Chapter 14: Party Poison

This ain't a party
Get off the dance floor
You wanna get down?
Here comes the gang wars!
You're doin' alright!
I got the answer.
'Cuz all the good times?
They give you cancer!
~My Chemical Romance

So that's why there's a razor blade in my wallet right now.

And why I'm dumping all my meds down the toilet.

"No, Jink, stop!" If Hellboy or Liz were here, that's what they'd be telling me. Hell, if Roger . . . (or Daimio) were here, they'd be telling me the same thing. But no - I'm stuck with apathetic Abe and mentally-AWOL Johann. Oh, and Devon, the prick that wants my boot and his ass to spend some quality time together.

But my meds aren't cutting it anymore. It helped in the past years, yeah, but when I go back to wanting to . . . do bad things, then it's not doing its job. So why bother taking it?

No one will care. No one at all. I barely care, and it's my meds I'm dumping! So why expect anyone else to care when I don't?

With the last of the pill bottles emptied, it was just a small movement to press the plunger and listen as the only thing keeping me sane went down the crapper.

I burst into Manning's office, a duffel bag slung over my shoulder. I barely brought anything with me, so I didn't have much to carry back.

Manning jumped when I slammed the door open, and glared at me. "There's this new thing called knock-"

"I'm leaving," I interrupted.

"What? Why?" He stood up behind his desk in surprise and anger.

I let my duffel bag drop and I crossed my arms. "I did what I came to do," I said. "And I'm not staying here anymore."

I leave out the fact that I feel guilty for not being able to save Greg, and leave out flushing my meds. What he don't know won't hurt him or me, right? Right.

"But we need you!" he snapped. "You see what I have to deal with here? Kate already told you how we're under the power of the UN, and that practically triples the workload!" He came around the side of the desk so he could look down at me in that condescending way of his. "I've already lost most of my fighting force here, and I need more people with experience!"

"Best way to get experience is to go out in the field," I shrugged. I bent and picked up my duffel bag and turned to leave.

Manning grabbed my shoulder hard and tried to force me to turn around. "Jink, you can't do this!"

Alright, I have never once - once - lain a hand on Manning (a record of which I'm proud, thank you). But he had never lain a hand on me. So I guess both our records in that aspect went out the window at that moment.

I whirled on him, grabbed the front of his suit, and slammed him into the closest wall hard enough to shake the wall and everything hanging one it.

"Look, sir," I spat, "If you call me ever again, and it's not an emergency, I will punch you so hard, I'll be able to pull your pancreas up so you can chew on it."

My fingers cracked as I let go of his clothing, and turned on my heel and walked out of the office.

You know, it's probably one of the nicest feelings of all time, walking up to your house and knowing that you're on your way home. I used to be able to feel the same thing when I walked the halls of the Bureau, but that place stopped being home a long time ago.

I can't tell you how hard it was to wrangle a ride back to Offuit, and to get a car so I could drive myself home. That just made coming home all the better.

Home. I love that world.

I smiled to myself as I pulled out the Hide-A-Keys and started unlocking the door. As of now, I had a hot date with my DVD collection, a BLT, some salsa, and all the Dr. Pepper I could stomach. Screw Rayne, Zora, and Jessi, screw the BPRD, screw college. I was doing what I wanted.

But let's not forget something, shall we? The last time I was on the phone with Jessi, it sounded like Rayne had blown my toilet sky-high again. So I could very well be walking into a mess.

Bracing myself, I flung the door open and timidly looked around. The place was about as dirty as it was when I left, and there was no tell-tale flood of water that would indicate a broken toilet. So far, so good.

"Guys?" I called out slowly. I dropped my duffel bag and closed the door behind me. My apartment seemed ghost-town empty.

Excellent.

I collapsed onto the couch and started flipping through the channels. I had all the time in the world to get up and make food. Right now, I think I'm going to take a nap.

"JINK!"

Or, y'know, not. I bolted up like someone had just dumped ice water on me. Jessi was standing in the doorway - key word was. Now she was mid-air and about to-

"OOF!"

-land on me. Man, was the girl always that heavy, or what? My whole body hurts now, thanks to her. Beautiful, ain't it?

"God, Jessi, really?" I groaned. "I actually need my lungs!"

"Sorry!" she said, rolling off me and landing on the floor on her knees. "I thought you'd be more ready . . ."

I groaned and curled into a ball. Pain.

Rayne and Zora walked through the open door, closing it behind them quickly as if someone was coming after them. They were laughing - at least, until they saw me. Then their faces fell.

"'Sup, guys?" I grunted, giving a small wave.

"Dude, when'd ya get back?" Rayne asked.

"Five minutes ago . . . why?" Something here was fishy with a capitol F.

"Nothin'," Zora said quickly.

