Chapter 14: Demons

His shower hadn't helped. Shepard felt as weary as ever as he sat staring at his console. He needed to make his report to Hackett, needed to get it down in writing but he couldn't bring himself to do it right then. He was still angry with himself for failing Admiral Kohoku, whose lifeless body sat in a refrigerated casket in their cargo hold as they sped back toward the Citadel. He knew Kohoku had a family. He didn't know what the Alliance would tell them.

Cerberus. He knew enough about them now, all he needed to.

He'd spent the last couple of hours in his quarters after giving the order to return to the Citadel. He supposed it was time he shook it all off and headed out to take care of some business. He stood from his desk, unable to write his report and headed toward the bridge, where he knew Tali and Wesson were attempting to decrypt the data they'd recovered on Binthu. On his way up, he received the usual greetings from his crew. He didn't see Ashley on his way. He figured she was probably in the garage. He was almost hoping to run into her if only just to get one of her reassuring smiles. He nearly chuckled at the sentimental sappiness of his thought, and as he stood in the elevator he thought about it for a moment.

He wasn't surprised to discover that his feelings for Ash had become very real. She was an amazing woman. That much he couldn't deny. He was surprised however to have realized it so suddenly, like a flash of clarity. For a moment he wished things were different. For a split second he wished all this was over so they could see where whatever it is they had could lead. He wondered if it could lead anywhere. He reminded himself that it didn't really matter for now. Things were the way they were and they wouldn't change anytime soon.

He exited the elevator, pushing those thoughts to the back of his mind. He approached Tali and Wesson who appeared to be arguing, and Alenko, who seemed to be stuck in the middle of it. Kaidan turned to him as he approached.

"Commander, I was just going to comm you." He said.

Shepard nodded and addressed the group. "How's progress?"

Wesson looked frustrated. "She wants to try an untested decryption technique that could wipe all the data clean if it doesn't work. We've already extracted a lot of information but there seems to be so much more and it's buried so deep none of our programs can hack it."

Tali interrupted. "It has been tested. I have used it before. It's a risk, but think of the possibilities of what we can discover!"

"And think of all the evidence and data and names and places that we might lose if it fails," Wesson countered.

"All right, enough," Shepard commanded boldly. "What exactly have you been able to find out so far?"

Tali shook her head. "Mostly names, some key words that have no meaning. They may be the names of facilities or different projects or code words. We just don't know. There is too much buried still."

Wesson nodded. "The big thing is the names. Ran them through every database I could get my hands on. Get this… they're all in the Alliance Military database."

Shepard raised an eyebrow. "Now that is interesting…"

Kaidan spoke. "Does it say what those names are in relation to?"

"Yes," Tali responded. "But the context of the names in the files is part of the still encrypted data."

Shepard nodded. "Let me get a list of those names. I'll contact Admiral Hackett and see if he can tell me why there is Alliance personnel in Cerberus files."

"Yes sir," Wesson confirmed. "We already have them on disk. There are at least twenty names that match, though there may be more once we've finished with the whole thing." She handed Shepard the disk.

He thought for a moment, and then looked at Tali. "Tali, you said you've used this program you mentioned before? How did it turn out?"

Tali shrugged. "It worked. But it's unconventional which is why I understand Specialist Wesson's hesitancy to use it."

Shepard looked at Wesson, who appeared to be holding her tongue until she was spoken to. "Wesson I'd like to try what Tali suggests."

She clearly disliked the decision but she nodded firmly anyway. "Aye aye, Commander. We'll get right on it."

"Good. And good work. Both of you."

"Thank you sir," Wesson said. Tali nodded and Shepard could swear she was smiling under her helmet. He turned and walked back toward the comm. room, motioning for Kaidan to follow.

"Why would Cerberus have names of Alliance personnel in their files?" Kaidan said thoughtfully.

"I don't know." He sighed as they entered. "None of this makes any sense. Let's get Hackett." The door closed behind them and as Shepard punched in the call a grim feeling came over him. Something told him he didn't want to know all the answers.

"Hey Shesh," Ash greeted as she headed into the mess. Sheshi turned to her with a mug of coffee in her hand.

"Hey Chiefy. What's happening?"

Ash smiled and got herself a mug of coffee. "Not much. Just finished the mods on those Kovalyovs and coming up for air and caffeine."

Sheshi rolled her eyes and smiled. "You and your guns. You need a boyfriend."

