Shout out to everyone who liked Pria in the last chapter.
The silence that followed stretches between them that Pria thought Naomi forgot that she has a decision to make. She takes another glance at the blonde; Naomi's elbow is resting on the windowsill while her palm is cradling the side of her head. She seems to be deep in thought, her face an expression of thoughtful trance.
The mere mention of her name, radically knocked the blonde off, the control Naomi thought she had on the situation gone. She can't start to fathom how Pria knew about her and Emily but she knew better than to deny, just chose to admit that Pria's that perceptive. Naomi doesn't have to explain anything to her anyway, so she thought she won't bother.
"You want to me to park so you can think?" Pria finally says when they're nearing her place. Naomi did not answer but Pria pulled over to the side of the road anyway. She kills the engine and sat back to her seat, patiently waiting. The sound of passing cars and their glaring headlights slightly jars Pria from time to time but Naomi's sitting still, absentmindedly chewing on her lower lip, her gaze fixed on a point somewhere in front of her. When the silence extended for another minute though, Pria lets out a huge sigh and turns her body to the side to face Naomi. "You know you have to give me an answer soon."
That's when Naomi made a sign that she had not gone deaf and regarded Pria with a long look. "You did not have to bring her up."
"Seems like I had to."
"It's none of your business so don't go talking about it like you know what's happening."
"Fine, I won't. But you don't look like you know what you're doing."
Naomi glares at her. "That's not true."
"Then why are you here and is still having doubts? If you chose to here, be here. But if you want to go home, I'll drive you home, I won't hold any grudge. You're not being honest with yourself." The mood between them has gone serious that Pria gave her a sweet smile after a few beats just to ease the tension.
"Are we talking about honesty now?" Naomi asks, bitter humor in her voice.
"I guess we are."
"I was fine. I was doing fucking fine until I started becoming honest. It didn't fucking hurt like this when I was telling myself I don't deserve someone like Emily. Then when I started being honest about what I feel? Guess what, all my suspicion got thrown back into my face like a big fucking neon sign telling me it should have been obvious all along. So you see honesty is fucking overrated. "
Pria listened silently and didn't offer any words of comfort when Naomi finished. The blonde gave her another long look before she resumes looking out the window like the outburst never happened, never answering what Pria asked her in the first place.
Without asking her where to go, Pria starts the engine and maneuvered the car back to the road.
Emily's sitting on the floor, Micah on her lap. His book of alphabets is opened in front of them at the coffee table, and Emily is teaching him how to read simple words.
"Read this one," she tells him, pointing at a certain word, an illustration above it dominating most of the page.
"F-flow, flower?" Micah looks up at her for confirmation.
"That's right baby." She turns the page and points at another word. "And this?"
"Hap- uhm hap…"
"Remember what I told you about y and how you pronounce it if it's at the end of a word?"
Micah thought hard, looks back at the word and beamed. "Happy!"
"Very good."
"That's why he's smiling, he's happy!" he exclaims then points at the picture above that is a face of a man smiling.
"Yes," she smiled kissing his cheek. Micah starts turning pages and reading the words on it out loud but Emily was only registering it with fleeting awareness because her eyes caught sight of the digital clock on the lower left corner of the tv screen. She stares at it but when 8:54 turns to 8:55, she bit her lip and looks away. She tried dismissing the thought that Naomi's avoiding her but it's starting to dawn to her that maybe that's the real case. She hates it then; all she wants is Naomi to talk to her. Her stream of consciousness was pulled back when Micah yawns, stretching his arms toward the ceiling. "Are you sleepy?"
"Yes mama."
"Come on then, let's get to bed," she says, closing Micah's book and gently pushes him to his feet. Micah skips to the bedroom while Emily shuts the television and walks over to the front door. She stares outside for a while, a group of small flying bugs had found the compact fluorescent light that's lit on the porch and are currently emitting a quiet buzzing sound as they fly around it. She stood there for a while, listening to the low hum before slowly closing the door and locking it. Naomi has a set of keys anyway. She shuts the lights on the living room and goes to the bedroom, closing the door behind her.
