Author's Note: Here it is. Don't judge anybody too harshly. Vampire Bella's very confused.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 13: Autumn

Bella's P.O.V.

Darkness. Its depth shocked me into silence as the pain wailed its final cadence and left me limp. My eyes fluttered open in wonder; after hours of fire, of tours down into the lowest part of hell, I was free. My limbs felt as though they had been coated in gleaming particles of energy; I, in all of my clumsy glory, wanted nothing more than to rise to my feet and dance.

"She's coming out of it, Carlisle."

I recognized that voice, though not the name of the person to which it was directed. Warm to my ears, it filled me with a sense of affection, and yet also a growing fear. Panic rose in my veins, chilled my blood to ice.

A baby's cry was heard then, followed by the heavy thunder of footsteps. Whomever they belonged to was tall and sturdy.

"Is she all right?" This voice was lighter, softer. A woman. Her tone was taut with worry, and something else…something she didn't want anyone else to hear.

"Yes." A father, now. Maybe this was Carlisle. His own voice rang with pride. "Any moment now."

And then silence. The baby was being rocked. I could hear every motion as air whooshed back and forth like a pendulum around the small child.

Finally, I pushed myself up and against the mounds of pillows stacked behind me. I took in the owners of the voices I had just heard: a tall man, radiating sunlight, his golden eyes anxious and yet fiercely joyous; another man behind him, younger, with dark hair and a wide grin. Beside him a beautiful woman stood, her eyes drawn away from me and locked on the sleeping child in his arms.

I noticed, immediately, two things:

The first man to have spoken, the one whom I most desired to see, had left the room some time before.

Also that these strangers all smelled of lilacs and dusk. All – except the creature whose eyes had found mine. Those eyes were round in wonder, and gleamed with an innocence so pure I felt as though I were destroying it simply by being a witness to it. No, this small person smelled of cherry blossoms, of time and laughter. Of the sweetest tune hummed during a tragic storm.

"Bella!" The blond man, the father, was calling to me. It would have appeared that I had been ignoring him for some time.

"What?" I snapped. A newfound rage swelled within me. Spurred on by what, I could not say, but it was powerful.

"Jasper."

That one word acted as all the invocation this "Jasper" seemed to have needed. I was met with the presence of a scarred demon and his thrall, a small girl with short hair and delicate features.

Jasper knelt before me with some trepidation, his eyes regarding me seriously. "Bella. Do you know who I am?"

"You're Jasper," I responded. I inhaled and then swallowed back the sickly sweet taste of doubt. Of fear.

He smiled, but its effect was muted by his hesitation. "Yes. Good. This is Carlisle."

He gestured to the blond man.

"Do you know who this is?"

Now he pointed to the woman whose attention was captured completely by the child. She didn't look up.

I shook my head, and for the first time felt a wave of concern wash over me. There was something important I was forgetting. Something monumental.

"Why don't I remember?" I whispered, half to Jasper, to all of these foreign creatures, and half to myself.

Jasper seemed to have been put at ease by my question, for his tight smile faded and his eyes warmed with sympathy.

"You're a vampire now, Bella. It – "

Vampire. The wall in my skull felt its first crack. Memories, rich as dark chocolate and heady as rum, flooded my crowded mind.

" – will all come back with time."

Day Thirteen

Nearly two weeks had passed since my awakening, and the mysterious figure known in my head as Edward Cullen had yet to make an appearance. My memories had been coming back, like Jasper had said they would, in stages. The most familiar to me was Rosalie, the lovely young woman who at the moment acted less than lovely towards me. I remembered her stubbornness, as well as her rage, which even in my last human moments had been speared at me.

Emmett was another I could place quite easily. He was the one with whom I hunted. I trusted him the most, simply because he was the kindest. He told me without any doubt that "Rosie" would come around – that all she needed was a couple more days.

Jasper's scars were misleading; he was a nuisance at the most. For the first three days he refused to leave my side, yammering in my ear about the dangers of vampirism, about my having to reign in all the emotions fighting for dominance in my head. I blocked him out a lot of the time. He meant well, but still.

His wife, Alice, had kept her distance thus far. I think Jasper had to superglue her pixie behind to a chair to ensure this, but I was still grateful.

Esme, though not present for my first awakening, I also trusted. My human memories of her were scarce at best, but she was the only Cullen who, when first faced with Vampire Bella, broke down and cried before wrapping her arms around me in a suffocating embrace. As Vampire Bella, this was slightly uncomfortable, and said vampire senses were itching to throw her across the room, but I appreciated the gesture. I genuinely liked Esme.

The same could not be said for her son.

My maker, sire, creator…whatever I wanted to call him – he had disappeared as soon as I'd opened my eyes. And it stung, cut me deep.

I spewed my hatred for a few days after my awakening, until I realized that my life was probably better without him in it.

After all, he turned me into a bloodsucking, hormonal, socially awkward monster. How good a person could he be?

Day Thirty Two

"Her name is Daphne." Rosalie faced me cautiously, holding my daughter in her arms.

