The following morning Shepard was up early, heading down to the mess hall. She wanted to get the mission started, make time for a second mission that afternoon, since they were behind schedule. The night crew was scattered around the mess, coming in after their shift and eating before they turned in. Shepard nodded to them and got something out of the cold storage and sat down and ate. She ate quietly, her mind wandering back to the scene she'd stumbled on in Zaheed's quarters last night. He was surprisingly muscular, for being an older guy. She could see what Jack saw in him. He'd been really pummeling her, too. The table had shaken violently with each slam of his pelvis against hers. She smiled to herself and looked down at her plate. She messaged Zaheed about the mission, she'd already let Joker know to set a course and notified Miranda.
She absently looked towards Garrus' quarters, straight ahead down the hall. She put those thoughts deliberately out of her mind. She chewed on the last few bites of food, realizing for the first time she'd gotten a dextro meal. She must have done that subconsciously. She usually only ate those with Garrus. She finished off her water and threw the trash down the chute.
Wiping the crumbs off her hands, she headed to Miranda's quarters to plan the day's mission.
"Heading to Zorya, I see." Miranda scrolled down the datapad.
"Yes, I had forgotten about it, and to his credit, he never asked me about it."
"Admirable, however needs to be addressed."
"I agree, that's why I'm making it today's first priority. We'll be close to Illium, so afterwards I can tie up a few loose ends there, as well." she slouched back in her chair, across from Miranda's neat desk.
"I have a small amount of new information on the planet and the Eldfell-Ashland refinery, sending it to you now to review."
"Thanks, Miranda."
"Who are you taking with you?"
"I was thinking Grunt. Good to have extra muscle on a Blue Suns base."
"I agree."
Shepard brought up her omni-tool, "Grunt, gear up and get ready for the mission today, I'll send you the particulars. Grunt?" No answer. She tried a tonal ping. No response.
"EDI, is Grunt in his quarters?"
"Yes, and he is not engaged in any sexual activity."
Miranda's eyes flashed wide with surprise and she looked at Shepard.
Shepard shot up ramrod straight in her chair speaking into her omni-tool, "EDI, you don't need to report or give a negative report on the crew's personal relationships, understood!"
"Yes, Commander."
Miranda stared at Shepard's beet red face. "What was that about?"
Shepard shook her head with embarrassment and frustration, "A misunderstanding and a long story. It's hard to explain discretion and social norms to an AI."
"Indeed," Miranda eyed her suspiciously.
Shepard wished she would drop it, "I assure you, it sounds worse than it is."
"I'll take your word at that, Shepard."
Shepard cleared her throat, "I'll go brief Grunt on today's mission."
She left her office and made a mental note to explain more explicitly to EDI. She entered Grunt's quarters, seeing him hunched over his table, his back to her, the light down in front of him. "Didn't you hear me on your omni-tool?" she demanded.
"Shepard!" he turned, startled. He had a magnifying visor on and a small tool in his hand.
She walked up to his side, "I need you for the mission today," she looked down at what he was working on. There were different figures, Turian, Krogan, human, soldiers. "What is all that?" she pointed.
He pushed the visor up off his face, "It's my hobby. I got some more yesterday on the Citadel. I like to, paint them and display them." He pointed to a small shelf she'd not seen before up on the wall. She walked over and peered up at it. There was a little tableau of similar figures fighting. Oh my god, how cute. "Hmm. Very cool." She turned back to where he was still sitting and took a closer look at the table. He had various limbs taken off and was painting blood on them. "I think that's a great hobby."
"I know it's not typically Krogan, but I'm not a typical Krogan. It helps me to focus and silence the tank voice in my head."
She nodded, her lips pursed. "Sure. Whatever you like to do, Grunt. I'll keep it between us."
His brows drew together, "I don't care who knows. I'll show them all myself. If they have a comment to make about it, they can do it to my face, if they dare." He put the caps on the paint and started cleaning up his table. "When do you need me to be ready?"
"In 45 minutes by the shuttle."
"I'll be ready."
"I can send you information on the mission." She brought up her omni-tool.
"Killing bad guys, basically?"
"Well, yes."
He held up his hand, "I got it. All I need to know."