Micah cuddles to her when she climbs in the bed and as she settles, she starts stroking his hair the way she knew would help him go to sleep and his breathing evened out within minutes.
Emily herself fell asleep an hour later but even then, she never heard the front door open.
The next day, she woke up and checked if the blonde eventually got home. Naomi's nowhere the house but Emily saw that the front door was unlocked. She frowns, thinking it's too early for the blonde to go to work but thought it's probably the most possible place Naomi's at. She didn't cook breakfast and instead, she decided to have it at Hukilao to check on Naomi since the blonde said she wasn't feeling well the other day. Once she got Micah ready, they went outside to the car.
She stopped just as she starts driving out the driveway when far off the beach she saw a lone figure standing by the shore facing the water. Even the person's almost a speck on her vision, Emily recognized that it's Naomi. She frowns, when she knew she doesn't have the time though to seek the blonde at the other end of the beach and resumed driving with a heavy heart.
Naomi took a long drag of her cigarette and watches the yellow convertible drive away from the house, only releasing the smoke when the car's out of her sight. Then she continues staring out to the sea, the water lapping up past her ankles as the waves come in, the sand getting sucked away underneath her feet as the waves goes out.
Surprisingly, Naomi managed to avoid 'the talk' for almost almost two weeks. She spent most of her times at work or holed up in her bedroom. Or sometimes she goes out after her shift to visit the city, just strolling around the high streets looking for nothing in particular. Pria accompanies her to some trips she made and Naomi lets her since she didn't mind the girl's company.
At home, she still maintains her closeness to Micah and still allows herself to talk to Emily but their exchanges are rather short and straightforward, mainly because Naomi sees to it that it doesn't lead to 'the talk' and partly because Emily doesn't push. Because Emily wants Naomi to want to talk to her, like really talk, not just to thank her for dinner.
The standoff lasted for twelve days until one particular afternoon, Naomi's back from her long stroll on the beach that she grows fond to do if she wanted out the house to think. Even the sea breeze was cool to the skin, there was barely a cloud in the sky and Naomi didn't go all the way to the huge rock that she normally stops by to sit down almost a mile from the house. When she walks back to the house, she was only thinking about getting out of the beating sun's reach that she didn't notice the convertible parked in the garage.
She stopped by the doorway when she sees Emily sleeping in the living room. Naomi was quite taken aback from the stream of emotions it passed her in such a short time just looking at her.
Surprise turns to alarmed, then wary, apprehensive, until finally, the most powerful of all, longing.
The redhead's wearing a pair of shorts and a blue shirt with detailed little flower prints on it. She's lying on her stomach on the long couch, her head tilted to the side and her hand is tucked under her chin. Naomi stood there for a long time, making the most out this moment watching Emily without worrying that the redhead would feel her gaze and catch her looking.
But somehow, this time, it wasn't enough for Naomi to observe from a distance so when she was sure Emily is really sleeping, she took short strides from the doorway until she's standing in front of the couch. She sat on her heels and stares at the sleeping redhead, their faces only a foot apart. She didn't know how long she was crouching down like that but eventually Emily opened her eyes.
She felt the wind got knocked off her and the sudden feeling of being trapped grips her body when brown eyes met her gaze. Unlike her though, Emily did not register surprise as she calmly stares back at Naomi, like she knew the blonde was there all along.
"Hey," Emily says neutrally, her voice raspy from her sleep. Naomi did not return the greeting and went to stand up but Emily grabbed her wrist. She was able to straighten up but was shocked at the force of Emily's grip that she was rooted at the spot; the redhead's determined not to let her go. "What's the matter with you?" Emily says, planting her feet on the floor, and then standing up.
"Nothing," Naomi mumbles, looking at anything but the redhead in front of her.
