A/N: here is next chapter, it's a pretty long and intense one, i hope you'll like it !

Thanks for reviewing, you're awesome

=)

Chapter 14:

When the bus dropped him back on Market St, Puck felt much better than the last time he was here. He had seen his family and they were all doing well. When he found himself in front of the Starbucks they lived above, he bought a coffee before heading upstairs eagerly.

Yet, when he entered the apartment there was no one. Puck shrugged it, they had probably decided to go swimming or something. Puck went to the kitchen to make a sandwich. He ate it quickly before going to his room to drop his bag.

But before he could reach his door he discovered that he was not alone. Kurt was laying on his bed, Puck got closer to see that his eyes were red and puffy as well as his nose.

"Kurt, 'you okay ?" He inquired quickly.

"Go away, I don't want to see you." Kurt said in an angry tone. Puck was taken aback by the tone.

"What the fuck,Kurt ?"

" I don't fuckin' want to talk you ! Go away " Kurt said before turning his back to him, but Puck would not give up so easily. He walked towards the other side of the bed to face him again. He knelt down for his head to be just in front of Kurt's.

"What have I done ? Did someone hurt you ?"

"You're the one who hurt me Puck !" This statement hurt Puck deep down, the use of his name in Kurt's mouth was like blades through his skin.

"What did I do ?"

"Couldn't you just mind your own business for once ? Why did you have to go and talk to him ?" Kurt was now crying.

"Did Keith hurt you ?" Puck inquired hastily.

"What do you think he's done Puck ? I'm here crying like a baby and you ask me if he hurt me ?"

"What has he done to you ?"

"Last week was so perfect, it felt like heaven. Three days ago he took me to a musical and that was the best thing I had ever seen in my life. Then we went back home and he was still so nice and charming. But when we entered our room he undressed and laid me on the bed. But he didn't want the same things as usual and I … I still wasn't ready. I told him and we argued, he said that I was not normal if I didn't want it and that there was no need to be together if I didn't put out. That night I slept on the couch. The following day he went back from uni and I told him that I was sorry, that I didn't want to upset him. He told me that it was okay if I did something to make it up to him. So I gave him hea-"

"What ? You did it ? This sick bastard is dead !" Puck said angrily. Kurt glared at him.

"That's not all. When I was done he told me that it was the best blowjob he had ever had. He kissed me before telling me that … It still wasn't enough and that we could not go on if I didn't put out." Kurt cried again, Puck winced a every word, all he wanted was to beat the asshole's head. " I begged him to keep me I was devastated but then he told me that his... his ex boyfriend was back in town and that he had been seeing him for a week. I asked him what he meant by seeing him and he answered that at least this guy put out and that he just saw him."

"I am so gonna kill this guy !" Puck stated. Keith was the biggest bastard in the world, he had just fucked his fuckin' ex boyfriend and he asked Kurt to blow him before breaking up with him.

"He then told me that he had been thinking of breaking up for a few days and that you had helped him to make up his mind." Kurt said glaring at Puck.

"Me ?"

"He told me everything you told him and you're such an asshole ! I can't believe you did that !" Kurt said pretty angry.

"You know what ? I'm glad I helped him he was bad to you Kurt, you didn't see it but he was."

"He wasn't ! He was the best boyfriend ever and you just made him go away !" Kurt accused.

"Kurt he wasn't, he wasn't at all. He used you, he was nothing but bad to you."

"He didn't use me, he told me he loved me." Puck tried to fight back tears as Kurt said these words. He sounded so hurt, so desperate.

"Come here." Puck said motioning to come closer for a hug, but Kurt didn't move.

"It's your fault, I don't want to touch you !"

"Look Kurt I don't want to remind you all the bad things he did but I swear he didn't love you, he told you this for you to stay with him and do what he wanted that's all."

"You know what ?" Kurt asked and he looked at Puck with a stare the mohawk guy had never seen, it was pure hatred. " I understand why Max made fun of your name, Puck is fuckin' ridiculous !"

There was venom in his voice and something broke inside of Puck. He looked at Kurt one last time, stood up and left. He had never thought the day would come when even Kurt would tell him the worst things. He had been calling him Puck for the whole conversation and just that hurt Puck. But the last thing he told him was pure hatred.