She nodded and turned and walked out. "I really need to get to know my crew a bit better. I've been so caught up in myself." She couldn't help but giggle a bit at the sight of those big Krogan hands with those little soldier figurines. He actually did a great job, the detail was incredible. "Hm. Maybe I should take up a hobby, destress some." She walked down to the cargo bay, getting her armor out and readied. As a team they usually helped each other out, it was difficult getting it on by yourself. "Oh shit," she'd forgotten about the hole in her arm piece, she'd have to switch it out. She pulled both greaves up and put them on the ground, searching through the locker for the upper arm pieces. Examining them both, she turned them back and forth. She couldn't see the damage. She found the left one and looked at it closely. There was an expertly made patch. A faint line was visible, only with close inspection. She was interrupted by Zaheed, walking up with Jack.
"I appreciate you doing this Shepard," He winked at her.
Jack went to her armory locker, "Yeah, thanks."
"Grunt's coming on the mission today, Jack."
Jack opened her locker and started taking her equipment out. "I talked to Grunt. He agreed to let me go instead. He's working on something anyway."
Shepard could feel her anger rising, "I decide who goes on the mission."
Jack continued to get dressed as Zaheed picked his weapons, out of earshot. "Look, where he goes, I go. I'm not going to let him do this by himself, okay? If you want to push the issue and insist on having Grunt, I can't stop you, but I can tell you he'll do better with me fighting with him."
Shepard huffed, "Don't you think that's a conflict of interest? I mean, how can you fight objectively?"
Jack laughed loudly, "What a hypocrite! I have one word for you, Commander. Garrus."
Shepard pressed her lips together tight. "Fine. You're on the mission."
"Glad you see things my way. If you can do it, I can do it too." She slammed her locker shut and grinned. "Now, do you need some help with that armor?"
Shepard reluctantly agreed, as Jack helped her get it on and fasten the clasps. She never thought much about how the other crew would interpret her and Garrus on missions together. I've been pretty blind to how alert the crew is.
As she held her arms out for Jack to get the remaining armor on, her attention was drawn to Thane coming around from the elevator. He was closely followed by Santos, who spoke a few words to him, before walking towards the shuttle. Wow, I have been really blind, she thought. Garrus came around the corner behind them, joining Thane on the other side of the vast room, where the gym had been set up.
"Just giving the shuttle a quick check before we go," Santos said, nodding to the group as he got in.
"There, all set," Jack gave her a hard slap on the back. She quickly turned to Zaheed who gave her a magnanimous smile.
"Dammit, why can't that be me," Shepard mumbled to herself. It could be you, she answered herself quickly. She glanced up at Garrus and Thane, sparring in the corner. In their workout clothes, she could see Garrus had gotten in top shape. She sighed, sadly to herself. "What am I doing?" She picked up her weapons and started loading gear into the shuttle.
"Ready?" she looked around. Zaheed and Jack nodded. She squeezed up to the cockpit. "We're ready," she told him.
Santos nodded, "Just a sec," He slid past her and into the doorway. She brought up her omni-tool and messaged Miranda they were leaving. She glanced up to see Santos walking towards them giving a little wave trying to get Thane's attention. Thane and Garrus were sparring, going at it pretty hard. Garrus stopped and released his grip on Thane, who stood up and waved back at Santos. "Be safe," he heard him call out. Santos turned and jogged briskly back to the shuttle. He grabbed onto the door frame of the shuttle and grinned, "Let's go." She took the door to close it, and looked to see if Garrus was watching her. He was not, taking Thane down in a violent hold. "Geez," she said. She flashed back to when he told her sparring was a way for Turians to work off stress, "Oh, that's right."
"Ready to depart, Commander." Santos called out.
She snapped out of her thoughts and slammed the door shut. She sat on the bench across from Jack and Zaheed. They sat quietly. You would never know they were together, all business. She leant her head against the metal wall of the shuttle and looked towards the cockpit. Come to think of it, she'd seen Santos talk to Thane before getting on the shuttle pretty regularly, she never really gave too much attention to most of her crew. She just nodded to them, thanked them for their help or gave them direction, but focused most of her time and attention on herself, and her misery of one sort or another.
Jesus Christ, I need to change. She was in charge of her own destiny, who she was, and she had lost sight of the strong character she used to hold dear. If she lost that, she'd lose everything, and lately she pretty much had. She continued to think with a renewed clarity on the ride to Zorya.
