Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing, sadly. Well Melanie came from my own head...

Rated: M

My very first fic ever, PLEASE be kind, I'm sorry if it sucks.

Summary: Alex heads out to a bar at the behest of her best friend. Her life will never be the same.

Notes: Thank you guys for sticking with me and for your support in your reviews. It definitely gives me the boost I need to keep writing through my block. As always, if my quality drops and you feel I'm not doing the story or the character justice, please (kindly) let me know cause I'm writing this for you guys who have been so supportive through this whole story. So...? Am I still doing okay with this story? I still feel like I'm struggling with some apsects so any kind feedback would be very welcomed. Thanks guys and I hope you're still enjoying this.

Alex's POV

I'm not sure I can remember being as turned on as I am with Olivia's leg between my own and her body pressed completely against mine. I know I've been far more intimate with Olivia but the truth is that I can remember it in my mind but like watching a movie, I only see it happening. The physical feelings aren't there because my mind remembers but my body doesn't, so the feeling of having Olivia pressed fully against me trapping me between the counter and her own body is overwhelming, to say the least, and incredibly arousing causing me to moan at the sensations.

I feel Olivia break the kiss and press her forehead to mine. It's a tender touch, having her forehead touching mine, and a completely different feeling to the thigh that's moving slowly against my center. The two touches which are so different but so strong have me wanting more of her and so I reach up and place both hands on her face and bring her mouth back to mine. It's only a few moments before I feel her slowly pushing herself away from me and removing her thigh. She's slowing the kiss and before I know it she's no longer we are separated and she's just looking at me. Had I done something wrong? In the heat of the moment I wonder if I've made a mistake. So I look back at her and with a mixture of arousal and confusion I ask her, "what's wrong?"

"Absolutely nothing Alex, I just think it's best if maybe we try to make it to our reservation," she says. I can see the arousal in her eyes but I can also see the struggle she seems to be having to control that arousal. I can see in her eyes that she needs me to help her; to keep her from letting her desire take complete control. Not trusting my own voice all I can do is nod before placing a quick kiss on her lips and stepping away from her giving us both the distance we need to control our urges. I walk to the door and open it before turning around and fully smiling to her. "Take me to dinner, Detective."

Neither of us speak in the cab as we ride to the restaurant. It's a comfortable silence but I long to feel more connected to her so I reach out and grasp her hand. She glances over at me and smiles before lightly squeezing it and rubbing her thumb across along the top of my hand. We ride like that, quietly holding hands for another few blocks until we arrive in front of our destination. It's a small Japanese restaurant called Rah that I've been wanting to try for a while now. I mention that to her as we step out of the cab.

"I know," she responds. "I remember you telling me about the review you read and how you couldn't ever get a reservation for a time when you were free, so..." she drifts off.

Is there anything this woman can't do right? She is continually amazing me with her kindness and awareness of my wants. It's not a normal feeling. It's strange to have someone who has listened to what I had to say and remembered. Usually when someone does do something like this for me it's because he's sure that if he does something kind for me I'll repay him physically, but with Olivia I know there's no ulterior motive. Olivia doesn't work that way so it's even more touching that she's done this for me just because. I have a strong urge to kiss her right here on the street in front of everyone but I hesitate and instead lean into her and kiss her cheek. My lips linger just a second longer than would be socially appropriate if we were just two friends meeting for a meal together. It's hard wanting to just kiss her out here in public and if she were a male date, I would. But she's not a man and I just can't bring myself to cross that line with her. She seems to understand because instead of pushing for something I'm not ready for she simply steps away from me to reach for the door handle opening it for me. She guides me into the restaurant the same way she's guided me hundreds of times before only this time when I feel her hand rest on my lower back just below the area where the fabric of my dress ends. I feel her thumb grazing back and forth against the bare skin of my back but it doesn't stay there long and as soon as her hand leaves my back I feel myself missing that warm touch.

