S Meyer owns Twilight. I own Snickers Easter candy, but it will be long gone by the time you read this.
As always, thank you, M. Any leftover mistakes belong to me.
*Warnings* Drugs and sex.
Chapter 14
I'm on your side Are you too blind to see
I'm on your side You know I'm not the enemy
Don't push me away There's nothing to hide
I won't betray you baby
I love you babe I'm on your side
(I'm on Your Side- Divinyls)
-o-
I might not be able to give Angela the boy of her dreams, but I do help her score her first job. She was the first person who came to mind when Esme asked if I would recommend someone to work for her. Angela is responsible. She doesn't go to any of the parties, and she takes care of her little brothers after school until her mom gets home. The weekend hours and flexibility are perfect for her.
The only other girls I hang with at school are Jane and Charlotte. There is no way in hell I would recommend either of them. They've been a little unpredictable lately. Feeling that way about them makes me feel like such a snob. I know it's hypocritical, but damn. Showing up at a school event, while trippin, is beyond ridiculous.
I earn my very first real paycheck the last weekend in February. Carlisle hired Esme to cater a retirement party for a sweet, old nurse leaving the pediatric unit behind for a beach house in Florida.
I watch as Esme puts the final touches on the cake. Those classes really paid off. It's a huge sheet cake with intricate icing roses on each corner. The writing is beautiful cursive and centered perfectly. I don't think a bakery could have done a better job.
The party takes up most of the afternoon. By the time Esme and I drop off Angela and pick up a couple of pizzas, Edward is already home from practice. And freshly showered. I like him sweaty and dirty, but when he smells like this, and his hair is wet…Damn. Just damn.
The short hair is growing on me. I can't pull it, but I can still run my fingers through it.
And it is entirely inappropriate for me to be thinking about the last time I had my fingers in his hair while sitting at the kitchen table next to Esme. This is what happens when I go six days without sex. I think about it all the time. Edward's schedule during the week is insane. He hasn't made it to bed before midnight a single night this week. Weekday sex is a thing of the past. And I hate it.
Esme tries to wait up for Carlisle, but she falls asleep during the local news. Edward and I tiptoe quietly up the stairs, so we can get a quickie in before his dad comes home. I start undressing the moment I cross the threshold of his bedroom. I grab a condom from the drawer as he wrestles out of his jeans. I fall onto his bed naked and needy, and he falls on me in the same condition.
We haven't had a repeat of Valentine's Day, but it isn't due to a lack of effort on Edward's part. I can tell it is starting to frustrate him, and I've contemplated faking it just to avoid his irritated disappointment.
I try to push those thoughts out of my head. Worrying about it won't help. He looks so damn serious, like he's trying to translate Spanish. I push on his shoulder.
"Stop," I tell him.
He stills, looking down at me like I'm crazy. I push him off of me completely until he is on his back. I follow, straddling him and kissing his neck.
"You need to relax," I tell him, shifting my hips.
"But you-"
"It feels good for me every time. Like getting off mentally, even if it doesn't always happen physically."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better, or worse?" he asks sarcastically.
"Please, Edward." I can't do this now. Not now. This is the first time we've been naked together for almost a week, and he's spoiling it. I kiss his neck, trying to make him forget and just feel. Neither of us is going to enjoy this if he's having performance anxiety the entire time.
I've never done it this way before. Ever. It's a little awkward at first. I try not to be embarrassed, but he's watching, and he can see everything. I have to close my eyes. Once I do, my worries disappear as something else takes over. With freedom comes the joy of finding what feels good and taking it.
Later, we lie in his bed, fully dressed with my leg thrown over his, watching Saturday Night Live. Carlisle checks in on us when he gets home from work. Edward falls asleep minutes later.
I pull away slowly, trying not to wake him, but his arms lock in place around me.
"Don't go." His eyes are still closed, and he's so, so warm.
"I have to go home."
He groans, but releases me. By the time I get my shoes on, he's waiting at the door, watching me with a sleepy smile on his face.
"You could have slept. I can lock the door behind me."
"Bella, it's nearly midnight. There is no way I am going to let you walk out to your truck alone this late at night. Will you let me drive you home? You can get your truck tomorrow."
I huff. I've been out way later than this, doing way worse things. I'm not some delicate little flower.
"I'm guessing that's a no," he mutters.
I slip into my Army jacket, and gather my things quietly. We move silently through the house, and, when we reach the porch, I pause to survey the neighborhood. There isn't a person in sight.
