Tony stood next to his Mustang at the gas station waiting for the tank to fill up. He'd burned almost a whole tank of gas driving through the back roads of Virginia this afternoon. Good thing I don't get like this that often, he thought. Gas is too expensive. Most of his drive time had been spent thinking about the kid he'd killed. When he picked up his car from the Navy yard, he'd also gone inside NCIS and done a little research on Dimitri Novikov. He was the only child of Russian immigrants. His parents had been killed in a car accident about two years ago in Boston. Witnesses described a hit and run by an erratic driver but no one had ever been charged. It was very likely their deaths had been a professional hit.
Since losing his parents, Dimitri had been living with his uncle. His relationship with the Washington boss may have been the only reason he was still alive. He had a rap sheet a mile long but very little of it came from helping with the family business. When Tony checked with a buddy in the organized crime unit in Baltimore, he had learned that Dimitri had a reputation for being a wildcard. He had a difficult time with authority in every setting. Within the mafia organization, he was known for not following orders. There were even those who wondered if he'd been the one to purchase the hit on his parents. As much as Tony hated the thought, he suspected he'd done the mafia a favor by taking out the kid. Gibbs was right. This kid's situation and Ziva's were entirely different.
After talking with Gibbs, Tony was ready to put this behind him and attempt to get back to normal. And normal meant figuring out a way to salvage the start to the New Year for both him and Ziva. Trouble was he was fresh out of ideas. He'd never been that good at this anyway. Most of his date ideas were designed with just one end goal in mind. When he'd stayed with the same woman long enough to be in a relationship in the past, he usually borrowed most of his ideas from the movies. That just didn't feel right with Ziva. She liked meaningful. The Kennedy Center idea had been sheer luck. And it wasn't something he could repeat at seven o'clock in the evening on New Year's Day. Or could he? Maybe not the whole symphony but a little Sinatra was doable. An idea was taking shape.
Tony stopped at his apartment to pick up what he needed. As he was pulling things together, he thought about Ziva's face this morning when he left her apartment. She had been trying so hard to make it easy for him to leave without guilt. At the same time, her eyes told him that she was hurt that he wanted to be alone. Time together really means a lot to her, he thought. It especially means a lot to her when it isn't superficial. Thinking back over the last four and half years, he recalled the times when she'd been the most unhappy with him. Aside from him killing Rivkin, it had almost always been when he'd refused to talk seriously with her. Making a decision, Tony grabbed his bag from the night before and dumped out the contents. Then he repacked it with everything he needed for the next two days. If he had his way, he wouldn't see his apartment again until Sunday night.
Ziva watched as the third quarter of the Rose Bowl began. The Buckeyes were not playing as well as they had the first half. As the Ducks came within a point of tying the score, Ziva lost her battle with feeling sorry for herself and Tony. This is a truly terrible start to the New Year, she thought. Tony's favorite team is probably going to lose on top of everything else. Before she could completely descend into the pit of self-pity, her phone chirped. It was a text from Tony.
"Where r u?" the display read.
"Home. Where r u?" she typed in reply.
"Open ur door."
Ziva immediately dropped her phone and hurried to her door. She opened it to find a smiling Tony.
"I thought you might be staying with Gibbs tonight," Ziva told him.
"Gibbs won't let me sleep in his bed," Tony replied with an audacious grin.
"Your hands wander, yes?" Ziva teased.
"Nah, I just steal the covers," Tony quipped.
"I have noticed this as well. I have been meaning to discuss it with you," Ziva said with a mock glare.
Pretending to ignore her menacing expression, Tony reached out and pulled Ziva into his arms. Whispering in her ear, he asked, "If I promise to keep you warm, can I sleep in your bed tonight? And the next night?"
Ziva pulled away just enough to slip her arms up around Tony's neck. "You will not be able to sleep very well," she warned.
"It's worth it," he told her as his lips moved to hers.
As the kiss continued, Ziva felt Tony's hands slide to her waist and she started involuntarily. Disappointed, she expected Tony to end the kiss but he did not. He left his hands still and she began to relax again. Tony didn't stop after one kiss either. As long as Ziva didn't need to end this, he planned to continue. Not accustomed to spending so much time on just kissing, Ziva was amazed at how wonderful it felt. I could do this all night, she thought, before they were interrupted by an amused cough.
"You two might want to shut the door before you get too carried away," Lucy teased.
Tony turned around while keeping one arm still firmly around Ziva's waist. He refused to let her pull away. "Sorry for the show, Lucy."
"No need to apologize to me, young man. It's just not what I usually see when I take the trash out," Lucy said with her eyes still sparkling. She was glad to see everything seemed to be right again with her dear friends.
