Chapter 14

Regina closed her eyes as she held her head in her hands, her elbows leaning on her knees as she slouched in the uncomfortable hospital chair. It was a little past midnight, she's been here for over three hours now, and she knew she wouldn't be able to act like she was fine much longer. She couldn't deal with Robert and Helen's pitty-filled glances towards her, or Paige's awkward attempts at conversation, or Emma and Killian asking her if she needed something every five minutes. She couldn't deal with anything right now. She didn't know how to live when Robin may not.

Regina let her hands fall to her knees, sighing as she got up, walking towards the cafeteria. She needed coffee. She needed something to get through the night. Even with the anxiety and worry and stress and pain consuming her every movement and thought, she knew that sleep would take her as prisoner for even five minutes if it ever got the chance to. She couldn't sleep. There was no way. She could barely even breathe.

She didn't know anything about Robin. No one did. No doctor or nurse or anyone came out to update them with information. All Regina knew was that Robin had been shot...Three times...Most people don't survive one shot to the body. How was he supposed to survive three? Did he even want to survive? Was it a choice? Could he decide if he wanted to leave this cruel world? Could he decide if he wanted to fight longer?

A tear dropped down Regina's cheek as she wiped it away quickly, walking towards the coffee machine. She grabbed a white styrofoam cup off a small table and placed it on the little set-up. She pressed a button and waited for the coffee to fill the cup, but the hot beverage never came through. Regina pressed the button again, hugging her arms across her body as chills filled her inside. Moments passed and still no coffee. Regina rolled her eyes and pressed the button again, losing her patience, her tolerance on thin ice. The outcome was the same.

Regina glared at the machine as she punched the button with great force but it still didn't work. Regina let out a quiet sob as she punched the machine, again and again, crying as she stood there, beating the hell out of the machine, completely losing it. She didn't care anymore. She just wanted to know if Robin was okay. She needed to know Robin was okay. He was okay, wasn't he? Why wouldn't this damn coffee machine work? Why wouldn't a damn doctor come see them with updates? Why wouldn't Robin want to dye? To stay in this miserable world?

Regina continued to punch the machine until she felt a strong arm pull her away. Regina turned around to find Will looking at her, completely alarmed. Regina started balling her eyes out in front of him, and for millionth time that night, Will pulled Regina into his arms and let her cry. Regina felt Will run a hand up and down her back, trying to help her calm down. But nothing could. She wasn't okay. Robin wasn't okay. Nothing was okay.

"Hey… Hey, it's okay," Will whispered comfortingly as Regina pulled away, not even trying to wipe away the tears from her face. Regina shook her head with a sarcastic smile as she paced the floor before them.

"No, it's not. Nothing is okay, Will. Robin could die at any god damned moment, and I can't do a thing about it. I can't tell him that I'm here, I can't tell him that I still love him, I can't tell him to keep on living, I can't tell him that I need him to keep living. I can't do anything! I'm helpless and I can't do anything! He doesn't know I'm here! He doesn't know I came back for him! He could leave this world as we speak and he would never know! He would die thinking I didn't care, that what we had was never real! I can't lose him, Will!" Regina cried, burning holes into the floor as she paced back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Regina wrapped her arms around her body as she took deep breaths and tried to put herself back together.

"Regina, I know. None of us want to lose Robin. None of us can live without him….but, lass, he knows. He knows your here. He knows that you are in this hospital, waiting for him. Trust me, Regina, there is no way he couldn't…." Regina's red eyes closed as she shook her head, too scared out of her mind to listen to his words anymore. Regina walked out of the room, away from Will, away from reality, as she walked back to the waiting area.

Regina sat in her seat, putting her head in her hands as she leaned forward, letting out a breath. None of this was right. She should be in her apartment. She should be crying because she misses Robin. Not because she's scared he's going to die.

The brunette felt the someone sit next to her, and she groaned, rolling her eyes as she kept them stubbornly at the floor, "I swear, Guyliner, if you ask me one more time if I need anything, I'm gonna throw you against the damn wall."

"I guess it's good that I'm not guyliner, isn't it?" Regina stopped her smart come back as she recognized the voice immediately. How couldn't she? Regina sighed, but didn't move. She wasn't sure she could, at this point.

"I'm not going to ask you if you're okay, Regina. And I'm not going to ask if you need anything, either…. I know that's not going to help…. But I am going to tell you that you are not going through this alone." Robert whispered quietly. Regina sighed as she lifted her head from her hands, tilting her head towards Robin's father. She wished she could be as strong and confident as he was.

Instead of saying anything, Regina leaned back in her chair and laid her head on Robert's shoulder, closing her eyes. Robert smiled sadly, knowing in this moment, actions spoke louder than words.

Regina wasn't okay. And not being okay is okay. Sometimes, you need to let everything fall down, all your masks and walls. Sometimes, you just need to be not okay. Robert let Regina find comfort in him, hearing her soft, sleepy breaths as she drifted to sleep in minutes.

…..

Emma hugged her red leather jacket tighter to her body as she grabbed a change of clothes from Killian. She smiled at her boyfriend gratefully, noticing he had also changed his clothes.

"I brought you a change of clothes. And I brought Regina some clothes too. You two look about the same size." Killian explained, and Emma kissed him on the cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear.

"Thank you." Emma and Killian stood in the hallway outside of the waiting room. Killian waited for Emma as she went into the bathroom to change. When she came out, they walked to the cafeteria to grab some food for them and Regina.

"I think she crashed," Emma whispered, not wanting to disturb the quiet of the night. They were the only ones in the cafeteria, besides for one doctor also getting some late night snack. They didn't want to be rude. They could be quiet.

"I think some sleep is good for her," Killian whispered back with a nod of his head. As Emma and Killian sat down with their food, they ate in silence until Killian looked up to see a tear slowly roll down Emma's cheek. Killian reached across the table and held her hand soothingly as she looked up and sighed.