"You're right," I tell him sarcastically. "This is dangerous. I definitely need my big, strong boyfriend to protect me from all those things that go bump in the night." I squeeze his bicep for emphasis and giggle.
"Ha. Ha," he deadpans.
He walks me all the way to my truck and opens the door for me. "Will you at least call when you get home? I'll feel better knowing you're okay."
"Okay. I'll call," I promise.
Even if you are being an over-protective idiot.
But, he's my idiot, and I love him. I tell him so, and kiss him goodbye.
The drive to Renee's is uneventful. She's sitting up in bed reading a Danielle Steel book. The woman teaches Shakespeare and Chaucer, and she reads Danielle Steel in her spare time for kicks. I don't get it.
She places the book in her lap. "How was the job?"
"It was cool."
"How is Edward? I haven't seen him around these last couple of weeks."
"He's busy." Duh. "Baseball, homework…you know."
The shrill ring of my phone is a welcome distraction.
"I need to answer this or Edward will send out a search party," I tell her over my shoulder as I walk away.
The answering machine picks up before I can get to the receiver. As soon as I get a dial tone, I call him back. He's sleepy, and so am I, so we don't talk long.
Sunday is a blur. Edward and I spend the afternoon together, lazing in my room, but he leaves early because he hasn't cracked a book all weekend.
The rest of the week is a repeat of last week. No Edward. The only kisses we manage are in the stairwell next to Banner's classroom. By Friday, I am frustrated and ready for the weekend. The first game of the season is in two weeks, so I'm relieved to be going to Forks. It's much better than sitting around in my room waiting for Edward to find five minutes for a phone call.
He has practice today after school and tomorrow morning. He looks tired, so I let him off the hook and tell him not to come to Forks tonight. He says he'll come right after practice tomorrow morning.
"Noon," I remind him. I don't know what the girls have planned for tonight, but it will probably involve staying up late.
"Noon," he repeats, leaning in for a kiss.
I keep it short and sweet. I'm tired of getting myself all worked up for nothing. If I'm lucky, Charlie will have plans for tomorrow. If not, well…another week won't kill me.
I drive straight to Alice's house. A bunch of the kids from Forks are having a bonfire out at First Beach tonight. I haven't been to one in forever, and it sounds like fun.
Leah offers to be the DD for the night. She is scheduled to work at eight in the morning, and she doesn't want to be hung over. She drives. I roll. And we smoke a fat one before stopping at the diner for takeout.
We make it to the res before sunset, and there are already several people down on the beach, stacking wood and setting out coolers. We sit in Leah's car, pigging out on chili cheese fries and burgers, watching the waves and the colors of the sky and the boys playing football on the beach.
Tyler waves as he walks by with a huge boombox on his shoulder. I don't recognize the three girls trailing after him, but they look kind of young.
"Freshmen," Carmen explains.
Jasper and Garrett show up minutes later. We all smoke again before we hit the beach. The local rock station is having an hour-long Get the Led Out and hearing Zeppelin makes me miss Edward so much it hurts. Or maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself, since I'm stuck sitting between Alice and Jasper and Garrett and Carmen. Regardless, I stand and wander closer to the water, away from the fire.
I walk further up the beach until the music and laughter sound muted compared to the lightly crashing waves. This is my favorite spot. It always has been. There's an old trunk to lean against, and it is easy to stay out of sight. I rest my head against the wood, closing my eyes, and savoring the scent of timber and sea salt.
I lose track of time, but I can tell more people have joined our little party. Or maybe everybody is drunk and that's why they sound so much louder. I make my way back to the fire and accept a beer from Mike on my way over to Leah.
There are a few tense moments when Jessica shows up holding hands with Lee. Everyone looks at Mike, including myself. He plays it cool, offering Lee a beer from the cooler without even glancing at Jessica.
It's so weird to see Mike and Jess acting like strangers. She leaves Lee with the guys, so she can join us by the fire. She scoots in close, holding her hands out for warmth.
"We're just friends," she says before any of us have a chance to ask.
"Sure you are, sweetie," Carmen giggles.
If anyone gets it, it's Carmen. None of us know what the hell she and Garrett are.
Once I stomach through the first beer, the rest are easy. It tastes like shit, but the buzz is kind of cool. I cut myself off after four. This is going pretty well, and I don't want to puke.
I forgot how much fun these kids can be. Such a contrast to my daily life. In this place, it doesn't matter what shoes you wear or if you're metal or Top40. You can be Walmart or Ralph Lauren. These are just good people and good times.
Carmen spends the night. She is working at her dad's store tomorrow, so we set the alarm for eleven.
