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That's what you dream about? Being a monster?
~Edward Cullen, Twilight
*~*~*Tyler*~*~*
I am able to see, hear, and feel each of their memories as they become my own. The pain is intense and I whimper with the force of each blow.
*Flash*
A five year old Anthony lies in a hospital bed with a broken leg and ribs. The parents calmly explain to the doctor how the clumsy boy fell down the stairs...again, but little Anthony is thinking about the anger in his father's eyes when he grabbed him by the shirt and pushed him...again.
*Flash*
Eight year old Art sits at the dining room table as his parents fill their plates with large helpings of meatloaf, creamy mashed potatoes and gravy and buttery corn on the cob. Art's plate remains empty because he forgot to take out the trash on Monday. Today is Wednesday. When Art's stomach grumbles loudly, his father screams at him for being rude.
*Flash*
Nine year old Georges is being punished for leaving a wet towel on the bathroom floor. His small body forms a plank across the floor as he attempts to do push-ups as his father swings the belt repeatedly, screaming obscenities and vulgarities amounting to Georges never being a real man.
*Flash*
Eleven year old Toby hides under his bed. Tauntingly calling his name over and over his father searches, belt in hand. Toby's back already stings and aches from the lashings he sustained earlier in the day. When his father bends low and grasps his arm, jerking him from his hiding place, Toby screams for his mother, but she never comes.
*Flash*
Thirteen year old Edward hides marks that appear suspiciously hand shaped on his neck with a scarf. He covers the slash marks on his wrists with a leather cuff he found left on the bus. He looks into the mirror and snorts aloud thinking how stupid he'd been to think anything for him could be that easy. As for the black eye and the limp when he walks, he supposes he'll tell his teacher he had a bike accident.
*Flash*
We stand in the kitchen as mother carries water to the bathroom for father's shower. We are not offered the opportunity to clean up. We've been set the task of fixing dinner but all that is in the cupboard is peanut butter and bread so I get busy making sandwiches. When finished, I reach for plate to arrange them on; it slips from my hand and shatters on the floor.
"Wait till your father sees what you've done, you stupid brat," mother screams.
"You can forget about having any dinner tonight," she spits at me, then turns away still muttering. "Worthless little piece of shit."
She leaves the room as we sweep mess from the floor, only to return a moment later, hanging father's belt on the back of the chair. She looks most satisfied as she nods at me. Then her eyes narrow as she warns. "You better not scream and cry either. For once in your life, take your punishment like a man."
The voices shift, over and over, like the turning of a tide and a decision is made. All are in agreement as we drop the broom and reach for the knife.
Never again.
*Flash*
Most times, I wake, I am alone and unable to keep my eyes for more than a moment. Through blackness, I drift. In and out. Once, I wake and Carlisle is hovering over me but I am unable to stay coherent. Bella and Jasper visit with me as well. Sometimes, I do not see them but I feel their presence.
*~*~*Carlisle*~*~*
The past fourteen hours have been nerve wracking to say the least.
Hour one:
3:24 pm
Tyler seems to have totally disappeared. He is still under the influence of the sedative, but Anthony's features have softened and he appears at peace. I can't imagine what's going through his mind.
Bella opens the door and peeks in. "Is this okay? Can I...?"
I wave her in and she steps into the room timidly. She gnaws at her bottom lip and her fingers twirl though the ends of her hair.
I smile gently and ask, "What's on your mind, Bella?"
"Is Tyler...?" She pauses for a brief moment, possibly to gather her thoughts. "Is he alright, Dr. Cullen?"
I nod and explain, "We had to sedate him for his safety as well as yours."
Bella takes a small step towards Anthony. She reaches out for his hand. "You know, Dr. Cullen, it wasn't his fault. Riley was taunting him."
"Yes, that may very well be, but Bella..."
She interrupts me there. "He would never hurt me. I know he's broken, but I also know that he loves me."
She looks at him with all the adoration a girl can have for someone she's in love with. She continues chewing on her lip. "Will he ever be better, Dr. Cullen?"
"I'm not at liberty to make assumptions, but I believe he's on the right path."
After a few moments, I ask Bella to get ready for the evening meal, promising that she can come back when Anthony is a little more aware. She hesitates, but after some coaxing and promises, finally leaves. I pray that she loves Anthony as much as she does Edward.
Hour Five:
8:49 pm
The door opens as I am writing in Anthony's chart about his current status.
"Excuse me, sir."
I look up and see Jasper at attention, saluting me.
I finish writing as I tell him, "At ease."
"May I speak my mind, sir?"
I nod. I already know what he's going to tell me.
"Sir, I apologize for letting an interloper through. I had no idea that he was working for both sides. I am willing to accept full punishment for my lack of astuteness."
I finish writing the last few words, and turn my attention to Jasper. "Whitlock, Anthony is no more a double agent than you are. He was on a secret mission when an attack happened that jeopardize the mission at hand."