The look in Naomi's eyes, like a deer caught in headlights, made Emily loosen her grip but didn't let go altogether. "Look if there's a problem you need to tell me. I'm sick of this silent treatment you're putting me through."
Naomi starts to say something but she hesitates, bit her lip, and instead said, "Sorry."
"Is that's all you've got to say?"
"What else am I suppose to say?"
"I don't know Naomi, what about you enlighten me what is going on your mind? Because you don't expect me to just magically understand everything from your actions which is by the way the most confusing thing I've come across."
"That's not necessary," Naomi says quietly. "I'm only your lodger. As long as I pay my rent, then you don't have any say about what I do."
The redhead scoffs, finally releasing Naomi's wrist, almost tossing it away.
"That's really fucking rich Naomi. I thought we're past that now, I thought we are friends. For fuck's sake, I thought we're more than friends!" Emily exclaimed throwing her hands up in frustration. Naomi shrinks from Emily's anger, never really thought the redhead is capable of this kind of wrath. "No. This, this is not happening. You're not going to give me that lame excuse because I won't have it. We slept together, or have you forgotten? And now you're telling me you're only my lodger? What the actual fuck."
"That's the problem, isn't?" Naomi says too quietly this time that Emily barely catches what she's saying. "We shouldn't have done it."
"That's the reason then? You're regretting it?"
"It was a careless thing to do."
"That's not what you said before."
"I did not say anything."
Emily stops and looks at Naomi with a long unbelieving gaze, then she helplessly slumps back on the couch with a defeated sigh. Naomi silently stands for a while before slowly, took a seat on the smaller couch to Emily's right. They're both silent in a long time, Emily almost paralyzed at what Naomi said.
"You're being unfair, leaving me out the dark like that." Emily's voice isn't angry anymore instead she says it with tired resignation, like the tension between them for the past twelve days and her angry outburst from earlier took a toll on her and left her exhausted. "You never stopped to think how this would make me feel? How it might hurt me?"
Naomi answered with a slow shake of her head.
"You know why I'm hurt?" Emily asks but did not wait for Naomi's response before she continues. "Because after all we've been through, I can't believe you went on to treat me like I don't matter. You just started ignoring me because you can't handle what we could possibly be."
"That's not true."
"Isn't it?" Emily says weakly. Naomi looks at her and saw that the redhead is close to tears. "Tell me how it really is then Naomi. Fucking tell me now."
But Naomi was not ready to be honest again, not this time. Not when her brain's all muddled up. "How can you say that?" she asks instead of answering.
"What?"
"'What we could possibly be.' How can you say that? When you know you've got Tony."
Emily looks at her for a long time before answering. "This has nothing to do with Tony. It's about you and me."
Wrong wrong wrong.
"It can't be just about you and me."
"Then tell me please. Tell me what you want me to do," the redhead pleads but Naomi refused to talk any longer, just bows her head and looks down her lap.
Emily waits for a few minutes, in case Naomi's only gathering her thoughts that's why she's being silent but when the redhead is sure that's not the case, that Naomi has closed up tight again and is already shutting her out, she stood up and left the house. She went to her car, backs out of the garage, and drove away.
Naomi wasn't able to stop the tears when she hears the sound of the car driving away. She angrily wiped them off but fresh ones would spill out her eyes seconds later. She was used to be the one pulling away, the one leaving, that she forgot how to deal being on this position, being the one left behind. Now she knows how Emily must have felt being on the receiving end of her selfishness but Naomi realized, with a sinking feeling, that it doesn't matter anymore.
"So I'm leaving early tomorrow," Pria says conversationally as she takes a drag from the stick between her fingers. They're outside the café, leaning back at the hood of Pria's car slowly emptying her expensive pack of cigarettes. "Like two in the morning kind of early."
