Hello, all! This is a pivotal chapter in my story. I hope that you all enjoy the direction that it takes.
While Mandy and Embry locked lips, I took the opportunity to slip into the house. The revelations that I'd made earlier this evening disturbed me and I hoped to have time to sort through how I was feeling. I'd expected Jacob to follow me in once he realized I was gone, but the only person who came through the door was Mandy. Grinning from ear to ear, she flopped down on the sofa next to me. Honestly, I was relieved she was alone.
"Wow. Who knew coming here was going to change so much?" she said with a loud sigh.
"I'm not sure, but I think you like Embry." I snickered at her, appreciating the distraction. There was really no question about the fact that they were both completely head over heels.
"Bella, I can't describe it." She had a wistful look on her face as she tried to think of the words. "It's like I've been waiting for him, just biding my time until tonight."
"Just like that?"
"Amazing isn't it?" I began to wonder how much Embry had told her. Was she even aware what had happened to cause these feelings?
"So, what did you two talk about on your walk?" I inquired, looking for any clues.
"We walked for a little bit and ended up sitting on a bench talking." Ah, the bench. I knew it all too well and thinking about it reminded me of the irritation I'd had with Jacob. "It's amazing to think that werewolves exist. Who would've ever thought?"
My mind stopped suddenly. "He told you about that?"
"Yeah, he said that he was allowed to tell me. It's kinda weird, the whole imprinting thing." She seemed to be taking this much better than I would've imagined.
"It is a lot to wrap your mind around, but you seem to be handing it well."
"Well, you know how it feels, it's like everything in my life has suddenly fallen into place. It all makes sense now."
I shook my head back and forth slowly. "I don't know how it feels."
"What do you mean? I thought that Jacob had imprinted on you." She appeared puzzled. I found that I wasn't able to manage any words and just shook my head again instead. "Oh…well, why do you think he hasn't? I mean, you guys have been together since spring."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm almost afraid of him imprinting now."
"Why? It's a wonderful feeling." She looked completely immersed in this moment and even appeared to have a glow about her.
"To be honest, if it hasn't happened to us yet…then I don't think it will."
"But Embry said that almost everyone else has already been through this." I knew that she didn't understand what I meant.
"Mandy, if he hasn't imprinted on me by now, the chances are he just hasn't met the right person yet." She looked at me still confused, so I tried to rephrase my words. "Some day he's going to meet someone, like you met Embry, and he's going to instantly feel the same way you do. I'm beginning to realize that I'm not meant to be that person for Jacob."
"I can't imagine Jacob doing that to you."
"He won't have a choice. Listen if you had been dating someone else and you met Embry, would you have been able to deny your feelings?" Finally, a look of comprehension came over her. I took a big breath and exhaled deeply. "In the back of my mind, I always knew it was a possibility. But several of the other guys hadn't imprinted yet and I guess I thought that maybe it wouldn't happen. I know how naïve that must sound."
"Bella, that must be an awful feeling to carry around. I don't envy you at all. You both care about each other. It's obvious. That would be a terrible thing to go through. You know that I like Jacob, but why would you want to put yourself in that position?"
She was simply reinforcing everything that I already knew. I wanted to change the subject to something less depressing. "So, Embry…" I smiled at her.
"He's amazing Bella. He claims that I'm the first girl he's kissed, but I find that hard to believe. Let's just say he's good with his mouth." She grinned mischievously as she proceeded to give me a play-by-play of their activities this evening.
"Okay, TMI!" I joked with her. "So this is probably a stupid question, but are you planning on seeing him tomorrow?" She nodded with a huge smile on her face and I was grateful for the lighter topic of conversation.
"So how was your walk with Jacob?" Guess I spoke to soon about the lighter topic.
"It was okay. I just don't know what I'm going to do with him." I sighed.
"You seem to know what to do with him just fine." She laughed.
"Very funny! He just doesn't have any idea that I'm not enjoying it as much as he is."
"Still?"
"Well, we've only done it twice. But tonight the same thing happened as it did before. He didn't even give me the chance to…you know. " She looked at me in disappointment over my choice of words, but I ignored her and continued. "I was all hot and bothered, holding out hope to have one, and as soon as he was done, it was over. He's so oblivious to it."
"You need to talk to him, Bella."
"But why should I have to? If you care about someone, wouldn't you want to ensure that person was pleased too? Maybe because I'm inexperienced I have a different opinion of how things should be."
"I get what you're saying, but it's not going to get any better if you don't talk to him and trust me, it's worth it." She smiled and I made an attempt to smile back at her. "But that's not all that's bothering you, is it?" Why did Mandy have to be so perceptive?
