Hey, everyone. Here is the next chapter for you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I just want to say a big sorry for not updating for the last few days and I have to make this announcement. I can no longer keep up with my daily updates. I know that a lot of you love that about my stories and it is also one of my trademarks too. I just can't do it anymore, I've done it for nearly two years, perhaps more and I'm at a stage in my life where I'm dealing with a lot of things and I'm having some exhaustion issues too. I'll be updating every two to three days, I won't leave it longer than that because I know a lot of you look forward to my updates. I think that in the long run this will improve my writing and give you an even better story. From now on, my two current fanfics will get updated together every two to three days while Dreamwalker is on Hiatus for the next week or so. I really hope you all understand but if I was to try keep up a daily update pace, I'm going to burn out. Enjoy and I look forward to hearing from you all.

Thank you so much for all the reviews, you're amazing and just the best readers in the world. I hope you all like the ending to this chapter too. Thank you again!

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All mistakes are my own

The next day

Reid woke up and felt numb as he remembered everything Hotch had told him and everything that Morgan had told him. Maeve's mother had ordered his death and had asked that man to abuse, burn and torture him. He closed his eyes and felt sick inside. She was out there and she still wanted him dead, he didn't know what to do. Reid felt torn between giving Maeve what she wanted and giving Mary what she wanted. He couldn't forget being in the lecture room and seeing Maeve, her brown hair and brown eyes bringing joy to his heart. She wanted him to live while Mary Donovan wanted him dead. He was alone in the hospital room but could hear Blake and Rossi outside his room. His eyes traveled to the morphine drip, he moved his hand to the control button and pressed it to the lowest setting he could get it down to.

The door opened, Blake and Rossi walked in and smiled at him gently. "Hey, Reid," Blake greeted. "How are you feeling?"

"Lost," he said, his voice shaking. "I don't know what to do now."

"You get better and live your life again, you know that Maeve would want you to do that," Rossi said.

"Her mother wants me dead, Rossi. I miss Maeve so much but I did everything I could to save her, I did everything but it wasn't enough. Morgan and you all told me that I did enough. I didn't pull the trigger."

"Mary Donovan is not mentally stable and she's getting sicker, she has a month left at the most, not even that the doctors think. She's shifting the blame to you but we all know and you know that you didn't kill Maeve, you're not responsible for Maeve's death. Diane Turner is the one who took her away from you and you know that. I know you feel lost now but you'll find your way again, we're all here to help you get through this and to find your way again," Blake assured him before holding his hand.

"Can you tell the doctors to stop turning all the lights out? I just need the little one on. I wake up sometimes and it's dark, I get a little scared."

"We'll tell them."

"When it gets dark, my mind goes back to the coffin," he bit his lip and took then took a deep breath.

Rossi and Blake both looked at each other as they remembered hearing Reid scream and cry inside the coffin. Rossi came over and put his hand on Reid's unharmed shoulder. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know about Tobias and so does Blake, we know that scared you being in that coffin."

"I couldn't breathe and I couldn't see you all."

"You're not a bad singer," Blake said as she tried to lighten the mood. Reid let out a small smile before moving his hand to the cuts on his shoulder and chest, burned and ones that would scar, he had other scars but these would never leave him and their message felt much more personal.

"It was the only thing I could think of. My mom loves Bob Dylan songs and she likes the song I sang a little better than some others. Sometimes it's not even about remembering being hurt. That man shoved that knife into Morgan's shoulder and I couldn't stop it. He hit Garcia so hard too."

"None of it was your fault, you were in a lot of pain and we all got so scared because we thought we were going to lose you," Rossi sighed. "I want you to focus on getting better, the doctors think you'll be ready to leave here in the next few days."

"I'd like that," Reid nodded before pressing his lips together. He was starting to feel the pain over his body again.

"What's wrong?" Blake frowned.

Reid didn't answer her but Rossi spotted the morphine drip immediately. "Reid, you're still in pain, we can all see that. Why did you put the morphine down to the lowest level?"

"I don't want it, I don't deserve it and it'll take me down a path that I don't want to go down."

Rossi stepped forward and turned up the morphine again. Reid went to undo what he had done but Rossi took his hand and placed it back to the bed. "You don't deserve any pain and you went through enough in that damn place."

"I want to see Mary when I leave here in a few days."

"No!" Blake shook her head. "That's never going to happen."

"I'll see her one way or another, don't tell me what to do. I want to talk to her, I want answers and I want to tell her myself that I didn't cause Maeve's death. I need to do this if I have any hope of moving on."

A few days later

Reid allowed JJ to help him get dressed, he had a long recovery ahead of him and his entire body still protested any movement he made, especially his shoulder. It was still healing and wasn't in a hurry to give him a break. JJ slipped on his shoes and helped him into the wheelchair. "How are you feeling, Spence?"

"Barely different from how I've felt since everything began," he sighed. "What floor is she on?"

Mary Donovan was in a room under guard in the hospital, she was in no condition to escape but Hotch had insisted when he found out she'd been brought into the same hospital. She had collapsed in jail and now needed long-term care.

"Are you sure about this?" she asked him.

"I'm sure, I have to do this. I can't walk around and know that she's going to die thinking that I had a hand in the murder of her daughter. I want to have answers and maybe even put her mind at peace."

JJ remained silent and pushed the wheelchair out of the room, they arrived on the sixth floor. Hotch and Morgan greeted them as they came out of the elevator.

"I wish you would change your mind."

"I wish people would stop telling me what to do," Reid glared at Morgan. "I want to do this so don't try to stop me."

"You're about to talk to the woman who ordered your death, she wanted us all to watch you die too. Reid, she's not mentally stable and I doubt she'll listen to what you have to say. The nurses say that she sleeps most of the time."

"I know and if she's asleep, I've made a plan for that. Did you bring what I asked?"

Hotch handed a medium wooden box to him, he opened it and let his fingers travel over Maeve's letters to him. He even had the letters he had sent her now, the team had got them after she died. "JJ, give me my letter."

JJ handed him a thick envelope with the letter he had written for Mary. He placed it on top of all the letters and closed the box again. "Let's go."

"I'll take him," Hotch said to JJ and took over the wheelchair. Hotch pushed open the door and pushed Reid into the room. Mary was indeed asleep, her hair was gone, her face was pale and you could see her bones supporting her flesh. He closed his eyes. He went over to the bed and placed the box on the bedside table. He wasn't going to wake her.

"Hello, Mrs Donovan," he spoke in a gentle voice. "I just wanted to come and tell you that I'm not angry with you. I have no idea what it feels like to lose a child but I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. All of this is in my letter but I need to say it. I love your daughter to this day and I know I always will. She was my equal in every way and I know that if she had survived, we would have become something wonderful. I think that we would have had some of the smartest kids ever and we would have made each other happy. I didn't kill her, Mrs Donovan, I wanted to die so she could live and part of me will always wish that Diane Turner had killed me instead of her. I watched her die and I couldn't save her. Your daughter was the most amazing and beautiful woman to walk this earth, she gave me hope at my darkest hour and one day, when I leave this world, I hope she's waiting for me. I won't forgive you because there is nothing to forgive, I'm not angry with you because I know what grief can do to someone but I ask that you understand that I love your daughter, I miss her and that I didn't harm her. In the box are all my letters to her and all her letters to me. I'm sorry you got sick and lost your husband but I hope what I've done can give you some resemblance of peace."

Reid blinked and felt tears on the edge of his eyes, he turned to look at Hotch. "I think I want to go home now."

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