14

Bella's heart felt like it would burst out of her chest as she rushed out of the building. A part of her wanted to rip the notebook out of Edward's hands and tear it into a million pieces so that he'd never know her selfishness, but the other part knew that Edward had opened himself up to her and in return, she needed to do the same.

Jasper was standing by the jeep when she came out, earbuds in and listening to whatever playlist was speaking to him at the time. He looked up as Bella walked up to him, and smiled. "Hey."

Bella smiled, giving him a small wave.

"You okay?" he asked, his brow furrowing in worry.

She nodded, unsure if the gesture was the truth or not.

"Hey, why weren't you at my door, pressuring me to hurry like you normally are?" Emmett asked, walking up to her and Jasper.

Bella smiled, and shrugged her shoulders. Truth be told, all she could think about was leaving before Edward had the chance to say or do anything. She'd imagined him shoving the notebook back in her face, telling her that he wasn't going to waste his time with her nonsense. A shiver ran through her, but only Jasper seemed to notice. He gave her a look, questioning the movement, but with a quick shake of her head, she silently asked him not to press the issue, especially with Emmett right there.

"About ready?" Emmett asked, clapping his hands together. "Rose was hoping to get off early so we're going on a date."

Bella nodded, before signing, "Taking her somewhere special?"

"Been awhile since we've had a night out, so I was thinking about taking her to Port Angeles. Maybe catch a movie, or go dancing, or I don't know," Emmett said, blushing around his ears. "Just need a night alone."

As he was talking, the doors to the school opened and Bella looked over, watching Alice and Edward walk out. They stopped, and their eyes met and a feeling of hope filled her heart. It was a feeling she didn't understand, one that scared the shit out of her. Smiling, Bella shifted her eyes over to Emmett and motioned for them to go.

When they got home, Emmett rushed inside, muttering something about taking a shower and smelling good for his woman. Jasper grabbed Bella's arm and dragged her upstairs into his bedroom. Slamming the door shut behind him, he turned and gave Bella a long, penetrating look — one that she knew well. Jasper had always been able to read her, knowing when she was upset, sad, or just needed time for herself. It was just one of the reasons they got along so well.

"What the fuck is going on, Bella? Did someone say something hurtful to you? Because if they did, I'll kick their ass."

Sighing, Bella flopped down on his bed, covering her eyes with her arm. How could she explain anything without giving Edward's secrets up? He'd trusted her with the most intimate details of his life, and she couldn't betray him. Bella felt the bed dip down and moved her arm, finding Jasper lying next to her, waiting patiently for her to explain.

Bringing her hands up in front of her, Bella signed, "Edward shared something with me today — something private. So, in return, I kind of wrote out some stuff about me in a notebook and gave it to him. Well, actually, everything about me."

"The fire, the tumor, all of it?" he asked, blowing out a heavy breath.

Bella nodded, waiting for his reaction. When she saw the darkness fill his eyes, she knew he wouldn't take it easily.

"Why would you do that?" he asked, the worry and fear in his words evident.

Bella knew that — like her — Jasper struggled with what happened to their parents. While she was lost inside of herself with no way to express the feelings running rampant in her heart and soul, Jasper threw himself into music, letting it dull the ache he felt. Music was his drug, his lifeline. She envied his ability to let his passion ease the pain.

Huffing, she sat up and turned her body toward him and sent her hands in a hurried frenzy as she tried to explain. "Edward's different. I can't explain why, but he is. When he looks at me, it's not like he's staring at the mute freak, but seeing me, the real Bella. This sounds crazy, I know that, but it's like, I need him to understand me, Jas. I need him to!"

"Need him? Need him!" he exclaimed, climbing off the bed and pacing back and forth in front of her. "How can you need him when you don't know him?"

Bella scrambled off the bed, grabbing his arm so he'd stop. She felt defensive, craving his understanding to why she put herself out there. "When I'm not around him, I feel lost and alone. I hate that he makes me feel like that, Jasper! I didn't want to like him, or to be his friend, but there is this look in his eyes that makes me feel . . ."

Dropping her hands to her side, Bella shook her head, unable to explain her feelings because she didn't understand either. Turning, she sat on the edge of Jasper's bed, and closed her eyes, feeling the burn as tears threatened to fall.