"We don't know how this is going to end, Killian. What if, what if-"

"Robin will be fine, Love…. We have to have faith, Emma. We need to believe that Robin will pull through. For our sake, and Regina's." Emma nodded her head solemnly, but still had doubts in the back of her head. Things never work out for Regina. Would this be different?

"If he doesn't," Emma took a deep breath before continuing the sentence that has been eating her alive for the past hours, "If Robin doesn't….. Regina would never forgive herself. She wouldn't want to be here….she would want to be with Robin…."

"Swan, we both know what happened to Regina when Robin left...hell, she just got out of therapy two years ago…. God forbid if anything bad happens, we will be there for her, just like we always are. We won't let her wither herself away." Emma nodded confidently, loving how much her boyfriend cared for her best friend. Emma smiled sadly with tears in her eyes as she squeezed Killian's hand, thankful that he had always been by her side, as well.

Killian and Emma finished as they stood and carried back some food and a change of clothes for Regina, making their way back towards the waiting room.

….

This was hell. He was absolutely sure of it. He was surrounded by darkness, deep, frightening voices calling out to him. This was it. He wasn't going to make it.

Robin groaned as he lifted himself from the ground, his every body part aching, screaming at him to just give in. To just give up. There was nothing left to do. There was nothing left to say. He was sure he was almost gone, he could feel the life of him withering away by the second.

His family would miss him. He knew that. And maybe, maybe he should stay for them. Just to see their happy smiles with tears in their eyes once they gained news he had survived every surgery and gunshot wound. Maybe they would cry their hearts out as they hugged him and talked to him, showing how thankful they were that he hadn't given up. That he stayed.

Or maybe, just maybe, they would understand. They would understand that everything had just gotten to be too much. All the pain, the heartache, the loss, the regret, the mistakes, the missed opportunities, the love lost. Maybe they would understand if they knew how much pain he was in. Maybe they would understand once they heard how badly he had been bruised and scarred.

Robin closed his eyes as he let out a sigh. He had a choice to make. He could follow the demon voices in his head, leading him to the door that would end his existence, or he could go back, walk backwards towards the light. It was only a sliver, a very, very small sliver of light. What if he decided to survive only to face disappointment in the future? If he left this world, would he regret it?

Robin's hands rose to his head as he put them over his ears, spinning in circles as he tried to stop the voices inside his head. Leave…. Leave this world…. No more pain…. This is your chance….. Escape.

Robin screamed as he tried to ignore the voices, but they were booming in his head. What was he going to do?

Robin turned around suddenly when he heard someone calling his name. Behind him was a mysterious figure dressed in black, resembling the Grim Reaper. It's long, finicky fingers moved in a perplexing way, his pointer finger, pointing towards Robin. Robin took a step forward, feeling the pull of the Reaper's powers on him. Robin shook his head as he paused, trying to think everything through.

Was he ready to leave this world yet? Would he have anything to look forward to if he decided to stay? Robin's heart clenched when he realized what was really hurting him. What would really determine this situation…. Regina.

Was she here for him? Or was she back in her apartment, knowing none of what happened to him? Would she care if he passed? Would she cry for days, or would she not even care? That was a dumb ass assumption. Of course she would cry. But wouldn't it be better off that way? That he wouldn't have any more chances to break her heart or mess with her head?

Robin let his head fall as he crept slowly towards the black-hooded figure carefully, knowing his family would understand. They had to understand.

Paige and Will had just gotten married weeks ago. They could start a family. Of course, he would never know any future nieces or nephews….why was his heart beating so fast now? Why did his stomach hurt even more?

And what about his parents? They have always been there for him. When he was with Regina, when he left Regina, when they met Marian (the second worst mistake of his life), when they let Regina back in their lives, when he told them how he messed up with her. They had always been there for her and him…. Could he give up on them so easily?

It's okay…. This is your only way out…. No more pain, the figure hissed, pointing towards the door which would lead him to his death. Robin hung his head and closed his eyes, waiting minutes for a sign. For anything to happen. To show him that he should stay….

But, nothing.

Robin began walking towards the pitch black door, outlined with a deep red outline. He held his hand just above the knob, ready to enter, when a person's cries brought him back to life.

Robin took a step back and blinked his eyes a couple of times, making sure he didn't imagine anything. That his mind wasn't playing tricks on him once again. But as he heard the cries once again, he frowned, wondering what was wrong.

Robin froze as he felt a hand touch his hair. It moved down the side of his face, cupping his cheeks for a few moments. Robin didn't know how to explain what was happening to him.

As he stood in the darkness, he didn't feel or see anything touching him. No, he was connected. Someone was touching his body, which was laying in a hospital bed, up above in the sky that seemed so far away. It wasn't himself he felt. It was his body laying on the bed, so peaceful, yet distraught.

The woman's cries grew more and more incoherent, and his heart bled once he realized just who was beside his body.

"Robin," Regina cried, and tears slid down Robin's cheeks. He sat down in the darkness, waiting for what she would say. So, she was here. She did care. She was crying. She was terrible. Why did she still care for him after everything he's ever done to her?

Robin sat in the darkness as he hugged his knees to himself, getting comfortable, knowing there was absolutely no other way. He needed to hear Regina's words.

They may just bring him back to life…

….

Regina crinckled her nose as she shifted in her bed, her eyes fluttering open as she woke from her sleep, smiling tiredly at the body lying next to hers. Robin's ocean blue eyes smiled back at her, his hand moving towards her face, brushing the hair out of her eye line. She smiled sweetly as she scooted closer to him, his arm wrapping around her instinctly.

Regina cuddled up next to Robin, her body feeling so safe, so loved, in the company of his warmth. Robin laid a soft, gentle kiss to the top of her head, Regina's resting on his chest.