Jasper glances at Anthony. "Then why the restraints?"
"His safety. Nothing more. You are welcome to complete your perimeter check and come back in another hour or two to visit with him if you'd like."
He nods. "I'd like that a lot. Thank you for the concession... and for clearing up the confusion. I had no idea of his status."
"You're welcome. I'll see you in a little while, Jasper."
He salutes and does an about face and marches out of the room.
Hour Seven:
10:02 pm
"Still so broken," he barely mumbles for me to hear.
I look up and see that Anthony is stirring, figuring that the medication is wearing off.
"Can't ever be safe with father. All I asked for was a drink of water...hit so hard I lost two teeth... I was five... Humpty Dumpty...forever broken no more they tell me... no more."
His voice trails off. Anthony makes his first and only appearance that night. From what I was able to piece together, I am thinking that Anthony knows about his father, but will remain behind the others until he can be sure that he's safe. The fact he came out so soon, although briefly is a positive sign that I have found that missing piece. And yet, I can't fully celebrate as I am so repulsed thinking about someone hitting a child because they were thirsty. Sick fuck.
Hour Eight:
11:26 pm
I am asking Felix to run down to Records to find a few tapes I had recorded during a few of Anthony's one-on-one sessions when Daniel appears. The accent was unmistakable.
"Excuse me, Dr. Cullen? Is it possible I might get something to drink? I'm parched."
"I'll wait right outside, Dr. C," Felix says, knowing that Anthony could become violent at any moment.
"Of course, Daniel." I respond as I pour some water in a cup and hold it up for him to drink.
He gulps down the water, thanking me after the last drop is swallowed.
"I suppose you heard the wonderful news, Daniel."
He nods, squinting to look at me. "I did. I am relieved as I'm sure Anthony is."
"And that's why you're here?"
"No sir. I was asked to assure you that everyone seems to be relaxing. The violent buggers are calming, no longer feeling the need to fight."
"That's excellent news, Daniel. I hope they stay that way."
"As do I, Dr. Cullen." He pauses before asking, "How's Rosalie doing? Edward doesn't tell me much about her, I always hear about Bella, though."
I laugh and let him know that Rosalie is doing just fine. After hearing such good news about his friend, he tells me goodnight, and quickly falls asleep.
It seems that the identities may be working together to reassure one another. The darker more violent ones are succumbing to peace, and I hope that Anthony will find it by morning.
Hour Ten
1:26 am
"Excuse me... Daddy?" a small timid voice asks.
I recognize right away that Cedric has come out. I stop writing again and look at him.
"I'm sorry. I know shouldn't have called you that, but Alice said it was okay if I called you Daddy," he said, clearly frightened about what will happen to him for calling me that.
I get up and walk to his bed, sitting beside him and reassuring him. "It's perfectly fine that you called me Dad. I sort of prefer it that way."
"Really?" He relaxes only a moment, before saying, "I have something to tell you."
"Anything, Cedric."
"You promise not to be mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad?"
"Because I did something I wasn't supposed to do."
"Well, whatever it was, I'm sure we can work it out. Okay?"
He nods, but I can tell that he is scared to death to tell me what's on his mind. I give him a smile and brush his hair back from his head. He's still a little hesitant, so I coax him just a bit. "Go ahead, Cedric. I won't be angry. I'm sure you did what you thought best."
"I listened to the others," he confesses so fast that it seemed like he spoke only one word.
"You did? What were they saying?"
"I just want to know."
"Know what?" I ask as calm as possible.
His fingers are dancing nervously, and if he wasn't being retrained, I'm sure he'd be wringing his hands together. I take his hand in mine, holding it as though he were a real child and hoping that it would help calm him.
He sits in silence, studying my features for a long while. When he feels it safe to speak, he says, "They're all saying it. They say father's dead. It's all they're talking about. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to hear. So, are they right?"
"I can tell you he did die enroute to the hospital, Cedric."
"Yeah? Oh thank you Daddy. Thank you. I wish I could give you a hug."
The innocent child is at peace. It's only a matter of time before they are all at peace and ready to integrate.
Hour Thirteen
4:08 am
I'm startled awake by Esme's lips on mine.
"Sorry, dear. I didn't mean to wake you," she whispers softly.
I stand up and stretch. "It's alright, Esme. What time is it?"
She tells me the time and lets me know that she was sleeping on the pullout in my office, waking up to find that I hadn't been in there once that night.
As she's hugging me, a scratchy voice speaks. "Isn't nice to have the adoration of someone you love with all your heart?"
We turn to see Anthony watching us with a smile.
"Anthony?" Esme asks. "How long have you been awake?"
"It's Edward," he informs us, "... and only for a moment."
An uncomfortable silence falls over the three of us. The fact that Edward appeared confused me. I have talked with almost every single one of his identities over the past twelve hours. I guess for some reason, I have it in my head that Anthony would finally appear for good. Thinking back, though, Edward was always the one who could keep control while assessing the situation, so...