"A little disappointed, I guess. I thought that sharing this experience with Jacob would make us closer somehow."
"I learned that the hard way with my first boyfriend. If something isn't right in the relationship, sex isn't going to fix it." She sounded so wise for her nineteen years and definitely had far more experience with relationships than I did.
If I continued to ignore the situation with Jacob, things would only deteriorate further as my resentment grew. Procrastination was my enemy.
***
I had fully expected to toss and turn all night, but surprisingly, sleep came as soon as my head hit the pillow.
When the morning light began to fill the room, I woke and found Mandy still sleeping soundly. Carefully getting out of bed so as not to wake her, I headed for the bathroom to shower. The warm water was soothing and I realized when the water started to get cold that I'd lost track of time. Hurriedly, I rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and turned the water off. I felt guilty that I used all the hot water and hoped that Mandy or Charlie weren't going to want a shower right away.
I towel dried my hair and got dressed in a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt. When I opened the door, I could smell coffee brewing and could hear voices. As I came down the last step, I found Charlie, Jacob and to my surprise, Embry, sitting at the kitchen table.
"Morning, Bells," Charlie said cheerfully.
"Good morning, dad. I didn't realize that you were both coming over this bright and early," I said, looking at both Jacob and Embry.
"Blame him." Jacob pointed at Embry, who started to turn red immediately before he leaned over and punched Jacob in the arm.
"Take it easy, Embry. I'm not usually over here this early. It's kind of a giveaway." Jacob teased him.
"What's going on?" Charlie asked.
"Embry has a thing for Mandy." Jacob gladly shared with Charlie, knowing that it embarrassed Embry even more.
"She is a cute girl. Good choice, Embry." Charlie told him, trying to make him feel better. "Speaking of Mandy, where is she?"
I pointed upwards. "Still sleeping. The smell from the coffee will probably get her moving shortly."
"I'll see you kids later. I'm on until late tonight. Call the station if you need anything. They'll know how to find me," Charlie said as he headed out the door.
We all said goodbye to him and proceeded to wait around for Mandy to make an appearance. I headed over to the living room and turned the television on. After I watched the news for awhile, Jacob joined me, leaning over the back of the sofa. He kissed me on the top of my head and started to rub my shoulders. If we got the chance to be alone today, I would try to talk to him. Mandy was right; nothing would change unless I said something to him. How was I supposed to start that conversation?
"We're going to have to wake her up. Embry's driving me nuts," he whispered in my ear.
"Why is he in such a hurry?"
"They're all like this. Can't stand to be apart from each other." I knew that he was talking about the other pack members who had imprinted already and his aggravation was obvious.
"Um, hello? Sitting right here!" Embry said sarcastically. We both ignored him and continued with our conversation, knowing it would drive him crazy.
"So what are the plans once she's awake?"
"Embry wants to head over to the beach for starters."
"You do realize that I can hear both of you?" Embry interjected.
Jacob raised his hand and displayed his middle finger in response, just as Embry had done last night. They both snickered like schoolboys.
"Can't we just go wake her up?" Embry whined. Jacob and I both broke out in laughter. "What's so funny?" he questioned.
"Go ahead. It's your funeral," Jacob quipped.
"Trust me, Embry. She doesn't like being woken up, but if you insist…be my guest," I warned him.
Wisely, he took our words under advisement.
***
After what seemed like hours, it was noon when the bathroom door closed upstairs. We all heard it and waited patiently, with the exception of Embry, for her to come downstairs. He almost wore a path into the floor as he paced around the room. Deciding that my sweatpants weren't acceptable beach attire, I went upstairs to change while Mandy was in the shower. Alice would be so proud of me, I said to myself with an internal giggle before a tinge of sadness came over me. I miss her. I wonder if she misses me.
When I got back downstairs, Jacob had turned the channel to ESPN. I sat down and watched with him, even though I had no interest in whatever sporting event was on.
Finally, we heard footsteps on the stairs and Mandy walked into the kitchen. She looked over at me when she noticed we had been waiting for her. "You shouldn't have let me sleep so long, I feel bad." Her hair was perfectly coiffed and her makeup was impeccable.
"It's okay. You must've been really tired." Embry tried to make her feel better. Mandy's face turned red as she looked over at him.
We made some sandwiches for a quick lunch before we took off for the day. Mandy mostly picked at her food while Embry attempted to entertain her with witty words and silly stories about the pack.
"Are you up for a trip to the beach?" Embry asked as he brought her hand to his mouth and kissed it.
