Hope you all enjoy, thank you for reading, and let me know what you think! It would very much be appreciated.

THEN: "You're saying darkCharlie is responsible for Charlie's memory losses." Cas observed. "As a way to protect her?"

"I don't know for sure, but... it sure seems to lean towards it.

Dean was silent during their conversation. His stomach had suddenly twisted into knots yet again with this newfound revelation about Charlie. His gut had been warning him of something impending. Something big. Things were now obviously in play that they knew nothing about.

NOW:

CHAPTER 14

Next morning..

"Charlie? You in here?" Dean called out as he peeked his head through a doorway opening.

It was yet another room where the Men of Letters stored artifacts and documents from days long past. The room was dark, save a small glow of light at the back. He slowly stepped through the threshold and briefly glanced at the shelving units lined up on opposite sides of the room creating a makeshift isle in between. He took to the isle and proceeded to head towards the light.

"Charlie?" Dean called out again. When Dean reached the back of the room he found Charlie sitting in a chair in front of an old wooden desk. Her labtop was open but only a screensaver logo aimlessly bounced around the screens edges. There were also several books on the table beside her, only one of which was open.

"Charlie?" Dean repeated. She hadn't moved a muscle since he found her. She was staring off into space her eyes blurred to the world around her and completely oblivious to his presence.

He touched her shoulder. "Charlie.. " Still nothing. He brushed a few strands of her hair behind her ear and knelt down beside her. Finally she turned towards him, her eyes registering his presence after a few moments.

"Dean?" She asked. Her face was flushed.

"You looked a million miles away." Dean observed worriedly. "Where were you?"

"I don't know." Charlie answered. "Spacing out, I guess." She glanced down at her labtop's screen and promptly closed it.

"What are you working on?" Dean asked as he looked over the books on the desk with a keener eye.

"Just trying to take my mind off of things." She said.

"Is it working?" Dean asked.

Charlie exhaled a long heavy breath. "Not really." She shook her head looking disheartened.

"What?" Dean asked softly.

"darkCharlie, that's what. I can't believe this is a thing now. It's like the cherry on a horriblely baked cake that's been dropped on the floor. Only this cherry is rotted and withered and just gross looking." She rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

"We're gonna find a way to fix this. I promise you." Dean told her.

Charlie's eyes drifted down to her hands. "I know you want to believe that."

"I do believe that. And you need to too." Dean said.

"Always trying to be the Knight in shining armor, aren't you? Kind of antiquated, don't ya think?" She said. "Besides, what if it's a promise that can't be kept?"

Dean remained quiet.

"The reality is, if I had remained gone, there would be nothing needed to fix. None of this would be happening." She observed flatly.

Dean scoffed. "No. You'd be dead and that would be the worst part."

Charlie eyed him. "For you or for me?"

Dean looked taken back by her comment.

Charlie shook her head with a humorless laugh. "The reality is.. that everything that happened that night has been stuck on repeat for me. You know that. I must have lived those moments a thousand times already and there's never an end in sight. And you know the part I'm having the hardest time with? That it's ALL my fault."

Dean was already adamantly shaking his head in disagreement before she even finished her sentence.

"I left that warehouse. I went to some rinky dink motel on the outskirts of nowhere knowing what dangers might be out there for me. I let Rowena get to me and I couldn't handle it. I needed somewhere where I could think straight and figure out that damn book... so I ran and ended up handing Styne the perfect opportunity… " Charlie argued.

"... no.. no.. no.. .. " Dean began.

"Yes, Dean..!" Charlie argued.

"No..Charlie..., " Dean said in a frustrated tone.

"If I had stayed put with Castiel it wouldn't have happened. Why can't you see that...?" Charlie .

"Stop!" Dean's voice was now raised. "Listen to me very carefully. Your only mistake is thinking that you are at fault. The REALITY is that you did nothing wrong. This is all on Styne! He is the only one whose responsible for his own actions. You sure as hell didn't ask for it AND you sure as hell didn't fucking deserve it!" Dean retorted.

Charlie stood up. "But my actions led to some pretty nasty consequences." She ran her fingers through her hair highly ftustrated. "I wouldn't be in this mess!"

Dean looked her squarely in the eyes and swallowed hard when he realized he wasn't getting through to her. She was taking everything that had happened and putting it squarely on her shoulders.

"Remember when I told you about when I came back from hell?" He asked her. I" wanted to give up because that's what I thought it would take to stop feeling all the pain, guilt, and shame. When I came back from the dead, I buried myself under my own blame. I was blamed myself for being weak when I was tortured. I blamed myself for breaking and being the key to jump starting the apocalypse. I was always walking around in the dark.. aimless. I saw no light. But by the grace of.. whatever.. I had people who did. I had a family who believed in me and who flat out refused to let me just give up..."

