This is a bit of a filler chapter, but it had to be done. Pace picks up again after this.…

Thank you for reading, and enjoy, Nemma. :)

Disclaimer: I do not own twilight, but the mermaids and other original points are mine. Please don't take them.

…

Chapter 14: Ethics and Resolutions – BPOV

Riana's recovery did not take as long as I had anticipated. Mara was particularly attentive to her and mindful of her care; she foraged for and brought back a number of unusual seaweeds that she said had medicinal value. I watched with great interest as she mixed them together in pastes and poultices. She had to go above water in one of our air-rooms to make the pastes. Carlisle would have been fascinated, I was sure.

As she regained her health, Riana became more and more alert. Her hunger seemed to run parallel to her grumpiness – if one was high, then so was the other. And the quicker she got better the sharper her temper became, until the point at which anything could set it off.

"Tuna?!" she snapped. "Tuna, I don't want that muck! I'm recovering from a serious injury! Get me shark meat!"

That statement was usually followed by her tuna-steak flying across the chamber. Even with one arm bound in a seaweed sling, she still managed to throw really well. And she would not be happy until someone complied. I remembered how bad Lilith had reacted to Giovanni's name for her and I wondered if flash-tempers were a mermaid trait. I hoped not.

As one of our sisters brought in a platter of fresh lemon-shark fillets, I sat at Riana's side to keep her company. She looks so much better now, I mused, better than she did when Giovanni delivered her to Mara's waiting arms not half a mile from our underwater lair.

Thinking back, I remembered how, as the boat had chugged closer and the underwater alarm calls had gone out, I had telepathically screamed at our sisters not to attack him. Once they realised that two of their own were on board, their alarm had ratcheted up another notch. But as I replayed the memories, and showed them how Giovanni had helped, their anger had simmered down enough for them to think clearly and not butcher the poor man.

Mara's reaction to Giovanni was a one-eighty to what I had expected. She was cheerfully grateful for his assistance in the return of her injured daughter and for his amateur medical aid. She even went so far as to go and thank him personally.

For Mara that was unheard of. And I was left gobsmacked.

I was just telling Riana about Mara's agreeable attitude when another thought occurred.

"You know," I said, "for being the fastest species in the ocean, we don't seem to fair too well among its other species. Between my shark bite and your Humboldt squid attack we're really raking up the war-wounds."

"Yeah," she laughed in her kelp-bed, and studiously examined her bound arm, "we do get ourselves into some scrapes. I didn't before I met you. You're a bad influence."

By her joking tone I could tell that she didn't really mean it.

"I'm the bad influence?" I choked out a laugh.

"Damn right, vampire girl."

I sighed. "How did neither of us see that thing coming?"

The creature had just dived at her from out of the gloom. There had been no sound, no warning. Riana nodded sadly.

"We maybe supernaturally fast but our other senses can be somewhat lacking. We're like F1 rally racers, we have awesome track skills but when the pedal hits the metal…"

Vampires had much better control over their speed. Feeling nostalgic, I remembered back to when I would ride on Edward's back as he ran at light-speed through the forest. I had worried that Edward would hit a tree whilst carrying me. He just ran so fast… Worryingly, the memory was rather murky and difficult to recall. What shirt had he worn that day?

"That is rather cute," Riana commented as she browsed my current train of thought. "You were dating a vampire, frequently visiting his vampire family without anyone else's knowledge, and the part that had you worried most was that he'd crash with you while running too fast, not that he or his family might drain you dry and stash your body where that no one would ever find it."

Another slab of shark meat made its way to her mouth and was immediately torn to shreds by her razor-sharp teeth, fangs included.

That comment irritated me. "They're not like that."

Shark hide shredded and bits drifted into the water, a little blood leaked out too.

"Hey, I wasn't having a go at you, squirt." She held her hands up as she munched. "Just saying is all. Considering that all you knew about them was that they were vampires – something they were trying to keep hidden – I just think it was a pretty brave thing to do."

"What… date Edward?" A brave thing to do…?

"Yeah or maybe I'm using the wrong term. What's the word that describes the place exactly between brave and blindly stupid?"

"Shut up."