"Here, Lucy, I will take it for you," Ziva said. Seeing Tony's look, she told him, "You should check the score. You are missing the last part of the game."
Tony was not stupid. He realized Ziva was leaving him alone with Lucy intentionally. He motioned for Lucy to go into Ziva's apartment while he picked up his bags.
"I was planning to come by tomorrow but I guess you can have your say now," Tony said with his most charming smile.
"First, you'd best check on the game as Ziva suggested. Your quarterback is stepping up. Finally living up to expectations I'd say," Lucy told him before laughing at the surprised look on his face. "I've got a son, a son-in-law, and two grandsons who are all football fans. Not to mention a daughter-in-law who puts all four of them to shame. I pay attention. And I happen to enjoy watching football now and then. Especially when I have a reason to cheer on a particular team."
Tony turned to the television just in time to see the Buckeyes score a touchdown. With only seven minutes left in the game, his team had likely clenched the victory. Muting the television, he told Lucy, "That's probably the game. Thought they were gonna blow it in the third but you're right. Pryor's having a career night."
Lucy sat on the Ziva's couch and patted the spot beside her. Tony didn't hesitate to join her. He had no doubt Lucy intended to encourage him and he was finally ready to hear it.
"You've chosen a difficult career for yourself, young man. You know, I spent several years as a secretary for Legal Aid while my kids were in college. I had some tough days. We faced some difficult decisions about our clients sometimes but I never had to choose whether someone lived or died," Lucy began.
"Yea, firing my gun at someone is not my favorite part of the job," Tony admitted.
"No, I imagine it isn't. I used to think my day had been stressful until I got home and Matthew would tell me about his work. You have to make life or death decisions every day. It isn't the same as deciding which stock to buy or which products to put on sale this week. Sometimes you're forced to choose what's best when either choice could very well end a life. And you have to make that choice in a split second when you're facing danger yourself. I don't know where we'd be in this world if we didn't have heroic men and women like you who are willing to do that. I've told you this before and I'm going to say it again, I'm proud of you," Lucy said with a gentle pat to his knee.
"Thanks, Lucy," Tony replied not quite able to voice just how much it meant to hear her say she was proud of him. Those were not words Tony had heard very often in his life.
"Now, I'm going to leave you alone," Lucy said with a smile. She stood and dropped a tender kiss on Tony's forehead. "You need to get back to getting carried away with a pretty girl. She was worried about you today."
"I know, Lucy. I'm going to make it up to her," Tony promised.
"Now don't you worry about that. None of this was your doing and our Ziva is glad to have someone to worry about. You just enjoy each other," Lucy said as Ziva returned.
After telling Lucy good night and shutting the door behind her, Ziva joined Tony on the couch. He pulled her close against him and was ready to begin kissing her once again when she spoke.
"You do not want to see the game? I recorded it so you could watch all of it. I did not know if Gibbs's television actually works," Ziva asked as she put a little space between the two of them. "What?"
"You were watching the game and you recorded it for me? Do you even like football?"
"American football is alright, I guess. I prefer hockey or the other football but it was your team. I was reading while I was watching," Ziva tried to backtrack. She was embarrassed to admit she had watched the game just because of Tony.
"You're so into me that you watched my alma mater even when I wasn't here. That's kind of a turn on, Ziva," Tony teased. He was really thrilled but he didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
"You think everything is a turn on, Tony," Ziva countered.
"Everything about you. Kissing you wins over football. Come here," Tony said attempting to pull her close once more.
"You did not shave today," Ziva said running her hand along his face.
"That bothers you? Cause my razor's in my bag. I could go…" Tony was not ashamed to admit he'd do pretty much anything to be kissing Ziva again.
"I do not mind it while we are kissing but my skin will be raw afterwards," she told him.
"Come on, just one more kiss and then I've got something else planned for us," Tony replied attempting to capture her lips.
"What do you have planned?" Ziva asked effectively thwarting Tony's kissing endeavor yet again.
"Kiss me and you'll find out," Tony challenged.
This time Ziva rewarded his efforts and placed her hands on his shoulders before leaning in to place her lips on his. She didn't hesitate and escalated the kiss quickly. Not wanting to dampen her enthusiasm, Tony put his hands in her hair this time. Before the kiss finally ended, they were both breathless.
Tony stared at Ziva until she finally asked, "What?"
"You look like you've been thoroughly kissed," he teased as he took in her messy hair, swollen lips, and, as she'd predicted, the red skin around her mouth. He tenderly ran his thumb across her lips.
"It was worth it," she said. "Now, what do you have planned?"