Olivia's POV

Alex and I have eaten meals together before, though usually it's from a take out box surrounded by files for some case we're working on. Of course there were the few recent meals we've had together but tonight everything feels different. Maybe it's because it's a date and for us, that means so much more than just a meal together, or maybe it's because I nearly took her right there in her kitchen before we even left her apartment. Whatever the reason, tonight's dinner is totally different. It's as though this is the real moment of truth. As though this will be the deciding factor for Alex; can she actually date a woman or will she realize it's just not her. I try not to focus on the idea that it's possible this could be the only date I ever go on with Alex, instead I try to focus on the moment, on just being here with her. Spending time with Alex is like finding nuggets of gold, it's rare, but it brings me so much joy to be with her. We don't find it difficult to keep the conversation going, though we never really do have difficulty making conversation. We're finishing our last few bites of sushi when she asks me how I knew.

"I mean, was it something you just figured out one day and that was that? Or did you struggle with it? Did you have to come to terms or anything like that?" I don't have to ask what she's talking about I already know. She wants to know what it was like when I realized I preferred women to men. "I don't mean to pry, you don't have to answer if you don't want to Olivia."

"It's okay Alex, I don't mind," I assure her. "I think I'm lucky in that regard," I begin. "Growing up I didn't really have time for dating. I spent a lot of time at home because that's where my mom wanted me to be, 'directly home after school Olivia' she would tell me. She never really wanted me around though, so really she just wanted me in my room. So I didn't really get to date much, at all. It wasn't until college that I started meeting people who were romantically interested in me. My first boyfriend was a junior when I was a freshman and I was enamored with him. Looking back I'm sure it's because he was the first person to show interest in me and so I soaked that feeling up. I couldn't get enough of feeling wanted, so our relationship progressed based more on that than for any other reason. The first time we were together I remember feeling uncomfortable because we hadn't been dating for too long before he wanted to make it more physical. I went with it though because that's what he wanted and I wanted him to be happy with me. It was, like many first times for women, uncomfortable and awkward but as time went on I got used to it, my body adjusted and we would do what any couple would do. We'd have sex. Eventually we broke up, he moved away after graduating. I dated other guys during the next few years and of course sex was a part of dating. Sometimes it was really bad sex and other times it was good but it never felt one hundred percent perfect. It always felt like something was missing or off. Then one day I met this girl in one of my lab classes. We had a great connection, hit it off as friends immediately. We hung out together all the time. It got to the point that my boyfriend at the time started to get insecure. He would tell me how she was 'just a dyke' trying to get into my pants. The idea was absurd to me, she wasn't trying to get into my pants she was my best friend and that was all. Plus I didn't even think she was gay, we'd never spoken about that and she never really dated anyone so I just assumed she was happily single and straight. But she became a point of contention in our relationship and eventually I ended up breaking it off with him.

"Because of her?"

"Yes and no. Yes, in the sense that I didn't want to be with someone who seemed so intolerant of someone who might or might not be a lesbian. But no, I didn't break up with him to be with her or anything like that." Alex just watches me and nods, waiting for me to continue. "After I broke up with Tom, Sarah and I spent even more time together, we became inseparable. Eventually she took me to a gay bar with her one night, that was the only time her sexuality was brought up. I mean if you consider bringing your best friend to a gay bar as bringing up one's sexuality."

"So you were friends with her for, I'm guessing a rather long time and that whole time you had no idea what her sexuality was?"

"You had no idea what mine was and we've worked together for a very long time," I respond. "Plus, sexuality tends to be a face-value sort of thing. If no one talks about it, everyone just assumes that they're straight. I think it's pretty rare to sit down with friends and just say, 'hey, I'm gay' or 'hey, I'm straight' unless there's an actual reason to bring it up."

"Yes, I suppose you're right. So she brought you to a gay bar and..." Alex prompts me to continue.

"And she almost immediately ditched me because she saw a girl she just had to meet." I can't help but laugh as I remember that night. "There I was, sitting at the bar, in a gay bar, that I'd never been to before and that I only went to because my best friend had asked me to go with her and then within five minutes she'd left me on my own."

"I know the feeling, Melanie tends to leave me at bars too."