Puck walked to Union Square to wait for the right time to take the next bus. He sat on a bench and couldn't fight back the tears that came to his eyes. He felt as hurt as the first time Max raped him.

Kurt had been the only person able to make him forget about everything, he had been the one to give him the strength and courage he needed not to give up and what he just did was the last straw he needed to make him give up.

Puck wasn't really waiting for the time to take the bus, he was just sitting there. He had no idea of the time he had spent on the bench, maybe an hour, maybe more.

"Noah I'm sorry." Kurt said as he sat next to Puck. He tried to hug him but Puck pushed him back.

"So now it's Noah ? Fuck you Kurt." He turned his head to the other side.

" I'm sorry I was mad at you. I never meant it I swear." Puck didn't say anything. " I swear I just wanted you to … to suffer a little like I suffered." Not only had Kurt said it on purpose but he really meant to make him suffer. "Noah talk to me please." Kurt was crying, it was pathetic but Puck would not take pity on him this time. "If you don't want to talk to me anymore I think I'll go back to Lima, I have nothing left here."

"All I did was to fuckin' help you, it was to protect you, this guy was more than a jerk. He used you, showed you around for everyone to see that you were his and at the end of the day he used you as a fuckin' sex toy ! I told him all those things for him to change his behavior. Yes I hoped he would dump you because you deserved so much better, but now that I saw what you were able to do I think you're just like him." Puck knew that the mix between anger and crying was also pathetic but he didn't mind at all.

" I … I know and I don't deserve you to forgive me but please don't leave. I'll do anything you want but don't leave me please."

Puck had promised to Burt that he would take care of Kurt and never abandon him. And, even if Kurt had deeply hurt him, Puck could not resolve himself to hate him. He stood up and started to walk back towards Bush St, he knew Kurt was following but he never said a word. When they were in the living room Puck turned to Kurt.

"And stop fuckin' talking to me as if I were Keith, you don't need to do anything for me to forgive you okay ?" Puck said severely before storming to his room.

Puck heard Kurt following him and when he closed his room door he heard the boy sitting against it. He did not want to talk to him right now, he just laid on his bed and closed his eyes. He knew he could not stay mad at Kurt for ever, he liked the boy too much for that, but he was really hurt. There was no cure for this kind of wounds. Well, yes there had been one but since Kurt was the one hurting him, he could not cure him.

When he woke up, Puck was still feeling like crap. He hadn't had the little moment of daze when you don't know what happened before falling asleep. He knew directly. Puck stood up and walked to the door, hoping he would be alone.

When he opened the door he found a sleeping Kurt lying on the floor. There were tears drop tracks on his cheeks and Puck could no longer stay mad at him. He grabbed him in his arms and held him to his bed like a little child. Kurt too had been through hard time, what Keith had done to him was unacceptable. When he looked at the smaller boy sleeping and thought about what he had been through Puck only wanted to hunt Keith down to rip his head off.

"What are you doing ?" Kurt asked, Puck was looking at him but hadn't noticed when he had opened his eyes.

"Thinking of a way to rip Keith's head off without putting too much blood on the carpet." Puck answered honestly.

"I'm really sorry Noah." Kurt said, he sat up and hugged Puck tightly. Puck let himself go into the hug. " I hate myself for what I said I could never forgive myself." Kurt was crying. Puck hugged him tighter.

"Instead of hating yourself you should hate Keith, he truly deserves to be hated." Puck said.

" I truly deserve it too and you know that." Kurt answered.

"No you don't, you're a good person, even if you made a mistake doesn't mean you deserve to hate yourself for that." Puck tried to explain

"You can't forgive me so easily." Kurt said sadly.

"i never said I forgave you. But I can't stay mad at you. Even less when someone like Keith hurt you. And I promised your dad I'd look after you." Puck explained. Kurt looked at him with a strange look that Puck could not define, but it wasn't a negative one.

" I … thank you Noah, I don't deserve your kindness."

"Let's think about the way we'll make Keith regret of being born." Puck said, wanting to avoid an emotional conversation.

"It's not his entire fault, I've been-"

"Don't you say that !" Puck shouted outraged. "There's no problem in not being ready. And the asshole fuckin' cheated on you." Kurt winced at Puck's words. "And what he made you do him after fucking his ex boyfriend makes me want him to meet Max !"