"Good morning, Lovely," Robin cooed, and Regina's cheeks heated with warmth as she dug deeper into him, her scent filled with forest. God, she could stay like this forever with him.

"Good morning." Regina smiled, yawning softly as she hugged Robin's body to hers. Robin smiled, wishing they could stay like this forever. Maybe, the could.

"I was thinking…." Robin started, and Regina giggled, hearing his heartbeat, her head pressed to his chest, as she closed her eyes, slightly smirking.

"That's never a good thing," Robin chuckled with a roll of his eyes as he sighed, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Regina's back.

"Do you ever wish that things had went differently between us? Do you ever regret….choosing me?" Robin asked cautiously. He could feel Regina tense in his arms, but she only held on to him tighter, as if he would disappear if she let go.

"Robin, don't ever think that. I never regret choosing you, and I never will. If you weren't here, next to me, living life as my one and only, there would be no purpose for me here…. You are the reason I stay, Robin….and I hope I am yours."

Robin smiled lovingly as he sat up, bringing Regina with him. The brunette cupped his cheeks as she leaned in, kissing him so tenderly. Robin smiled into the kiss, wondering how he ended up with such an amazingly wonderful woman.

"I love you," Robin whispered, kissing Regina's shoulder. Regina brought his head back up as she leaned her forehead against his, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I love you too."

Regina woke up with a shock, her eyes wide open as she sat straight up, looking around sleepily as she blinked her eyes, her mind taking a few seconds to remember where she was. And why she was here. Regina's heart fell to her stomach as she remembered the fear of Robin's tragedy. He had been in an attack. He had been shot multiple times.

"It's okay, Dear," Regina turned her head to the man sitting next to her, who was smiling down at her, "you fell asleep," Robert explained, noticing her questioning look held in her chocolate brown eyes.

Regina nodded smally as she wiped her eyes, feeling ashamed that she had fallen asleep when Robin's life was in jeopardy. Regina's eyes traveled towards the clock on the wall, and sighed when she saw the time.

5:32 am.

Well, at least she had only crashed for a couple hours.

Regina closed her eyes with a sigh as she rubbed her temples with her fingers, her head pounding. As if this migraine wasn't enough, she couldn't get her dream out of her mind. Except, it wasn't a dream. More like a memory.

It had been later in their relationship, when they were so in love that she thought nothing could break them up. Yet, time seemed to have other plans, and here they were now, her scared to death she would never be able to be held in Robin's arms again.

Fate is a cruel bitch.

Regina leaned back in her seat slowly as she yawned quietly, crossing her arms across her body. She looked around and noticed that Paige had also fallen asleep on Will, who were seated next to Helen, and where Robert would be if he wasn't here with Regina.

Killian and Emma were across the room, talking as they stood in front of the chairs. Emma turned to see Regina had woken up, and smiled in her direction before they both made their way over to her.

"Hey…. Here, we got you some clothes. We look about the same size, so hopefully everything fits," Emma handed Regina a maroon sweater and dark jeans, accompanied with a black leather jacket. Regina smiled gratefully as she escaped the anxiety of the waiting room, dressing in the bathroom.

Regina walked out of the stall to see herself in the reflection, and for the first time in a while, she laughed. She looked just like Emma. And the clothes fit perfectly. Regina sighed as she cleaned up from the long night before and walked back to the waiting room, taking her seat back.

Robin's family, Regina, Emma, and Killian waited for the next half hour anxiously until around six am, when a doctor came out with a sad smile on her face. Everyone in the room sat up immediately.

This doctor seemed pretty nice, Regina observed. She was short, about as tall as herself, with short blonde hair and green eyes. Her white doctor's coat just fit her, and the black heels she was wearing couldn't be doing any good for her feet. Her hair was thrown back in a messy bun, her glasses set on top of her head, a clipboard tucked away carefully between her arms.

"Hello, I am doctor Tink. Are you all here for Robin Locksley?" Isabella Tink asked, and smiled when everyone in the room nodded. Regina held her breath, reaching for Robert's hands as she squeezed it hard, terrified. This was it. He could be here, or he could be gone. Regina prayed to god that Robin was okay.

"I am sorry to say," Oh my god, oh my god. Please, no, Regina thought as she gripped Robert's hand even more, "Robin suffered from three very intense gunshots. One to the neck, one to the abdomen, and the other to the shoulder. After he was rushed here last night he went through numerous surgeries and operations, and we were successful in getting the bullets out. His body is clean of any harmful substance, and no organs were damaged during the attack…. I'd say it's a miracle."

Regina smiled gratefully as an almost invisible tear fell down her face. Robert squeezed her hand, telling her that it was okay. Robin was okay. God, it felt like she was ridden of every single horrible thing in her life. Robin survived. There was no better gift in this world than that. She would never complain about anything ever again.

"Even in this miraculous time," Dr. Tink continued, and Regina's heart sank once again, "Mr. Locksley has been through very much these past hours, and due to a severe gash to the head, he remains unconscious as of this moment." Regina felt like the breath had been knocked out of her. She was torn.

Robin was okay.

But he was unconscious.

"We have no say in when Mr. Locksley will wake. It could be a few hours, a few days, a few months. We cannot determine such things….. But, clinical trials and scientific research have shown that if the patient is surrounded by the people he loves, his healing could move along at a more progressive pace." All at once, Regina felt every pair of eyes in the room land on her. She closed her eyes for a second and let reality hit her.

"As Robin's coma remains, in the beginning, it is best if only a couple visitors see him daily. We don't want to overwhelm him, of course….. Stories are good. Memories. Good ones. They will help in the process of waking him, due to the movement of his brain cells. It will benefit in the long run of his recovery, as well." Dr. Tink explained, this time looking straight at Regina, assuming she would be the one to talk to Robin Locksley.