Ash wrinkled her nose. "What? It's not like I spend all my time down in the garage."

Sheshi laughed. "Pretty much. Though I can't judge. I'm sitting at my console studying alien languages when I'm off shift usually. Makes me feel like that woman from those old Earth vids. Uhuro or Uhura or something. Star Wars? I dunno. Anyway that's some rough stuff about the Admiral."

Ash sighed. "Yeah. That whole place was just…" she shuddered. "Creeped me out." She paused. "I don't really wanna talk about it actually."

"I got you." They both moved to the table and sat. "The Commander looked pretty pissed when he got back too. I got out of his way. He's an intense guy."

Ash nodded. "Yeah. He is. Keeps his cool though. I don't know how he does it." Ash thought and sipped her coffee. "You know, he's kind of everything you'd want in a CO. He's tough, but fair and compassionate and he knows how to get the job done. And he cares about us, the crew I mean. He's a good man."

Sheshi paused for a little longer than Ash would have liked and she feared she may have said too much. She was relieved when Sheshi spoke again. "Yeah he is. I see that. Guy's got list of commendations a mile long. And some serious presence in a room. Doesn't hurt that he's pretty good looking. He's like a roughed up golden boy. Could be the poster kid for the Alliance really."

"I suppose," Ash said. It was the best response without betraying her real thoughts about how attractive Shepard was.

"You two seem pretty friendly."

"What does that mean?" Ash said more quickly than she intended.

Sheshi seemed surprised. "I just meant that you two seem to get along. You work closely enough I'm just sayin'…that's good right?" She narrowed her eyes. "What did you think I meant?"

Ash's stomach fluttered. "Nothing. Just that. You're right. We get along. It's good. He's the kind of guy who makes you happy to follow his orders, if that makes sense. We're on the same page." She smiled. "Not sure the same thing can be said for Wrex but… Have you seen him, anyway?"

"Who Wrex? Not if I can help it? He's like a battering ram with a mouth." Sheshi looked around nervously.

Ash smiled. "Eh Wrex isn't that bad. Not gonna say he's the cuddly squishy type that's for sure. But he's damn good in action. So far he seems to be watching the Commander's back. And no I meant have you seen Shepard? I wanted to tell him about those mods."

"Last I saw he was headed to the CIC with Lt. Alenko. Something about the data you guys recovered on Binthu."

Ash was a little disappointed. She knew she'd missed her window to ask how he was doing. In a way she was a little relieved. She decided to just let sleeping dogs lie. "Thanks," she said to Sheshi. "I'm heading back downstairs. I got some emails to go through and respond to. Family stuff." She got up.

"Later," Sheshi said, her face still in her mug. Ash walked off, headed for the garage. She did spend quite a lot of time there. It was private and spacious and she had a nice comfy chair to sit at her console when she wasn't maintaining weapons. She found herself there a lot in her downtime, reading, checking email, watching news vids etc. When she wasn't there she was usually in the mess or one of the other social areas of the ship.

Ash was a social creature. All through her childhood she'd been forced to learn how to make friends quickly since they moved around a lot. The skill had been useful when she joined the marines, and helpful in turning her into a decent squad leader. Ash loved her brothers and sisters in arms. It was important to her to maintain friendships with them, especially the ones she worked closely with. The double edged sword of course was that the pain of losing those people was made even greater. She understood now the marines that stayed distant from the others. She wasn't sure which path was lonelier at this point.

She sat at her console and pulled up her email. She turned on some music as she read. She had some downtime before they got to the Citadel. She sighed as she scrolled through her inbox. "Delete. Delete. Delete. No, I don't need to make my erection last longer. Delete." She was amazed that an Alliance military address could even receive so much spam. It's not as if she ever gave it out. The only people who had her email address were anyone in the military who looked her up, her family and a few of her friends. She finally came across an email from her sister Abby and opened it. She smiled. Inside was a video of her three year old niece Maddy, grinning and singing a little song for the camera. She laughed. She'd needed that. She crafted a short and sweet response to Abby and hit send.

Family was important to Ash. They were her touchstone. When everything else was going to hell, she could at least know that they were all safe and happy and living a normal existence. She wondered what that was like. Ash thought of her sister Abby, married, a mother. She worked a normal job, had a nice steady routine, made dinner for her family and spent time with her husband and friends at cookouts and dinners and birthday parties and such. It wasn't the life that Ash had chosen, but sometimes she wondered what it was like.