Charlie is reading the paper at the kitchen table when I come downstairs at noon.
"Good morning," he says. "Or should I say good afternoon?" He glances at his watch.
"Sorry," I mumble.
He grins. "Enjoy it while you can, kid. Once upon a time, I liked to sleep late too."
"Is this your way of telling me to get a J-O-B?" I tease.
I fill him in on my new part-time job. He's cool with me working some of the weekends I'm scheduled to be in Forks, as long as I spend at least one night. It sounds like a good compromise.
We have a light lunch, and one o'clock rolls around with no sign of Edward.
"Bells, have you had the oil changed since you started driving?" Charlie asks as I'm clearing the table.
"No." He didn't tell me to, so I didn't do it. I don't know jack about cars.
"It's been almost six months. Damn. You need to have the oil changed every three months."
"Well, now that I know, I will," I tell him.
I try calling Edward, but the phone rings and rings until his answering machine picks up. The shop is closed on Sundays, so I decide to make a quick trip to get this oil change out of the way. If Edward shows up, he can hang out with Charlie until I get back.
Jake and Quil are tinkering on that damn Rabbit again.
"Hey," I call out, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets. They both turn to me and grin. "Got time for an oil change?"
"Always, babe," Quil says, wiping his hand on an already filthy rag. He winks as he pulls a Red from the pack in his shirt pocket.
I toss him my keys, and they get to work. Quil rings me up while Jake changes the oil. He doesn't charge me for the labor, only the cost of the new oil. His father is handing over the shop completely when Quil graduates in May. He sounds excited as he tells me about his plan to design custom cars and trucks for competitions.
I envy Quil. He wants this. He's eighteen years old, and he has his whole future planned. He already knows this will make him happy. He doesn't have to pick a school or decide on a major. He gets to just show up and do something he loves. Me? I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
I congratulate him. He's an ass, but he's a cool ass, and he's one of the few people who never took sides when Jake and I split up.
He cashes out the four dollars I hand him for quarters, and we start a game of 21 on the work counter. I'm up two bucks when Jake finishes with my truck. He brings me a Coke from the vending machine and settles in next to Quil to watch.
I am celebrating a win with a "soft" eighteen when the bell above the office door rings. I glance over my shoulder in time to catch a chilling glance from my boyfriend.
"Can I help you?" Quil asks, smiling.
"Um, this is Edward, my boyfriend," I tell him, spinning around on my stool so I can step down and figure out what to do next.
"Nice to meet you," Quil says, shaking Edward's hand.
"You too." Edward's voice is calm, but he's tense, and I can tell he's angry.
"Well, it was good to see you guys. Thanks for the oil change." I grab my bag and catch Edward's hand on my way out the door.
"Meet you at my house?" I call over my shoulder as I turn to get in my truck.
He nods and disappears inside the Volvo.
Butthead.
I can feel his eyes burning imaginary holes into the back of my head during the drive back to Forks. I don't know what has his boxers in a twist, but we're going to settle this today.
The squad car is gone by the time we reach the house. Charlie must have gotten a call.
Edward parks on the street and meets me at the front door. I unlock it and stroll in casually, tossing my bag onto the floor.
"Do you want something to drink?" I keep walking until I reach the kitchen. I take one can from the fridge since he didn't bother to answer.
When I turn, he's standing in the doorway, arms crossed with an unreadable look on his face.
"What?" I ask defensively.
"Is there some reason you were hanging out with your ex this afternoon?" he asks quietly.
"I was getting an oil change. Charlie had a fit when he found out I've been driving for six months without one."
"You were playing cards and smoking. You were hanging out."
"Okay. I played a couple of games and lost track of the time," I admit. "But you don't have any room to talk." I ball my hands into fists and rest them on my hips. "You said you would be here at noon. I left this house at two thirty. Two thirty, Edward. You didn't answer your phone, and you didn't call, so don't you dare try to pin this all on me."
I have to remind myself over and over not to stomp my foot. This is important, and I want him to know it.
"I went to lunch with the guys, and then I went home for a quick shower. I was probably on my way when you called." He takes a few tentative steps in my direction. "There was a note on the door. I guess Charlie left it. I'm not sure what I expected to find, but it wasn't you joking around with the guy I had to listen to you cry over."
"That's not fair," I tell him, shaking my head. "I can't stay angry at Jake forever, Edward. If he hadn't done what he did, you and I wouldn't be together now."
"I would have stolen you away from him," he whispers, moving closer until I can feel his chest against mine.
"Don't be sweet after starting a fight," I mumble.