Regina took a deep breath as she looked to Robert and Helen, her eyes anxious and frantic, "I can't."

Helen frowned, and just as she was about to answer the brunette, Regina sighed and continued, "I can't. He needs to be surrounded by you guys. You will help him far much more than I ever will." Helen frowned deeply as she shook her head, disagreeing very much with Regina's statement.

"Robin doesn't need us right now, Dear. He needs you. He needs to hear your voice. He needs to know you are here for him…." Regina shook her head stubbornly, avoiding everyone's eyes as she fiddled with her fingers, trying to reason with Robin's parents. Why didn't they see it? She would only bring back bad memories. Definitely not good ones.

"You are his parents. You should be able to see your son first." Helen only stared at her with a look of disbelief. Helen and Robert both understood it. They knew it. Robin didn't need them right now. And that was okay. But the one person he did need was sitting right in front of them.

"Please," Helen whispered, "just try. For us." Regina swallowed silently as she nodded her head, her hands shaking as she stood from the uncomfortable hospital chair, taking a step towards the doctor.

The doctor smiled sweetly as she tilted her head to the side, gesturing for Regina to follow her. Dr. Tink led them down a few hallways, and once they reached the hospital room, number sixteen, Regina was sure her heart beat out of her chest.

It couldn't be a coincidence that sixteen had been their anniversary date, could it?

"Here we are. Room number sixteen." The doctor opened the door with the turn of a golden colored knob. Regina was reluctant at first, but as the doctor waited for her to follow her into the room, Regina took a deep breath and tucked a piece of stubborn hair back behind her ear.

Regina quietly and slowly walked into the room, turning to see Robin lying in a hospital bed, tubes upon tubes poking out from each part of his body, machines and wires hooked up to him as well. Tears fell down her cheeks as she witnessed the love of her life living on the quiet machine's beeps.

"I'll give you some time alone," Tink whispered gently behind her as she shut the door on her way out. As soon as she was alone, a sob escaped Regina, and her hand went to cover her mouth instantly. She stood there, covering her mouth, as she cried, salty tears stinging her face. She shook her head as she wiped her eyes, praying that Robin would be okay. He had to be okay. She could never go on without him.

Regina hiccuped in between her cries as she shakily moved to the bed, careful to not disturb any of the tubes, wires, or machines. Regina took a few silent moments to let her eyes scan over Robin's body. It was safe to say she was scared.

Regina cried and cried as she let the tears fall down the side of her face, remembering the conversations they had about this very reason. She had been terrified when Robin told her he was interested in going into the police force, especially since it was the final months of their relationship, when she could feel the distance breaking them apart.

This what exactly what she had been terrified of. That something would happen to him, and neither of them would be able to control it. Now, Regina had no idea if Robin would wake up. She had no idea if he would dye or stay alive, she had no idea if he was still fighting or not. But he had to. She knew it was selfish, but she couldn't care less now. She needed Robin. And even if things went back to the way they were before this incident, she would find ways to be fine. Because in her mind, she would know that he was alive. That he hadn't left her permanently.

Regina let out a shaky breath filled with sadness and emotion as her hand moved to his face, crushing the hair from his eyes. Regina let out a small cry as her hand traveled down his cheek, tracing his jawline as she held her breath, not wanting to mess anything else up.

Regina removed her hand from his face as she looked around the room and found a chair to pull to the side of his bed. Regina sat down, the machines' low beeps and her quiet, muffled cries the only sounds that could be heard in the sterile room.

Regina took a deep breath, trying to stop her tears. She should have known nothing would stop them. Nothing could. Hell, even if Robin woke up right now, just by feeling the touch of her skin on his, she would cry and cry and cry, not believing that he was really here with her.

"Robin," Regina sobbed, giving up on trying to control her cries any longer. Regina's bottom lip quivered as every emotion poured out of her, the stress and worry and fear from the past hours finally catching up to her.

"I'm so, so sorry." Regina let out a trembling breath as she tried to steady her shaking hands, "This is all my fault."

"If you would have never met me, if you would have never known I existed…..you would be fine….you would be safe….your life wouldn't be so damn messed up…." Regina took a deep breath as she hugged herself, closing her eyes, finding the courage to talk to Robin. She always knew how to talk to him….this wouldn't be any different.

"One night….do you remember when we were together, that one night? The one where we stayed up for hours and just talked. Because we were so in love and didn't want to waste another second?... I do…." Regina smiled sadly as her dream came back to her. They had been so in love…. She was still in love…..

"We had just been together for over a year, and we were so happy. So, so, so happy…. You asked me if I regretted choosing you. And I told you the truth. Robin, I will never regret choosing you. No matter how much pain and heartbreak we both went through, you will always be the best thing that's ever happened to me….but sometimes, I wish you would regret having chosen me." Regina smiled joylessly as she let her head fall, telling him what's been on her mind for weeks now.

"You could have had everything, Robin. You could have had it all. A beautiful, loving wife, kids, a home…. You could have had the perfect family, with the perfect house, and the perfect job. You could have made it easy…." Regina laughed humorlessly, shaking her head, too lost in her words now.

"But instead, you put your love and faith in a young, broken girl with a damaged past. You chose the most loveless person of all to love….. Why? You could have spared yourself so much pain, so much trouble, so much time. You could have lived your life the way you wanted to…. I will always be grateful for that, that tiny part of you that saw something in us, in me, but I wish you had never met me….I brought you so much more harm than anything else, and this was just the icing on the cake."

Regina looked away for a minute, trying to see if anything had changed with Robin, but nothing had, the beeps of the machines still constant, repetitive.

"It should be me lying in this hospital bed right now. It shouldn't be you. Never…. You have so many people who care about you. So many people that are waiting for you to wake up right now. You have your parents, and Paige and Will, even Emma and Killian are here….. I am, too…."