"Well, I'm glad she did," I tell her. She smiles back at me and I swear I see a faint blush on her fair cheeks. "Anyway, it wasn't long before a rather kind but very butch woman started to not so subtly hit on me. Before I could formulate a response to tell her I wasn't interested the bartender showed up and asked the butch woman to stop hitting on her girlfriend. When the woman left the bartender told me that woman was always trying to hit on the pretty girls and rarely took the first 9 no's for an answer. It was a slow night at the bar that night so the bartender spent most of the night chatting with me. At the end of the night she kissed me and asked for my number. The moment her lips touched mine it was like a flip had been switched. I knew immediately what had been missing all those years with my ex-boyfriends. They weren't women. And for me, it was as easy as that. All it took was a kiss from a pretty woman to know what felt right. To know that THAT felt right. And the rest is history."

Alex just looks at me, as though she's contemplating something. "It was just that simple?" she asks when she finally speaks.

"It was, but I'm lucky. I know that more often than not, that most people struggle to come to terms with their sexuality and that most people don't just get a kiss and think, 'okay, I'm gay.'"

"I wish more people had that sort of experience, like you did," she says with a small smile that hints at just a bit of sadness.

Just then the waiter shows up and presents us with the bill and I realize that the restaurant is nearly empty. It's just us and one other table. I look at my watch and realize it's nearly 11 o'clock, time truly does fly when you're having fun. I pay the bill not even allowing Alex a chance to argue, telling her I asked her on the date so I get to foot the bill. She allows me my small victory and doesn't put up a fight to split or pay the bill. We walk outside and wait for a cab to stop for us.

"Olivia," Alex says, pulling my attention from the street. "I don't really want to take a cab home, would you walk me home instead?"

I would carry her home if that was what she wanted. "I would love to Alex."

Alex's POV

We walk the 10 blocks back to my apartment in that comfortable silence I'm getting used to having with Olivia. As we walk together I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be able to be so comfortable with my sexuality like Olivia was. Why couldn't it be a bolt of lightning and just be okay? There no doubt that my body is all for it and parts of my mind are on that same page but then there's the part of me that's Alexandra Cabot of the Cabot family, the very straight-laced Cabot family. And if it wasn't my family ties then being ADA doesn't make it any easier. If I want the big chair I have to play the role the world wants and that role doesn't involve me dating a woman. I've spent my life working towards the goal of becoming District Attorney and for as long as I can remember that's what I've always strove for. It's what we Cabots do, we succeed greatly and we make sacrifices for that success. But then I think about the woman walking next to me. I think about how she makes me feel, physically, emotionally, mentally, and I wonder why can't it be different?

There are so many great and amazing things about Olivia Benson, things that are rare to find in another person. She's amazing at her job, she cares so much about what she does and who she protects. She cares about the people in her life. She's beautiful inside and out and that's so rare to find these days. She's unlike anyone I've ever known and that makes me want her as a strong fixture in my life. I just wish it could be easy like it was for

"Alex?" Olivia interrupts my thoughts, "You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I was just thinking about what it must be like to be able to just accept your sexuality like you did."

"Alex, I wish I could say something to make this all easier for you, I can't pretend to know what you're going through, but I can tell you that whatever I can do to help you, whatever you need, I'll do it."

"I just don't want to hurt you Olivia. You're my friend first and foremost and I don't want to do anything to jeopardize that."

"We've talked about this, I'm an adult and I know the risks are and I also know you'd never intentionally hurt me."

We're standing outside my apartment building, the ten block walk took significantly less time than I expected it would. I'm still not ready to part from Olivia just yet.

"Will you come up? Just for a little while?" I ask her.

She hesitates for a few seconds before answering, "I'd love to Alex."

We enter the building and have a brief conversation with the evening doorman before continuing on to the elevators. Once the elevator doors open we step inside and press the button for my floor. I feel Olivia's hand grab my own and I can't stop the smile that spreads across my face. The elevator reaches my floor and still holding hands, we exit and walk down the hallway until we reach my door. I reluctantly let go of her hand to dig through my purse and grab my keys. Once we're inside I offer Olivia something to drink.

"Whatever you're having will be fine," she tells me.

"I have a bottle of red wine, would that be okay?"

"Of course."

"You can go sit down if you want," I say to her, but when I turn around to to face her she's standing directly in front of me. She takes the bottle of wine from my hands and sets it on the counter behind me. She takes my hands in hers and steps impossibly closer into my space. Holding my eyes with her own before speaking.