She stifled another urge to find Shepard and talk to him. She knew it seemed silly, but she wanted to make sure she wasn't spending inappropriate amounts of time with him. She was fairly certain that both of them wouldn't mind spending the time, but that was the point. The more she could avoid distraction the better. She was making it a point to try to only seek him out for conversation when she actually had something work related to say. She wondered if he was doing the same. It was easier that way. Fewer friendly interactions just for the sake of spending time together left fewer opportunities to give in to temptation. There had been moments where they'd narrowly avoided that crucial moment just before going in for a kiss, that shift in energy, the point of no return. Close calls that she craved, yet hated.

She sighed and kept checking her messages.

Back on the Citadel, Shepard made his way to the Alliance officer's lounge. Anderson had sent him a message asking him to meet and speak with him at the request of Admiral Hackett. Shepard wasn't sure what was so urgent that he couldn't tell him over the comm, but he got that feeling again. A pit in his stomach that told him he didn't want to know. But he had to.

As he entered he found Anderson sitting at a corner table, nursing a scotch of some kind. He nodded at Shepard as he made his way over to him and sat.

"Shepard. Thank you for coming." Anderson's voice already sounded grim.

Shepard nodded. "You wanted to see me, sir?"

"Yes. You want a drink?"

"No thank you, Sir."

Anderson sipped his. "Hackett asked me to speak with you. He thought it would be better coming from me I suppose, though I'm not sure anything will make this easier." Shepard narrowed his eyes questioningly but continued listening without interruption. "Those files you recovered from Cerberus. The names of the Alliance personnel. That was a good grab. Several of the people on the list have already been detained for questioning about their involvement with Cerberus. But there were some… exceptions."

Shepard shook his head. "Sir?"

Anderson cleared his throat and looked Shepard in the eye. "There were eight names of former Alliance scientists on that list. Seven of those men are now dead."

Shepard leaned forward. "What happened to them?"

"The scientists all had two things in common: They were former Alliance… and according to the files they all worked on a top secret project on Akuze."

Shepard stiffened. He didn't know where Anderson was going with this, but he knew he wouldn't like it, and he knew this was the feeling in his gut, that empty sense of dread. He swallowed. "What secret project? When?"

"The dates match the time frame when your unit was taken out." That was a gentle way of putting it, Shepard thought. A more appropriate word would have been "slaughtered."

"What does this mean?" Shepard asked. "What were they doing there? What are you telling me? How does that connect to what happened to my men?"

Anderson sighed and shook his head. "I don't know, Shepard. All we know is that these scientists were involved in a project on Akuze during your operation there and that that all but one of these scientists is dead." Anderson leaned forward. "I'm telling you this because I thought you should know. And because I have a feeling there will be more to this. And I don't want there to be any surprises for you."

Shepard's gut wrenched as he swallowed his confused anger. He nodded at Anderson. "Thank you for telling me this Sir."

Anderson reclined in his chair again. "If I were you I would see what this last doctor, this Dr. Wayne has to say about this. I just hope you're not too late."

"How do I find him?" Shepard was back to business. His default switch had been turned, his unwillingness to let himself get distracted by personal feelings.

"Oddly enough he's retired. Has a place on Bekenstein. I'll send you the coordinates, but you'd better hurry. He may be our only viable lead regarding Cerberus."

Shepard nodded, and then switched topics. "I'm sorry about Admiral Kohoku, he said. "I know you were friends. I wish I could have saved him."

"You did everything you could, Shepard, but thank you." It was clear the Captain didn't want to discuss it. "Is there anything else you need from me while you're here?"

Shepard exhaled. He already knew the answer to his question before he spoke. "Have you heard anything from Udina regarding the Council? Any leads? I hate to admit it, Sir but our boots are stuck in the mud until they can figure something out."

"I know. And no I'm sorry. I've been pushing Udina but the man is so god damned stubborn I think he's stalling just to spite me. I know you're frustrated. And I know your hands are tied while we wait for more intel. In the meanwhile there are still jobs to be done. Understood?"

"Understood, Sir." Shepard sat back. "Here I thought I was a patient guy," he grumbled.

Anderson smiled at him. "You remind me a lot of myself when I was your age, Shepard. I'll push at Udina again, see if he can't nudge the Council. If he doesn't want to listen well…." He sipped his drink. "Well I'll make him listen."

Shepard smiled at the Captain. "I guess I'd better be going." He stood and saluted. "Good to see you, Sir."