"I'm sorry I was late. I was starving, and I lost track of time, too. I should have called."
I let him hug me, and I hug him back.
"I really only went there for an oil change," I tell him again.
"I know. The note said as much. It's just hard seeing you with him."
"Please don't feel that way. We're barely friends. More like uncomfortable acquaintances. He's always going to be around because of our families. I can't change that. There is too much history to keep up the animosity over a phase we're both clearly over."
I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to cuddle with my boyfriend for a few minutes. This has been a long, shitty week, and I want to relax.
"Can we just sit for a while? Maybe talk?" I ask.
He takes my hand and leads me to the sofa in the living room. We sit as close as possible without being in each other's laps.
"So, what did you do last night?" he asks.
I lean against him and play with his fingers as I tell him about bonfires and beer. We make tentative plans for cliff diving and a bonfire during Spring Break.
"I missed you," I tell him. "There were couples everywhere."
His night was much different. He and Emmett met some of the other members of the team at the baseball field after dark. They did shots of Jack Daniel's and played. For fun. Without some asshole coach yelling at them the entire time.
The baseball thing was supposed to make him happy. He just doesn't seem very happy. And things with us have been strained. He's always tired or busy, and I know it's pathetic, but I'm lonely.
"He treats practice like clinics, Bella. We run drills. I want to play. Last night was so much fun."
"Maybe it will be better once the season starts," I tell him. "At least you'll be playing then."
"Two more weeks," he agrees. "Thanks for reminding me."
He shifts, and I snuggle closer into his side.
"I'm sorry," he says quietly into my hair. "I'm sorry I was late and didn't call." He clears his throat. "And I'm sorry I blew up about Jake."
"I forgive you…a little," I tell him.
"Just a little?" He frowns.
"I think you should make it up to me." I lean back and bring my pointer finger to my neck. "Here."
He grins, licking his lips. I feel the tickle of his breath on my skin for a moment. Then it is lips and wet kisses, and damn he likes to nibble. He pulls on my hips until I'm pinned beneath him on the couch.
When he leans in again, I think he's going to kiss me, but he attacks my neck instead. He kisses lower and lower until he's brushing his lips over my nipple. I want my shirt off. I try to move, but he's on a mission, and he won't budge. Except to switch boobs.
Fuck. Nothing should feel this good with clothes on.
He drags my shirt up with his hands and drops tiny kisses below my navel. He unbuttons my jeans and lowers the zipper slowly. I forget how to breathe when I feel his lips moving across white cotton.
He looks up at me. "Can I make it up to you here?" he asks, leaning in and kissing below the belt. Again.
"Aaah." I am trying to talk, but I can't think. And I just don't know if I'm ready for that.
A car door slams loudly outside.
"Fuck," Edward groans.
Charlie's thirty second warning.
My pants are zipped up in 15, and by the time my dad opens the door, Edward and I are on opposite ends of the couch with my feet in his lap.
"Hey, Daddy." I stare at the TV, and even I am impressed with the nonchalance I manage in my greeting.
Charlie glances at his watch. "Do you guys want to grab a bite at the diner? My treat," he offers.
"That's sounds great, Chief." Edward is talking to my dad, but his eyes are on mine. "I'm starving."
I swallow. I don't know if he meant for that to sound as dirty as it did. Or maybe my brain is still trying to compute what my body was all but begging for.
I sit in the back of the squad car on the way to dinner, and part of me thinks I deserve to be arrested for being an idiot. I can't believe we let things get that far. In Charlie's house, no less. Fooling around while Dad is at work is one thing. Fooling around when his whereabouts are unknown is just, well, foolish.
Charlie invites Edward to go fishing, and Edward promises to check his game schedule to find a free Saturday.
The rest of the evening is spent curled up on the couch while the guys watch Die Hard 2. Edward and I share a blanket and a bowl of heavily buttered popcorn.
Charlie is working the early shift tomorrow morning, so he turns in early. I decide to make good on my threat to make Edward watch my favorite movie. We stretch out on Charlie's couch with my back to his front and my head on his shoulder. He watches quietly, holding my hand in the dark, and he doesn't say a word when my tears soak the sleeve of his shirt. He just tightens his arm around my waist and lets me be a girl for a little while.
This. This is what makes it all worth it.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Report card day sucks. Not for me, but for Edward. He has a C in Spanish. He has never in his life made below a B on a report card. Now, he's totally freaking out at the lunch table.
"My God, you are blowing this way out of proportion," I tell him. "You aren't failing, and it is a high C, so you can still play."
