A/N: As always, I own nothing and feel free to comment and review :) Enjoy!
Cold Showers
Mediation was definitely not working; probably because it was nearly impossible for her to actually quiet her brain. Everything ran through Gail's mind when it was quiet; especially when it was already quiet in her apartment and she had just finished with nearly an hour of yoga. She thought they were supposed to go hand-in-hand…the mediation and the yoga, but for some reason they were working against each other with Gail. She could do her yoga, sweat it out, center herself and feel the burn; but when it was time to sit in silence and not move, it all fell apart.
Gail moved her neck from side to side and heard it crack loudly. There went her concentration again. She blew out a ragged breath and stood up from her apartment floor. It was only six in the morning and she could be showering and getting for work instead of sitting in the middle of the floor and trying to "focus." She was headed into her bedroom when she heard a knock on the door.
"Who in the hell…" Gail said moving towards the door. Looking through the peephole, Gail smiled. "Holly," she said opening the door slowly. "What do I owe this pleasure?"
"I brought breakfast," Holly said holding up a bag and a coffee caddy. "Do you have an hour?"
"Absolutely…for breakfast," Gail grinned. "Come in."
"So is this Yoga Gail?" Holly asked looking Gail over. She couldn't help but enjoy Gail in her yoga pants and sports bra.
"Kinda," Gail smirked. "It's supposed to be relaxing and help me focus…it works sometimes…"
"Well, you look great trying it," Holly smiled. "I brought bagels, muffins, and coffee. Kinda a payback for lunch yesterday…and because I thought about you all night." Holly didn't have any problem admitting that she thought about Gail all last night. She assumed that the "chaste dating" was going to be difficult, but when Gail brought her lunch yesterday and they ended up talking into the wee hours of the night on the phone, it felt nearly impossible to get Gail off of her mind. It felt like they were dating again, but with that came the overwhelming desire to want to be in Gail's presence all the time again.
Gail pulled a bagel out of the bag and groaned. Not at the bagel, but at what Holly had just said. "You can't say things like that if you want me to behave," she warned. "So, do you want to get dinner tonight?"
"Yes, and no," Holly laughed. "That's one of the reasons I'm here this morning… I have a very long, boring dinner to go to tonight…where I have to be engaging and there for a long time and I was wondering if you'd like to go with me."
"What type of dinner?" Gail asked taking a bite of her bagel.
"If I tell you…you won't come," Holly frowned.
"Oh no…this screams boring medical lecture," Gail sighed.
"You said last night if there was anything you could do to make me happy…" Holly reminded her.
"You know what context I meant that in," Gail smirked devilishly.
"Be nice and be my plus-one," Holly begged, putting her hands together and pouting. "It's like a premium free dinner…"
"With a medical lecture attached," Gail broke in. Holly came closer to Gail and leaned in to kiss her neck. "That's not playing fair," Gail whispered.
"When you come tonight…" Holly began, but the double-entendre was not loss on Gail, "it'll be so worth it."
"Holly Stewart…that is not fair," Gail said trying to calm her quickening pulse. "I just did yoga, and you are killing my calm."
"Please…be my plus one," Holly said again.
"What time?" Gail asked as she wrapped an arm around Holly's body.
"Can you be there by seven?" Holly squealed excitedly.
"Yes…seven o'clock…" Gail kissed Holly quickly. "Now I have to take a cold shower…thanks for that."
"I didn't do it on purpose," Holly half-lied.
Gail leaned over to give Holly a deeper kiss. "You definitely did it on purpose…"
Before Holly had stopped by that morning, Gail had exactly two major things on her calendar for that day. First, she had to meet with Chelyn; one because Chelyn's cast was coming off today and two, because the Josh North lead had become quite interesting. Secondly, Gail had done something she had promised herself she would never do again, which was make an appointment with a therapist.
This is where she was now, sitting uncomfortably on a couch, staring at a middle-aged woman with large black-rimmed glasses, which reminded her of Chelyn's fake glasses. Gail couldn't help but laugh. "Is something funny?" the therapist asked. This was the first sound she had gotten out of Gail since she had sat down five minutes earlier.
"Just…no…" Gail shook her head. She went back to her stubborn silence.
"Gail…you made this appointment; there must be something on your mind," the therapist began. She knew Gail well, they had done a few session together when Gail was a rookie, and then again after a number of traumatic events had happened in the Division.
"I have been having some anxiety issues…" Gail revealed slowly.
The therapist scribbled something down. "How do you mean?" she asked Gail.
"I think they are panic attacks…" Gail hated to even say the words.
"Describe them." Once Gail did, the therapist scribbled something again. "So, how long have you been having these?"