"If this would have happened to me…. If our roles were switched, we both know there would be no one waiting for me on the other side to wake up…. You do. You have people who love you, who need you…. And I don't." Regina bit her lip, looking up for a brief second before allowing another batch of tears to fall.

"And we both know that no one would miss me. You would get over my loss soon enough, and I wouldn't even be a passing thought to anyone. Killian and Emma, maybe, but they would get over it by the next couple months…."

"Come on, Robin. You have to live," Regina cried desperately, shivering as the amount of tears she had shed hit her, "You have to…. You are needed here…. I need you…."

"I know…. I know that you don't want me. I know that whatever you ever saw in me must have vanished a long time ago. And I know that your heart no longer belongs to me. But Robin? My heart will always belong to you, and if you're not here to hold it, then there is nothing left for me. So yes, even if we go back to never seeing each other again, I will live the rest of my life knowing that you are still walking this world….and that's the only thing I'll ever need."

"You know, I wasn't going to talk to you. Your parents convinced me…. I know that you probably don't want me here, so when I know that you are awake, that you are breathing on your own, I will leave. But not a moment before that…. You may be able to live without me, but I can't live without you. I've never been able to…."

Regina cried as her red eyes stung, the burning sensation hurting like hell, yet, Regina welcomed it. She deserved this. She deserved this pain. This hurt. This fear. She deserved Robin's death, the guilt of it weighed upon her shoulders. But she would do anything, anything, for Robin to survive. Hell, she would take his place. She would go to the Underworld, go face to king of Hell for him. She would do it all.

"I love you," Regina breathed, her voice breaking at the end. Regina reached for Robin, her hand settling on his, just above where the I.V. in his hand rested. The brunette tried to stop her trembling lips, but a sob only escaped her, echoing off the white walls of the room.

"I love you, Robin. I love you. I love you. I love you. I need to tell you this now, because if - when you wake up, I will be gone, and you will never hear a single word from me again. I swear, you will never be filled with the burden of me ever again. But now, while I'm here with you, I need to tell you how much I'm in love with you and how happy you've made me." Regina cried as she rubbed her thumb across the back of Robin's hand, just like he used to do when she was upset and needing comforting.

"The doctor said I should try to reminisce about the good times…. I know they were good to me, but I'm not sure if anything in our relationship was good for you…. But I have to try…."

"Do you remember when you got me my necklace? Do you remember that night we stayed up on that hill, watching the sunset as I fell evermore in love with you? Do you remember? It was one of the best night's of my life. It still is. And nine and a half years later, I've still never taken it off." Regina smiled as she held in her hands, as to prove it. She was still in love with the simplicity of it.

If only their relationship could have been like that….

"That was the very first night I ever enjoyed my birthday. That was the very first night I had ever felt cherished. That was the very first night you told me you loved me." Regina smiled lovingly as she gazed into space, her tears slowly disappearing as she was filled with every happy moment with Robin.

"You made me so happy that night. You always made me happy…. And our first Christmas together. We went to that stupid nutcracker play the night before, and it sucked." Regina laughed as she shook her head, "It was terrible. And it wasn't only the play, either. There was no more parking so we had to walk four blocks in the freezing cold. Then there was that drunken man who spilled his damn drink all over me, and I swear you were going to kill him. And then we couldn't find your car, and we were stuck in traffic, and we didn't eat dinner until after midnight…. And there I was with you, in the middle of our kitchen, one o'clock on Christmas morning, eating takeout from the Chinese place just down the street."

Regina chuckled as she looked back at the holiday fondly, realizing she would have wanted it no other way.

"I still remember. You looked at me like I was some kind of supermodel, some kind of beautiful woman sitting in the dark, as you told me you loved me over and over again, telling me you would never forget that moment….or me." Regina looked up at one of Robin's machines to see if anything had changed, if she had lit a spark, but she hadn't.

Maybe she was right. Maybe their good times weren't good to him….but she had to try. She just had to.

"And then, there was that time when your parents threw that graduation party for us…. That was the only day you acted like you loved me again, during the last months of our relationship when we grew distant…. You wrapped your arms around me, and kissed me like there would be no tomorrow…. And you're parents had claimed they would start planning our wedding the very next day." Regina sighed as she ran her hand up his arm and back, the feeling of him reminding her she was here.

"After that day, I honestly thought that whatever rough patch we had went through was over with, that we were back to normal, but the very next day, when I rolled over in bed to feel nothing next to me, waking up to an empty bed, I knew I had done something wrong…."

"You know, you never told me why you left…. And it's my fault, because I was always too afraid to hear the answer, but now, I would do anything to hear your voice again….. And, and I think I understand…."

"I think I know why you left. And I don't blame you. Because we both knew from the start that I had problems, problems that not even you could fix…. And eventually, those problems of mine just weighed too much on your shoulders…. Once people started predicting the future for us, your friends and parents, telling us we would be the perfect husband and wife, that's when you started growing away from me….."

"You could have told me. You could have told me that what we had wasn't meant to be serious. You could have sat down with me, you could have explained how you never meant for us to grow so important, so significant….. You could have told me you didn't want us to take the next step….."

"I spent so many nights lying in bed, lying next to you, wondering if that was why you started slipping away. And now that I know that is why you left, I can't help but understand, because I would have ran from myself the first chance I got too….. And you moved on. And I never did."

"You will never know how much you mean to me, how much you helped me throughout the years. Hell, if it weren't for you, I may not even be here right now. I would have caved into the darkness the threatened to consume me….. You will never understand how much love I feel for you, and that's okay….it's okay." Regina put her necklace back under her shirt, letting her hands fall free.

"All you need to know is I won't be ruining your life any longer. All you need to know is that your times of dealing with me will come to a stop soon enough." Regina took a shaky breath as she leaned forwards towards Robin, kissing his lips so gently, it felt like the ghost of him was almost smiling into the kiss. Regina pulled away carefully, her thumb rubbing across his bottom lip ever so slightly.

