AN: Hello! This one took a little lonmger than I wanted to perfect, but I'm finally happy with where it ended up. Hopefully, you guys are as well. I think this will be the last update until after the New Year so I hope everyone has a happy holidays! Please let me know what you think if you have the time and forgive any errors you find. Thank you!
The space in the town center was alive with joy. A rainbow of paper lanterns and colored lights hung from every building, many people adorned with beads and vibrant kaftans as they laughed in merriment at the revelry around them, enjoying the company they kept while dining on an eclectic mix of street food the numerous food stands provided. Various bands of differing ages and skill were playing on any space of sidewalk not occupied by throngs of people gyrating along to whatever beat grabbed them. Music and dance were the highlight of Junkanoo, a celebration recognizing the end of slavery that dated back hundreds of years ago. It was so popular in their part of the Caribbean that different islands celebrated Junkanoo at different times of the year to spread out the massive crowds that flocked to the region to partake in the festivities. Arbor Bay's fell at the start of summer season, when the tourists began coming in droves, which meant their small community would be quite packed for the near future. And truth be told, Will had never himself been a huge fan of the weekend-long party. He had always been someone happier to be sitting around a quiet beach campfire at nighttime with a few select friends instead of shuffling his way through crowds of people, the echoes of metal drums ringing in his ears for hours afterwards. Still, it made his daughter happy and to see Lucy smiling, like she was now, he'd do far worse things in this world than while away the coming twilight with a bunch of strangers.
It was, in fact, that bright smile that had him spending money to toss a ball at milk cans just to win a cheap, oversized stuffed frog. With Lucy and some of his mates cheering him on, he finally got his daughter's prize and she beamed up at him, pushing his heart to the point of exploding. He didn't know how much longer he'd get to be her hero and he wanted to soak up every drop. Especially now that, thanks to Hank and the promise of a steadier income, he could afford some of the little luxuries they had had to sacrifice before.
"So what's his name, Miss Lucy?" Gibbs asked her as their small group made their way away from the games, through the square and to the fabled dessert buffet that Elizabeth had been planning for a month.
Lucy chewed thoughtfully on her pretzel and studied the green monstrosity under her arm. "Bertie," she finally declared. "Short for Bertram."
"Ah," the older man said in embellished admiration while he shrugged his shoulders in confusion at Will over her head, Pintel and Ragetti sniggering behind them. "A fine moniker for your new friend."
"Thank you!" She blew him a sloppy kiss and they all laughed, ever charmed by her as they had all been since she was baby.
Will was smoothing a hand down her long hair when Jack leaned in close to him, the stench of liquor on his breath almost potent enough to water Will's eyes. "Say, whelp? We aren't allowin' her any input into the name of the new wee one, are we?"
"No," Will assured him. "I don't get any either, though. Apparently, Elizabeth already has it picked out."
"And that don't worry you none? What if she gives your boy a name that would make pansies pity him?"
They were close enough to line of tables – piled high with sweets like mango tarts, coconut and passionfruit crumble, and miniature molten chocolate cakes topped with candied orange slices – to make out Anamaria and Elizabeth ahead of them. Even as throngs of people moved slowly down along the length, sampling bites of pastry and pudding, it was easy to spot both women: Elizabeth was trying to serve people as efficiently as possible with the rest of the staff of Dulzura, a sweet smile gracing her face while Anamaria was busy either taking pictures of the event or pointing to Elizabeth and lavishing what looked like bountiful praise on her star baker, all of it deserved. Will knew how hard she had pushed herself for this event and judging by how fast the platters had to be refilled, her work was greatly appreciated.
"I think it's a girl," Will heard himself say to Jack, feeling his mouth curl upward as he watched her playfully shake off Anamaria's arm from her shoulder, "and I trust her."
"Trust, eh?" Jack elbowed him lightly in the ribs. "Is that what you kids are callin' it these days?"
Lucy tugged on his arm before he could reply. "Daddy, can we go see Elizabeth?"
"Sweetheart, she's busy taking care of everyone right now. We can say hello later."
"But I hardly got to see her today," she whined, sticking out her lower lip for good measure. "And she needs to meet Bertie."
Will smiled but held firm. "She'll see him later. Besides, you've got about a thousand bites left of that pretzel before you can get a treat for dessert."
The fall from hero to villain was swift in a child's mind. With a long-suffering sigh, she turned her sights on Gibbs. "Can you please take me to see the man with the baby alligator again? I'd ask Daddy, but he's not nice anymore."
"Of course," Gibbs told her after he received Will's nod of approval, leading her away, with Pintel and Raggetti arguing nonsensically as they followed into the crowd. "Do you know I once fell asleep on a fishing boat off the coast of Florida and woke up in a swamp? Blasted gators would've had me for breakfast if I hadn't…"
Will was still laughing at the mesmerized look on his daughter's face as she hung on Gibbs's every word when Elizabeth briefly caught his eye. He waved jovially at her; however instead of returning it, she simply smiled politely and averted her gaze as quickly as possible. To the world, she was seemingly trying to keep her focus on her work, but Will knew differently, and his spirit sank as his fears were confirmed, frowning and silently cursing his selfish stupidity.