"It's tomorrow?" Naomi asks thoughtfully. They never really talked about Pria's eventual departure every time they hang out. Not that they're avoiding the subject, it's just that when they're together, they don't talk about personal stuff, which is convenient on Naomi's part. "Do you want me to see you off?"
Pria contemplates about it then eventually shakes her head. "I don't think so. I mean it's two in the fucking morning, even God's still sleeping at that time."
Naomi chuckles. "Okay."
Silence followed the exchange until Pria pulls something from her jeans pocket. "Here," she offers a set of new keys to Naomi, bound together by a key chain of a Hawaiian hula girl.
Naomi stares dumbly at it. "What's that?"
"Duplicate keys to my place."
"I don't understand. Are you proposing?" Naomi slightly laughs.
"No, just in case you want to sneak in tonight for one last fling," Pria replies seriously. She sees Naomi's expression, laughs, then waves the keys and says it's only a joke. "Even if you don't say so, I can imagine how suffocating it could be seeing her every day so if you feel like getting away from mama Emily for a while, you can always go to my place since it will be vacant while I'm away."
Naomi didn't know how to respond properly so she continues staring at the keys for a while. "You trust me like that?"
"Sure," Pria shrugs like it's no big deal.
"Why are you being nice?"
Pria tsked three times. "Naomi darling, I told you not to read too much on everything. But okay, I'll answer the question. Because I want to help out."
"Why?"
"There you go again." She jiggles they keys impatiently one more time. "Take it or leave it, what's it going to be?"
Naomi thought about it but she ruled out it's too much of an offer. "It's a generous offer but I can't accept it. Thanks though."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
"Alright," Pria says, pushing the keys back to her pocket. When they flicked the last butts of cigarettes, Pria says she's got to go. "I'm still not done packing my stuff and well I need some sleep since I never get it while I'm flying."
Naomi nods and pushes herself off the hood of the car. "This is goodbye then?"
"I guess." They stood facing each other, Naomi starts feeling a little lonely inside. Pria, sensing the change in Naomi's mood, slowly smiles and takes a step closer to the blonde.
Her palm slides over Naomi's back, and then leans in to kiss Naomi on the lips. Naomi didn't respond, but she didn't not allowed it either. They share a smile when Pria leans away, but then her gaze lands on something past Naomi's shoulder. Her smile slowly faded. "Oops."
Confused and curious at the same time, Naomi turns to look.
Emily's standing at the café's porch, her gaze fixed at them. Micah's holding onto her hand, slightly confused why his mom stopped in her tracks just as they're about to go in to get something to eat. He follows his mama's gaze and when he saw Naomi, he gave her a cheerful wave.
Naomi slightly smiles and waves back at Micah then return her look at Emily. The redhead's expression is unreadable but still, there's a horrible feeling starting at the pit of Naomi's stomach. Emily's gaze switches to Pria, stays there for a few seconds, and goes back to Naomi and then without giving anything away, Emily broke their eye contact and pulls Micah inside.
Naomi sighs feebly and turns around to Pria when Emily's out of sight.
"I didn't know she was there. I'm sorry."
"It doesn't matter," Naomi shrugs but the horrible feeling's still there.
"You should talk to her."
"I'll take care of it."
Pria nods and let it go. "Well, goodbye then Blondie."
"Yeah, have a safe trip."
"Are you sure you don't want the keys?" Pria asks her one last time.
"Quite sure."
Naomi watches Pria's car drive away before she returns inside. Six customers are only present during that time and she spotted Emily and Micah right away, sitting opposite each other on one of the booths. She hesitates, drew in a huge air, then walks towards them.
Emily saw her coming but she only fixes the blonde with a steely gaze for a second before returning her attention to Micah as he talks animatedly, describing something to Emily with his hands.
"Hey," Naomi greets them hesitantly, roughing up Micah's hair. "Have you ordered?"
"Yeah, Sue took them."
"Okay well, if you need anything else just call me."
"Sure, thanks."
