AN: COCO'S BACK!! And there are only 10 days till the movie comes out. And Rupert Grint had Swine Flu (poor darling!). There is just sooo much going on. We had hoped to finish posting by the movie, but that probably isn't going to happen....ahh well...

Chapter 13: I Don't Know, Ariana, but that is a Worthy Question

I have been sitting here for several minutes, trying to figure out a proper introduction to the following character. The thing is, he's someone that is difficult to describe effectively.

The words "nice chap" come to mind when you hear his name. He was a good and loyal son, a hard worker, a decent citizen of the world.

Most girls project all of their sadness and romantic angst on to him: he is a poor, unfortunate soul who died too young, before he could admit his to his girlfriend that he truly loved her.

I am, of course, talking about Cedric Diggory.

Well, ladies and gents, let me just tell you this: Cedric was not feeling too good.

All of his friends were still alive and he was living all alone in the D section of Death. He lived in a tiny, cramped, New York-style apartment in a massive building at 47 place de la Chapelle Orientale. His grandparents lived over an hour away from him, and yet he could take a lift and be pretty much anywhere else in Death in about five seconds.

Poor dear.

He had hardly been dead a Death-day, and was already hating it. What would the rest of eternity be like? He imagined that things would get easier when his friends and parents died, but didn't want them to die just to keep him company. What kind of thought was that? Sure, he was lonely…but he could suck it up for the next…hundred-odd years, couldn't he?

So, he contented himself with decorating his apartment in a way that was normal for an eighteen-year-old boy.

He was so preoccupied with what color he wanted his walls to be that he did not notice when a piece of paper appeared in the toaster that sat in his living room. He did not notice when another note appeared because he was trying to figure out if the armchair he was transfiguring was sufficiently comfortable.

He didn't notice that the letters had appeared until they had overflowed onto his coffee table.

The first read:

To: Mr. Cedric Diggory,

47 Place de la Chappelle Orientale Apt. 97461

45,235,649 D

Death

Dear Cedric,

We would love to have you over for tea. Please feel free to stop by any time this afternoon.

Yours most sincerely,

Lily Potter

Mr. and Mrs. James Potter

210 Rue Colbert

7777777 P

Death

The second read:

Dear Cedric,

On second thought, now might not be the best of times. My husband is throwing a fit over how idiotic the Ministry of Magic is and I doubt he will be done any time soon. Maybe in…an hour?

Lily

The third read:

Dear Cedric,

I have sent James for a walk around the block. He should be fine in a few minutes.

Lily

The subsequent letters continued on this bend for a while, but Cedric got the idea. He hurried out of his apartment, glad to be free of the cramped, dark living room. He took the nearest lift (just outside the building, conveniently enough) and found himself strolling up the Potters' walkway in no time at all.

He knocked on the door.

"It's perpetually unlocked," called someone from inside. He entered.

"Look, I am not saying that Dumbledore had to make him a prefect. I am quite proud that he is taking after me, yet again. I am just saying that Dumbledore should have made him a prefect because he would have done an excellent job," James was saying, loudly.

"I don't know why we are having an argument about this. We both agree that he should have gotten the job. Hello, Cedric. It is lovely to see you. How are you holding up?" asked Lily.

Lily and James Potter were sitting in living room that was covered in candles and incense. A little blond-haired girl was sitting on a mat in the middle of the room (she appeared to have pushed the coffee table aside) and was meditating. But the most intriguing part about the room was not in any way related to its occupants: upon the wall opposite him, was a moving image of what was going on in Life. It was currently portraying a party in some unknown room that celebrated, according to the large banner, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger's having become Gryffindor Prefects.

"I'm doing well, thank you Lily. Erm…who is this?" he asked, sitting down in an armchair (which he noted was infinitely more comfortable than the one he had been working on at home).

"This is Professor Dumbledore's little sister. She lives somewhere in that monstrously large building you live in, but spends quite a bit of time here. She also has turned our living room into her yoga studio for the moment, which I am finding," she raised her voice, "highly annoying."

Ariana was too deep in her meditation to respond.

"I didn't know Dumbledore had a sister," said Cedric.

"Oh, well, I think that Professor Dumbledore didn't like talking about it because he killed her," said James, leaning back and watching The Wall.

"What?" Cedric was shocked.

"Oh, it was an accident, James. And she's better off. Let's not talk about that just now. We wanted to know how you are coping, Cedric. It must be hard, having predeceased your friends and relatives."

Cedric nodded slowly. He didn't particularly feel like talking about it though—especially not while he was here and he had more important things to talk about. "How are you doing that?" he asked, gesturing to The Wall.

"Oh. It's the northern facing wall in every living room. You just tap it so that it wakes up and shows the main menu, then again to get to a search bar, and then you write whom you want to watch in Life. It is quite nice," said James, "although our specimen is…colorful, I would say. Wouldn't you?"

Writing appeared on The Wall. If that is a backhanded way of saying that I am rude and unforgiving, James Potter, you will regret it.

"I am implying no such thing, my good…Wall…no such thing at all," said James, jovially, "It's great though. You can watch any quidditch game you like, in Life or in Death (although Lily doesn't let me watch here because she doesn't appreciate quidditch like most normal human beings)."

"So I can watch Hogwarts games?" asked Cedric.

"Yep. Any Hogwarts game ever, as a matter of fact. When Sirius dies, I am going to make him watch the one game he missed because of a detention. It'll be fun!"

"As long as I don't have to suffer through it again, that is fine by me," said Lily. "It's bad enough you make me come to all of your games."

"We've only had one so far, and you enjoyed it."

"Only because you all were reciting the best excerpts of Shakespearean dialogue every time you scored," sniffed Lily.