He had simply been trying to put her to bed for a restful sleep last night. His intentions had been purely honorable as he crossed the threshold of her room, even with Elizabeth's soft breath against his neck driving him to distraction. Not that she was to blame in the least. This one was squarely on Will's shoulders. He just hadn't been able to help himself. Letting her slide out of his arms into her own bed had been damn near impossible; trying to fight the urge to finally lay his hand on their child was asking too much, especially after restraining himself all these weeks from doing so, for fear of making Elizabeth uncomfortable. Knowing the risk he was taking, he watched helplessly as she curled on her side and nestled her body into the mattress, her stomach all but beckoning him to come and say hello. Waiting for a moment to make sure she was asleep, he sat down and laid a slightly shaking palm on her midsection, immediately biting back a laugh of delight at the firm, rounded skin he could feel through her shirt.
There you are, he had thought in wonder, imaging his arm the line that could connect his musings to his unborn daughter. I'm your dad. There's…There's a lot I want to tell you, but not now. Your mum needs her rest. Just keep growing in there, safe and sound, so we can meet in person, okay?
Somehow, he had found the strength to leave her, every cell in his body begging him to lay down and pull them both to him. He had hoped that her dogged commitment to her work that days prior would have worn Elizabeth down enough so she hadn't noticed his presence, but of course it hadn't. Not with his luck. Now, she thought him some freakish pervert that wanted to maul her at all hours of the day.
Seeing her use a dishtowel to gently dab a bit of sweat off her collarbone, his body's reaction told him she wasn't too far off the mark. Groaning, he turned away before he could embarrass himself.
"Why so glum, chum?" Jack asked, steering him towards a nearby row of picnic tables close enough to smell the sweet aromas from the buffet and parking them at an empty one. "Trouble in PG-rated paradise?" His disdainful glare did little to dissuade the older man. "Ho, ho! Looks like Uncle Jackie was right regardin' complications about sharin' quarters with the fairer sex."
"Sod off."
Jack smirked and took a swill from his flask of rum. "Told you you'd regret movin' her in with you."
"I don't," Will denied at once. "Not for a second. It's just…"
"Complicated?" Jack offered unhelpfully, wagging his eyebrows.
Will scowled and pointed to the flask. "Please drink that a bit faster, won't you? Some of us are quite eager for the cirrhosis to kick in."
"Well, if it did, young Master Turner, you'd be quite bereft; for who would you then go to for advice over your quandaries with the Lady Swann?"
"And I should take advice from you because…?"
"I've lived with a woman for near ten years now and she lets me see her naked," he explained matter-of-factly, raising his drink in a toast towards Anamaria's direction.
Damn him!
Feeling his neck redden, Will studied the scored wood until he found the courage to ask, "So, if I wanted it, what would you tell me?"
"Somethin' simple. Tried and true throughout the history of mankind." Jack paused to polish off the last of his rum with a smack of his lips before he said, "Shag her."
"Jack…"
"Just shag her. Take her home, put the wee one to bed, and bend your bonny lass over the kitchen table."
"This, for the record, is why I don't ask you for advice."
"My plan's brilliant, unless we are to assume that your, quite frankly, blatant hunger for her abates the more this pregnancy goes on." His leer bordered on lecherous. "How's your appetite been lately?"
"Again, sod off," Will told him, running a tired hand over his face, grateful his back was to Elizabeth. Bit by bit, the more she slowly grew along with their baby, the more his libido waged an all-out war with his conscious. There was just something about seeing her now; that tiny little bump she sported so gracefully was an inescapable reminder of their incredible time together. He remembered all the ways he had had her that night and how a part of him had kept hoping that the sun wouldn't start to rise with the morning, so he'd never have to let her go. That bump told him, however foolheartedly it seemed, that there had been an instance when she had wanted him, just Will, as a man and not the father of her child.
It was proof that – for however brief a time – Elizabeth had been his
Jack winked when Will answered him with only silence, very proud of himself. "Ravenous, I see. Go shag that pretty woman rotten. All your problems shall disappear, my friend."
Will shook his head, unable to stop his chuckle. "You're daft."
"No, that would be you. A gorgeous, fiery woman, who we already know from past experience is willin' to let you climb on top of her, sleeps literal feet away from you every night and yet, your sheets grow colder still. Tell me how erudite that makes you feel."
"It's not like that," Will explained, trying to ignore his blood heating at the images Jack's words were invoking. "She's…I mean, we're not interested in anything like that. We're just friends. That's as complicated as it can be."
"Ah, you'd think that, wouldn't you? But what happens when the delectable Lady McKendrick finally finds her dear friend suitable lodgin' and she's no longer torturing you under your own roof? Or better still, several months from now, when the new lass or lad makes their grand entrance?" His dark eyes turned serious. "I know you, William. Convince me that you won't lose your sanity havin' to go days in between seein' your newborn babe."
The twist in his gut almost made him wince and he let out a deep breath to ease it. The notion of not seeing Elizabeth's sparkling smile every day was disturbing enough, but not being able to wake up to his child's happy gurgling over the baby monitor or hold her close after a feeding or stand over her crib to watch her sleep would be unchecked agony. It made him want to rip his hair out just imagining it; the reality would be tenfold.
"What can I do?" Will asked after a long moment. The noise and merriment surrounding them was nonexistent. He was merely a boy again, sitting at a table with Jack, eating beans and toast, and asking the man what would become of his life.
Only he stood to lose so much more this time if he made a mistake.
"Well," Jack began, folding his hands as if in deep thought, "my tremendous intuitive sense of the female creature leads me to believe that, perhaps, in this instance, she might appreciate knowing how you actually feel about her before she makes any drastic decisions."
"Look, even if I did…feel something deeper for her-"
"If! If, he says!"