I threw her kelp-weave blanket at her. The move would have been more effective above water, below it lacked momentum and fluttered benignly in front of her face. She swatted it aside.

"…and you were best friends with a werewolf," she continued, undeterred, "you hung out with his pack. Now you're living with a horde of blood-thirsty mermaids. I'm thinking you lack the essential genetic code for survival instinct."

Hey, I was still here.

"You aren't the first one to say that," I admitted. Danger did seem to stalk my every step. "But what about you? You survived a newborn vampire attack and are now living with same said colony of blood-hungry mermaids. You know, you're only one step behind me in the 'how many supernaturals have I met' race."

"True, I suppose, but I didn't befriend my vampire, let alone date him. My current state of just-about-living can be attributed to pure dumb luck. Thank you, fates."

My life could too, I guessed. Against the odds I was still here. Then again, I could be in a better situation. Perspective all depended on whether you were the glass is half-full or the glass is half-empty type of person. In which case, mine was half-full. As much as I'd rather be at Edward's side right now, or snuggled safely in his arms, I was grateful for the life I had. After all, there was still a chance, no matter how minute, that I could still retrieve a portion of what I'd had with him, my old life. Or at least, I still hoped that there was a chance.

What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he sees me like this and that's it?

What if Riana is right?

As always, my treacherous fears weighed me down. The worry was always there and for the most part it went ignored, there was no point dwelling in misery just yet. I could always do that later when my predictions came to fruition… If! …If they came to fruition.

I just had to hope that they never would.

…

Hours became days, days became weeks, and somehow, by some miracle of fate, I maintained my sanity and found a way to live. To survive the madness that surrounded me. Yes, it was difficult, how could it not be? Away from the people I loved: my family, my friends, Charlie, Alice, Jake… and most importantly, Edward.

Being away from Edward was the hardest part, but it didn't hurt as much as our separations used to. Perhaps that was due to mermaid-genetics – Riana said they would dull my sensitivities with time. Or maybe it was because I knew that he was safe with his family and that wherever he was, he still loved me. I had not been privy to that vital piece of life-preserving knowledge last fall when he'd left me 'for my own good'. This separation was different. I missed him but I could function. He probably felt it more acutely…

My memories now lay solidly in my head, and that was good. But memory was not emotion. And without that I had no driving passion to return home.

Acceptance into the colony was the easy part, to them I was one among many and in the freezing ice-cold venom of change I had become something substantially more, kin, a treasured sister. Inclusion in the sisterhood was unconditional.

If I could not describe their immediate and unrestricted acceptance of me as anything else, I would say it was love. But then, mermaids did not experience that type of emotion.

Mermaids did not love.

Riana taught me to hunt when she was well enough. I could now spot and track tuna, cod, halibut and any number of other North Pacific fish from a half-mile radius without too much trouble. Kali took joy in braiding my hair with tiny little plaits, and showed me the styles preferred by most mermaids of the North Pacific (apparently fashions varied between seas and colonies). Other nameless sisters temporarily overtook my training and the duties of my care, teaching me to: forage shells, weave seaweed blankets, deflect sharks using a high-pitched alarm-signal whenever they ventured too close, maintain a constant watch on the area surrounding our colony (guard duty was on rotation and my shift came up every fifth day), and clean out the tunnels (we used our tails but even with the added novelty of it being underwater, cleaning was about as much fun as it was on the surface, but it needed doing). I was told that there were other duties but those were reserved for the more senior members and new arrivals were not expected to contribute until their second year of ocean-life. No one bothered to give me any specifics of those mysterious tasks and I got the idea that I was better off not knowing just yet. One mermaid – whose name I never learnt and who communicated purely through telepathic imagery – taught me to forage, showing me which seaweeds provided the best nutrition and the best places to gather cockles and mussels. Even Mara took time to check in on me and see how I was progressing. One day, while we swam together, I thought I felt a subtle tug at my mind but when I focussed I couldn't feel it anymore, and when I looked to Mara she was staring ahead at a coral bed. After that I couldn't seem to remember what I had been thinking about. It was important… I was sure…

Three weeks into my residence she presented me with my own personally inscribed knife and hunting belt. It was beautiful. Composed of a material similar to leather, the brown belt was decorated with Celtic patterning, interlaced with thin and subtle strings of gold which covered its length, including the dagger's sheath. My hunting knife was simple in design but effective and when I examined it closely I noticed my name etched in perfect calligraphy along its hilt. The construction of such a gift had obviously taken a lot of time and effort, it left me speechless. Mara merely smiled at my dumbfounded expression and told me: "You are my daughter now, and my daughters deserve no less."