He looks at me like I'm crazy. "How many have you made, Bella? Or, better yet, how many times have you had a B on a report card?"
I huff. This is stupid. He stares at me expectantly until I finally answer. "Two."
Then he looks at me like he's proved some kind of point.
"If you're really that worried about it, I can tutor you. I'll help you with your homework and help you study," I offer.
"I don't know," he says. "Sometimes, I can't even get started on my homework until nine."
This proves to be true over the next few days. He calls around nine, and we chat and do his Spanish homework together. I quiz him on vocabulary words and make him conjugate the weirdest words I can think of.
Every day, the circles under Edward's eyes get a little darker, and I wonder how much sleep he is getting at night. In the mornings, he is a tired, grouchy pain in the neck, but by lunchtime he's awake and normal again.
He falls asleep Friday night while we're watching TV with his parents after dinner. I'm pretty sure he is down for the count, so I tell his parents goodnight and go home.
Saturday, Renee has a dinner and dancing date with her new beau. Edward and I are staying in. And locking the door. And telling Emmett we're dead.
She tells me not to wait up on her way out the door. I shudder, and Edward smiles beside me. We wait until we hear the car back out of the driveway to start peeling each other's clothes off.
An hour later, his stomach rumbles, reminding us that at some point we need to get up and leave this bed. We order Chinese food and smoke a bowl behind the carport while we wait for it to be delivered.
We don't do much of anything. We eat and then watch TV in my bed for a while. He doesn't mention school or baseball, and we don't fight. A tickling match turns naughty, and we end up naked again.
As I watch him leave, I'm actually sad this night is over. It was the first time we've really had fun together in…well, too long. Surely we are making this harder than it needs to be.
The next week, things become even more complicated. Ben starts bugging me during lunch about our stupid project that isn't due for 5 weeks. It irritates the hell out of Edward, but Ben doesn't seem to notice. He also doesn't notice the way Angela can't keep herself from looking at him. And it makes me feel like shit because he keeps coming around. By Wednesday, I've had enough.
I agree to meet with him in the library Thursday during lunch so we can set up an outline and divvy the work. Edward doesn't speak to me during Biology.
Jesus.
I cannot win. He wants me to be friendly. But he's mad when I am?
I kiss him goodbye at the end of the day, and instead of amazing, it feels like a habit. The sinking feeling in my gut is impossible to ignore.
I don't answer the phone when it rings at ten o'clock. My voice is snotty from crying, and I don't want to explain what's wrong when he asks. And I know he would ask. So, I still don't answer when it rings again fifteen minutes later.
He meets me at my truck Thursday morning and greets me with a smile and a kiss. A toe-tingling, makes me want to pull him on top of me in the cab of the truck kiss.
"I'm sorry," he says. "Our time is already so limited, and I didn't like the idea of not having you at lunch."
"I don't like it either, but you and I both know I can't meet with him after school."
"I know," he agrees. "I was an ass, and I'm sorry." He kisses the skin beneath my ear and whispers, "Forgive me?"
"Always."
Later, he comes with me to the library and works on homework while Ben and I work out the details of our project. We agree to meet again next week to discuss our progress.
Coach Banks is giving the guys the night off so they will be rested for tomorrow's game. Because one night is really going to make a difference.
It is nice to be able to hang out at Edward's house after school, though. Esme is chatty, so Edward and I work on homework at the kitchen table and talk with her for a while.
I leave early so Edward can get to bed early. He really does need some sleep. I have plans for him this weekend.
-o-o-o-o-o-
Friday finally fucking arrives and it's game day. Edward shows up for first period wearing a long-sleeve, white, button up Polo shirt and khakis. A cold feeling settles in my stomach because it is almost like looking at a whole different person.
I want my Edward back. I want him to wear his glasses and throw out those stupid contacts. I want to run my fingers through crazy, unfettered hair. I want to feel the warmth of flannel when I snake my arms around him.
I can't bury my face in a starched dress shirt.
"What the fuck are you wearing?" I snap.
Calm the fuck down.
"Coach wants us in dress clothes for the assembly this afternoon," he says evenly. "Is there something wrong with what I am wearing, Bella?" The calm in his voice is offset by the way he is glaring at me.
"No, it's fine." It is anything BUT fine, but I don't want to fight, and class is about to start.
"Fine, huh? Then why are you looking at me the way you look at Rosalie Hale?" he bites angrily.
I'm shocked into silence. He looks so…angry and hurt. An apology is on the tip of my tongue, but I can't get it out. To be honest, I'm angry and hurt too, and I'm not sure why. I just want my boyfriend back.