"-it wouldn't matter." His eyes followed his nail tracing the grain of the wood. "She doesn't want anything more from me."
"And how have we arrived at that particular conclusion?"
"It's been weeks, Jack. We've been with each other every day. I know she gives herself ten extra minutes to leave the house because she can never find her keys; I know she starts humming whenever she's reading something; I know she keeps writing to her father, even though the bastard doesn't deserve it, and I know that no matter how many times I've tried to get her to let me in, to let me…" He shrugged, defeated. "I can't get her to open up to me."
"Aye, I see. Well, that proverbial nut seems much trickier to crack. Perhaps amorous relations are not the path to tread." Jack nodded to himself before he started as if something had just occurred to him. "Say, you never did tell me: how did Elizabeth react to findin' out Bootstrap was your old man?"
A spike of anger shot through him imagining which of his friends – his family – had betrayed him by letting it slip. "Excuse me? What are you -?"
"Ah ha! So she doesn't know then?"
"Of course not. Why would I tell her-?"
"That's a funny thing, isn't it, with you wantin' her to be so forthcomin' to you about her innermost thoughts and feelings and all while you get to pick and choose what to share with her."
Will frowned in annoyance. "It's not the same."
"How'd you figure?"
"Because it's bad enough that she came here knowing I was a cad that took out his frustrations with random club hookups," he began, almost shuddering at what Elizabeth must have thought of him; it couldn't be nearly as disgusting as what he had thought of himself. "I don't want to give her any other reasons to doubt her decision by introducing the alcoholic scoundrel her child's going to share genetics with, especially when he's just going to drift away and disappear for a year or two soon."
"He hasn't drifted too far away lately," Jack pointed out. "He's come back more and more since he's gotten sober."
"It won't last. It never does with him."
Jack smiled grimly, always amazed at the younger man's propensity for belief in the good of most people, except when it came to his own father. "It must be nice livin' in a world of absolutes: Bootstrap will never change, so you won't even make an effort to forgive him; Lucy will never accept you in a relationship, so you wouldn't ever put yourself out there; and Elizabeth – the woman who left unimaginable wealth and comfort to come to this amoeba of a rock to raise her child with you – can't be trusted to separate the man Bootstrap was from the man you are today, so you decide to lie by omission in an attempt to give her reasons not to doubt you."
He didn't remember when it occurred to him exactly, but Will was convinced ages ago that Jack could easily rule the world if he ever sobered up long enough. The wannabe pirate's words resonated throughout his mind, pinging around and against Will's own. Not about Bootstrap; Will had concluded years earlier that there was no room for rational thought when it came to him. What Jack had said about Elizabeth, though, gave him pause. Was that why she was holding herself back from him, because a part of her sensed that, as welcoming as he thought he had been since her arrival, he still had his walls up? Could the key to breaking past hers be shattering his own? It seemed plausible. There were times when he thought he could see in her eyes that something was struggling to come out and be heard. Maybe she needed him to take that first step.
But what if seeing the real him, the scared child who held those he loved almost too close for fear he'd lose them forever that lived deep beneath the shell of his adulthood, destroyed whatever small modicum of faith she might have in him? What if it put her off enough that she finally confirmed his worst fears and fled?
How would he survive losing her and their baby?
How would Lucy survive losing Elizabeth in her life?
"Why is he looking so morose?" An unwanted but familiar voice rang in his ears and Will bit back a sigh as Bria slithered next to Jack, keeping herself plastered to his side, leaning in close to whisper deviously, "Oh no, did he manage to impregnate someone else before he came here tonight?"
Jack laughed uproariously at Bria's audaciousness while Will struggled to keep his temper in check. Throughout her seemingly endless visit, he'd had to endure all manner of comments from her on subjects ranging from his home ("Hovels would look at this place and weep") to his furniture ("It's sweet that you let blind people decorate this little shack") to his car ("Why don't you put the poor thing out of its misery?") to the innumerable ways she insulted his daughter; as Lucy, for whatever reason, adored her and paid her no mind, Will let those slide, but Bria's underlining message was made abundantly clear. As it happened, Will agreed with her completely:
He wasn't good enough for Elizabeth.
This remote island town, the house they lived in, his whole life in general was something less than what she deserved. It was a fact he had accepted long ago. What the unrelenting Scotswoman failed to notice was how hard he had been working to rise above what he had now; to give Elizabeth, Lucy, and the baby more. It might not be a manor house in the English countryside or a high-rise overlooking London, but it would be something that he earned himself, not something he had been handed. He could only hope that meant more to Elizabeth than it did to her friend. And as overbearing as Bria McKendrick had been since her arrival, it was easy to see how much she adored Elizabeth and how much she meant to Elizabeth in return. It was why, despite her determination to get him to do so, he couldn't hate her.
Although she did seem to enjoy testing his resolve, especially when she was in Jack's company.
"Dear William is in deep contemplation over the state of his affairs, true, but let us move on to more pleasant conversation," Jack said to her. "For instance, how are you enjoyin' the fine hospitality of our little fine and fancy to-do?"
If possible, she moved closer to him, her red hair brushing close to his cheek as she pouted. "Well, it's positively dreadful. I've been here for ten whole minutes and I haven't found a handsome man to buy me a drink yet."
He placed a loud, lingering kiss on her hand and Will felt nausea settle low in stomach. "Captain Jack Sparrow shall remedy that at once, m'lady," he said, bowing to her as he stood to retrieve her something potent. Immediately, she pulled out her phone and stared into the screen, flicking through it and letting Will sit in an ever-growing awkward silence that he finally had to break.
