Hours after I got home from that stupid therapy session someone pushed a note under my bedroom door. Knock… knock… knock-knock-knock. Alice. That had been our secret knock, back when I wasn't the world's biggest, deaf ass-hole.
"Alice, go away." I grumbled through the door.
Another note. Edward! Open up!
"Go away." I repeated more firmly.
I'm just going to stand here until you open the door.
"Fine with me. It's not like I can hear you." I replied more than a little bitterly.
Edward.
Eddie.
Eddie-poo-poo.
Egbert.
Ed.
Edweird.
Edward!
I groaned as she slipped the last note through the crack. She really wasn't going away.
OPEN THE DOOR!
"What?" I shouted, throwing open my door. I had to laugh when she fell into the room as the door was pulled out from in front of her.
Alice scowled at me. "It wasn't that funny."
I couldn't talk through my laughs, so I settled for a nod. The thought that hysterics like this were probably a bad sign flitted briefly through my mind, but I pushed it away quickly. It felt too good to laugh. I hadn't done it in forever.
Once I had calmed down, Alice spoke again. "Look. You're still an ass. But you're an ass who my best friend has a huge crush on, and who is my brother. Therefore, I'm going to offer a truce. I'll help you get Bella, or at least stop sabotaging you."
I was suspicious. "What's the catch?"
"You have to stop being Mr. Oh-my-life-sucks-so-I'm-gonna-mope-around-and-do-nothing-productive. You have to come downstairs, eat dinner with us, and not hide in your room 24/7. Maybe you could even go really far out there and watch a movie with your family once or twice." It hurt to see the pain in her eyes, even though she covered it up with a hard, sarcastic mask. Still, I narrowed my eyes at her. "Seriously, Edward. We miss you. Esme is tearing herself apart with guilt. Did you know that she blames herself? Yeah. She thinks that if she had made more of an effort in the beginning you would be so awful now. You may be acting like a selfish jerk, but we need you." She looked dangerously close to tears.
And me being me, I had to push her off the edge. "How will that help? How will me pretending to be a happy, normal person help? Cause it'll be nothing more than an act! How do you think Esme will feel when I act fine for a few months, then suddenly lose it and kill myself?"
Her eyes were still glistening, but now they also held a burning rage. "You seriously thought about killing yourself?"
"Yes." I lied. I had thought about it, but I knew that I would never have the courage to actually do it.
"What the hell, Edward? How would that solve anything? How could you even consider it?"
"You don't know the kind of pain I'm in."
"Yes I do! You lost one of the most important things in your life. Well, so did I. I lost my brother, and I think that family is a hell of a lot more important than a career, or a pastime!" Now she was crying, and still sobbing, she ran out of my room, flinging the door shut behind her.
Oh God. What had I done? I stood paralyzed in the same spot I stood during my conversation with Alice. How could I have been so cruel? Even if she was wrong, that gave me no right to say what I had to her. I was distancing myself to help them, not hurt them.
Suddenly, I couldn't stay in this house one second longer. If I did there was no telling who I would scar in my meltdown. I flew down the stairs, towards the garage, pausing only to grab my keys and my wallet. I threw myself into the car and peeled off down the driveway and onto the road, the smell of burning rubber filling my nose.
I didn't let myself think at all. Not about where I was going, or when I would go home, or what I would have to face when I got there. I put my full concentration on driving without crashing. My mind was completely blank of emotion.
Before I knew it I was pulling up to Bennie's in Seattle. Bella's second job. Of course. I walked into the restaurant with no plan of what I would do next.
Bella was standing behind the hostess's station. She was wearing an apron with the Bennie's logo on it, and her hair was pulled away from her face. An involuntary smile invaded my face at the sight of her.
When she saw me her face was first excited, which quickly morphed to confusion followed by anger. "Edward. What are you doing here?"
"Well, I just happened to be in the area, so I thought I'd drop in and say hi." I decided to play it cool.
"Alice called me in hysterics about ten minutes ago. I know what happened."
"Oh." The smile was chased out of my expression in a heartbeat.
"She said that you two had a fight, in which you said you had thought about killing yourself. She flipped out at you. You freaked and took the car without telling anyone. Your family is in a panic. Alice and Esme are barely functioning. Carlisle, Emmet, and Rose are searching the streets for you." If looks could kill I'd be dead right now.
"Fuck."
"Yeah."
"Look, I'm sorry. I'll go."
"No. Wait. I want to know something. Why are you like this? You always seem so sweet and charming when you talk to me, but then I hear Alice tell me all of these horror stories about how you went into a deep depression after your accident and how your family is suffering because of it. I just don't get it. I mean, I get why you're upset. From what I can tell, you lost a huge part of your life, and that sucks. But you're letting it take away all of your life. It's just stupid."
I was stunned. She hated me. The only person who had made me happy since my accident hated me. The possible love of my life hated me. The thought popped into my head for the second time tonight. What have I done?
I couldn't answer. I couldn't defend myself. There was no defense for the way I had acted. It was mean and wrong and selfish, and I knew that. But for some reason I couldn't make it stop. "I—I have to go," I managed to choke out. I turned around, towards my escape, but not fast enough. Before Bella was out of my sight I saw the look of crushing disappointment and pity, and anger deep in her beautiful brown eyes.
I had screwed up big time. I was never going to win her now. Not now that she… hated me. How could I possibly win anyone I loved back, after the way I had treated them?
I got in my car and began driving again. Unfortunately, I did think this time. All I could do was think about all of the things I had done since my accident. All the times I pushed my family away when they tried to offer me a lifeline. All the times I chose having one long, never ending pity party for myself instead of making an effort in life. The pain was closing in on me, making it hard to drive. I needed something to take it away, before it could get any worse. I don't think I could handle worse.
I pulled into the lot of the first bar I saw. Using my excellent lying skills, and older appearance, I convinced the bartender to let me drink. Within the hour I had forced down half a bottle of whiskey. I was feeling much better now.
I charmed the first slutty girl to approach me and soon we were dancing to music I couldn't hear. I remember kissing her, and picturing Bella in her place, but I don't remember much after that. All I have are hazy memories of throwing back straight tequila, and then blackness.
Invisi-Girl: Edward has some serious issues man. He's gonna be in TROUBLE!
Ok that was really fun to write. All that angsty drama! It's like a soap opera, but way better! :D
Review for a hung-over, depressed, moody Edward! :) And one of our long replies!
Ultimate Power: We are getting good at this whole update thing! Haha. We each had like 3 months where we didn't write a chapter, but now we are back on track, so don't hate us….just hate her. KIDDING…mostly. Okay, I'm afraid to admit it, but I was waiting for Edward to get in a crash with this driving. Tisk tisk on him! Hmmm…..who shall I make this slutty girl? I shall name her Tommy! ROFL! Sorry, you guys don't get the humor in that. Anyway, I;m s ure no one read my A/N's anymore because they are pointless and long but I enjoy writing them! Review so I can reply back, I LOOOOOOOOOVE replying back (Invisi girl has learned not to take my replies away from me…I bite.)