"It's no big deal. I just…we didn't get to celebrate the New Year when it arrived last night so I thought we could do it now," he said.
As he spoke, Tony moved off the couch and retrieved the shopping bag he'd left by the door. While he was by the door, he turned off the overhead lights. The reading lamp on the end table by the couch was all that was left to illuminate the room. Next, he removed an ice bucket that contained chilling champagne from the bag and sat it on Ziva's coffee table. He then sat two glasses beside it. Before opening the champagne, he shut off the television and pulled his ipod from his pocket. After connecting it to Ziva's sound system, he selected a song.
"Frank Sinatra," Ziva said with a smile as she recognized the music.
"Yea, Ol' Blue Eyes himself. Dance with me?" Tony invited and Ziva rose off the couch to join him.
They danced through several songs before Tony decided they should toast the New Year before it officially ended. After they had each emptied their glasses, Ziva hesitantly asked if they could dance again.
"You are enjoying this," Tony observed as he held her close. "I have dinner reservations for us tomorrow night. We could go dancing afterwards. Not clubbing. Somewhere more upscale."
"I would like that," Ziva told him secretly thrilling at the fact that he made plans without asking about her availability. He really thinks of us as couple, she thought before telling him, "I would enjoy clubbing sometimes as well. In Israel, discos are very popular. I used to go with my friends when I was not on a mission."
"Really? Cause I've never really seen you get that into it when we've gone out with everyone from work."
"I guess I was self-conscious. The dancing is not exactly the same," Ziva explained.
"I'm sure you're good at it. You do a pretty damn good Shakira imitation at least," Tony teased before letting go of her to switch his ipod to a faster song. "Show me."
"No, there is not enough room. You will have to take me out if you want anything besides slow dancing," she insisted.
"Come on," he begged. Seeing the stubborn look she gave him, he relented and asked, "Just tell me your favorite then. What is it? Ballroom? Swing? Hip-Hop?"
Ziva knew Tony was teasing her in attempt to get her to counter with a serious answer. "Crumping," she told him.
"What? What is that? I never even heard of that but it sounds kind of hot. Did you make it up?"
"It is real but I might have the word wrong. It is that type of dancing where people look like they are fighting and challenge each other. Like this," Ziva explained before giving him a brief demonstration.
"Okay. I can see how you might be into that. I've seen kids doing it on the street but I don't know what it's called either. Uh, I'm not sure where we would go…," Tony started before he realized Ziva was messing with him. "Cute, Ziva. I was being serious here. Trying to get ideas for taking you out."
Taking pity on him because of his sincerity, Ziva reached up and gave Tony a quick kiss. "I am easy to please. I do not care so much where we go as long as we are spending time together. I am used to being apart from the people I care about much of the time. Being together is important to me."
"Yea, I'm starting to get that about you," Tony said.
"That is why you asked if you could stay all weekend even though you will not get much sleep," Ziva observed.
"It was one reason. Having more opportunities to kiss you might be another," he said with a smirk before turning more serious. "You know I'll always stop, right? I'm not trying to push the boundaries here. I don't have any expectations. I'm just enjoying whatever happens."
"I know, Tony. I trust you. I think you must like to torture yourself but I enjoy kissing you. As long as you are okay with it, so am I."
"Don't worry about me. I'll just run down to the parking garage and lift a few cars after you are asleep. No worries."
"What? What do you mean lift cars? I do not understand."
"You haven't heard that one before? It's an expression. A guy lifts cars to, you know, relieve the, uh, discomfort," Tony explained.
"Oh. How does that…that cannot possibly work. I do not see why you would not just relieve the discomfort yourself," Ziva said in a matter of fact voice.
"Ziva! God, sometimes I forget how blunt you are. I mean, did you just tell me to…," Tony said in disbelief.
"I do not see what the big deal is. You tease McGee about it all the time. You should not be uncomfortable talking about it…now you are teasing me," Ziva realized.
"Yea, but seriously between the crumping earlier and this…it's time to change the subject," Tony admitted.
With a pointed look down, Ziva asked, "You liked the crumping then?"
"Oh, yea. But I think you better not do it again until we are actually having sex…Ziva, I mean it, stop. Now," he said emphatically as she started dancing again.
"I am sorry. That was not fair to you. I will not do it again," Ziva apologized.
"You've been doing it for the last four and half years and it hasn't killed me yet," Tony told her in an effort to keep her from feeling guilty.
"Yes but you were free to, uh, relieve the discomfort with another woman then. If you do that now, I will be forced to kill you," Ziva explained.
"Good point," Tony said as he pulled her close for another kiss.