"A year maybe…but they aren't bad," Gail said quickly. She watched her therapist, who was pretty much considering that answer bullshit. "Okay, they are getting bad…I have them in my sleep sometimes…and the fear of them ruined a relationship for me," Gail said bitterly. "I don't have any control over it…"
"And control is important to you?"
"I'm a detective, doctor. I have very little control over a lot, I should at least have control over myself. It's embarrassing."
"So it's embarrassing because everyone knows?"
"No," Gail shifted uncomfortable with just the thought. "No one knows…well one person knows…Holly knows."
"And she has made you feel ashamed," the doctor surmised.
"Hell no, she's been very supportive and patient," Gail admitted. "I'm just a detective, I have a team to lead…my mother is Inspector Peck for goodness sake! I can't be weak."
"So your anxiety makes you a weaker person?"
"I'm not saying that…I'm just saying that it's frustrating and I don't know what to do about it!" Gail said running her hand through her blonde hair.
"What would you like to do about it?" the therapist asked finally.
"I'm tired of being scared to death about this!"
"Have you ever thought about telling some of the people closest to you?" It was a simple question, but the look that Gail gave the therapist, showed that it was outrageous.
"Why would I do that?" Gail said in frustration. She knew that this was a mistake. Damn therapist!
"Gail, you have to trust people. Why don't you start by telling the people closest to you; if they react badly, then your fears were real…if not…then you'll know you have real support structures."
Gail let out a disgusted sigh. "Thanks, doc," she said standing. "I have to go…I promised my friend I'd meet her somewhere…"
"Gail…at least try," the therapist urged. Gail stopped at the door. "It can't hurt to try."
Gail headed out of the office and down the three floors to the outpatient location that would be removing Chelyn's cast. She had to wait a few minutes, but eventually Chelyn entered the building with a motorcycle helmet on.
"You better be kidding me," Gail warned. "You did not ride your motorcycle down here…"
Chelyn was caught red-handed. "How dare you show up on time," was her only counter to Gail's accusation. Gail rolled her eyes. "It was my only means of transportation."
"You have a car Chelyn," Gail said firmly. "You have to stop being a daredevil."
"I'm not a daredevil…I just enjoy my motorcycle," Chelyn said after she checked in with the nurse. "Can we talk about the case? Did you find out anything about the Josh North?"
Gail looked around before responding. "Yeah, he has a rap sheet taller than you. Everything from petty thief to assault and battery; yet, nothing lately though. He's been squeaky clean."
Chelyn thought about it a moment. "So all bad activity just stopped?"
"Right around the time he got a steady job as a party promoter and manager."
"How does a low-life criminal like him get a job as a club manager and promoter?"
"Don't know…" Gail admitted, not really thinking about it before.
"Chelyn Blaise," a nurse called out.
"Can you wait until I get back?" Chelyn asked.
"I have to get to the station…I'm leaving early tonight…I got a date."
"It won't take more than a few minutes, I promise," Chelyn said following the nurse.
"How many cast have you had cut off?" Gail called after her. Still, she gave Chelyn the ten minutes it took to get her cast cut off. "So what are you thinking?" Gail asked once they were outside. Chelyn was examining her wrist as if it were new and bionic and paying very little attention to Gail's questions. "Che!"
"Sorry…it just feels all new and strong," she smiled at her arm. "Elle and I can go to Club Amnesia."
"Your friend told you to stay away from there…"
"Russ is overprotective. Let me do my job."
Gail contemplated the outcome for a moment. "Get me some more information on Josh first."
"How…without going to the club?" Chelyn whined.
"You're a smart girl," Gail said opening her car door. "You'll figure it out. In the meanwhile, I'll set up a safety net …for IF you have to go to Club Amnesia." She could see that Chelyn was about to protest. "Listen; this is the way it's going to be…" she said cutting the girl off. "Find me something, Chelyn and let me set this up." She started her car and sped off. She had to be done with work by five and she was already an hour behind.
Hols: What are you wearing?
The time stamp on Gail's phone said that the message had come in at 12:32, right around the time Gail was arguing with her mother for enough latitude to set up an operation at Club Amnesia for one night and to bring the evidence forth for a warrant on another case. By the time she sat back down at her desk, it was well after 1:30.
Gail: Right now? Standard detective gear, but I could change J
Hols: I meant tonight …lol
Gail: U r no fun, nerd L what do u want me to wear? I'm partial to something with snaps on u, just fyi
Hols: Did I make a mistake by asking you to come? Lol
Gail: Most likely but we'll c. What do u want me to wear seriously?
Hols: Anything. I'm just excited that u are coming. I'm wearing something upscale causal.
Gail: I'll b upscale causal too then…I'll surprise u.
Hols: By what's underneath lol r u gonna wear snaps?
Gail bit down on her lower lip and tried not to smile like an idiot at her desk.