"He really makes you feel better?" Jasper asked, sitting down next to Bella.

She nodded, keeping her eyes closed.

"What if you're wrong about him?" he whispered.

Bella opened her eyes, looking over at him. Shaking her head, she brought her hands up in front of her, and answered him in the only way she could: "Then, I'm wrong, I guess, but I have to try, don't I?"

"I guess," Jasper muttered, clearly unconvinced that Bella had made the right decision.

Standing up, she leaned over and kissed his cheek before leaving him in his room and walking into hers. He'd spend the night worrying about her, fretting over Edward hurting her, or worse, betraying Bella's faith in him, but deep inside her heart, Bella knew that Edward would be worth everything.

—SW—

Bella was up early the next morning, unable to handle just staring at the ceiling any longer, and had pulled her book out of her backpack so she could read. Or try to, at least. All night, she had imagined Edward's reaction to her story. She pictured him coming up to her, screaming in her face about being a loser and a freak, telling her that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore before spitting on her and leaving her standing there with her humiliation.

Rejection wasn't new to her. After the accident, the children she and Jasper had gone to school with had turned their backs on them, shunning them for being different. At the time it had been difficult to handle, but eventually she came to accept their rejection, not needing them anymore than they needed her. But Edward — he was different. Bella did need him, and it scared the shit out of her.

"Bella, are you awake?" Jasper asked through her bedroom door.

Pulling her bottom lips between her teeth, she dropped her book on her bed and knocked on the wall. It was the signal they'd come up with after she'd lost her voice so she could tell him it was okay to open the door. The door opened, and Jasper lifted his eyes up to hers, smiling softly.

"Can I come in?"

Bella nodded. Jasper pushed off the doorframe and walked over to her bed, sitting on the edge and placing his elbows on his knees. Wearing only a pair of plaid pajama pants, the muscles in his back were taunt and tense. He'd hardly spoken to her the night before at dinner. Esme had ordered pizza in since Emmett and Rose went out, and she didn't feel like cooking for the three of them. Bella worried that Jasper would stay angry at her for telling Edward about the fire and cancer, but in her heart, Bella knew she had made the right decision. She just didn't understand why she knew it was the right choice.

"I watch her," he whispered, keeping his eyes turned from her. "All the time."

Bella just sat there, waiting for him to keep talking.

Jasper sighed, and dropped his head into his hands. "She tries so hard to disappear, to go away, but she can't. Maybe from everyone else, but not from me."

Scooting over, Bella wrapped herself around Jasper, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I hope you're right about him," he murmured.

For several minutes, Bella and Jasper just sat there, letting the weight of the situation hang over them. Eventually, the sounds of their family moving around broke through the silence that was filling Bella's room, and Jasper kissed the top of her head before leaving her alone with her thoughts. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Bella shifted her eyes over to the photograph on her nightstand and felt her eyes fill up with tears. More now than ever, she wished Charlie and Renee were here to tell her whether or not she was making a mistake by reaching out to Edward.

Half an hour later, Bella grabbed her backpack from next to her bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen, having showered and dressed for school. Emmett and Rose were sitting at the table, his arms wrapped around her and her leaning into his embrace while staring deeply into his eyes. Purposely kicking her chair to let them know she was in the room, Bella laughed inwardly when they broke apart and looked at her with red cheeks and sheepish expressions.

Though it wasn't always easy for Bella to be around them, she was happy that Rose was there for Emmett when he needed her, and he was the same for her. The death of her parents, and the damage done to Charlie and Renee had drawn them closer together, solidifying their relationship.

"Hey, Butterbean," Emmett said, standing up and opening the door to the fridge. "Hungry?"

Knowing that if she said no, he'd just worry and push her to tell him why, Bella simply nodded and gestured to the box of cereal on the counter. Emmett rolled his eyes, but grabbed the box of Lucky Charms, a bowl, the milk, and a spoon, placing it all in front of her. Filling her bowl and pouring the milk over it, Bella smirked as she took a big bite, causing him to grimace.

"I don't know how you can eat that shit," he muttered, sitting back at the table and picking up his coffee cup, taking a sip. "It's nothing but sugar."