Tony glanced at the clock on the bedside table. It was just a little after two. He held Ziva with her back to his chest and his arm draped around her waist. Her breathing had evened back out and she finally had relaxed her death grip on his hand. Hopefully that meant she was asleep again. It must have been one hell of a dream for her to admit she wanted to be held. He hadn't fallen asleep yet when she'd screamed and jerked to a sitting position with her gun in hand. He'd remained quiet until she gradually reoriented. With the grip she had on her gun, he didn't want to risk startling her. When she'd finally looked at him with recognition, he simply asked if it was about Somalia.
"No. They killed you. The Russian mob got to you before I could stop them," she explained as she slipped her gun back under her pillow.
With the gun no longer an issue, he'd reached out to comfort her. "Come here. It's okay. I'm fine. No one is after me. Besides, is there anywhere I could possibly be that's safer than your bed?"
She'd laid back down with her back to him to hide her tears but immediately reached for his arm to pull around her. She'd asked him not to let go and he'd promised he wouldn't. The intensity of her reaction to the dream forced him to acknowledge what he had avoided all day. Whether or not she meant to say it aloud the previous evening, she loved him. Even a week ago that word would have completely freaked him out. I'm sort of okay with it, he thought in surprise. It looked like she was going to let him get away with not talking about it. That reinforced his theory that she wasn't aware of what she'd said.
Still holding Ziva, Tony whispered into the dark, "I know you meant what you said, Princess. And I'll say it back. I will. I'm not quite ready yet but I will be. Soon. I promise."
The feather light touch of her lips to his hand told him his fairy princess hadn't been asleep after all. Her continued silence told him that she was content to let that be all that was said about it for now. Tony pulled her a little closer. You have no idea how grateful I am to be with such an amazing woman, he thought silently. He had no idea that by this same time tomorrow he'd be even more grateful than he was now.
Ziva woke first on Saturday morning. Grateful to see that Tony appeared to have gotten some sleep, she quietly slipped out to start the coffeemaker. Mission completed, she hurried back to the warmth of the bed and her still sleeping boyfriend. Feeling a lingering uneasiness from her dream, she pressed in close to Tony and he reached out to comfort her as he slept. With peace continuing to elude her, Ziva held to him tightly. Tony woke a few minutes later to find Ziva's head on his chest and her arm tightly around his waist.
"You okay?" he asked groggily.
"No, something is wrong but I do not know what."
"It's probably just that dream you had. Sometimes nightmares feel more real than real does, you know? Try not to think about it. So what do you want to do today?" he asked in an effort to distract her.
"You said we had reservations tonight. Where? Do I need to dress up?" Ziva asked.
"Two Quail. It's casual," Tony informed her.
"I have heard it is also very romantic," Ziva replied as the smell of coffee began to drift in from the kitchen.
"That was the idea," Tony said with grin. He started to kiss her and then caught himself as she grimaced. "I know. Go brush my teeth first."
They'd spent most of the day relaxing. They'd started the morning by going for a run. Afterwards, Tony had gone with Ziva to the organic grocery she usually frequented on Saturdays. He'd turned an otherwise boring and routine shopping trip into a standup comedy routine in an effort to keep Ziva from worrying. She tried to hide it but he could tell she was still unsettled. Tony had delivered the fruit Ziva usually purchased for Lucy and invited their friend to lunch. After Lucy left, they spent the afternoon on the couch with Tony watching bowl games and Ziva reading.
About an hour before they were supposed to leave for dinner, Ziva disappeared into her bathroom. When she reappeared, Tony was speechless. She had softened her normal look considerably. Dressed in a hip-length fitted black silk sweater and flowing black and white skirt that fell just above her knees, she looked almost sweet. The soft fabric clung to every curve causing her to exude an understated sexiness. Her hair was not as straight as she'd been wearing it recently but was not really curly either. It fell softly around her face and added to the romance of her outfit.
"Wow. You look…wow," Tony said at a loss.
"I think you meant that as a compliment, yes?"
Dinner was everything that Tony had hoped it would be. Ziva had finally relaxed. Tony was determined to keep the evening enjoyable. He did not mind if the conversation turned serious but he did not want to focus on any of the difficulties of the past few months. Hoping to steer the conversation away from the past, he surprised both himself and Ziva with his first question.
"You know that photo album Lucy gave you?" Tony asked. "I was wondering what you want to put inside it."
"What do you mean?" Ziva responded.
"Your new life that you're making for yourself. What do want it to be like? Let's say it's ten years from now and you open the photo album to look back. What do you see?"
"Are you asking because you really want to know or because you think this is the kind of conversation I wish to have tonight?" Ziva asked.