Anderson saluted back casually while sitting. "Good hunting, Shepard."

Shepard headed back to the Normandy with what felt like a rock sitting in his stomach. He wasn't a superstitious guy and he didn't believe in fate. But he had to admit he felt like there were pieces of a puzzle falling into place just for him. He wasn't sure if he liked or hated the idea.

Ash cursed her own resolve even as she hit the call button on Shepard's door. Just a few hours ago she'd made it a point to avoid too much friendly contact with the Commander, but ten minutes ago she had said to hell with it and now stood outside his quarters. The door slid open and she walked in to find him standing just a few feet away.

He smiled at her. "Chief," he greeted.

"Hey, Skipper. Got a few minutes?" She watched his eyes move to the small bottle of booze she had at her side, then back to hers.

"Always. What's up?" He looked tired. Distracted. She hoped this wasn't a bad idea, but there was no turning back now.

She stepped forward. "Well, its Armistice Day," she began. "And its tradition…well, more like obligation in the Williams family to mark the day with a drink." She paused, and then smiled at him. "This looks really inappropriate doesn't it? I swear its not." He was just looking at her with a small amused expression on his face. "I just thought it might be nice to…have that drink with my CO is all." She nodded resolutely.

He stepped closer and took the bottle from her hands, examining it. He raised an eyebrow. "Peppermint schnapps?"

She snatched it back. "All the good booze is gone. This is all that was left." He was staring at her. She narrowed her eyes playfully. "You want a drink or not?"

He motioned for her to sit at the small table. "Right now? Yes." They both sat and Ash brought out two small shot glasses. "Doesn't anyone pay attention to regs about alcohol on the ship?" His voice was flat and dry, but held a familiar tinge of humor.

"Some regs are worth breaking," Ash said as she poured and handed him a glass. She only realized the meaning of her words after she said them. He didn't seem to notice.

"I suppose so," he agreed, picking up the glass. They clinked them together and took the shots, both making faces. "My god, Chief. That's horrible."

"I know," she managed, barely keeping from coughing. "Sorry."

He chuckled, but she could tell he wasn't in a very festive or necessarily good mood. "You mark the day because of your grandfather?" He asked.

"Yep. It's one of those things that I can't avoid even if I wanted to. But it's nice to actually share it with someone rather than taking a sad, pathetic shot on my own." She smiled. "Besides, you looked like you could use a drink."

He exhaled. "Today, yeah. Thank you." He met her eyes for a moment. "Glad you dropped by. Seemed an awful lot like you were avoiding me the last few days, Chief."

"I was not," she lied. "I wouldn't." She paused. "Okay," she admitted. "I wanted to see how you were… after Binthu but I didn't want to push. It's…hard to know where the line is right now…with us."

He nodded. "I know. I get it. It's all right. But I'm glad you're here now." They shared an affectionate look, before Shepard looked away. "And I'm okay. Really. I'm… I suppose you've heard where we're headed."

Ash had heard the talk, that they were headed to find Dr. Wayne, that he had been Alliance. That he was involved with Cerberus. That much was common knowledge. Scuttlebutt had said something about Wayne being on Akuze at the same time as Shepard. Ash thought hard about how to proceed. "I know what the crew has been saying. I'd rather hear it from you." She took a bold leap. "You really think this doctor has something to do with what happened on Akuze?"

Shepard shrugged and poured another shot for each of them. "I don't know the answers. I don't even know what questions to ask yet. But I don't like it." He took his shot. Ash followed. Both seemed to go down much easier than the first round. Shepard paused for a moment, idly messing with the empty glass on the table. "You know I can't even remember some of it." Shepard said.

"You mean what happened on Akuze," Ash said gently.

He nodded. "Yeah." His voice was steady and even as he sort of stared at nothing in front of him. "I mean I remember some of it. I remember being there, setting up camp. I remember thinking the planet was beautiful. Once they hit us, a lot of things just… I couldn't tell you how I survived or even got to the landing zone to get picked up." His eyes narrowed, thinking. "I'm remembering more lately for some reason. After the beacon. And then Liara did this…thing." He dismissed that thought. "Anyway it's one of those things I'd prefer to stay buried. Just seems like it's really damned determined to come to the surface."