"That sounds like fun," Mandy answered.
"Would you two please just get it over with?" Jacob moaned.
"Be nice, Jake." I scolded him before turning to Mandy. "Hey, the beach gets pretty cold this time of year, make sure you dress warm."
"I'll go get a sweatshirt to wear under my coat." She climbed the stairs and was back down again quickly.
"So are we ready to go?" Embry asked anxiously. He held out a hand, motioning for Mandy to come sit with him. I couldn't help but be a tad jealous of Mandy and the simplicity of her relationship with Embry.
"I think so. Do I need to bring any blankets or anything else?" I asked Jacob.
"I packed a couple this morning before we headed over here. Embry has been pretty insistent on having a bonfire." He looked over at Embry and Mandy, who were holding hands and waiting for us. Jacob shook his head in annoyance before starting out the door.
We piled into Jacob's car again and began the short drive to the beach. Embry and Mandy decided to go off on their own as soon as we arrived. Embry clearly was planning to give her the grand tour. Looking back over to Jacob, I watched him get a blanket out of the trunk.
"What do you want to do while we wait for the lovebirds to join us?" he asked with a sarcastic tone.
Keeping in mind the conversation I'd been planning, I opted to find a place to talk that would be somewhat private. I was still unsure exactly what I would say to him and felt embarrassed about the topic.
"Why don't we just go somewhere to sit and talk for a little while?" He nodded his head and held out his hand to help me navigate the terrain. We stopped at a somewhat secluded area behind some rock formations, and he bent down to lay the blanket on the sand.
"Is this okay?" he asked as he held out a hand to help me onto the blanket. He was being so gentlemanlike that I wasn't sure what to make of it. He wasn't this courteous last night. That was for sure.
"It's fine, Jake." He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. "So what did Embry have to say about Mandy after you guys left last night?" I looked down the beach toward the direction they had headed.
"He won't stop talking about her. It makes me happy that he found someone and that he's not alone anymore. Why, what did Mandy say?"
"She's head over heels for him. He even told her everything about the pack already." I still couldn't get over my surprise that he told her so quickly.
"Yeah, he said she took it pretty well. He was afraid it would freak her out."
"Why would he tell her right away? I mean he could've given her a little time…"
"She needed to know. Besides, when they imprint, there's no need for secrets anymore. They share everything." He frowned as he spoke.
They share everything. I replayed Jacob's words in my mind. They'd known each other less than twenty-four hours and already confided so much to one another. We'd been together for many months and I was having trouble bringing up a subject that was discussed regularly between couples. It was my turn to confide in Jacob. Even though I dreaded what I needed to say, I had to be honest with him. Otherwise, I'd end up resenting him.
"Can we talk?" I asked him timidly.
"I thought that's what we were doing." He grinned.
I managed a nervous giggle and a slight smile. When he saw my reaction, his grin slowly faded and I started to bite my lip. There was no easy way to begin and the longer I paused, the more anxious he appeared to become. "Well, I…uh…wanted to talk to you about what happened last night."
He looked confused and then continued. "About the imprinting thing with Mandy?" I wished it were about that. Things would've been much easier.
"No, not so much. I meant the…sex." My voice cracked and I was barely able to say the word.
His head dropped, avoiding my eyes. "I'm sorry. I tried. I couldn't stop myself," he groaned and pulled his arm from around my shoulder. "Sam tried to talk to me about it—"
"You talked to Sam about us?" I interrupted, feeling completely mortified. How was I supposed to face Sam again?
"It was an accident. I had been really careful around the other guys all week, but I slipped Thursday night. Sam came out to take over on patrol at midnight and I wasn't paying attention to what time it was. Honest, Bella, I didn't mean for him to know anything, but I was out there all by myself and I couldn't help but think about being with you last weekend."
"What did you tell him?" I asked frantically.
His head dropped further into his hands. He hadn't looked at me once since I'd broached this subject. After several moments passed without him speaking, I attempted to raise his face so that I could look at him, but I met with resistance.
"Please, Bella, don't. I can't…I don't…" he mumbled through his hands in a muffled tone. "I'm so…sorry."
"Jacob, I just want you to look at me. You've got me a little freaked out."
"It's too embarrassing," he managed to say.
Tell me about it, I grumbled to myself. "Jacob, you can say anything to me."
"You're not going to let this go, are you?"
"No, we need to talk about this," I insisted and waited silently until he spoke again.
"I'm used to being good at things and I guess Sam made me realize that I'm not so good at being with you." I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up his hand to stop me. "He told me that I needed to slow down, enjoy the time together and we would both benefit." He paused briefly before continuing, "So that's what I tried to do last night. I've waited so long to share this with you, and I got so worked up…"
"But you acted like you didn't even care about me, only yourself."