"Robin William Locksley, I have loved you since the first moment I've laid eyes on you. And now, I will love you until the very last." Regina whispered as she kissed his forehead lovingly, moving away from him.

Regina moved the chair back to its original place before standing on her two shaking legs, standing just beside the door. Regina dared one last glance at Robin, his figure unmoving, as she wiped her eyes one last time, opening the door. And as it closed, so did Regina's dreams of them ever working out what they had before.

Regina hugged herself and leaned against the door, trying to catch her breath. Her fingers rose to her lips, breathing out as she still felt Robin's touch. It was the last kiss they would ever share. It was the last time she would ever see him.

It took every ounce of strength Regina had to walk away as she tore her eyes away from the window, which held the picture of Robin, his body still with no change. She hugged herself once again as she made her way out back to everyone else, ready for the eager eyes she would only disappoint…..

…..

Paige hadn't talked to her much since she's shown up. It wasn't because she didn't see the need to, no, it was only because the strawberry-blonde thought she needed space. At least, enough until she stopped holding up her walls, pretending she was okay.

Paige walked as Regina came back from talking to Robin, and she knew. She could see it in her eyes. She blamed herself for this.

Paige sighed as she walked up to Regina, who was once again sitting by herself, as Robert moved back to sit next to his wife. Paige sat down next to Regina, pulling her sweatshirt tighter to her, the hospital chill giving her goosebumps as she settled in.

"He's going to be okay, Paige. He'll wake up, and I know he can't wait to see you." Paige smiled sadly as she listened to Regina's words. The brunette had smiled when she saw Paige sit next to her, or, at least, she tried to. Regina shifted in her seat, now facing Paige, her long hair tucked back in a messy ponytail.

"I could say the same to you," Regina smiled in disbelief as she shook her head slightly. Robin wasn't waiting to see her. He was waiting to see his family. He was waiting to see his friends. He was waiting to see the people he loved.

She knew she wasn't part of that, not anymore.

"What happened? In the room..." Paige clarified, tilting her head, expecting Regina to smile and say that it felt good to see him. But instead, the brunette looked away from her and witnessed her shoulders drop.

"Nothing…. Nothing at all…. I shouldn't have been the one to talk to him today, Paige. Anyone else but me should have been in there…."

"Why do you say that?" Paige asked, her curious mind never put to rest, even in these types of moments. Regina smiled sadly as she shrugged her shoulders. Why wouldn't she say that?

"The doctor said to talk about the good times…. And I tried. Every moment with him was amazing...for me. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have the exact approach on it, though. My good times with him? They were the best moments of my life. His time with me? I'm not even sure if he had any good moments to look back on." Paige's mouth dropped slightly when she heard Regina's words. How could she even think that?

"Regina, Robin is in love with you. Any moment he shared with you is great." Regina chuckled humorlessly, not believing a single word.

"You know, you've always had this….belief. And it's never gone away. And I guess, I guess over time, it rubbed off on me…. But this? How am I supposed to believe he loved spending any moment with me when he doesn't even want me in his life?" Regina sighed, knowing she already said too much. Paige frowned, her eyebrows furrowing. How bad had her brother exactly hurt Regina?

"Do you love him?" Paige asked. She hadn't planned on asking that, she hadn't even been thinking about asking that. But now that it hung in the air, she couldn't take it back. Regina's eyes met Paige's and Regina nodded so seriously, her answer could have been written in stone.

"Yes." Regina answered. Paige never realized the power of one single word until that moment.

"How much?"

"Does it matter?" Regina replied, sounding as if she already gave up. But, no. She couldn't give up. Not now, not ever. Paige frowned, not understanding where this conversation was heading.

"Why wouldn't it?" Paige asked, heart heart already breaking for the woman sitting next to her. The brunette looked to the ground, wondering if she should say. But she was so tired of holding everything in. Even in Robin's family didn't know about what went down between Robin and her the night of the wedding, they would find out eventually. Regina took a deep breath.

"Because it wasn't enough to make him stay…" Regina whispered, feeling her heart break for the millionth time in the past hour. The light in Paige's eyes felt dull, wondering what the hell had happened her wedding night. She knew that Robin had taken Regina home, but she had no idea what had been said or done.

"I told Robin that I was ready...that I was ready to give our relationship another chance….and he didn't want any part of it." A tear slid down Paige's cheek as she held her breath. Why would Robin say that? It was clear to everyone else but them that he was totally, utterly in love with Regina.

"Regina, I am so sorry," Regina shrugged, supposing she should learn to get used to the pain of rejection. As long as Robin lived, she would be okay. She didn't need him to love her, she just needed him to live.

"It's probably for the best. It's not like I'm a very loveable person anyways," Regina tried to laugh it off, but both women knew the pain she was in.

"Regina,"

"I'm sorry, this isn't a therapy session" Regina apologized with a nervous laugh, just wanting to escape the awkwardness that surrounded her. It was true. This wasn't her talking to some therapist. This wasn't her talking to some stranger who didn't really care about all her problems. This was Paige. And right now, none of the attention should be on her. It should all be on Robin. Always.

"I should be the one apologizing, Regina. I have no idea what my idiot brother has been thinking lately, but I know for a fact that he does love you. I know that he wanted a second chance with you….he told me." Regina's eyes went wide as her eyebrows furrowed. She dug into her black leather jacket a bit deeper, wishing it would protect her from these dangerous feelings.

"Well, it looks like he lied to both of us, then," Regina whispered with a small smile, hiding the tears in her eyes.

"I don't care about what happens to me, Paige. When Robin wakes up, once I know he is okay, I will be gone. For good this time. I won't be a worry over Robin's head anymore." Paige opened her mouth to say something but Regina stood up and walked away, needing to escape, even if it was just for a few minutes.