"Thank you, again, for sitting with Elizabeth earlier. I really am grateful that…" The derisive snort she gave him made clear that his gratitude hadn't been a factor and he shut his mouth. It struck him then that this was the first time in her weeks here that they were truly alone. Elizabeth was usually there as a buffer. She and Bria almost had their own private language when they spoke, thanks to all their years together.
The thought gave Will an idea. More than likely, she'd probably rebuff him, but this might also be a chance to gain a small bit of insight into the woman that had so upended his world. He'd have to tread carefully, though, and offer up some rather false platitudes that Bria probably wouldn't buy for a second.
Good thing she already hates you then, he thought, steadying himself.
"So," he began with an overly-pleasant smile, "have you had a good visit so far?"
Without taking her eyes off her phone, she replied, "Please don't do this. You'll embarrass yourself."
"Do what?"
"Be nice and polite before you start flattering me about what a wonderful friend I am to Lizzie, and how glad you are that she's had me here as a balm from home, and how you'd like to do more for her, but she's just so skittish about being personal with you that you'd hope, for her sake, that because I know her better than the back of my hand, I'd give you some answers on the test." She started typing out a text as Will sat there, agape. "About right?"
Wonderful! She's annoying to boot and now she's psychic. How much longer until she climbs back on her broom for London?
"Um, look I wasn't…I wasn't trying to…" Flummoxed, he could only shake his head. "How the hell did you know that?!"
"Because," she said with a small smile, "unlike some people on this island, I am decidedly not a stupid person. Truthfully, I am just a lawyer who's paid quite well to argue and get information from people, hence I am good at reading them and you, Sexy Bar Man, have almost as terrible of a poker face as Lizzie does."
"Well, I just…wait, 'Sexy Bar Man'?"
"Aye, that's what I call you most of the time."
"I-I have a proper name. I'm not sure I appreciate-"
"Then you can probably imagine how much I appreciated you having unsafe sex with my best girl and altering the course of her entire life." Bria said blithely, still focused on her phone.
So that was how it was going to be. Logically, he couldn't hold her anger against her. Everything she said was true. His only concern in the bedroom over the Pearl had been to feel Elizabeth's body around him in every position imaginable, not about protecting her in any way. If a man had done that to Anamaria, he knew his reaction would have been markedly more violent than Bria's; that she had restrained herself to cutting remarks and scowls this whole time was a testament to her self-control. However, no matter how justified her loathing of him was, he wouldn't nail himself to the cross over it.
"I'm not sorry it happened," he said slowly. She gave no indication she heard him, but he continued, "I'm sorry that Elizabeth has sacrificed so much, including seeing you all the time, but you'll never be able to make me feel guilty about that night. I love that baby more and more every single day. There's nothing anyone could say or do to make me wish her unmade."
Finally, deliberately, her sharp eyes met his for a long moment, studying him as the moon rose above them and the festival began bringing in more revelers, the noise hovering around the invisible bubble they had built for themselves. "You do know that Lizzie thinks the bairn's a boy," she eventually said.
"Yeah, well, I just think it'd be nice for Lucy to have a little sister." He smiled, pleased that they could speak of something pleasant. "Girls aren't all that scary."
Her answering smile was less sweet and far more predatory. "We really are, but then again, if I was a man with your kind of daddy issues, I'd probably find the idea of a son terrifying too."
He might as well be whirling around on a carnival ride with the breakneck pace his head was getting whipped around in this conversation. "W-What do you…?"
"Nice guy, your dad is. Lizzie seems like she's taken a shine to him. Something about you Turners that just melts her heart." At his staggered expression, she laughed a bit. "Don't fret, I'm not a bloody mind reader. None of your friends blabbed or anything, and you can rest assured that she won't be finding out who that friendly old man crashing at Jack's really is from my luscious lips. Contrary to popular belief, I actually do know when to hold my tongue. This is something she should hear from you. Not that I won't enjoy it a little when it blows up in your face."
Will had no interest in hearing what would bring her joy. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw that Elizabeth was paying them no mind, too absorbed in making sure the people of Arbor Bay had their collective sweet tooth satisfied, as he leaned in close to harshly whisper, "What kind of fucking game are you playing?"
"Such language in front of a lady," she mocked gasped, leaning in with him. "I have half a mind to tell-"
"How do you know about Bootstrap?"
"Funny name, that is. How'd he get it? Some weird fetish thing?"
"Bria, what the hell do you think you know about me?!"
"Everything." Her eyebrow – perfectly plucked and trimmed – arched, her eyes narrowed, and she continued, "Did you honestly believe I would just let the person I love more than anything in this world move in with a stranger who excels at one-night stands with bar trollops? Never in a million years, unless I knew she'd be safe with you. Which is why I ran a thorough background check on you before I let her get on that plane."
Fucking A, he thought, his head well and truly spinning now at being a subject to such an invasion of privacy. He might as well be sitting in front of her starkers. The pair of brass ones on her! She's…She's…Hang on. She did let her get on the plane. She saw all the bad bits of me that I've been trying to keep from Elizabeth and she still let her come. Does that mean…?
"So, I guess I wasn't that scary then, was I?" At her frowning silence, he fortified himself with false confidence and clarified, "If you let Elizabeth move down here, then that means that there wasn't anything particularly scary. There's nothing that showed I would ever treat her unkindly or put her safety in jeopardy-"
"Now someone who's seen as much time in a police station as you have shouldn't be making those assumptions."