"Do you two need a minute out in the hall?" Mr. Wells asks sarcastically.
"No, sir, we're done," Edward says, not bothering to look away from me.
We take our seats, and I try to pay attention to the lesson on Orwell. It's hard to focus because I can hear every sound Edward is making behind me.
Midway through class, he kicks the back corner of my desk. I glance down as his foot moves and a folded piece of paper is revealed. I sigh and retrieve it.
I don't want to fight.
I ball it up and throw it in my backpack. I don't want to fight either, but I need a little time to cool off.
After class, I turn to him before he even has time to get out of his desk. "I'm sorry. I don't want to fight either. I just…it's weird." I wave my hand, gesturing at his ensemble. He looks handsome. Deadly handsome, but not like Edward.
"You've seen me in dress clothes before," he insists.
"Yeah, but we were on a date."
"Bella, come on. You're just being difficult."
I'm being difficult. I'm being difficult?
I throw my backpack over my shoulder and leave him sitting there. I grab Angela's arm when I reach the hall, dragging her to Algebra II, and I don't look back to see if he is following.
By lunch, I'm feeling better. Edward looks remorseful, and I'm finally feeling a little sorry myself. We both start apologizing at the same time. I laugh a little, and he finally relaxes, pulling me into a hug.
"I have a flannel in the car. I can go out and get it if it makes you feel better," he whispers.
I manage a sad little smile for him. "You don't have to do that. I'm sorry. It just took me by surprise."
We eat quickly and sneak out of the cafeteria halfway through lunch. The stairwell next to Banner's room is always empty this time of day.
He has me up against the wall the moment the door closes behind us. The sound of my zipper lowering is the only warning I have. Minutes later, his warm fingers have me moaning into his mouth. I am crushed between his body and the wall, writhing against his hand.
He kisses me as he slips his hand out of my pants.
I can feel him hard against my stomach, and I know I can't leave him all wound up before his first game. I don't really care for hand jobs. We're also working with a limited amount of time here.
I drop to my knees, reach for his buckle, and beg him with my eyes to let me do this for him.
Edward has amazing longevity during sex. But he doesn't stand a chance in my mouth. Usually, it only takes a few minutes for him to come.
Today is no exception. We both get carried away. I don't know if it is because of the earlier fight or the idea of doing something so bad in public. I moan around him and add my hand. It spurs him on. Both of his hands are on my head, not pushing or forcing, but keeping my hair out of my face so he can watch. And knowing that he's watching makes me even hotter. It is like a sinful cycle of lust.
He warns me like the gentleman he is. I push further, and I don't think it's intentional, but he pushes too, tightening his grip on my hair as he slides deeper. I try to stay relaxed, thinking of Leah's instructions to breathe through my nose. He tilts my head back to make eye contact moments before he whisper shouts my name, clenching his eyes shut.
Yep. Less messy too.
My nipples are still hard when we take our seats in Bio, and I shift on my seat trying to relieve some of the ache between my legs. I can't stop thinking about the stairwell. I am going to fuck him tonight even if I have to do it in the Volvo.
He shoves his notebook over.
Stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking.
I can smell you on my fingers and the look on
your face isn't helping.
Oh, God, that's gross. But hot. And thinking it is hot makes me feel gross. He smiles, and I look away.
He scribbles a note quickly before slowly pushing it toward me.
Stop thinking what you're thinking now too.
I LOVE the way you smell.
AND the way you taste.
It takes a moment for it to sink in.
The way I taste. But we've never…
Edward stares at me intently as he raises his hand to his chin and places the tip of his finger between his lips. To anyone else, it might look like he is biting a nail in concentration. But I know what he's doing.
He's been patient with me, but he wants to do it. And I can't figure out what my hang up is. Carmen says I must be completely mental. I'm beginning to think she's right. Every time I think I'm ready, I freeze at the last minute.
Several times a week, he finds some way to remind me. I guess his plan is to make me think about it, so I'll think about it. Not that I don't already think about it because I do. I even have wicked dreams about it.
I shake my head and give him a disapproving look. He faces forward to pay attention to Banner, but I see the smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He knows he's winning.
We dismiss to the gym for the assembly.
Edward gets to sit on a hard, plastic chair under one of the basketball nets with the rest of the team. I get to cram in between Felix and Jane on the bleachers.
"How do you like the new stuff?" she asks as I place my backpack between my feet.
"It's good," I tell her. It is good. I just hate her skeezy boyfriend, Lonnie, who also happens to be the new hook up. He talks to Jane like she is a piece of trash, and the worst part is she lets him.