Regina walked outside to the main entrance as she took a seat at a bench just outside the clear sliding doors. This was all too much. She knew once she heard about Robin's life-threatening situation she would need to step up, put all her needs and feelings aside. But that didn't mean that her love for Robin vanished. Of course it didn't. It never would….

And he would never know that.

…

Regina sat down at a lonely table in the cafeteria, stabbing her fork at the salad in front of her. Her arm supported her head as she leaned away, sighing as she set the fork down. Who was she kidding? Most days, she wouldn't eat at all. Why would this one be any different? To try and eat for Robin? To make him feel better? Hell, he didn't even want her here.

He doesn't want a relationship with me…. What would make me think he actually cares if I'm here or not, Regina wondered as she closed her eyes. She didn't have the courage to leave. Not without knowing Robin was safe. And it would kill her when she would have to leave, never seeing him again, but it was the best. For everyone.

Regina looked up when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw a woman standing by her table. Regina looked up to see Robin's doctor, Tink, if she was remembering correctly. Tink smiled down at her, Regina noticing she held her own tray of food.

"You're the loved one of Mr. Locksley, right?" Regina chuckled sadly and didn't respond. If only she knew that she was the exact opposite of what one would call a loved one. Instead, Tink held her hand out towards the table, and Regina shrugged her shoulders, knowing no one else would be accompanying her. Tink smiled as she sat across from the brunette.

"You know, you never answered my question," Tink smiled as she opened her bottle of water, taking a sip before setting it back on the table. Regina rolled her eyes, not in the mood to answer any more questions.

"You know, you ask too many questions," Regina sighed back. She knew she shouldn't have said that, especially not to Robin's doctor. But she was just there at the perfect time. The wrong time. Tink only chuckled, liking the brunette's fire.

"Well, I am a doctor," Tink smirked as she took a small bite of her sandwich, smiling when she saw Regina's surprised expression. Maybe this person wouldn't be so bad….

"How bad is it?" Regina whispered, looking at the blonde doctor, who just sighed with a sad smile. What did that mean?

"Honestly? I think Mr. Locksley will be perfectly fine…. It seems like your talking to him helped immensely," Regina's eyebrows furrowed, staring at the doctor in shock, as if she had said something in another language. Tink stared back at her with her own confusion, wondering why this woman was having such a hard time believe she was helping this man.

"Me? That's, that's impossible." Regina stuttered, racking her brain, thinking of what she could have said that would have connected with him. Maybe it was her talking about him leaving? How she finally connected with him? How she finally understood he left because he didn't want to take the next step? Was that something that he could connect with?

"I'm afraid it's not…. Robin's brain waves showed increased activity once you left…. Are you feeling okay?" Tink asked, tilting her head as she noticed how the brunette had paled so fast in less than five seconds.

Regina's mind was spinning. How was any of this possible? How could her voice be helping Robin? Wasn't he the opposite of loving her? Isn't that why they would never be able to have a second chance? Or, or was something else happening? Was Robin really lying to her to protect her?

"I'm not." Regina sighed, only causing Tink's confusion in the conversation to grow.

"You're not what?"

"I'm not the loved one of Robin…. I'm not…." Tink frowned when she heard the brunette's answer. She didn't even know this woman's name, but she knew that her and Mr. Locksley must have a complicated history. She could even understand that. True love was never easy.

"I'm not entirely sure I believe that," Regina's head snapped up at Tink's words, wishing she was anywhere but here, "Actually, I'm positive I don't believe that for one second. I've seen the way you look at him. I've seen the way you're torn up over everything. Hell, I'm witnessing it right now…. Who are you to him?"

"I'm a lost memory….that's all I am to him now…." Regina whispered, looking down at her salad. Why was she being so vulnerable in front of this lady? It wasn't normal….but then again, was any of this?

"Complicated history?" Tink guessed, and Regina chuckled, shaking her head.

"You could definitely say that," Regina nodded her head, wishing it wasn't complicated. She wished she could be there for Robin, completely. Without fearing that he didn't want her there. Without fearing she would have to leave before he knew she was here.

"I get it," Regina's eyebrows furrowed once again, looking at the blonde curiously. Tink smiled as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, clearing her throat.

"I get it. Me and my husband went through the same thing…. You know, we love each other so much, and we wasted so much time…. I left him when we were kids, after three years. I left because of my father…."

"He hated him….still does to this day…. And, he, he wasn't afraid to take it out on me." Regina's heart leaped out of her chest, going straight to Robin's doctor. God, no one, ever, should have to go through that. It was malicious. It was evil. It was wrong.

"You, you don't have to-"

"It's okay. It's a story I use to help my patients, as well as their families…. I was so, so scared that one day, I wouldn't be enough, and he would go after him. So I ran. I packed up my bags and ran because I couldn't stand to think about what would happen if I ever lost him because of me." A tear slid down Regina cheek, the emotional story setting her heart on fire.

"A few years later, we met again, and I just knew. I knew I was still in love with him. And he was still in love with me. I kept pushing him away until it was almost too late. Until I got a call from his parents, saying he had been rushed to the hospital due to being in a car accident."

"I was a mess, and thank god, he was okay. I didn't want to see him because I was afraid I would hurt, not help. But his parents made me go in and see him, and I just started crying. I had no idea what to say, and before I even knew it, I was in his arms again, and it was the best feeling I've ever felt…. I told him why I left, and together, we worked through it all, and now, my father will never be a problem again…."

"So when you say it's complicated," Tink chuckled as the tears in her eyes slowly started to go away, "I understand. I really do. But I also understand that true love isn't easy. And the love I see in your eyes just when someone mentions Robin's name? That, that is true love…."

Regina wiped away her tears as she let out a shaky breath, one she didn't know she was holding. She looked up and saw Tink smiling at her. How could she be smiling after just telling that story?