Naomi starts to leave but then retraced her step and regarded the redhead. "Em, look-"
"Not now Naomi," Emily cut her off, her voice dismissive. Even Micah noticed it and looks warily at his mum, at Naomi, then back again at Emily. "Just… not now."
Naomi has no choice but to accept it and nods. She smiles reassuringly at Micah and goes in the kitchen, the horrible feeling never leaving her.
She was restless that night, tossing and turning in her bed, not getting a wink of sleep. Guilt; it's one of the worst feelings in the world. It silently eats you up and you can't properly function while you're suffering from it. It's just there, never leaving, a constant reminder how you fucked up.
Back at the café while Emily and Micah eat their breakfast, Naomi did not make any more attempt to explain things to the redhead since Emily was very firm about not wanting any of it. Naomi only came back to their booth to give them a refill when they ran out of maple syrup. Only Micah thanked her while Emily reads the front page of the Honolulu Star Tribune not paying her much attention.
Then when she got home earlier, she was welcomed by Emily's cold demeanor. Even if they're not particularly friendly with each other since their talk almost a week ago, this time it's different. Emily did not even glance at her when she arrived.
During dinner, Naomi commented how perfectly steamed the fish was but Emily continues chewing her food and staring down at her plate like she did not hear anything. Naomi was grateful then, when Micah starts telling her a story about what he did at school today, talking animatedly just like he did at the Hukilao.
When they were done eating, Emily starts to gather the plates but Naomi volunteers to do the dishes. Emily did not say anything, just left the pile she already collected on the table and silently walks out the dining room, went in her room and hasn't left since.
Naomi lets out a frustrated growl and kicks the duvet away from her to the floor admitting defeat that she won't get a proper rest tonight after the vicious cycle of almost falling asleep then remembering something that sets her teeth on edge, into getting worked up on a small detail she should have done to prevent further fucking things up, then before she knows it she's wide awake again.
She got dressed and went downstairs, her dry throat screaming for water. The plan of getting herself a cold glass from the kitchen was set aside when she sees the door to Micah and Emily's bedroom stood ajar. She stopped on her tracks and contemplates for a few seconds before walking towards it and peeking inside. It took her eyes three seconds to adjust to the dark and when they did, she saw Micah sleeping soundly under the covers but Emily's side of the bed is vacant. Naomi glanced at the bathroom but the light is off.
Her question was answered when she went outside, slightly shivering when the cold wind welcomes her as she opens the front door, and saw Emily down the beach sitting down on dry sand, doing nothing in particular just staring out at the sea, or it could be the stars the redhead's watching, Naomi's not sure. The moon's almost full that night, the sky clear of clouds, and the moonlight is making Emily's hair glow.
Like a red haired angel, Naomi thought wistfully.
She stood there for a long time, partly because she was mesmerized at Emily's hair very evident in the dark, and partly because she doesn't know what to do next. Now an opportunity to be alone with the redhead finally presents itself and she could finally explain things to Emily because she knew they can't be like this for any longer or they'll both blow up from the tension.
If she goes out there tonight, it's probably a make or break situation. She will either fix her relationship with Emily, or she would go on and fuck it up more. It's highly possible that Emily's still angry and would refuse to talk to her but if Naomi tries to delay it, it's also possible that it would be too late if she looks for another time. And the whole prospect is making it hard for the blonde to make the next move.
She's not thinking of being with Emily at this point, all she wants is to become Emily's friend again. For them to get back to normal.
She remembers Pria's words on not to read much on everything, to just let things play out instead of only thinking about it, then regretting for not doing it later, asking the question 'what if?' over and over again.
After some more internal debate with herself, Naomi finally sighs and made up her mind, walks out with determined steps to where the redhead is.
I told myself to limit my song recommendations but The Saltwater Room by Owl City (the second version of it) is quite perfect for the end of this chapter.
So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?
All the time, all the time~
I have a feeling you'll like the next chapter.