"There's something I want to tell you Alex. I know you're scared about all this and I can't say anything that won't make it less scary. And I know you're worried about hurting me and I've told you that I understand the risks and I'm an adult. I can handle my own. But I need you to know that you're worth the risk Alex. No matter what they are, you'll always be worth the risk."

I can't control myself when she says those words, I lean forward and capture her lips with mine. I'm hungry for her and my desire is evident when I pull her lower lip into my mouth and suck on it. I hear her moan and her lips part enough for me to swipe my tongue into her mouth running it against her own tongue. She seems surprised by my aggressive moves and I take that to my advantage and spin us so that it's her trapped against the counter this time instead of me. I mimic her move from earlier this evening and slip my leg between her thighs and push up against her center.

"Jesus Alex," she groans before rolling her hips against my leg. I nearly lose focus when I feel her damp underwear on my bare leg. With both our dresses riding up and her leg pushing against my center there's not much to hide our arousal except a small piece of fabric. The thought of that has my hips thrusting against her leg. I know I should feel ashamed at my teenage like behavior but I can't think past the feeling of having her so close.

I'm surprised when I feel myself being lifted off the ground and spun until I'm sitting on the counter with Olivia standing between my legs. I immediately miss the contact of her thigh against me but find that this new position allows me to wrap my legs around her and pull her as close to me as possible.

Olivia's POV

If I'm dreaming I never want to wake up. Right now I'm standing in Alex's kitchen between her legs being pulled closer by the legs she's wrapped around my back. I take advantage of my position to slide my hands up her bare legs until I reach the hem of her skirt. There's nothing I'd like to do more than let my hands continue up her legs lifting her skirt, but instead I satisfy another desire I've had all night. Wrapping my arms around her back I trace the outline of the lace before spreading my hands flush along the skin of her back. As I caress her back I break from our kiss and lean forward trace the shell of her ear with my tongue. I continue tracing down the shell of her ear until I reach the soft flesh of earlobe and softly bit down on the flesh eliciting a soft groan from her. The sound causes my hips to jerk into her shamelessly thrusting against her. Her body responds pushing her center against my stomach, seeking more friction than she's currently getting from me. I reach down and grab her ass and pull her towards me as much as possible.

"Jesus Alex I want you so bad," I husk into her ear.

"Olivia," is all she manages to get out before I recapture her lips. I could take her right here; the urge to kneel down in front of her and have my way with her is nearly all I can think about. That's all I want to do and for a brief moment I feel myself giving in to that urge. But just as quickly as it came to me, so does reality. I want Alex so badly but not like this. I won't just fuck her on a counter, not our first real time together. So I slow the thrusting of my hips and raise my hands to her face before leaning back and looking at her.

"Alex," I say and wait as her body catches up with mine and slows it's motions. I wait until her deep blue eyes are looking into mine.

"I know, Olivia," she sighs. "I know."

She releases her grasp of me with her legs and I step out from between them and help her down from the counter. She smooths her dress down her legs before looking back up at me and sighing. I rest my forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen. You must know how much I want you," I tell her. She just nods. "I want it to be right Alex."

"So do I Olivia. And I want you too but I know we shouldn't just leap into bed. I don't want to just leap into bed with you. I want it to be right too."

"I probably shouldn't stay for that glass of wine," I say with smile, "I may not be as honorable," I joke.

"You're always honorable Olivia," she responds, "but you are probably right about the wine."

"I had an amazing night Alex, I hope you'll let me take you out again."

"Not likely," she says.

"What?"

"Olivia, you've already taken me out a number of times, next time it's my turn to take you out," she says with a smirk.

"Not cute Alex."

"I don't know, you're shocked face was a little adorable," she answers before quickly kissing me on the lips. "Now get out of here before I change my mind and soil your honor."

I kiss her once more on the lips, tender and gentle before heading for her door. I open her door and turn around to find she's followed me to the door. "Lock this," I tell her before closing the door. I wait to leave until I hear the lock click. Once I'm sure it's locked I head for the elevator. I need to get home and take a very cold shower.