A few hours later they were back on the shuttle, Zaheed glaring at Shepard. As soon as they docked, he was at the door, his knuckles white from his clutch on his shotgun. He opened the door and stormed out. Shepard started to go after him but Jack stopped her. "Let him go. I'll talk to him." She started unclasping Shepard's armor.
"I considered sacrificing those workers to get Santiago. He's too dangerous to let escape." She said.
Jack shook her head, "You made the right choice, and he does know it. That what makes him madder than anything, I think. He doesn't like letting his anger overtake him like that either. It's been a long time since that happened."
Shepard looked up at her with a new appreciation.
Jack chuckled, "Look, you taught me that on Pragia. You can't let your anger control you like that, then you are letting them win, giving them the power."
Shepard nodded, "True."
They put the equipment back on their lockers. Jack stood up and stretched, "I'll go talk to him now. He's probably in our quarters."
"You guys rooming together now?"
She laughed, "Oh, like you don't already know." Seeing Shepard's confused face, she continued, "Got yourself an eyeful of that last night."
Shepard put her hand over her face and closed her eyes, "Shit."
Jack laughed again, "I saw you, I was just too into it to care about stopping." She slapped Shepard on the back, "Don't worry, Zaheed didn't see you there. He was too busy." She grinned.
"I am so sorry," Shepard started.
"Ah, no sweat. I'm sure it's nothing you haven't seen before. Well, he's pretty awesome, doubt you've seen anything like him before," she laughed, seeing Shepard getting more pink.
"Just so long as you don't get any ideas. He's mine, and nothing's going to change that." She turned and walked away.
"I am fucked up," Shepard said to herself. She brought up her omni-tool, "EDI, where is Garrus?"
"Garrus Vakarian is in medbay."
She started walking towards the elevator, "Is he okay?" she inquired.
"He has been injured, the doctor is attending to him."
"What!" she started running, "What happened? Is he stable?"
"I have no further information, Commander."
Shepard pressed the panel repeatedly for the elevator that had already taken Jack up. "Dammit!"
Finally the elevator doors opened and she jumped inside, pressing the panel. "Come on, come on, hurry up!" She paced around as it slowly went up, picturing all the potential dangers there were on the ship. "He'd better be okay."
Garrus lay still, blue blood pooling around his body. "Garrus, no," she reached her hand down to his face. As soon as she touched it, his eyes flew open, he gasped for air, grabbing his rifle. "Garrus!" thank god, he was alive. But his eyes were glassy, his breathing gurgling on his own blood.
The doors opened and she came back to the present, running out the door, pushing aside a crew member in her way. She couldn't get to the medbay door fast enough, but was also dreading what she would find. The doors wooshed open and she flew inside. Dr. Chakwas obscured her view, but Garrus was lying on the examination bed, Thane kneeling on it over him, holding his arm up.
"Okay, I'll hold him and try again, pull!"
Shepard looked around at all their faces, trying to get a read on the situation. They were oblivious to her presence. She walked up slowly, it looked bad, Garrus was grimacing in pain. Thane was holding him down with his knee as he pulled on his arm. Dr. Chakwas attempted to hold him down by his chest.
Shepard opened her mouth to ask, when she heard a loud crack, and Garrus cried out. The room got darker, sounds muffled, and she fell to the floor.
"I think that did it." Dr. Chakwas, breathing heavily, leaned back. Garrus turned and saw Shepard in a crumpled heap on the floor. "Shepard!"
They all turned to look down at her. "Oh my god," Dr. Chakwas ran over.
Thane loosened his grip on Garrus' arm and stepped off the table as Garrus sat up, "Is she okay? What's wrong?" he was frantic.
Dr. Chakwas grabbed a pillow and put it under her feet to elevate them. "She fainted."
"She what?" Garrus asked.
Dr. Chakwas turned to face them, "I'll get something to wake her up, but her vitals are fine. She must have come in while we were trying to fix your shoulder." She turned and looked back at her, "The sight of it must have disturbed her." She got up off her knees and stopped them, "Don't move her, she'll be okay in a minute." She went to her cabinet and rummaged around as Garrus hopped off the table and knelt down next to her.
"Are you sure that's all there is? Are her implants okay? She just came back from a mission, maybe something went wrong."
Dr. Chakwas knelt down next to her and waved a vial under her nose. Shepard grimaced and turned her head as her eyes fluttered open. "What, what's going on?" She looked up and saw Dr. Chakwas peering down at her.