"If that's what you want to believe, go right ahead," said James.

"There are quidditch matches in Death?" asked Cedric.

"Of course there are! You think all these dead witches and wizards could hang around together forever and not start a quidditch league? The DQL! Death Quidditch League! Best thing ever, although very hard to put together a good side, much less even get seeded in tournaments. But, new people are dying every day, so maybe in a couple thousand years…" James looked wistful.

"How do you try out for teams?" asked Cedric excitedly.

"Well…there's headquarter offices in every region of Death…and sometimes there are flyers for tryouts on streetlamps (that's how I found my team)…I'd contact Gideon Prewett, actually. He's sort of the go-to man. He is on the refereeing squad—as well as his own team—so he is pretty damn knowledgeable."

"Ooh! I love that girl!" came an excited voice. Cedric started and turned quickly to see the little blonde girl pointing up at another blonde girl on The Wall.

"Who is that, Ariana?" asked Lily.

"Luna Lovegood. She's wonderful," said Ariana, bouncing up and down.

"Not Xenophilius and what's-her-name's kid?" said James, incredulously.

"Yes. She's brilliant."

"She's reading a magazine upside down," muttered James.

"She's…got color…" said Lily.

"She's a bit weird," said Cedric, "She's in my girlfriend's house and apparently has no sense of when to say what…"

"Who else do we know who is like that," said Lily, looking pointedly at her husband. He ignored her.

"Oh…hello, Harry," said a nervous voice on the wall. "Um…bad time?" The four occupants of the room glanced back up at The Wall and Cedric groaned internally. It was Cho. He had known that she had had a crush on Harry. And it wasn't as though they had been married or anything, but he had expected her to take a little time before trying to go out with Harry.

"What the hell is all over that compartment?" demanded James loudly.

It was only then that Cedric noticed that Harry, Ginny, Neville and Luna were covered in a strange green substance.

"I have no idea," said Lily, apprehensively. "Do you think it's poisonous?"

If you all had paid attention, you would know that it is not poisonous because Neville Longbottom said "Stinksap's not poisonous." But it's not as though you need to pay attention or anything. It's only how I spend my days, unpaid and unappreciated.

"Oh, stop it, Wall. We appreciate you," snapped Lily.

This was a big mistake.

You appreciate me, eh? Well, try this on for size!

To their horror, The Wall turned bright green. Then, it began showing a montage.

"What on earth…?" said James, "You had to go and piss off The Wall, didn't you, Lily…"

Cedric was intrigued. He watched carefully. He knew who was the central figure, but couldn't for the life of him remember her name. It was a colleague of his dad's, a rather crazy woman with cankles who…who….

Piss it, he couldn't remember.

She was short and looked rather like a toad. She was giving as speech at Hogwarts. Then she was in a classroom, passing out textbooks, then she was telling the students that they wouldn't be performing practical magic that year, then she was giving some poor kid detention where he was slicing open the back of his hand.

"This is barbaric!" exclaimed James, "I have had many a detention in my day and I was never asked to mutilate myself. That hag!"

"I loathe that woman," said Lily, "I hated working with her, I hated her voice, I hated her cats (and you know how I love cats)."

"She really shouldn't wear that much pink. It makes her eyes look more buglike," said Ariana.

"Who is it?" asked Cedric.

"Dolores Jane Umbridge," replied all three simultaneously.

The Wall was going too quickly, though. The leaves had already fallen off the trees and they had only been at Hogwarts for about four seconds. Umbridge had been named High Inquisitor of Hogwarts by the Ministry. She had disbanded all the quidditch teams (James and Cedric spluttered in horror). She kicked Harry off the Gryffindor Quidditch Team.

"WALL," bellowed James, "STOP THIS INSTANT!"

The Wall paused.

What? I was only playing the bits you would have paid attention to anyway, it wrote, innocently.

"Play at a normal pace or I'll…or I'll…"

"Paint you green," said Ariana.

If I were capable of snorting, I would snort in disdain.

"Wall, please, we do apologize. We do pay attention, we promise," said Lily, placatingly.

Well…I am not backtracking. That was very difficult to put together. I don't feel like going through the stuff I tossed aside to fill in the bits you missed.

"That's fine," said James, "What the hell happened with my son and quidditch?"

Oh, he beat up Draco Malfoy in front of the entire school.

There was a pause. Then

"Well, that's almost worth it," said James.

"James, are you condoning an act of violence on the part of our son?" demanded Lily.

"Lily, think, and answer me honestly. Would you not really, really enjoy watching our son kick the crap out of Draco Malfoy?"

Lily thought for a moment. "If it ever happens, Wall, will you make sure to save it forever for our viewing pleasure?"

The Wall did not respond. The Potters were quite glad it didn't, because if it had, it would have detracted from them watching their son's extremely awkward first kiss with Cho Chang.

"I feel just a bit like we are invading his privacy…" said James.

"If you don't mind, I think I will go check out those quidditch teams," Cedric managed to say. He was in a state of profound heartbreak and didn't want to stick around. He thanked the Potters for reaching out to him and departed.

"Poor kid," said Lily.

"Yeah. Pity he died without company," agreed James.

"I was thinking it's a pity that he had to watch his girlfriend kissing our son."

"Oh. Right. Well…she wasn't going to wait for him to come back from the dead, was she?"

"It doesn't matter. It has to be hard."

"Yeah. But he'll let his feelings out in quidditch. That's what I did whenever you said no."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"That's so sweet, darling."

"Oh god," said Ariana, "Will you two leave it be so a girl can have some peace and quiet?"

"Go to Cassandra's house if you don't like it," said Lily, in between the kisses she was sharing with her husband.

"I think I will. I hate young people some times. Why are they so bloody horny?"