"That was years ago. I was an angry kid and I outgrew it." He smirked slightly, expectantly, when she had no retort. "You know I'm not a terrible guy. You've watched me like a hawk since you got here. I may not be a duke or a banker raking in cash by the hour, but I'm not a monster. Right?"
They stared each other down, neither giving an inch, until the redhead's nose scrunched slightly in distaste. "I suppose there are those who believe it would be reasonable to infer that," Bria ultimately admitted, begrudgingly, rolling her thin phone between her fingers. Just as Will's shoulders started to relax, assured that on some level Elizabeth's best friend trusted him to take care of her, Bria's eyes left him, along with any sense of standing he felt had won back in their battle. "Except, I do have one question."
"Just one?"
"Well, it's a humdinger of a question, so we'll count it for eight."
"What is it then?"
For the first time since they had met, Bria looked to him with what Will could only describe as sympathy and he tried, unsuccessfully, to brace himself. "Why didn't you go through with Lucy's adoption?" Bria asked him.
His lungs forgot their function for a quick second, but he recovered with a shaking breath, his hand gripping the wood tightly to hold himself back from punching it through the table. He tried never to think about that horrific time when he had almost altered the course of his own life and Lucy's, let alone discuss it with someone who was basically a stranger to him.
"How did you…?" Will managed to ask without his voice cracking.
"My specialty is family law. I know what the paperwork to terminate parental rights looks like."
"I never signed them," Will said adamantly.
"You still had them drawn up. There's still records. They don't disappear just because you changed your mind."
"Don't do that," he almost growled, furious that she was dredging all this back up, but not nearly as furious as he still was with himself. "Don't you dare make it seem like I was returning a television or some bullshit like that. You have no idea what making that decision was like for me."
"So explain it to me."
"Why? What the hell does something I almost did six years ago mean to the here and now?"
"Because as you pointed out, my best girl sacrificed a lot to come here, for you, and if there is even a chance in one million that you're going to get scared and run off on her and that child, then I-"
Will stood suddenly with enough force to shake the table. Taking a deep breath to collect himself, he bent down until his nose was almost touching Bria's, the woman not backing away, the fire in her eyes matching his own. "You can think whatever the hell you want about me," he began, his voice low and dangerous. "You can think that I'm uncivilized. You can think I'm beneath your time and energy. You can insult and degrade everything that I've worked every moment of my adult life to earn, but you will understand one thing, Lady McKendrick: I will never, ever abandon either of my children and I won't tolerate anyone who implies that I would."
He nearly ran Jack and the man's two huge novelty daiquiris over as he turned and stalked far away, ignoring Jack's attempts to call him back. Deep down, he knew that there was no chance he would ever strike a woman, yet the temptation had been so strong with Bria just now that he felt like fleeing was the safest option for them both.
Once again, he briefly caught Elizabeth's eye as she continued serving. This time, he was the one that looked away when he saw the look of concern marring her lovely face. For the first time since they had met, Will had no desire to drink in her beauty. He had more pressing needs as he fought his way through the crowd, fighting against memories inside his head that he had long tried to suppress…
The overhead ceiling fan rotated loudly, but Lucy was apparently sleeping through it, nary a peep coming from her carrier where it sat beside him on the plush beige carpet. The sun-filled office he was sitting in was the nicest one Will could ever remember being in, but he imagined Mr. Cullum, the lawyer he was meeting with, made a far more decent living than Will could. In fact, he knew it for sure. That lack of income was, after all, one of the main reasons he was in this office to begin with.
He hated being here.
He hated himself for being here.
He especially hated, though, that he had his daught-
"Stop thinking of her like that," he ordered himself in a whisper, bowing his head and looking anywhere else except that carrier. "Just sign the papers when he comes back, hand her over, and get out of here."
It had been his mantra for weeks now, almost since the moment he had come home to find Lucy alone and screaming in her crib, a hastily scribbled note from Rebecca sitting on the bedside table. She'd left her to Will, knowing that he'd do what was best for her.
Even if it meant saying goodbye so she could have a chance at a better life than he could give her.
Except he hadn't yet. Said his goodbyes, that is. Throughout the back and forth calls with Mr. Cullum, to packing up her few belongings from the house, to watching Jack and Anamaria kiss her one last time before he had boarded the ferry to Kingston an hour ago with her; he had hardly been able to look at the baby, let alone speak to her. Yet even louder than the blasted ceiling fan, the grandfather clock's ticking from the corner pounded like cannon fire to Will's ears, urging him to say his piece while there was still time; while Lucy was still Lucy, before her new parents took her away and changed everything about her.
Swallowing past the boulder in his throat, he picked up the plastic seat and sat it on the desk in front of him, taking off the blanket that shielded Lucy from view. Contrary to his belief, she was wide awake and blinked at the brightness of the room, her face scrunching adorably in distaste, breaking Will's heart even as he smiled. She really was the most beautiful thing in the world.
"This is what's best for you," he said softly to her, voice trembling, his gaze focused on the soft sleeper she wore. "I-I'm only nineteen and I can't…I can't give you all the things that you'll need. Not the stupid things, like toys and all that muck, but…but a real home, a family with a-a-a father and mother. I know what its like to only…to not have…I didn't want that for you." Her tiny lips smacked a few times and Will couldn't help trailing a finger down her little snub nose. "I tried to make your mum stay, to help her get better for you. It just didn't work. She wasn't strong enough. So…So now you're going to go somewhere else where you'll get a mum who loves you more than anything. She'll pick you up from school, she'll do your hair all pretty, and maybe she'll even sing you to sleep at night." The lone tear slipped down his cheek and he squeezed his eyes shut to stem the rest before he went on, "I will never stop loving you. You're always going to be right here, sweetheart." He tapped his aching chest. "This is always going to belong to you and only you."