However, when I was alone I was never allowed further away than the closely guarded perimeter of the colony lands. For all the grandeur and gifts and pretences, I was not blinded to the fact that I was still a prisoner in a gilded cage. They did not trust me not to run.

Eventually I was trusted enough to be alone; this privilege afforded a certain measure of liberty and allowed me to roam more freely. My sister's eyes became less watchful and I became less guarded. The colony became less like a glorified prison-camp. I integrated. I made friends. My mind merged with others and thoughts flowed freely, without caution or restraint. I spoke using words less and less, as there was no need to speak verbally when the mind said it all. I became one among many and I was happy about it, there was a certain degree of freedom in the hive-mind of my sisters, where little went unnoticed. Who would crave lonely individuality when you could be one of a whole?

Overtime, my knowledge of the surface-world began to fade. Like a light-bulb on a dimmer switch my memories of people became less defined, their voices less articulate. It began by degrees; one day I found that I could not remember the exact shade of Charlie's hair, or the lilting tone of Alice's soprano voice… or the signature scent of Edward's skin. It was like my mind had become the sieve Edward had once accused it of being. This was not terribly troubling, as my sisters informed me that it was a common occurrence. They had all experienced similar and were there for me should I need them. They were, after all, my family now, my sisters. They told me not to worry, therefore I did not.

Life was, if not perfect, at least tolerable. The problems came one morning when Riana re-introduced me to another fundamental dietary requirement.

"You want me to drink human blood?" I said flatly.

She beamed with what she considered to be an angelic smile of encouragement.

"No." She held the smile strictly in place, but it looked like she was trying to hold onto her patience. Her mind betrayed her; she was already anticipating a row of epic proportions. "You want you to drink human blood."

"No, I don't." I shot the idea down immediately.

"Yes, you do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you-"

"No!" I was firm on this. I had already seen their methods of feeding through our telepathic link and those images would haunt me for life, "In a thousand different ways no."

She sighed and rubbed her brow, exasperated. "Well, this is a good start." She appeared to be communing with the ceiling. "What if," she held up her hands as if she expected me to stop her before she had her say, "What if I go and get the blood for you? I'll just nip into the meat-locker drain a few pints and bring it back. Simple, easy, no gore involved for you."

I looked at her incredulously. "There's fresh blood in the meat-locker?"

She smiled. "Yes. I'll even go as far as to pretend it's tomato soup, or cranberry juice."

"You're joking right?" Her face said she wasn't. "That doesn't make a difference."

"Would you prefer Randall to do it?" she frowned quizzically, "I could always ask-"

"No!"

"Why not?" She grimaced impatiently. "What is the problem with you and blood?"

"I… I…" I struggled with my thoughts, trying to dredge up a valid reason. There had to be one… "I faint at the smell of it. I've never been able to stand that horrible irony tang."

There! That was the reason… I remembered now. A biology lab… A boy's finger being pierced, the cloying scent and the accompanying dizziness… Edward carried me to the nurse's office and laughed at me for my nausea… How had a forgotten that?

But that wasn't the primary reason I disagreed… was it?

Riana laughed knowingly. "Trust me, that particular problem will be a thing of the past when the smell hits you again. You won't care about fainting."

"I have other reasons."

"Oh, really! Surprise me."

"It's wrong." My moral ethics finally kicked in. "I refuse to kill a human."

Edward was a blood-drinker, Jacob called him a leech but he had never hurt humans to control his thirst. At least he didn't now. He survived differently…

"Oh, not this again, Bella…" In a very Edward-like moment she closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I really don't see the problem with preying on blood-bags."