In response, Ash filled their glasses again. She wished she was better at this sort of thing. If she had her way she'd be able to just grab him, hug him, and tell him everything would be all right. She wanted to tell him how special he was to the crew and to the world. And more than anything she wanted to make him know how special he was to her. But she couldn't. "Maybe you're meant to find some closure," was the best she could come up with.

Shepard smiled. "Meant to? You're not gonna tell me I'm destined to learn the truth are you?" He took his shot.

Ash shrugged. "Maybe. Who knows? Secrets don't stay buried forever, Shepard. Sometimes fate has a way of pushing them to the surface whether we like it or not."

"You read that on a tea bag?" Shepard asked flatly. His tone annoyed her, and her look must have conveyed it. She had never been good at hiding her true feelings on her face. Shepard looked apologetic. "Sorry. I…you're right. I'm sorry." He met her eyes. They were genuine. "I don't really believe in fate."

"Me neither actually," she sighed. She decided to change the topic. "So I'm sorry, you said Tsoni did some…thing…" She took her shot.

He seemed to think long and hard about how to proceed. "She joined our minds." Ash's eyebrow went up questioningly before she could stop it. He didn't notice, thankfully, but continued. "Trying to help me make sense of things. Like Shiala on Feros…sort of. It was…intense." Ash resisted with great difficulty the desperate urge to ask him to elaborate. She quickly poured two more shots and took one, swallowing her curiosity with the liquid. Shepard continued. "Anyway it doesn't matter. Akuze is in the past. Can't change any of it now." He took his shot, then his brow furrowed and he looked at her with some kind of realization. "You know I don't really talk about this. Ever." He smiled. "Thanks for listening."

She returned his smile. "Anytime, Skipper. You know even though I have a big mouth I'm actually a pretty good listener." She nodded. "No matter what my sisters say."

"How is your family?"

"They're good. No bad news. Everyone's healthy and happy. My youngest sister is freaking out about college or not college or traveling or not traveling or something." She sighed. "She's never been able to make up her mind."

"Well some people aren't as lucky as you, Chief. Weren't you born to be a marine?" The corner of his mouth turned up. It was her favorite one of his little smiles.

Ash laughed. "Yeah I guess I was. Ever since I was little my dad took me to the base, let me hang out with the guys off duty. My mom got so pissed because I came home with such a gutter mouth."

"It's amazing the colorful terms military types can come up with right?"

She chuckled. The schnapps was hitting her and there was a warm feeling in her stomach. She wasn't sure if it was the booze or the company. "There was this one guy, Sergeant Pimmons. He taught me fire my first shot. Kessler model pistol."

"And you fell in love." Shepard teased.

"Why does everyone think I have unnatural attachments to my weapons?" Ash laughed, remembering Sheshi's joke earlier about her needing a boyfriend.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Ash. Someone's gotta keep us from backfires and over heats." He poured them both shots, which they both took immediately.

"Oh I see," Ash joked. "That's all I am to you? The gun maid?"

Shepard laughed. "No." Their eyes met again at his final words. "No you're much more than that."

After a moment, Ash couldn't stop herself. "You too," she admitted. There was that moment again, that moment just on the precipice as they looked at one another. That moment right on the edge of the knife that if left unchecked could be so bad. She broke eye contact and sighed. "I suppose I better get some rack time." She stood. "You should too."

"Yes ma'am," he said from his seat. "Thanks for the drink, Williams." She smiled and walked out, headed for her bunk.

"Wow," Garrus mused. "Guess working for Cerberus pays the big bucks."

They were on Bekenstein staring at Dr. Wayne's estate. It was private and beautiful and must have cost a fortune. Bekenstein was a beautiful planet, and apparently where many well off humans went to settle. Liara was amazed at the size of the home and also the fact that there didn't seem to be any security. They were being cautious, but generally speaking there was no reason they shouldn't just walk up to the door and ring the bell.

"All right," Shepard said. Liara looked at him. She couldn't quite place the look on his face. She thought he looked anxious. He glanced over at her and she smiled warmly at him. He returned it slightly, clearly distracted by the task at hand.

As the three of them headed toward the door, Garrus spoke again. "Are you sure we should just go in through the front door? What do we even know about this man?"

Shepard looked straight ahead, taking in the estate again with his blue eyes. "We don't know anything. And I don't just wanna to busting into some guy's house when I don't have a real reason other than his name."

"Yeah, but," Garrus protested. "Can't we at least throw a gas grenade in first or something?"

Liara looked at Garrus. "My goodness. Do you greet all people you visit that way, Garrus?"