She gurgled in reply and he bent to kiss her forehead, taking in one last breath of her scent to tuck away for the long days ahead. As he tried to straighten up, her hand shot out and grabbed a loose lock of his hair, giving it a sharp tug. Trying to untangle it, he finally dared to look at her straight on and froze in shock.
Those eyes – his late mother's eyes – stared back at him beseechingly, begging silently with a message Will heard as if she were screaming it:
"Don't leave me."
How many times had he looked at Bootstrap like that when he was a child? How many times had he said the words out loud when he could speak? How often, when the drunk crawled out of his bottle long enough to sail to Arbor Bay, did Will begrudgingly think the words to himself, even at the times they were screaming at each other?
How could he inflict upon his daughter the same wounds that had never healed for him?
Everyone would say Lucy wasn't cognizant enough to understand abandonment, but Will knew that she knew him: knew his voice, his touch, his heartbeat that she had fallen asleep over more often than she hadn't in her young life. She'd know when he wasn't with her anymore. She'd be scared. Worse still, she'd be scarred like he was now.
A sharp knock at the door startled Will out his reverie. He heard Mr. Cullum say his name a few times, but instead of answering, he hastily picked up Lucy's carrier and the bag with her clothes before he marched out, ignoring the stares and the calls as he hurried to get his daughter far away from this place. It wasn't until much later, safe at his own house, holding Lucy's body in front of him as they sat on the sand, that he felt able to speak again.
"I'll never leave you," he vowed to her. "I'll never let anyone or anything come between us. It'll be you and me, taking on the world. Neither of us will ever be alone again. Okay?" She sneezed in reply and he laughed, feeling lighter than he had since he had read that blasted note, pulling her tight against him…
Sometimes, there was kindness in the universe. Sometimes, it let things fall perfectly into place, which was why just as Will felt himself almost overcome from feelings years old that were unreasonably raw, he caught sight of his daughter with Gibbs and the others. Walking quickly to her, he didn't say a word to Lucy as he lifted her and her frog into his arms, hugging her tight and sighing in relief when she returned it.
"Daddy, you're squeezing me," she murmured in his ear after a minute.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he replied, loosening her only a fraction and cupping the back of her head to keep her close, trying to push the last vestiges of that awful day from his thoughts.
God, how had he almost been stupid enough to just give her away?
Finally, she pulled away enough so he could see her face. He smiled, taking in the painted-on whiskers, the black smudge on her nose, and the triangle ears artfully drawn over her eyebrows. "Guess what I am?"
"Hmm…" Will lovingly kissed her temple. "You are the most adorable kitten I've ever seen in my life."
"Nope. I am a mummy cat. They," Lucy pointed behind them to Gibbs, Pintel, and Ragetti, "are my kittens!"
Whatever lingering sorrow and guilt Will had been experiencing disappeared at the sight of the three grown men wearing pastel face paint and looking for all the world that they wished the Earth would open to swallow them whole. He nearly dropped Lucy as he doubled over with laughter. Struggling for air, he tried to ask, "How…How did she get you to…?"
"Well, uh, even for a wee miniature lass," Gibbs explained gruffly, avoiding the eyes of all the passersby, "she's persuasive beyond her years."
"That she is," Will replied, regaining control of himself and cuddling his daughter again.
"Meow, meow, meow," she mewled with a giggle. "Meow! Meow!"
"What does that mean in English, Lucy-Goosey?"
"Can we go see Elizabeth now?"
"Sure," he told her with a shake of his head, leading them all through the maze of Junkanoo, Lucy bouncing in his arms in time to the music surrounding them. When they reached the view of the buffet, Lucy fought down to the ground and Will reluctantly released her, trailing behind as she ran towards Elizabeth, who in turn, turned away from what looked like a decidedly unpleasant conversation with Bria to beam and tug the child to her side. By the time Will reached them, Elizabeth was helping Lucy pick out a few bite-sized treats on the serving side of the table.
"Now, not too many," Elizabeth explained when Lucy reached for a second cupcake. "You're already too sweet as it is and we're not supposed to give cats desserts." As Lucy started munching away, Elizabeth rearranged spoons and tongs to avoid looking at him when she said under her breath, "I'm sorry for whatever she said or did."
"It's fine," Will assured her, trying in vain to meet her eye. "She's your friend."
"She's a pill," Elizabeth countered, "but, you know, she's all I have so…"
Before he thought it through, his hand immediately reached for one of hers across the table, squeezing it gently until she finally met his gaze. "No, she's not," he declared quietly, amazed that Elizabeth could still think that after all this time.
If she was ever going to respond to him, it would forever be a mystery. A loud cry from the other end of the table captured their attention and Will looked to see Gerald, one of Anamaria's waiters, holding up his arm as it bled profusely from the carving knife he had just accidently cut it with. In a flash, Elizabeth's hand left his and he caught a quick glimpse of her walking away from the scene with Lucy towards Bria, her face paling considerably. She let Bria wrap an arm around her shoulder and sat down at one of the table, keeping her ramrod straight back to the scene.