"You said Robin suffered from three gunshots," Regina's voice cracked at the end, and Tink nodded her head empathetically. Regina took a deep breath as she tried to focus, tried to get her hands to stop shaking.

"To the neck, shoulder, and abdomen….. I felt real, excruciating pain in those three places the day of the shooting…. Somehow, I knew Robin was in pain as well…. I just didn't know how bad it was…." Tink smiled as she nodded her head, knowing exactly what was going on.

"You know, some say that loved ones can feel each other's pain. It hasn't been scientifically proven, not yet, but in my case, it's what I call soulmates." Regina chuckled as the words soulmates. Could that really be the reason why she felt Robin's pain, even if it was a small amount compared to his?

"Can you feel your husband's pain?" Regina asked, and Tink's face lit up as she smiled. So that's why she believes in this so much. This, this soulmate theory. She goes through it herself.

Regina was going to say something else, but both women were cut off when a little girl ran into the room, shouting Mommy! As she ran to Tink. Regina turned when she saw a little girl with blonde pigtails run towards them, a tall man with brown hair falling her.

Tink smiled as she lifted the little girl in her lap, kissing her cheek as she let out a high pitch giggle. Tink smiled and hugged the bundle of joy in her arms.

"Hi, Baby," Tink cooed. Tink looked up to Regina, who was smiling lovingly as she witnessed the scene. Tink, tickled her little girl before pointing the attention towards Regina.

"This is Mommy's new friend….can you say hi for me?" The little girl nodded as her blonde ponytails bobbed up and down, her tiny hand waving in front of Regina. Regina smiled brightly, thinking this little one must be the most adorable thing she's ever seen.

"Hi! I'm Evlynn!" Evlynn exclaimed, jumping excitedly in her mother's arms. Regina smiled as she waved back, loving how the little girl smiled at her. It was magical.

"Hi! I'm Regina," Evlynn giggled and clapped her hands, reaching for the brunette. Regina smiled lovingly at the little girl, finding it impossible to be sad when she was near.

"Gina...that's a funny name," Evlynn giggled, turning to see her father standing behind her.

"Hi Daddy!" The man laughed as he waved his hand gently, laying a kiss to his wife's temple. Tink smiled at Regina, introducing her to her husband.

"Regina, this is my husband, Liam. Liam, this is Regina." Liam smiled brightly as he shook Regina's hand across the table. Liam knew who Regina was, even if she didn't know that. Tink had already told him about her and Robin, secretly, telling him how they reminded her of their situation. Liam understood that Regina had someone here, someone who loved her, and he would try to help her if she ever needed it.

"It's nice to meet you," Liam smiled, and Regina grinned back, letting her hand fall back to her side once his left hers.

"Likewise…. I'm sorry, but I have to go," Regina sighed. Tink smiled in her direction, knowing she probably wanted to go back to wait for Robin. Regina smiled one last time before she left the cafeteria, sighing as she closed her eyes.

That could have been her. With a perfect husband, and a perfect little girl. That could have been hers….and it hurt.

…

~2012~

Regina felt strong arms wrap around her as she stirred some eggs on the stove. Regina smiled and leaned into Robin's arms, sighing relaxingly when he placed kisses down her neck. Regina turned in his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

When Regina pulled back, she lost her breath, feeling the love radiating off of Robin. She smiled and leaned her forehead against his, chuckling.

"Good morning to you, too," Robin chuckled as he laid one last chaste kiss to her lips, brushing the hair of her messy bun out of her face. Regina smiled as she felt the color in her cheeks grow, still not used to feeling loved after a year of Robin's body to keep her warm.

"How did you sleep, Milady?" Robin asked as he moved to stand beside her, getting their coffee ready. Regina chuckled as she stirred the scrambled eggs in the pan, almost ready to be plated.

"Honestly, it could have been better," Robin sighed as he frowned the slightest. He knew that she hadn't had a very restless sleep last night. She was tense in his arms the whole night, and she only relaxed once she fell asleep, even then more perplexed than usual. And he could bet his money it was because of her mother.

"I think you're going to get much better sleep tonight," Once your mother is gone, Robin thought, but Regina's mind didn't register that.

"Is that a promise?" Regina smirked, and Robin did too, brushing past her as he leaned in and whispered in her ear, "of course," Regina smiled brightly as Robin set two mugs of coffee down at the table. Regina sighed as she put eggs on two plates, sitting down with her boyfriend at the island.

"How did you sleep?" Robin shrugged, taking a sip of his coffee before turning to the brunette, smiling that perfect, dimple-filled smile that Regina couldn't help but fall for each and every time.

"It's very hard to have a good night's sleep when the woman I love is so tense in my arms," Regina rolled her eyes with a smile, taking her hair out of the messy bun she had put it in that morning.

"I'm sorry…. It's just that, last night was so hard. I guess I forgot how hard it is to try and please my mother….."

"Regina, you don't have to please her…. I will do everything I can to make sure you know you are loved, and cherished, and cared for, but I won't let you tear yourself apart just because the woman who raised you can't see something amazing in front of her." Regina smiled as Robin reached for her hand, his fingers sliding perfectly in hers.

"Maybe one day, one day I'll stop caring. Maybe one day, I'll stop waiting for my mother's approval. And maybe one day, I will be okay with that...and even though it won't be today, I can tell you that your love will be the thing that saves me in the end." Robin and Regina shared a loving smile as Regina leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips, slowly growing apart as Regina felt the smile on Robin's lips grow.

"And maybe one day, I'll remember to tell you every single second of every single day that it is your love, that saved me." Robin and Regina stared in each other's eyes feeling so safe, so warm, so loved.

If only they had seen Cora, who was frozen on the other side of the kitchen door, listening to their conversation, as if she truly ever cared….