"No I just," Garrus sighed. "Never mind." The front door was ajar. Shepard looked to Garrus. "See?" Garrus whispered. All three of them drew their pistols and Shepard slowly pushed the door open.

The inside of the house was quiet, a grand foyer of marble that looked strange with three armored, armed individuals walking into it. They moved slowly, their boots making very little sound on the floor. It was so quiet Liara wanted to call out the Dr.'s name, but she knew that could get them killed if the wrong company was there.

Shepard looked as though he was about to say something when a series of crashes and yelling came from down the hallway. Someone was clearly there, and clearly paying Dr. Wayne an unpleasant visit. All three of them snapped to attention, their pistols aimed toward the origin of the noises.

Muffled whimpers and cries of "Please!" and "Stop!" were heard from a shaky voice. They moved quickly and quietly toward the door that would lead them to the scene. At the doorway, Shepard counted down from three with his fingers and then they burst in, taking cover where they could. They had no way of knowing how many hostiles were inside, but Liara was happy to discover it was just one and his back was turned as his attention was on a man that was presumably Dr. Wayne.

"Drop it!" Shepard commanded the man as he turned slowly, pistol in hand. He was a pale man, his eyes sunken and his skin sallow. He looked as if he hadn't had a nutritious meal in years. Dr. Wayne lay on the floor in the rubble of a broken coffee table. His face was bruised and bloody and his hands stayed in a defensive position as he cowered. The man with the gun looked confused as he stared at Shepard. "I said drop it." Shepard said firmly, his pistol trained on him. The man squinted his eyes and took a step toward Shepard, causing Shepard to tense. "Drop it or I drop you," he said quickly.

"Lieutenant?" The man's gravely voice asked softly. "Is that you, Shepard?" Surprised, both Liara and Garrus' gaze whipped to Shepard, who seemed confused himself. The man chuckled. "My God. I thought you were dead, man. It's me. Toombs."

Liara looked to Shepard again and watched the color drain from his face as it fell with realization. He stared at the man, letting his pistol drop just a couple of inches. "Toombs?" He asked. "I thought you were dead." His voice was still steady, but Liara could see in his eyes how clearly disturbed he was by this development.

Toombs let out a bitter laugh as a tear fell from his watery eyes. "Don't I fucking wish that, Sir." His face contorted and then he yelled. "Don't I fucking wish!" He kicked Dr. Wayne in the ribs, causing Shepard, Liara and Garrus to tense again. Garrus moved to the doorway and glanced up and down the hallway to make sure Toombs was alone.

"Corporal" Shepard barked. "Back away. Let's talk about this." Shepard's voice was a mixture of things at the moment, Liara thought. There was firmness, but also compassion, mixed with a sense of dread. "Put the weapon down and we'll talk."

Toombs was fully crying now, but his weapon remained trained on the doctor, who Liara now feared they would never get to speak with. She didn't see this ending well. Toombs was shaking and clearly emotionally unstable. He tried to compose himself enough to talk.

"I can't believe you survived," Toombs said. "How? I didn't know anyone else did."

Shepard shook his head, his voice softening a little. "I don't know how. I don't know how I did." He paused. "What happened to you, soldier?"

Toombs turned his attention back to Wayne, who finally looked at Shepard. "Please!" he said. "You have to stop him!"

"Shut! Up!" Toombs yelled. He looked back to Shepard. "You wanna know, Lieutenant? You wanna know what fucking happened to me?"

Shepard nodded. "Yes! Tell me. What happened? Let's talk." Liara didn't know what kind of man Toombs was before this, but it was clear to her that he and Shepard had been friends. Shepard's tone of voice conveyed his concern for him.

"Cerberus happened," Toombs said calmly. "Cerberus happened to all of us, L.T." More tears fell from his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Shepard asked quietly. Liara knew he didn't want to know the answer.

"You think we just happened to set down directly on top of a thresher nest by bad fucking luck?" Toombs continued. He shook his head. "They planned it!" He winced and looked at Wayne again. "He planned it! It was an experiment!" Toombs yelled. His weapon tensed at Wayne again. Liara half expected Shepard to shoot Toombs in that moment and normally he might have. But she could feel him needing to know more. Toombs had been on Akuze. Liara's heart suddenly ached for the man. And it ached for Shepard. She finally noticed that her hands were shaking slightly.

"Please," Wayne whimpered.