There was no time to worry over her reaction as he hurried over to help the injured man and it wasn't until hours later back at the house, Lucy finally tucked into bed after the excitement of the festival, that he found himself looking at her sitting by herself on the deck after she had changed for bed, arms tucked around her knees. Moonlight really did become her; then again, so did the sunlight. Joining her, he lowered himself down slowly, giving her every opportunity to leave or tell him she wanted to be alone. When she did neither, he took it as a sign and began to speak.
"Congratulations, for tonight. Everyone loved what you made."
There was the faintest hint of pride on the corner of her lips, but she tried to deflect, "It wasn't just me. The whole café worked to the bone to pull it off. I was only-"
"The conductor leading the whole orchestra."
"No, that's an-"
"The general leading the troops up the hill."
"Will…"
"The ringmaster of the circus. The rancher herding the cattle. The-" Her small gasp paused his comparisons and his heart thudded wildly when she put her hand on her stomach, all traces of humor forgotten. "Are you alright?"
"Y-Yeah." For the first time all day, her brown eyes were alight and free of reservations. Licking her lips, she continued, "The…The baby's moving."
His heartrate increased again, for an entirely different reason. "Really? You can already…?"
"Uh-huh. I think it's been going on for a couple of days, I just didn't realize what it was until this morning."
"What does it feel like?" Will asked eagerly.
Elizabeth was silent for a moment in contemplation. "Like fingertips grazing the inside of me. It doesn't hurt at all. It just feels…even more real, I suppose. There's a person growing and moving about in there."
Talking about the baby brought last night to his mind and he looked to his feet. "I'm sorry. For…For…In your room last night," he apologized, hoping in the dark she couldn't tell how red his cheeks were flaming. "I shouldn't have violated your privacy like that. I wanted a chance to feel the baby for myself and I…I got carried away."
"Oh." He felt her shuffle slightly and he waited for her to lay into him. Instead, when she continued, her voice was even softer than his. "It's, uh, it's…I just didn't know that you wanted to feel…"
He dared to glance over at her, frowning. Laying his hands over where their baby grew, sending his thoughts and hopes to her (even if it was only in his subconscious) was something he had been dying to do since he had knocked on the door of Elizabeth's suite at the Strathwood. "Of course, I did. I only thought it would make you…uncomfortable to have me-"
"Why?" Her brown eyes pierced his, demanding answers.
"Because…" He struggled for coherency, as he always did when the full-brunt of her attention was focused on him. "Because when Lucy…when Rebecca was pregnant, she never let me feel Lucy. If I tried to put a hand on her stomach, she'd scream at me and we'd get into a row that would invariably lead to her threatening to leave and use again. After a while, I'd wait until she was passed out asleep to try and feel Lucy kicking. It was the only chance I had to let her know that someone on the outside was waiting for her, wanted her, loved her." He tried to smile a little, even though Elizabeth's expression hadn't moved a twitch. "Obviously, that problem doesn't exist with you and this one, so from now on, if…if you'll let me, I'll ask you if I can-"
Her hand shot over to his, pulling it to her stomach before he could close his mouth. She moved it ever so, perhaps trying to put him over the spot where she felt the movement, but Will was too lost in elation and surprise to really notice. "You're his father," Elizabeth told him firmly. "You never need to ask my permission to let him know that you love him and can't wait to meet him."
Even in his daze, her use of pronouns didn't escape his attention. "You know that I'm pretty well convinced that it's Abigail in there, right?"
"Well, you will have to readjust your…" She blinked owlishly at him. "How did you know that name?"
"You told Lucy. Your first mistake. Secrets are not forte."
"Ah. Well, glad I didn't tell her the boy's name then." She looked back towards the ocean, but didn't remove his hand from her. Will reveled in this time with her, in this silence when the world didn't encroach with its cries of how absurd their situation was; of how little sense it made that she was here with him now, letting him touch her and letting him know their child. He treasured it even more because he knew how precious this time really was. Soon enough, when Elizabeth realized how capable she was of living on her own, they'd both be gone from his daily life. "William…"
"Hmm?" He had been so deep into that sobering thought that he had completely missed the question she asked before she said his name to get his attention. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
Her grin was unbelievably enchanting when she laughed at him. "William."
"I heard that part, but not the question before you scolded me with my full name."
"I wasn't scolding you. I was telling you what your son's name is going to be when he's born."
Wait, what? She wants to…She wants to call him William? Oh no…
He tried, he truly did try, to keep his smile from slipping from his face, especially when he saw hers fall in time to his, but nothing could prevent it. "Elizabeth," he began carefully, removing his hand from her, "I-I appreciate the gesture, but I…I don't…"
"You don't want him to have your name," she finished in a pained whisper and he thought he'd trade almost anything in the world for a bullet to the heart right now. He watched her shoulders stiffen, could feel the ice starting to emanate from her form; in his imagination, there was another layer of brick being added to the top of her wall.
Come on, then, he heard Jack say in his head. Let her in. Have some faith in her. Mate, if you choose to lock your heart away, you'll lose her for certain.
Swallowing deeply, he started speaking when he saw her shift to get up. "It's not my name. It's my father's name." When Elizabeth stopped moving, he forced himself to continue, "He wasn't…He abandoned me and my mother when I was a boy. He was a sailor and whenever he could, he was off on a ship, never thinking about what he was leaving behind or how we were faring without him, which often wasn't well. Even when my mother was…sick, he didn't come back; never even sent money to help support us. When she passed, I bartered my way onto a ship to try to find him. He was my only family left in the world. This was the last place we got a post from him, but he wasn't here. I stumbled my way to Jack and he took me in, saved me, really. Not sure what would have happened to me if it wasn't for him."