"Don't try to get up yet. It looks like you fainted. Did anything happen on the mission?"
She shook her head no. "Fainted?" she put her hand to her head. A voice to her left caught her attention.
"Here," Garrus pat her forehead with a wet washcloth.
"Garrus," she reached a hand up. The scene she'd witnessed before came back in a flash, "Garrus! You, you're hurt!"
He grabbed her hand and stopped her from sitting up, "I'm fine, I dislocated my shoulder when we were sparring. Thane was helping the doctor put it back in place, that's all." He moved his arm back and forth, "All better, see?" he winced.
She looked at him with concern, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," he smiled, "Just a little sore. But that's all, everything's okay."
"Oh, thank god. When I heard you were in medbay, I was afraid."
He held her hand and reassured her, "I'm fine. Just fine." He put her hand back down.
"Let's see if we can get you up." Dr. Chakwas gently reached down to her shoulders and she and Garrus helped her sit up. "Okay so far?"
"Yes, yes, this is all so silly, really." Shepard stood up with their help and leaned against the examination bed. Garrus hurriedly went in the back and brought her a glass of water. She took it and drank, then looked up at him and gave him a beautific smile.
Dr. Chakwas turned her attention to Garrus, "Come over here so I can scan your shoulder and make sure we were totally successful."
He was hesitant. "You feel steady?"
Shepard nodded.
He went with Dr. Chakwas to the scanning equipment as Thane walked over to talk to Shepard.
"I do not understand. You have seen much worse on the battlefield, experienced much worse. Why would you faint?" he studied her, "Are you pregnant?"
She spit her water out in a loud spray, "No! God, no!" she laughed and shook her head. "It was just seeing him hurt like that, I couldn't stand it, it made me think about that day on Omega when he nearly died. I guess that, and maybe a culmination of stress lately. My imagination made it a lot worse."
"I see," he smiled. "I think I'll go, you are in capable hands."
Garrus walked up in front of her, "Doctor confirmed it, I'm fine. A little sore, but nothing serious."
"Now it's your turn," Dr. Chakwas motioned to the table.
Shepard shook her head no, "I'm good."
"Great, sit down and I'll confirm that."
Shepard started to argue, but she saw the look of concern on Garrus' face, so she relented. A quick check of her implants and blood analysis, and the Doctor declared her fit for duty.
"I'm sorry to worry you guys, I shouldn't have barged in medbay like that. I just had to make sure you were okay."
Garrus gave her a weak smile, "Thanks."
Dr. Chakwas looked between the two of them. "Well, now that everyone is cured, why don't you get out of my medbay so I can clean up and the two of you can go clean up. No offense, but you're both pretty grimy and sweaty."
"If you minded grimy and sweaty, you'd be working in a pretty outpatient clinic on the Citadel right now." Shepard accused her.
Dr. Chakwas laughed, "You know me well Shepard."
Shepard laughed and turned back to Garrus who was at her side, "Do you need me to hold on to you?" he asked.
"Yes, thanks." She took his arm. They walked out of medbay and to the mess hall.
"I'll walk you to your quarters."
"So," she asked as they went in the elevator, "How did you dislocate your shoulder exactly?"
"I had him in a strong hold, a Turian move, and in his attempt to get loose, he pushed me back and yanked on my arm."
"Damn, really?"
"No, actually I was lunging at him, and I slipped and cracked it against the bench."
She laughed.
He smiled, it had been a very long time since he'd made her laugh. They stood in her foyer and she pressed the panel to open her door.
"I'll let you go."
"Oh," she looked upset, "Yeah, I guess, I have to get cleaned up."
"Me too. See you later."
"Wait – um, do you think you could come by later, I mean, any time, when you have some free time, like today?" she reached out for his arm.
"I, don't understand, Jane."
She sighed, "I've been an idiot. I want to apologize to you and hope we can talk and I'm sorry."
He tilted his head to the side and squinted at her, "Did you hit your head when you fainted?"
She let out a small laugh, "No, I actually came to my senses before that. Would you please come over?"
"Of course, Jane. I'll be right back after I take a shower."
She looked visibly relieved. "Great. I'll see you in a little bit. Thank you, Garrus, for giving me a chance." She turned and went in her quarters as a puzzled Garrus went in the elevator.
He shook his head, trying to figure out what this would be all about. "At any rate, she's being positive, so that's a good thing."