"You shut up!" Toombs spat at him through clenched teeth, grabbed and pulled him to a kneeled position and pushed his gun violently against the back of the doctor's head. He winced. "You sadistic fuck!"

"Hey! Toombs!" Shepard's face had returned to normal. He held his weapon steady and then his voice was calm again. "Corporal," he said. "I need you to stand down. That's an order."

Tears filled Toombs' eyes and his face contorted as he fought tears. "I can't do that sir," he whimpered.

"We'll take him in, marine." Shepard's voice was commanding, the same voice he used to lead his squad. Toombs looked at him, his eyes red. Sweat poured off of him.

"Don't you know what they did?" he asked quietly.

"What did they do, Toombs? Tell me."

Toombs laughed a little. Liara watched as he took his weapon from the back of Wayne's head, but he still pointed it at him. "They used us, LT. You, me all of us. Every last motherfucker in that unit. They watched from a comfy chair on a hillside while we all got slaughtered!"

"I don't understand." Shepard's voice wavered slightly. He looked at the scientist, then back at Toombs. "What are you talking about?" he asked more forcefully.

"They wanted to see how the threshers hunted." Toombs laughed. He was losing it. "They wanted to see how we reacted." He swallowed, breathed hard. "It was a god damned science experiment to them!" He pushed his gun back to the head of Dr. Wayne. "Fifty good men. Fifty fucking good marines killed for god damned sport! Ask him! Go ahead! He was the one in charge! He knew! Ask him!" His voice cracked.

"Please!" Wayne yelled. "I'll tell you everything I know."

Liara watched as Shepard moved his aim to the scientist. Shepard's eyes were cold now. She didn't see when the transformation took place, but his icy glare gave her a chill. She glanced at Garrus, who glanced back at her. He had seen it too. He looked just as confused and nervous.

"Is what he's saying true?" Shepard asked quietly. "Tell me!"

Toombs cut in. "Tell them how you watched us all die like it was a fucking vid. Tell them how you watched us all get disintegrated alive by the venom and get half eaten while we were still screaming. Tell them how you wrote it all down in your little notes! Tell him about the experiments! The injections of the venom!" He was shaking, losing it again. "Tell them how you make monsters like me!" He screamed. "You should have killed me. You didn't think I'd escape did you?"

Wayne was practically crying now. "Yes," he said softly. "Yes it's true. All of it. It was part of a Cerberus project to engineer more efficient combatants. Please, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I've left that behind, I'm sorry. I was following orders!"

Shepard's jaw was clenched hard as he stared at the scientist. Toombs raised his weapon again.

"You had no choice?" Toombs screamed. "I didn't have a choice! We didn't have a choice!" He gestured to Shepard.

"Toombs!" Shepard boomed. "Back away. Back away now!" For a moment Liara felt relief. Shepard sounded professional again.

Toombs looked at Shepard, a pathetic look of desperation in his eyes. "I can't…I can't anymore. I just want the pain to stop. I'm sorry, sir" he whispered through hiccups. Then in an instant he raised his weapon to his chin.

"Hey!" Shepard barked, but it was too late. Toombs pulled the trigger and Liara watched wide-eyed as he fell lifeless to the floor. Her gaze turned to Shepard and the look in his eyes was a mixture of shock and anger. He turned his eyes to Dr. Wayne then and even Liara found herself terrified of the look on his face.

He stepped forward to the doctor quickly and kicked him hard across the face with a growl. Liara looked at Garrus. Garrus looked back at her, also clearly surprised.

In the next instant, Shepard picked the dazed, sobbing doctor off the floor by his collar like a rag doll and head butted him in the face. Wayne cried out and Shepard threw him back against the wall, pinning him there across the throat with his forearm. Liara gasped when she saw the barrel of Shepard's pistol pressed to the temple of the doctor.

"Shepard!" Garrus yelled.

Shepard hesitated, gritted his teeth, and trembled with undiluted rage. His face was red and his blue eyes bloodshot with rage. Liara was watching him lose control. He pushed the weapon harder into the man's skin. Wayne whimpered, closed his eyes.

"Shepard, no" Liara heard herself say quietly to him. She watched as he fought with himself, breathing heavily. After a few seconds he growled, shoved the doctor to the ground and stepped away, taking deep, heavy breaths. He doubled over for a second to breathe, then stood. He slowly gained control of himself again and hit his comm.

"Joker," he said, his voice still coarse and gruff.

"Yes sir," Joker responded.