Mr. Greene steps up to a standing microphone that has been placed just beneath the other basketball net. He congratulates the cheerleaders on their recent victory at Regionals. And lucky us. They're going to perform their winning routine.
He steps back as cheerleaders run by on each side of him. They meet in the center of the gym, smiling and waving like they're movie stars. The whole thing is nauseating. They perform some long dance routine to a Technotronic song from the 80s.
When it's over, Coach Banks steps up to the mic. He yammers on and on about what an honor it has been to coach baseball here at PA for the last 27 years and officially announces his upcoming retirement to the entire school. Kids clap and some stand, but I keep my ass planted and roll my eyes.
He talks about how fantastic this year's team is. He introduces the boys, one at a time. They each stand when their name is called.
"This is the dumbest shit," Felix mutters.
"No doubt," I concur.
Jane laughs as the kids around us cheer and clap. I don't care if my boyfriend is on the team; this is lame. The whole thing lasts about 45 minutes, and Mr. Greene, in a rare moment of human decency, dismisses school early. It probably has nothing to do with the game against Klahowya at 4 o'clock. Right.
Edward pushes his way through the crowd, meeting me at the bottom of the bleachers.
"I have to go and change. You're coming, right?" His hands settle on my waist as the insecurity in his voice settles in my chest.
"Wouldn't miss it. Charlie isn't expecting me until tomorrow morning." I smile, leaning up on my toes to plant a little kiss at the side of his mouth. "Good luck."
"See you later," he grins, backing away.
I make a quick trip to McDonald's for a chocolate milk shake and fries. When I get to Renee's, I relax behind the carport long enough to smoke a bowl. Technically, it's the weekend. A few little tokes won't hurt anything. Then, I kill time watching cartoons until it is time to go to the game.
Renee is finally leaving the school as I'm parking. I catch her at her car long enough to tell her I'll be out late tonight. She smiles and says with any luck, she'll be out late too.
Ick.
Esme waves to me from her place in the stands. I wave back and motion to the concession stand. As I wait in line for a Coke, I find a small bottle of Victoria's Secret lotion in my purse. The last thing I want is his parents smelling weed on me. Especially this early in the day. The subtle lilac scent is one of Edward's favorites, and it overpowers any trace of pot stench.
I get my drink and a bag of popcorn before joining Edward's parents.
The game is long and boring, but Edward hits a double, helping two other players score. I guess Royce is a good pitcher; the Eagles don't manage to score and only get a couple of hits off of him.
After the game, Edward and I make plans for him to come over after he goes home to shower and change clothes.
"Yo, Cullen," Ben calls.
Edward and I both turn to look at him.
"Party at my house tonight," he continues.
"I don't know, man," Edward replies.
"Bella, talk him into it. My mom is visiting her boyfriend in Olympia this weekend, and the bar is fully stocked. Guaranteed good times."
I doubt it.
"We'll see. We might have other plans," I tell him.
Those other plans fly out the window the moment I find Renee sulking on the couch when I get to the house. Her friend missed his flight in Jacksonville and won't be back until tomorrow night.
I might be as disappointed as she is, but for an entirely different reason. No date means no empty house. Which means no sex for me. Unless I cave on the car fucking rule.
I toss a condom into my bag, just in case. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I can't believe I let that happen in the stairwell earlier. We could have gotten in so much trouble. That can't happen again. Better the Volvo than the principal's office. And maybe, just maybe, if we can catch a quickie a couple of times a week, we won't be snapping at each other every five minutes.
Jesus.
I'm penciling myself in for sex with my boyfriend. That is just fucking depressing. And the worst part is I feel like I can't even talk to him about it. He gets defensive every time I open my mouth lately.
I sulk in my room until Edward shows up. We decide to go out for a while. He's starving, and I should probably eat something besides junk food. He suggests the new pizza shop in town, close to the Armory Square Mall. Alec and Felix have been raving about this place and how freaking awesome the food is.
We find it easily. Pam's Pizza scores a zero on the name originality chart, but the food really is as good as everyone claims. They have the best Ranch dressing I have ever tasted. Edward and I split a small "Heavy Cheese" pizza. Mozzarella, cheddar, and feta. Fucking yum. He also orders an Italian sub and swears it's the bomb. This might just be my new favorite restaurant.
I try to pay for my half of the bill, but he refuses.
"What do you want to do now?" he asks as we walk to the Volvo after dinner.
I'm too full for the car sex right now, so I don't really care what we do. "Whatever."
"We could go by Ben's party."
"Or not," I tell him.
