and miscellaneous shiny things!'

Raven breathed a sigh of relief, glad that she wouldn't have to suffer any of Beast Boy's bad impressions. An avian-shaped aura of black energy formed around the heroine as she began to levitate out of her seat.

'Tell me, Doctor, are you still afraid of the dark?'

'Ha! Doctor Light is afraid of nothing!' The villain laughed arrogantly. 'Apart from paperclips, but that's neither here nor there...'

Beast Boy leapt over the table and landed beside Raven.

'Give it up, Doc. You haven't got a chance of winning with the Titans here!'

'Oh, is that so?' Doctor Light smirked down at the emerald-hued hero. 'Well, I only see two of you here. I'd wager that the odds are in my favour tonight. Don't you agree?'

Doctor Light held out his hands and attempted to blast the two Titans with a beam of hard light from his gauntlets. Luckily enough, Raven erected a force field just in time.

'Your shield cannot protect you forever!' Doctor Light sneered as he readied to blast the Titans again. 'Let's see how you handle a blast at full power!'

'Let's not.' Raven retorted as she grabbed the villain with a giant hand made out of black energy and tossed him into a tank of water below the stage that would have been used for a sea battle at the finale of the night's show.

'I've got him!' Beast Boy yelled, before leaping into the air and transforming into a shark. Raven could only watch once the green shark landed in the tank and started to stalk the stunned Doctor Light.

'Ahh! Get away!' Doctor Light yelled as he tried to blast the shark. Unfortunately the lunatic villain, his power gauntlets whined in protest before conking out completely. 'Oh, dear...'

With his power gauntlets out of action, all Doctor Light could do now was try to escape the tank. The light-wielding villain scrambled for the edge of the tank, and had almost reached freedom when he felt something tug on his leg.

'What in the...?'

Then the thing tugged on his leg again. It was that damned shark again! The psychotic doctor screamed like a little girl.

'Help! Help me!' Doctor Light begged, holding an outstretched hand in Raven's direction. 'Please! I don't want to be eate... Glub!'

Doctor Light's pleas were cut short as the great green shark grabbed hold of his leg and pulled him down to the depths of the tank.

Raven couldn't help but smile at the sight. As goofy as Beast Boy was sometimes, he always took fighting villains seriously. That was one of the things that Raven admired most about him. Well, that and his perky little bottom. Not that she'd ever admit that, mind you.

Later-

The police had arrived and had taken Doctor Light away. Beast Boy and Raven were sitting in the T-Car, on their way back home to Titans Tower. Raven was driving while Beast Boy changed into some dry clothes in the back.

'Eyes on the road!' Beast Boy waved Raven away. 'I know you want my sexy, manly body, but can't a guy have his privacy?'

Raven returned her attention back to the road.

'You'd better be careful that you don't get the back seat too wet.' Tke stoic empath pointed out. 'You don't want Cyborg to think that you got overexcited and peed on the seat.'

'Hey! That was only the one time!' Beast Boy shot back a little too quickly. 'I mean, I have no idea what you could possibly be talking about.'

TBC...

Next: Match of a Lifetime

Everybody has an arch-nemesis. Robin has Red-X. Cyborg has Gizmo. Beast Boy has Mammoth. Superboy has... Match? Who the hell is Match?