Bella cocked and eyebrow in the direction of the dark nectar he was sipping.

"This is different," Emmett told her. "Coffee is from is a gift from God, sent down just to keep older brothers from kicking their annoying little sister's ass. By drinking it, I'm saving you from a beating."

Rolling her eyes, Bella scooped up another spoonful of cereal and stuffed it into her mouth, chewing it several times before parting her lips and showing him her food.

"Ew!" Rose cackled, falling in her seat and laughing.

"Butterbean, shut your mouth," Esme snickered, walking into the kitchen. Jasper was right behind her, and looked over at Bella, whose mouth was still wide open.

"Lucky Charms?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow and Bella nodded. "Is there any left?"

Bella swallowed her mouthful and picked up the box, shaking it to show that there was still plenty left for him.

"All right!" Jasper grabbed the box from her and fell into the chair next to Bella, filling his own bowl, adding milk, and stuffing a spoonful into his mouth. "Damn, that's good."

"Gross, Jas," Rose grumbled, shaking her head. Jasper shrugged his shoulders, and a dribble of milk fell out of his mouth and onto his shirt. "Dude, have some manners."

"I have manners," he mumbled around his mouthful.

"Whatever," Rose scoffed, picking up her coffee and taking a sip. She looked over at Bella and smiled. "This is good coffee, Bella. Thank you for setting the pot up last night. I meant to get it ready before we left, but Emmett was in a hurry."

"Was not," Emmett muttered.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and dropped her spoon into her bowl before signing, "You're welcome. I figured you and Em would be out late, and knew that you'd want some this morning."

"What'd you end up doing?" Esme asked, sliding into her chair and grabbing a piece of toast from Emmett's plate.

"Thief!" he wailed, reaching for it, but Esme elbowed him in the arm. "Damn it, Es. You're gonna leave a bruise with those boney elbows!"

"Big baby," Esme laughed, taking a big bite off the end.

Jasper was trying his hardest to hide his laughter, as was Rose, but Bella was just sitting there, watching her family interact together, playing and teasing each other. Ducking her head, she turned away from them, wishing more than anything that she could laugh with them — a real laugh, from deep inside of her soul. It had been so long since she's made a sound, she'd forgotten what her voice even sounded like.

"Whatever," Emmett grumbled. "Rose and I had dinner at that little Italian place in Port Angeles, and then we went dancing at Club Venom."

"But we didn't stay there long," Rose explained, reaching over and brushing Bella's hair behind her shoulder. When Bella looked up at her, Rose just smiled, like she could read her thoughts. "The DJ sucked, and the bartender kept flirting with me so we left."

"Asshole," Emmett muttered and shook his head. "We ended up stopping down at First Beach and walking along the beach for a while before we came home."

"Aw, that sounds romantic," Esme cooed.

Dropping her spoon in her bowl, Bella stood up, grabbed her backpack, and signed, "I'll be in the jeep."

"You okay, Butterbean?" Esme asked, a frown slipping over her lips.

Bella simply nodded before walking out of the house and to the jeep, sliding into the passenger seat. She pushed her backpack onto the floor board and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and laying her head on top. Emmett and Jasper came out a few minutes later, neither of them questioning her over her abrupt exit from breakfast, which Bella was glad about. She was being silly — this much she knew — but there were times when she felt so out of place with her small family.

Emmett drove them to school and parked in his usual spot. He reached out and placed his hand on the back of Bella's head. Staring out the window, she simply reached up and covered his, telling him that she was okay, that she just needed a minute.

"Love you, Butterbean," Emmett whispered before slipping his hand out from under hers and climbing out of the jeep and heading into the building.

Jasper moved from the backseat to the front seat, but didn't speak to her. After a few minutes, the two of them grabbed their bags and headed inside and made their way to their first period classes. Bella's heart was racing in her chest as she slid into her desk and watched the door for Edward. Each passing second felt like they were taking a thousand years, and Bella could feel her breath coming out thicker and shorter as time passed. Just before the final bell rang, Edward stepped into the doorway, his eyes automatically seeking out hers. In that moment, Bella felt something she'd never experienced before: the flutter of nervous butterflies.