"I know. I was embarrassed and didn't want to make it worse than it already was. I couldn't bear to talk about it. I'd already been feeling insecure about things before this, what with the leech still hanging around campus. And before you ask, I could smell him on you when I picked you up. I didn't want to cause a scene since Mandy was with us. Did you plan on telling me?" It wasn't an accusation, but desperation.
"I can't control what he does. Stop trying to make this about Edward. How did the subject get changed in this conversation anyway?" Annoyance was starting to bubble up inside me as I became more frustrated with his avoidance.
"I'm not changing the subject. I just wanted to explain that even though I've seen and heard lots of private thoughts and images from the pack. Things I wish I hadn't… but seeing these moments through another person's mind isn't the same as experiencing it first hand. This is my first time doing these things too."
This pseudo confession from Jacob about his aloof behavior brought relief to me, but at the same time sadness. The relief I was experiencing was because he hadn't been completely oblivious to my feelings. Our lack of communication saddened me. Were we that out of touch with our relationship? We're trying so hard at something that should come naturally.
Despite my uncertainties, it bothered me to see him so upset. He was waiting for my reaction, absolutely exposed and vulnerable, and I knew my response needed to be crafted carefully. I scooted close to him and wrapped my arms around him. "It's okay Jacob. We'll figure it out…" I hesitated at the words, not sure if I truly believed what I was saying.
Being at the beach brought back memories I'd shared with Jacob here. This was where I'd reconnected with him when I returned to Forks. The last time I was here, he had made a picnic lunch and gave me the beautiful woven bracelet that was on my wrist. I hadn't taken it off once since that day. My fingers ran over the bracelet. The meaning behind it supposedly was sort of like Jacob was promising himself to me. I thought back to Jared and Embry. This bracelet would be meaningless if Jacob imprinted. I was coming to terms with the fact that it wasn't an "if" Jacob imprinted. It was more of a "when" Jacob imprinted. I wasn't sure what to do. Even though I didn't want to break his heart, I wondered if he would have any problems breaking mine when it came down to it.
His warm lips on my neck broke my thoughts. He was softly placing many kisses along my neck and ear. "Let me show you later tonight that I can do this right. Third time's the charm?"
I was very aware of the physical reaction he was inciting in me, but he wasn't able to make me forget my earlier train of thoughts about the ramifications of him imprinting. How would we navigate through that emotional minefield? Would it do any good to talk about it?
The only thing I was sure of was that I needed a change of scenery, something to lighten the mood. "Why don't we take a walk in the woods? We could go to the tidal pools." When I turned to look at him, his face was still so close. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek.
Surprisingly, his eyes lit up. "Good idea." He stood up, offering me a hand up. "We can leave the blanket here. No one will bother it."
We walked hand in hand toward the path to the forest. So many things had changed in the past month. I had been so certain of my future with Jacob, but now I had so many doubts. As we got closer to the tidal pools, I saw a lone figure sitting on a rock.
"Maybe we should go to another spot." Jacob tried to pull me in another direction, but I was drawn to this figure. As I approached, I could see that it was a woman and she was holding her head in her hands. Jacob stopped in his tracks. "Come on, Bella, we should leave her alone." As soon as he said that, she looked up and I could see that it was Leah. She saw us and dropped her head back down.
"Jacob, she's upset. I'm not going to just leave her here." He stood where he was while I continued over to where she sat.
I moved to sit next to her and asked her quietly, "Are you all right, Leah?"
Without even looking up, she said in an agonizing voice, "Please…don't. I don't think I can handle yet another person telling me that everything will be okay, that I'll find someone else."
I knew immediately whom she was crying for, Sam. As I moved my hand to her shoulder in an attempt to comfort her, she immediately got up and ran away. "Just leave me alone. No one understands…"
My mind flashed into the future and I saw myself in this very spot, crying just as she was. I couldn't bear to go through this. I looked over at Jacob and I recognized what I needed to do.
I didn't move from the stone where I sat. Jacob finally walked over and sat down beside me when he realized I wasn't going to get up. I stared at the bracken-covered ground for several minutes before I spoke up.
"Jacob, I don't think I can do this anymore." The words came out of my mouth very slowly and quietly. I couldn't bring myself to look at him either.
"Do what, Bella? What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.
"This." I motioned toward the two of us, indicating I meant us as a couple.
"Bella, don't get caught up in her drama. That's what she wants." Jacob looked at me with irritation that I knew was directed towards Leah.