"Get the nearest Alliance starship on the com. Tell them to come to our location to pick up a prisoner. I'll make my report later." He was still out of breath.

"Aye aye, Commander."

Shepard looked at Garrus. "Lock him up." He said. Then he turned his still angry eyes to Wayne. "Get him out of my sight."

"Yes...yes, Shepard." Even calm and cool Garrus seemed shaken by what he'd witnessed.

None of them said anything as they returned to the Normandy and as soon as they were back on board, Shepard hit his comm again.

"XO has the bridge." He said sharply.

"Copy that, commander," said Pressley's voice on the comm.

Liara watched as Shepard strode away with a blank expression on his face, presumably headed for his quarters. When he was gone, Liara slumped against the wall and breathed for what felt like the first time in years. She thought of what she'd seen, the memories of Akuze that had been transmitted to her from Shepard's mind from their earlier joining. She felt how he felt. She felt angry. She felt hate. She felt like she was losing control. She felt the bitter sting of the feeling of failing fifty comrades. Her stomach turned.

Shepard, normally the calm, detached, eye of the hurricane had become the storm itself, savage, unchecked and brutal. She wanted to speak with him. She needed to speak with him. He was in a terrible amount of pain and she knew she was the only one who could truly understand what he had been through. She couldn't have let him be alone, even if she'd wanted to. She took a few minutes to gather her courage, and then walked to Shepard's quarters. She stood at the door and reached for the call button.

"I wouldn't if I were you," came Kaidan's voice. She looked at him, standing near one of the consoles he'd been working on.

"I have to," she said.

He shrugged. "Oookay," He walked away then and Liara turned her attention back to door and hit the button. It chirped. After a long pause, she heard Shepard's voice.

"Come in," he said strongly.

Her belly fluttered with nerves and she entered. He was standing in the middle of the room, his armor removed and tossed to the floor. He looked completely normal except for his hand positioned slightly behind his back. Liara opened her mouth to speak and noticed the few drops of blood that had fallen behind him.

"You're hurt," she said and walked to him.

He sighed and shook his head as she took hold of his arm. "It's nothing," he lied. His knuckles were bleeding. "It's stupid. It's all right." He seemed embarrassed.

Liara looked at his face, met his eyes and then went to the bathroom for a towel. Right away she noticed the shattered mirror. She grabbed a hand towel and walked back out. He'd taken a seat on the edge of his bed, elbows on his knees. She sat next to him and handed him the towel.

"Thanks," he said and wrapped it around his hand. They sat quietly for a couple of moments.

"Shepard," Liara said. She was about to tell him that if he needed to talk, she was there, when he just started talking.

"I failed him," he said, staring straight ahead. "I failed all of them."

"No, Shepard. Because of you, Dr. Wayne will be punished."

He looked into her eyes. "Not enough," he said quietly.

Liara touched Shepard's forearm and rested her hand there. It was strong and warm. The physical contact to him both strange and familiar. He looked at her hand. "Vengeance is not who you are, Shepard." He met her eyes again. They were finally calm, so she felt confident to continue. "It sounds strange, but...I know how you feel. I feel it."

He took a breath. "Is that from when we joined minds?"

She nodded. "All of our feelings, emotions, past memories, everything was transferred in some way. And that includes your memories and feelings of Akuze." His eyes were suddenly very sympathetic towards her. He shook his head. "I know what you experienced. I saw it in your mind. I felt it. It was truly a nightmare and I hate that you went through it." She felt her eyes moisten.

"I'm sorry you had to feel that," he said quietly. His uninjured hand rested on top of hers on his arm now. It was warm. He squeezed gently. "Liara I'm so sorry." She was a little surprised at the turn around, his sudden concern for her.

"If I can help you... by sharing this...," she said. She hoped it didn't sound too strange. "If you need to talk. Just know that I understand."

He broke eye contact then and nodded. "I know," he said, looking down.

They sat for another minute or so until Liara felt the silence getting heavy. "You should see Dr. Chakwas," she said and she stood. She moved towards the door.

"Liara," She heard Shepard say. She turned. The corner of his mouth was turned up in a small smile. "Thank you."

She smiled back at him and walked out. She headed to her favorite quiet spot on the ship, sat down and thought of Shepard. She couldn't deny that there was a connection between them. She knew neither of them would be able to deny it after today. She couldn't think about that now though. For now, she thought of Akuze and started to cry very softly.