"Carlisle, is it true?" Edward asks, interrupting my thoughts.
"Is what true?" Esme asks, scrutinizing my expression.
"He says Anthony's father is dead, Esme," Edward answers for her. "Tyler told us. All of us, and they voted me to come and check his facts. We all know that Tyler jumps to conclusions before getting the full story."
"I told a few of the others," I mention.
"They don't want to put their trust in a child. And for some reason, they don't trust Daniel. I guess I'm the liaison they put their full trust in."
I nod, giving Edward the answer Anthony was looking for. "It's true. He flatlined on the way to the hospital that night."
"I'm sorry, Edward. I know it must be hard for you to hear this so bluntly," Esme says. I have no idea why she's trying to soften the blow. We both know what kind of man his father was.
Edward's grin grows out of control. He's much like a Cheshire cat. He lays his head back on the pillow and lowly mumbles, "It's true. He's gone."
"Esme, would you please go start a pot of coffee. I'd like to speak with Edward alone." I hand her Anthony's file and give her a peck on the check.
"I'll see you later, Carlisle. And yes, I'll file this for you, too... since you asked." She laughs at her own joke, which wasn't funny, and leaves the room.
I pull my chair closer to Edward's bed and make myself comfortable. "Tell me what's going on, Edward. Are you able to talk with Anthony?"
He lifts his head, opening his eyes. A stern look is on his face. "I'm not sure that Anthony will ever come out again."
I'm dying to pull out my notepad, but I resist that temptation and ask, "Why not? He understands that his father no longer poses a threat, right?"
"He knows," he quickly replies as he lifts his hand that is still restrained to the bed. "Is there any way I can get out of these cuffs?"
"Sorry, Edward. I cannot take you out until we are sure the more...enraged... personas are no longer a threat to you or anyone else."
Before I can say anymore to Edward, there is a knock at the door. Emmett pokes his head in and tells me he showed up early should I need the help.
"Hey, Em. How's it going?"
Emmett steps into the room. "Eddie! Glad to have you back, bro."
"I'll leave you two to catch up. I'm going to head down for some coffee."
Coffee is just what I needed. It's been a long night of waiting and disappointment, and yet I can't help but to feel like we've had a little success in Anthony's recovery. The others finally understand that their life long nightmare is over.
I make it to the front desk, the aroma of coffee that Esme started filling my lungs. I pull out the half-brewed pot and pour myself a steaming cup. I take a sip and feel almost instantly energized. I pick up the morning rounds charts out of habit. I know I am not performing that task this morning, having already decided to let Esme do it while I continue to monitor Anthony.
As I pour another cup of coffee, I hear, "Hey, Dr. C." Emmett is walking by the desk.
"Emmett? What are you doing out here? Why aren't you with Anthony?"
He stopped dead in his tracks. "Well, Edward and I had a few words and he was getting tired. I left after he was asleep. That was like twenty minutes ago."
I check my watch. "That was twenty minutes ago?"
"I tightened the cuffs and locked the door before I left. I had to get out here before Jasper does his morning perimeter check."
"Of course," I say half-sarcastically. "I'm heading back. If you see Esme, let her know I have the charts."
I walk through the hall toward the room we were holding Anthony in, drinking my coffee. My mind wanders about what the next twenty-four hours will hold for him. I should have paid attention.
I am almost at Anthony's door when I walk right into Esme, spilling my coffee all over the front of me. "You have some explaining to do, Carlisle," she yells.
"I am so sorry, Esme. Did you get any coffee on you?"
"Why did you lie to him?"
"What?" I ask. "What lie? To who?"
"Don't give me that, Carlisle. You know very well that I'm talking about Anthony."
"Esme... what are you talking about."
"I'm talking about the fact that Edward Masen is still alive." Her arms cross in front of her chest - body language telling me that she's being closed minded about this situation - as her eyes pierce into me.
I want to explain my reasons, but all I get out is... "How did you know that he was alive?"
"I was organizing his charts, doing one of my jobs. You told him his father died."
"Technically, he did."
"Bullshit! You didn't mention that he was resuscitated and living on machines."
"I did what was best for Anthony, Esme. You know that I have his best interest at heart."
"Then why haven't you told him that Edward is alive?"
Self-doubt runs through me as I look at her. Maybe I did jump the gun in my desperate attempt to help this young man that no one has ever cared about... until now. I should have never allowed my personal feelings to intervene.
"His father can no longer hurt him anymore, Esme. The man is living on machines with little to no chance of recovery. We both know the statistics."
She stands shaking her head in disagreement. "We don't know anything for sure. You need to tell him, Carlisle. Anthony has got to know that his father could wake any time now and take him out of here, since he's not yet a ward of the state."
She's right. But so am I. I know that Edward will never wake from his coma, and if he does, I'll fight tooth and nail to keep Anthony here. I won't let anything happen to him.