Gail: That can be arranged, don't tempt me…do u still have that nightie…the black and pink one with the snaps down the back?
Hols: …
Gail: play nice!
Hols: I'll see u tonight, baby. Thanks in advance J
The combination of the word 'baby,' and thinking about Holly in that black and pink nightie drove Gail for the rest of the day. There was no way she was leaving a second after five, because she was going to be on time.
It was actually five fifteen when she left, but she made it home in enough time to shower and get dressed without hurry. She couldn't justify her thinking when she picked out the matching dark blue lace bra and panties, she just knew how much Holly loved her skin tone in those colors. It wasn't like Holly was going to be seeing her underwear, Gail kept reminding herself. Still, she felt just a bit sexier knowing that underneath the gold wrap dress that clung to her body, was what Holly loved to see her in. She pulled her hair into a tight bun and applied her make-up, and surprising, she was still on time.
It was thirty minute later, when she walked into the expansive dinner hall that Gail thought that this may be a bad idea. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with Holly, but the make-up of the room was…nerdy. How in the hell was she going to make it through a dinner with a bunch of scientists? And then her answer came, walking towards her with a bright smile and enthusiastic look twinkling in her brown eyes.
Oh, Holly was not playing fair, Gail decided as her eyes travelled down her body. Holly was dressed in a long black pencil skirt and the look of her legs in that skirt with those high heels weren't going to be kind to Gail's libido. "You are early," Holly said with a satisfied smile. She leaned in and placed a quick peck on Gail's mouth.
"Yeah, I figured you'd be and if you were left alone, you'd do something instinctually nerdy until this thing began…" Gail said still looking at Holly's physique. "You look amazing."
"So do you," Holly blushed at Gail's compliment. "I'm speaking like first or second…and then there is a dinner…"
"What's for dinner?" Gail teased.
"So dinner is more important than my speaking?" Holly pouted as if her feelings were hurt.
"Okay, what are you speaking about?"
"The consequences of flawed autopsies."
"Are they serving like prime rib and shrimp or …" Gail laughed. They actually did serve shrimp and steak and a number of other delicious foods that Gail had no interest in actually eating after Holly's presentation was followed by a forensic entomologist who did a "wonderful"/disgusting presentation on the link between crustaceans and drowning victims. The gist ended with Gail never wanting to see another shrimp in her life.
"Well you've ruined shrimp for me," Gail smiled. It was nearly two hours later and she and Holly had snuck away to the wraparound balcony in the back of the building. Of course, Holly had somehow managed to sneak away with a bottle of champagne, which Gail appreciated more than anything right now.
"I'm thinking I should have taken bourbon," Holly smiled as she shifted to lean against the railing.
Gail took the bottle and took a sip. "Alcohol is alcohol after what I've learned," Gail promised her. "My job is so much daintier compared to yours," she smiled widely at Holly.
"Is that so?" Holly said leaning over and kissing Gail softly. "Thank you for coming tonight. I was nervous."
"You don't get nervous, Stewart. You just wanted to ruin shrimp for me…"
"Yes, that was the plan all along," Holly nodded. "No, seriously," Holly pinched Gail gently. "I was nervous. I'm so happy you came tonight."
Gail took another drink of the champagne and blinked. "So…I went to my therapist today…" Gail said out of the blue. Holly's eye lit up, but she waited for Gail to finish. "I can't keep being afraid of my anxiety, Holly."
"I thought you said never again," Holly said gently. When Gail didn't respond, Holly took her hand. "Was it difficult?"
"It was not fun," Gail said looking down.
Holly kissed her cheek, "I'm proud of you."
"Well…maybe I should get more than one session under my belt before we get proud," Gail shrugged it off, although hearing Holly say that made her heart beat a little faster.
"What are you doing for the rest of the night?" Holly questioned, ignoring Gail's modesty. When Gail hesitated, Holly laughed. "All of the speakers go hotel rooms for the night; I guess they thought we were all going to be party animals and would have to stay local…"
"Really…even though you guys use phrases like 'party animal,'" Gail chuckled.
"See…" Holly said, "I was going to invite you to my room…"
Gail thought about it for a minute. "That doesn't sound very innocent, Dr. Stewart," Gail arched a brow. She pulled Holly in for a kiss, opening her mouth slightly over the doctor's and sighing when Holly finally pulled away. It didn't take long for Gail to recapture Holly's lips, yet this time she was the one that pulled away.
"What?" Holly whispered. As if she could read Gail's mind through her blue eyes, Holly smiled. "Gail, we won't go too far," she said knowingly. Still, Gail pulled back. Holly cupped her face gently. "I just want to hold you tonight," Holly said softly.
"Okay," Gail agreed eagerly to her own torture.