"Why are you so protective of me Noah ? You've suffered ten times more than me and even I hurt you."

"Because you've helped me more than anyone and that you're the only one who makes me forget what happened to me when we're together." Puck admitted, Kurt blushed.

"That's why you left isn't it ? Because I didn't have time for you ? You said you weren't happy anymore and you had nightmares." Puck nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't notice you were feeling this bad. I shouldn't have neglected you." Kurt said.

"You know that it's not supposed to be that way, right ?" Puck asked.

"What are you talking about ?"

"Your relationship with Keith." Kurt paused to think about it.

"I … I never had a boyfriend before and he was very affectionate to me."

"But it's not how it's supposed to be. He knew that you didn't know how it worked that's why he used you. He was being really nice and all to you, and that was enough for you. But in a normal relationship both are equal and-"

"We were equal !" Kurt shouted.

"No you weren't, he tried to make you believe that you were but I saw you and heard you. He was always making you believe that you owed him something. He came back home, dragged you in his room without even asking you and you did what he wanted. That's not what I call equality."

"But he said that I did it perfectly." Kurt argued.

"And ? Is that a reason for not giving you pleasure ? I was next to your room Kurt and I heard him come every night while you only came once." Kurt blushed. "Don't be ashamed it's a natural thing." Puck said.

"Can I ask you a question ?" Kurt asked.

"Spill"

"You kinda … Before going to juvie you were used to having sex a lot. But since you're here I never saw you checking out a girl. Has what the guy did to you disgusted you or something ?" Puck smiled.

"Not at all it's just that I haven't seen any attractive girls yet."

"You know it's wrong, I maybe gay but even I know that the two girls who live here are attractive and there are plenty others in the streets." Kurt stated.

Puck froze when he realized that Kurt was true, but he had never been attracted in this way to the girls. He hadn't felt the need to have sex since he got out of juvie. Never. Except for when he had heard the two guys in bed.

" I don't really know. I think I just need time." Puck answered quickly. " I think I'm gonna have a walk." He added before heading out.

Puck wandered around the city for most part of the night. He was unconsciously looking for Keith.

He could never forgive the guy for what he had done to Kurt. True, Puck knew that Keith had never been in love with Kurt, but he had thought that he had at least some kind of affection towards the boy. But there was none. All he had always wanted was to fuck Kurt. He had tried many ways of getting him, asking him, forcing him, charming him. And the last one was blackmailing him. The worst of all was that Kurt didn't seem to blame Keith for what he had done. He almost blamed himself. He had once thought that Keith would not hurt Kurt on purpose but the last thing he had done to Kurt was just cruel. What hurt Puck the most was that Kurt had blamed it all on him. As though Puck was the one to blame for all the shit Keith had done to him. Kurt would rather hate Puck than Keith, and while Kurt hadn't told anything to Keith he had said the worst thing to Puck.

It hurt Puck pretty badly for he had always been there for Kurt, had tried to make him see sense in his relationship. But Kurt was a romantic guy and he might have always dreamed of a perfect first boyfriend, but he had found the biggest asshole ever. The boy deserved the perfect romance he had always dreamed of, he was a really good guy. And they were in San Francisco there should be a lot of gay guys waiting for Kurt. Kurt just had to step outside alone and tens of guys would jump on him.

But Puck didn't like the idea at all. He was supposed to protect Kurt and couldn't if the boy walked by himself and fell for the first guy that told him he was cute. He was so innocent that it was really easy to hurt him. Puck really liked Kurt's innocence but he hated the fact that people could take advantage of it.

When he came back home he jumped in bed and fell asleep. His dreams were terrible that night. At first he pictured Kurt lying next to him on the beach, and this was really pleasant. But then Kurt went closer to whisper in his ear and he said awful things. He told him that he would end up alone because no one would want him after what happened to him. That he was just disgusting and hugging him was torture since he was dirty. He told him that he deserved what he got, that it was karma for making Kurt's life hell during all those years. Puck was unable to move he listened to Kurt and believed in each word the boy said.

When he woke up there were tears in his eyes. He wondered if what he dreamed of was the truth. Kurt had apologized millions of times for what he said but maybe it was because he just didn't want to be left alone. Puck stood up and went to the living room feeling like shit. He sat there, it was 6 in the morning, he had only slept one hour.