"We talk about the past all the time, Ziva. I really want to talk about the future. If you're just living for the moment and you don't know, that's okay. But if you've got dreams, I'd really like to know what they are."
"I am not sure I know yet. I did not really expect to have a future. Before I came to NCIS for the first time, I thought it would be a miracle if I lived past my thirtieth birthday. And then I got to come here. I almost began to hope. I wondered what would happen if I found a way to stay. I started to feel secure. But Vance took it all away. He sent me back to Israel without any warning and I realized it was just an allusion. I stopped trying to hope even after I was able to come back. I stopped trying to pretend I might have a future and just focused on enjoying what time I had," Ziva explained.
"Yea, but that was before. Now you're here to stay. You can hope again," Tony encouraged trying to steer her away from focusing on the last year.
"I know that I want to be a citizen and an agent. And…I am just focusing on that for now."
"But there is something else you're thinking about. I can tell. Come on, what is it?" Tony prodded. When she didn't answer, it hit him. "You really don't want to tell me, do you?"
"It is just that it is new and something I never considered possible until now. And I am afraid you will make a joke of it," Ziva explained hesitantly.
"Okay. I earned that…" Tony started before Ziva interrupted.
"I am sorry, Tony. I did not mean…"
"No, you're right, Ziva. It's fair. When you've tried to talk to me about stuff like this in the past, I've blown you off. I even made fun of you. But I won't do it this time. I promise. But if you're not sure you can trust me on that, I understand. I…"
"I want Lucy's life," Ziva blurted out and then rushed to continue before she lost her courage. "I want a family full of people I love who love me in return. I want to double all my recipes every time I cook. And I want never ending laundry instead of doing a couple of loads every two weeks. I want to hear noise and laughter and music in my house all hours of the day and night. And I want to share all of it with the same person for fifty years."
"So I guess this is when you expect me to make a crack about how it sounds like you dream of starring in a fifties sit-com. Hey, I know, you could call it I Love Lucy. But, you know, I promised so I'm not going to say anything like that," Tony teased earning him a small smile from Ziva.
"What are you going to say Tony?"
"Well, uh, I think that's a really big dream, Ziva. Lucy's probably the only person I know who has been able to stay in love with one person for that long. But hey, six months ago we thought you were dead and here you are. So maybe nothing's impossible."
It was not exactly what Ziva had hoped to hear but at least it was honest. Not willing to stop now that they'd begun, Ziva turned the question back on Tony.
"You must answer the question now. What is in your photo album in ten years, Tony?"
"I'm not really a photo album kind of guy. Storing a few pictures in my phone is more my style. If they're really good, I might print them out and put them on a bulletin board," he teased.
"You brought it up, Tony. You must answer the question as well."
"I was hoping you'd forget that rule. Okay, Ziva, here's the thing. This is going to sound like a cop out but it's the truth. I don't like it when things change. My impossible dream is to keep things the same. I want our team to always be together. I want the Boss to stay young and never retire. I want Probie to act like a probie and not get all confident. And I want you to always be my partner. I don't want to think about the future because that means it's something different from today and I like today the way it is. Sounds ridiculous, huh?"
"Change does not always have to be bad, Tony. For example, if everything stays exactly as it is right now, we will never have sex," Ziva told him trying to soften her point with humor.
"Okay, that can change. But nothing else," Tony joked.
"You were a good team leader, Tony. Have you ever thought about that?" Ziva prompted.
"For me to have my own team any time soon, it would mean leaving Washington. I'm cool with taking it slow."
"There is nothing wrong with taking it slow. Just as long as it is not an excuse because you do not think you are capable of doing it."
"So you think I could do it? I mean, if I wanted to, that is," Tony asked.
"Of course. You did a very good job while Gibbs was in Mexico," Ziva told him.
"I thought you said I was insufferable," Tony reminded her.
"You were. And according to Gibbs, that is what made you so good," Ziva teased before turning serious. "You do not give yourself enough credit, Tony. You always focus on one mistake instead of seeing the fifty other things you did well. You are a good man and a good leader."
Tony simply smiled his thanks and changed the subject to a more superficial topic. By his standards, he'd met his quota of meaningful for one evening. After finishing their dinner, they left the restaurant hand in hand and Tony paused to kiss Ziva before reaching to open the passenger door for her. Before he could touch the handle, he felt her grab his forearm in death grip and pull it back.
"Get away from the car. Now!" Ziva said as she dragged him into a dead run.
When she finally stopped a safe distance from the car, Tony looked at her terror stricken face. "Ziva, what the hell…"
"Call Gibbs. Tell him your car is wired to explode."