Dean's breathing was slightly labored. His emotions were swirling with such intensity at this point. Her thoughts and perspective were deeply concerning. Charlie was slipping into that same rabbit hole he barely escaped from all those years ago. He couldn't bare it.

"Please.. " He begged.

Dean stared back at her praying he was getting through to her, but when he saw a small tear trail down her cheek, he almost lost it. He desperately wanted to make Styne his punching bag. He wanted him to suffer in a way he should have made him suffer originally for killing her. Putting a bullet to Styne's head was too quick and too easy. And it wasnt anywhere near what Styne truly deserved.

He wiped her tear away with his fingers. All he saw was pain in her eyes. Oceans of it. And it was chipping away at him it hurt so much to see her this way. Gone were the genuine smiles she always had. Gone was the glimmer in her eyes when she had talked about the things that gave her joy or met up for a burger and shake at their favorite burger shack. Gone was the laughter they shared on so many occasions. He squeezed his eyes closed, in an attempt to garner some clarity but it was of no use. His emotions were suddenly messier than usual. He opened his eyes and found her blue eyes boaring into his, begging for some kind of solace. Some kind of relief. And it was in that moment he realized he had been missing her more than he ever thought was possible.

And in an incredibly impulsive moment he kissed her. And for the briefest of moments there was nothing but absolute silence. And for the briefest of moments he found his senses imploding.

Dean immediately pulled away gasping for air.

What the fuck?!, he thought.

All he could do was stare back at her his eyes wide and apologetic.

But to his surprise, she did something even more unbelievable. Charlie reached up and kissed him back. He felt a spark. In fact, he could see it in her face. She felt it too. And it blew Dean's mind.

"I'm so-s-s-orry... I don't k-know.. why... " Dean stuttered.

"Dean..." She murmured.

Dean barely heard her with his thoughts and emotions mercilessly bombarding him from all sides. He felt like his entire perspective on their current relationship and how they had interacted and related to one another up until that point just shifted in a massive way. His feelings began to unravel more quickly than he could contain them. It was alarming. Crazy confusing feelings spilled over in a rush. Unbelievable feelings. He wanted nothing more than to lose himself in another kiss and then another, again and again. And it left him physically shaken. Is this what if felt like to go crazy?

"It felt good." She said calmly and then stepped towards him.

Dean shook his head in embarrassment and could only look back at her incredibly apologetic and remorseful.

Charlie took his hand in hers and squeezed it. She stretched upward and kissed him again, her lips brushed against his.

"Charlie this is... this is.. " Dean stammered.

"What?" She asked.

"You're not in the right frame of mind...," He shook his head. "In fact, I don't think I am either. Plus, we bat for the same team, remember?" Dean said stupidly.

"Does it matter who I bat for when emotions are involved?" She smiled unexpectedly. "Besides, you kissed me first. Remember? Why?" She let the words hang in the air.

Dean had no words. He didn't know why he kissed her. He didn't understand why he had felt something. He was so confused by it all.

"You don't know, do you?" She leaned in close. "I'll tell you why. We're both walking around with so much anguish and emotional baggage ALL the time. Years later just you mentioning hell draws up all kinds of nasty trauma. I'd say we're kinda in the same emotional space right now. It's so unbearable. Why not share a few moments where we don't feel it for once? Be numb to it."

She placed her hand on his arm and pressed herself against him.

"I care about you and you care about me, right?" She asked.

Dean looked even more confused as his brain tried to sort through and catch up with what was happening in real time. He still couldn't believe he kissed her and even more blown away that she kissed him back.

She stretched upward towards him once more and kissed him. Dean involuntarily closed his eyes feeling her soft warm lips linger over his.

"What's wrong with having just one night where we can just let everything go." She whispered as her hand fell to his jeans waistband. "Throw caution to the wind... " She tugged on the button and her fingers rested on the zipper pull.

His eyes remained closed for a long moment trying to shove back down every sensation that seemed absolutely determined to run through his entire body.

"I know you want to." She coached as she began to unzip his jeans.

Dean shook his head from side to side, having regained his resolve. He opened his eyes and brought his hand down over hers stopping her from continuing.

"We can't. Not like this." Dean said firmly.

Her eyes narrowed. "Why? You obviously feel more than platonic towards me.. or else you wouldn't have kissed me." Charlie retorted.

Dean shook his head wondering how the hell he got himself into this situation. He pulled her hand from his jeans, almost reluctantly. "I don't.. know." He honestly felt lost.

Charlie took a small step back gazing at him rather perplexed. "I thought you'd go through with it. I really did." She commented.

Dean stared back at her completely confused again.

"Why didn't you take advantage? Like every other man would.. You could've had sex with her. God, knows you wanted to. I could tell that much." She said puzzled.

Dean's eyes widened slightly as a realization hit him like a ton of bricks. ".. you... " He whispered.

"Surpriseeeee." darkCharlie smiled wickedly.