The waves were the only response to his story. This silence wasn't worth basking in; this one was making his palms sweat as she absorbed what he had told her. At last, he heard her say, "I don't want to name him after your father. I want to name him after you because Will, you're nothing like that loutish man you just described. You're the most honorable man I've ever known."
"But it's still his name," he argued, his spirits buoyed by her praise of him. "It's still another piece of him in my life when I don't want any more reminders of him than I already have."
"He's gone, though. You told me he died years ago, before Lucy was even born. What good comes from holding onto so much anger for someone who's not even here?"
With great care, he fought the instinct to look towards Jack's dock. There was only so much confessing a soul could endure in one night and despite Jack's warnings, he knew that, eventually, Bootstrap would find something in his life that mattered more than getting a peek at Will and his family. He always did.
Eventually, he'd tell her, but not tonight.
Elizabeth was still waiting for him to answer so tried to provide the best one he could. "You don't…You're having issues with your father right now and I know that's difficult, but you're an adult. You know why it's happening. He didn't leave you all alone as a little kid to fend for yourself, struggling to figure out what had happened or what you had done wrong to make him go." He saw her flinch slightly and instantly regretted bringing her own father up, knowing how upset that man made her. Hurriedly, he concluded with, "I'm sorry. It's a hard experience to explain to someone who wasn't abandoned as a child."
"I was." Her reply was so quiet, he'd barely heard her. When what she said registered, he frowned, trying to understand what she was telling him. She played restlessly with her fingers, keeping her focus on them as she continued, "My parents doted on me. I was spoiled ridiculously by them both. Father traveled a lot for work, but my mother stayed home with me. It was wonderful: nothing but baking lessons, playing dress-up with her fancy jewelry, even going to the shore when the weather was nice for pirate adventures. Our days were filled with fun and laughter. Except…" Elizabeth's hand wringing stilled right over her stomach. "Except there were some days when she didn't smile as much or leave her locked room. The staff would try and get her to come out, or my father would stand outside her door for hours if he was home, or he'd have doctors come to check on her, but she wouldn't budge. Couldn't budge, maybe. The days where she stayed in bed started to outnumber the ones that she didn't. No one would let me see her, though. They just kept saying that she was sick and needed time to recover. I tried to have the cook make her chicken soup because that's what she made me when I had a bad cold. I thought that's all it was. I was such a silly little thing."
Will's chest throbbed as he began to see how this story was going to end. He wanted to tell her to stop, that she didn't have to finish if she didn't want to, but her jaw was rigid with determination and he instinctively knew this was something she had needed to say to him, to someone, for a long time.
"When I was six, she woke me up in the middle of the night. I thought it was a dream at first because it had been nearly a whole week since I had seen her. She smiled down at me, stroking my hair, my face, just looking over me for so long that I almost fell back asleep. Finally, she pulled something from the pocket of her robe: an old necklace, a medallion that had been in her family for years. I had always loved it because she said it was a pirate medallion. She put it around my neck and told me…told me to always be brave and bold; to always go after my dreams without apologies. T-Then she kissed me goodnight and left."
"Elizabeth…"
"I woke up the next morning and I really believed that it was going to be a good day, a day when she would play with me and hold me. I hadn't slept much after she left, having too much fun pretending I was a pirate princess with my new necklace, so when I walked into the washroom, it took me a moment to notice how wet the floor was. I…I looked down and it was all red; all I saw was red until I managed to raise my head and…" Her eyes fluttered closed and her breath began to tremble. "She was just lying in the bathtub, eyes open at the ceiling and not moving. There was so much blood, Will."
At his name, her tone utterly lost and confused, he pulled her into his arms, tucking her head under his chin as he rocked her soothingly, not giving a thought on if she wanted his touch, only concerned with protecting her, with keeping her safe. To his surprise, she clung to him just as tightly and even though her body shivered ever so, she didn't cry. He almost did for her, unable to imagine how she had merely survived such a trauma, let alone to grow up to become someone so full of spirit and kindness. She truly was the strongest person he had ever known. Her own impending motherhood must have forced her to relive all those terrible memories as of late and her reaction to Gerald's injury earlier that night made sense. Yet moments ago, before she told him of her deep wound, she had been able to laugh and smile that glorious smile of hers that enthralled him like nothing else in this world.
He was amazed by Elizabeth Swann: her strength, her tenacity, her devoted heart that had taken to Lucy with such ease, all hidden beneath a grand beauty that artists should immortalize. She was perfection personified.
She's the woman you love, he thought stoically, feeling her body slowly relax with slumber, and nothing you do could ever make you measure up to her level.
There was some sense of peace in finally admitting it. He didn't have to work himself into a lather to make excuses for what his mind or body did whenever he was around her. He could watch her from afar and allow himself the indulgence because it would be a way to channel his feelings into an action. Even this moment – holding her and letting himself take deep breaths of her flowery scent – was, in its own way, a wonderful one. She trusted him enough to comfort her. She had lowered her walls just a touch and allowed him a part of herself that maybe no one else, save for Bria, ever had and now, he could fully appreciate how blessed their baby was going to be to have someone with a warrior spirt for a mother.
Their baby – their daughter – would get to be loved by Elizabeth and Will couldn't help but feel just the tiniest bit jealous.