The Cullens had told me she was mine just days earlier, and the human within me was already wailing.

The vampire wasn't so upset.

I reached out with a slow hand and touched Daphne's cheek. Warmth glowed beneath my fingertips and she graced me with a small smile, before blushing brightly and turning her head away shyly.

Human Bella swallowed. "She's lovely, Rose. Really lovely."

Rosalie nodded and kissed Daphne's hair. "I know. I'm lucky, Bella. I…I owe you everything."

Human Bella fled the room to throw herself on her bed and cry.

Vampire Bella surveyed the scene with mild interest.

Day Fifty Six

"Wanna play me?" Daphne shoved a chess board in my face. "Daddy taught me how. He says I'm real good."

She didn't wait for my reply, simply grabbed the coveted white pieces and arranged them carefully on her side of the board.

"White has first move!"

I shot a pleading glance at Emmett, who watched from the other side of the room with great amusement.

"You never should've taught her this stupid game," I hissed under my breath. Sighing deeply, I set up my black pieces.

Daphne moved her knight forward and smirked.

Christ.

My pawn crept up two spaces. "How many games have you won against your dad?"

That damn smirk again. "Thirty five and a half."

She leaned in close and whispered, "He threw the board at the wall during our last one before I could beat him."

Her last words were accompanied by an evil pout.

Emmett laughed. "You don't stand a chance, Bells."

And I didn't. Five moves later my king made his final move before surrendering.

Day Fifty Seven

Edward Cullen, sire extraordinaire, was taller than I had imagined. He was also significantly more attractive than someone so hateful had a right to be. He made things complicated, from the moment he stepped into the door and fell to his knees before me, begging my forgiveness.

Daphne loved him already. That much was obvious. She threw herself into his arms and hugged him tightly.

"You came back! Aunt Alice said you would, but Mama said no, but I always trust Aunt Alice!"

The look on his face was hilarious. He stared down at her, at her long curls and her sparkling teeth, and her seven year old mind.

"Oh, oops – sorry." She sank into a curtsy. "Daphne Isabella Cullen, pleased to make your acquaintance."

Rosalie smiled from the doorway. "She thinks she's from a different time period. Daph, come on, lets give Edward and Auntie Bella some time to talk."

"Nice to meet you, Daphne Isabella." Edward kissed her hand before Rose ushered her out. His eyes were soft.

And then it was just us. The cold maker and the cold creation.

He came before me and shook his head. "I…I am so sorry, Bella."

Damn Human Bella came out of the woodwork again. She was a weak little thing, and Vampire Bella regarded her with disdain.

She fell against him, her cheek rested on his shoulder as he stroked her hair in silent apology.

"I hate this, Edward. I hate it so fucking much."

His exhale was heavy with tears. "I know. I know."

He leaned into the crook of her neck. His lips pressed to the single crescent scar beneath her jaw.

"My heart breaks for you."

"Oh, Edward." Human Bella's throat constricted. "My heart breaks for us."

Edward P.O.V.

Day One

"You can't just leave!" Alice's eyes were wide.

"I just – I have to get away, Al. From everything." I held my head in my hands. "From Bella…from what I've done."

Guilt churned in the pit of my stomach.

Alice shook her head. "No. Bella needs you now…How would you feel if, after everything, Carlisle left you?"

I brushed off her logic. She had never turned anyone, had never screwed someone else's life into oblivion.

Bella's presence was everywhere – her scent, her blush, her smiles. I was suffocating here.

I headed for the door, pausing with my hand on the handle. "Do me a favor, Alice?"

She seemed close to falling apart. Her amber gaze glittered with grief.

"Tell her I'm sorry. In case…"

"In case you don't come back," Carlisle spoke from behind her. His voice was steady, bound by acceptance. He understood.

I closed my eyes, my back turned on the man I considered to be my father and the woman I loved like a sister.

And then I left.

Present Day

"She looks like you," I told her. "It's in her eyes."

Bella shrugged. "That's what Jasper says. We don't really talk about it much, though – her looking like me."

We sat outside, behind the house and underneath a tall tree. Gold and red leaves were pulled by the cold autumn wind, dancing in the nighttime air.

"She's yours." I gazed at her, wondering. "You know that, Bella. Rose is her mom, but Daphne is still a part of you."

She simply stared up at the moon, lapsed into silence.

"Sometimes I wish he'd come down and rescue me." She hugged her knees to her chest. "I know she's a part of me, Edward – I just don't feel it. I look at her…and – and all I see is him."

I followed her gaze – up and into the stars. She was utterly glorious beneath their light.

"I love him," Bella whispered. Her entire body trembled.

I love you.

And so the earth shattering realization fell upon me as the most beautiful creature in the world declared her love for another man.

Author's Note: Hope all was clear here. Next chapter will be up as soon as I can manage it. Also - when Bella refers to herself in third person, this is because it is Vampire Bella observing Human Bella's actions...a little odd, I know, but I still think it's interesting.

Review!

Love,

Rose