"Whaddaya mean nothin'?" Jessi snapped. "You didn't get the hash?"

Rayne shot Jessi a dirty look and Zora seethed, "Jessi!"

"What hash?" I asked, sitting up. If they're doing what I think they're doing - in my apartment, no less - then my foot and their asses will be inseparable.

Before Rayne or Zora could say anything, Jessi said, "Oh yeah, Rayne knows a guy who can get us some good stuff for dirt cheap. It's fantastic."

"Hash?" I repeated. "No, I ain't with the DEA, so what the hell is hash?"

Zora and Rayne shot each other a look, and Rayne said, "It's the name I gave it. It's a mix of heroin and crank, sixty-forty."

"And it is good," Zora added. "It's, like, a hallucinogenic and a downer having sex in your cerebellum."

"Since when are you into DRUGS?" I shouted, jumping up from the couch. Nu-uh, man, I don't do that shit. And I don't want it done in my house!

Jessi shrugged. "It just seemed like something to do," she said. "And is there ever a reason for doing something like this?"

She had me there.

"Besides, it helps people forget," Rayne said. "For a while, my troubles just . . . disappear." She became blissful at the thought.

Troubles disappear? Sounds . . . pretty good, actually. Pretty damn good.

"And it's not like it does anything bad, right?" Zora asked. "We've done tests on squirrels and stuff, and they turn out all right!"

Well, I'm sold.

"Hit me up."

"Alright, you've been stuck before, so I don't need to tell you that it's gonna hurt."

"Just do it, mate."

Rayne held my arm steady and slid the needle into my arm. I gasped slightly at the prick, but then it was gone as soon as it appeared.

"It'll hit in a couple minutes," Jessi informed me. "Just wait - it's awesome."

There was no chance for second chances now. If this killed me, then it was my own fault. I was screwed.

I watched with glazed-over eyes as Rayne repeated the process on Jessi and Zora, and then finally on herself. And by then I was feeling . . . it.

. . . . . Wow.

Colors.

Tastes.

Pictures.

. . . wow.

when i was a kid i remember when manning let us get a christmas tree; the last one we ever had. it was beautiful. the colors, the lights, the sizable size that was fifty times bigger than my puny self. i loved it even more than the presents, which were cool in their own rights. when the lights were off, the christmas tree was like a laser light show.

that's what i keep seeing. this huge laser light show right behind my corneas, obscuring anything else i could be seeing.

it's beautiful.

when i was a kid i almost died. i was runningrunningrunning from a giant rock monsterlobstermonster and i trippedfellcrashboom into a cementwallouch and knocked myself outcold. then the monster grabbed me and started nomnomnomthisisgood on my leg. it hurthurthurt.

that's what i'm feeling now.

it's not fun anymore.

walking running walking running tripping falling tripping falling laughing crying laughing crying people places things things things wow running lights cops not good bad bad bad run run run as fast as you can you can't catch me i'm the gingerbread lightning bug gonna get me gonna get me run run run zora rayne jessi run hellboy run roger run liz run abe run ben run johann run tom run devon run mom run dad run run run i see you running with me don't stop keep running with me don't let them take you alive gotta survive i will survive i will survive it's a helluva good day to die and go to heaven hell somewhere in the middle middle middle ground middle earth the ring must have the precious ring laugh laugh laugh where am i lost lost don't know don't know how to get home get home bureau get to the bureau get to the burrow get under ground save yourselves i'll hold them back tonight save yourselves save yourselves save me save me save me . . . !

Wow. I never expected any of that to happen. At all.

I feel so out of it. Like I'm hungover. I can still see the lights flashing and forms moving, even though now I'm coherent enough to know that they were hallucinations. And something smells nasty. Like raw sewage. No, not like raw sewage - it was raw sewage. I know that smell enough to pick it out from anywhere. Why was I smelling it, though? I can feel where ever I am (somewhat), and it's dry, so I'm not in a sewer. But why the hell am I smelling it?

"Well, I never thought you could fall this far, but I guess I'm wrong, huh?"

My eyes snapped open. Despite laying on the ground right next to the sewer grate, I had a spectacular view of Jessi, Rayne, and Zora standing in front of a familiar shadow.

Oh. Hey Ben. Long time no see. And falling? I think I already landed, thank you.

. . . . shit, was that in my mind or aloud?

Wow, what a ride, right? Raise your hand if you didn't expect Jink to take the drugs!

Alright, props to ZipperWhippersnapper for proofing that last chapter, and to RubyDracoGirl for helping me deal with the fact that my stalker wants to jump my bones. (*shudder* - still freaked by that, dude).

R+R, even if it's just to yell at me about the drugs! Puh-LEEEEEEEZ?

As always, I love you guys, and have a whatchamacallit day.

~Izzy