"The problem is we used to be them. Those 'blood-bags', as you have so affectionately dub them, could be friends, family."

She shrugged, "Well, don't eat your family then. It's simple, restrict your hunting grounds. Track prey in the South, you have no relatives down there, right?"

"Even if they are not people I know personally, they have lives and emotions and people who depend on them."

"Chickens and cows have offspring that depend on them, and they depend on the farmer that feeds them, we still ate them when we were human."

She had a point, not one that I was willing to concede though.

"Humans are a little different to food picked up from the freezer aisle."

"You ate meat while you were human, right?" she said, "Or are you going to tell me you were a vegetarian too?"

I almost said I was, but didn't bother with the lie, one cursory glance at my thoughts would reveal my fetish for Kentucky fried chicken, or my lifelong love affair with red meat of any form, spare ribs and fillet steak dripping barbeque sauce…

Shaking myself out of my reverie, I barked, "We are not having this discussion."

My sudden hunger was making me snappy.

"Alright," she conceded, "but I'll tell you now – if you don't deal with this sooner, you're going to have to deal with it later. This issue isn't one that can be put off indefinitely. It won't go away. You will crave blood, and you won't be able to deny the thirst. You've already been with us for two weeks; I give you a month, tops. If you don't sort this out soon it'll come back to bite you in the ass. Or more likely, you'll bite someone else in the ass. Just let me know when the blood-lust hits and I'll go hang around on the other side of the ocean."

I didn't appreciate the sarcasm.

…

That night I kept tossing and turning and stirring up the sandy sea-bed in my cave. I couldn't settle. Whenever I tried to, my mind was assaulted with images of blood-coated hands, blood-dripping mouth, severed limbs held limply in my grip.

"You will crave blood soon, and you won't be able to deny the thirst," Riana had said.

It was like my nightmares were waiting poised behind my closed lids, standing by for the second I closed my eyes to pounce, assaulting me from any and all angles.

I thought of Edward, I remembered the night he had agreed to our compromise, the way he had stroked my cheek and looked deeply into my eyes.

"Changing you will be the most selfish thing I ever do. Although I will get to keep you, although I will cherish you for eternity, the last thing I ever wanted was to damn your soul…"

In the end I could take no more and quietly slipped out of our room. Riana was fast asleep, snuggled into the sand of our shared cave and curled up under a kelp-weave blanket. A thin stream of bubbles slowly trailed from her mouth up to the ceiling. She looked so peaceful in sleep, the wry bitterness of her daily face wiped clean in slumber.

The colony was surprisingly silent as I swam, both physically and mentally. The hour must have been very early but I found the silence relaxing, it allowed me peace with my own thoughts – a luxury I didn't consciously realise I was lacking until it was presented to me.

Drifting through the tunnels, my thoughts turned to Carlisle; he had believed that killing humans in his newly-changed vampire-state was inevitable. In a brave, altruistic attempt to save the lives of unknown strangers he had removed himself from civilisation, gravitating to the most isolated areas of the world. (Well, you couldn't get more isolated than the middle of the Pacific Ocean.) That idea had potential but it was flawed. Vampires, unlike mermaids, could survive indefinitely, without blood. It wasn't pleasant but they could. Mermaids could not. Riana said I had about a month? That gave me little time for planning.

Carlisle had spotted deer; he had drank from them and survived. He had sated his thirst and lived. If it had worked for a vampire, why couldn't it work for a mermaid?

I wouldn't know until I tried.

Could I manage to do the same? Could I be strong enough? Could I avoid becoming the monster Edward had never wanted me to be?

Most of the planning for my newborn vampire-stage had involved Edwards's aid in teaching me to hunt and control my thirst. Most of our plans had relied on him holding me back before I made any mistakes so grave that I would regret them for eternity.

Well, I didn't have Edward now, and as much as that hurt I had to accept it.

I had to do this alone.

Because enlisting Riana's help in tracking humans to eat was not an option.

I had to do this alone. I would do this alone.

With that resolve, I began to plan. I wasn't craving yet and that was a blessing in itself, so I still had time. Time I would use well.

…

Next chapter, some old Forksian characters pop up. Won't say who… :)