"You could at least try to get along with people, Bella."
Um. Wow.
I don't respond because there are at least five fuck yous sitting on the tip of my tongue. I shrug my shoulders and stare out the window, wondering when I became the bad guy.
Ben lives a few blocks away from Renee's house. I had no idea we were sort of neighbors. Emmett's jeep is parked out front, and I feel a little better knowing there will be at least one friendly face inside.
The guys aren't so bad. Aaron is shy and quiet. He's like a jock version of Jasper. He sits around watching without contributing much. All this time, I assumed he was a snob. Marcus is loud like Emmett and the two of them act like macho clowns all night, flexing muscles for their adoring fans.
There is weed, so I figure it can't be all bad. Emmett retrieves his bong from his jeep, and Ben says it's cool as long as we smoke in the garage. He and Irina follow us through the door with a few others. Great. I get to get stoned with a bitch. This should be fun.
I brought two joints of my own, so Edward and I share one, while the rest of the crowd bums off Emmett. Better him than me.
After that, I plant my ass on the couch next to Edward, and I don't move until I'm ready to leave at eleven. Edward needs a quick trip to the bathroom, so we agree to meet in the garage. Emmett is talking to a cutesie senior. I don't want to interfere with the hustle, so I leave without saying goodbye.
I slip outside and manage to light a stog before the door opens behind me. Royce comes strolling into the garage, surprisingly without his entourage.
"It's Bella, right?" he says. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets, and his steps are slow and deliberate.
I give him an are-you-fucking-kidding-me look.
"We've never been introduced," he insists. "I'm being polite."
I don't even know what to say to that. Plus, I'm high, and it's not helping.
"You're Royce King, and I'm Bella Swan. Did you see Edward in there?" I don't want to sit around with this asshole.
"He'll be busy for a few minutes. Rosalie is running interference."
What does that even mean?
"You seem like a no nonsense chick, and Ben says you're cool. So, I thought maybe we could work out a deal."
"Dude, I don't sell. I smoke a shit ton of weed, but I don't deal. My dad is a fucking cop," I tell him.
"And your mother is a teacher. I'm more interested in her," he says as he narrows his eyes. "I need the answer keys for the unit tests for this grading period. My average is a low C, and I need those tests to keep me eligible."
He wants me to help him cheat on my mother's tests.
"No," I tell him.
"Come on, Bella. We all do our part for the team." He leans in close. "And I am this team. They won't stand a chance without me pitching," he whispers.
I think of my mother. How much her job means to her. What she gave up so she could have it.
"No." I cross my arms for emphasis.
"You really shouldn't have said that," he says quietly, shaking his head.
He doesn't even look angry. Instead he is smiling. Like he knows some kind of awesome secret.
"What, you're threatening me?" I ask. Is he really this stupid?
"You should at least think about it."
"Maybe you should think about asking for some extra credit. She'll give it to you." My mother doesn't want anyone to fail her classes.
"I don't have time to get my real homework done at night. When would I find the time for extra work?"
Not my problem.
The door opens, and Edward finally joins us. I keep my mouth shut as he says goodbye to Royce, but I don't hang around for it. I take the keys from him and let myself into the Volvo.
"What took you so long?' I ask him as he closes the car door a few minutes later.
"Rosalie caught me at the door. She and a few of the girls want to volunteer to help with our fundraiser next weekend."
"The car wash?"
He nods.
Of course they do.
Thinking about Irina, Rosalie, and Tanya showing up for the car wash in bikinis is enough to piss me off all over again.
And Royce. What a fucker. I am not giving him the answer key to those tests, no matter what he throws at me. If I tell Edward about this, he'll confront Royce. Going up against the team captain and most popular kid in school would be social suicide. And knowing Edward, he would do it without a second thought.
"Are you okay?" he asks quietly.
"I'm fine," I lie, turning my head to watch the passing scenery.
"See, that wasn't so bad, was it?"
Not bad?
When he drops me off at Renee's, I don't invite him in. I'm tired and frustrated, and I need some space. He looks confused, but he doesn't push it.
I toss and turn, thinking about what a huge clusterfuck this baseball thing has turned out to be. Tonight was only the first game. There is a whole season left. Weeks. Months.
This sucks.
-o-
A/N: I'm sorry this is late. We've been doing some home improvement projects. I'm going to try to get the next few chapters out a little quicker if possible.
Remember the oneshot I mentioned a few chapters ago? It was for an anonymous contest, and voting ended yesterday. I should be able to post it to my profile later this week. If you're interested in reading it, hit that author alert button.
Thanks for reading.