"Jacob, her heart has been broken. She didn't do anything wrong, she just loved him. Do you understand how unfair that is?"
"Yeah, I get it. But can't she just deal with it and move on?" He truly had no understanding of the pain that she must be in. I could completely sympathize with her because someday I might find myself in a similar situation.
His attitude toward her angered me and I looked at him in disgust and shook my head.
"What?" He truly had no idea.
When I looked down to my lap, the bracelet caught my eye. My fingers began to untie it as he watched. I pulled it off my wrist and held it out to him.
"What are you doing?" There was a crease in his brow as he tried to process what was happening.
"Jacob, I can't hang around and pretend that you aren't going to leave me someday."
"That's not true." He was becoming uneasy at my words.
"Jacob," I put my hand gently on his cheek as I spoke, "you won't have a choice." He began to shake his head as if he was going to disagree with me. I put one finger on his mouth so that I could finish. "You know what I am saying is true and you also know that it will happen someday. I don't want to be left behind like Leah." The expression on his face looked like he had been punched in the gut.
The hurt was going to be felt by both of us, but if a little pain now saved us from a more intense and more difficult pain later, wasn't it the right thing to do? My heart broke as I watched Jacob.
"You can't leave me, Bella. I can't survive without you. I've loved you for too long," he begged, his voice thick with desperation.
"Jacob, that's not fair. You'll leave me." I tried to reason with him.
"Is this because of Cullen?" Anger flashed in his eyes.
"No, Jacob. He has nothing to do with this."
"Just give me a chance to prove it to you. I'll show you that I'll never leave you. I can make you happy." He grabbed me by the arms holding me tightly, his arms starting to twitch.
"Stop! You're hurting me!" I struggled to break free from him as he forcefully kissed me. His lips were crushed against mine. Managing to get one arm loose, I slapped him as hard as I could across his face. He stopped, realizing what he had done.
"Bella, I'm so sorry…I didn't mean to…" He tried to lean over and put his arms back around me. I wanted no part of it though. I sprung up and took several steps away from him. "Please, Bella, don't do this."
"Goodbye, Jacob." I started to run into the forest. A hand on my arm stopped me abruptly, and it felt like it was nearly dislocated by the force. "Ouch!" My body recoiled from the abrupt stop.
When I turned to look at him, it was evident that he was on the edge of really losing it. "Please let go! Why are you hurting me?" I yelled at him as tears filled my eyes.
"I can't lose you." He looked down at me, completely overcome with fury and rage.
"Too bad, Jacob. You already have. Leave me alone or I'm calling Charlie!" Survival mode kicked in and I knew that I had to do whatever it took to remove myself from the situation.
"You really think he's going to do anything? He loves me like a son." He smiled smugly. Who was this arrogant and vengeful person standing before me? This wasn't Jacob.
"Yes, he does, but all I have to do is tell him that you've hurt me." He processed my expression and realized I wasn't bluffing. He released the hold he had on my arm.
I backed away from him slowly. "Just let me go, Jacob!"
I turned and ran as fast as I could as I held the arm that he had pulled on close to my body to minimize the pain. I was afraid that he would follow me again, so I pushed myself to run farther away. The tears were flowing from my eyes, blinding me, as I tried to see where I was running. Unexpectedly, I felt one of my feet get caught on something. The pain in my foot was immediate and excruciating, and I saw myself falling in slow motion. Ugh, this was going to hurt. I felt myself rolling down a hill, my body hitting branches and rocks along the way. I waited until I stopped rolling and slowly tried to right myself.
I surveyed my immediate surroundings. My ankle was screaming at me. The injury was obvious when I leaned over to investigate. The swelling had already begun to form. At least I was still in one piece. Small consolation, I thought to myself. Pain radiated from my left shoulder as I moved it slowly to try to see how badly it was hurt. I was relieved that it didn't seem to be dislocated. If it were, I reasoned, I didn't think that I'd be able to move it.
I tried to stand up, but it was impossible to put any weight on my ankle. Think Bella, think. I scooted myself over to a tree and leaned against it. I needed to decide how I was going to deal with this. I remembered that I had my cell phone and I took it out of my pocket, dialing Charlie. The phone made a funny set of tones and I looked to see that I had no signal. Great.
I leaned my head back on the trunk of the tree and listened to my own sobs. Doubt began to invade my mind. What if I hadn't done the right thing? Deep down, though, I knew that I had made the right choice, no matter how painful. The wounded look on Jacob's face flashed to mind. While I had hurt him terribly, I had to keep reminding myself that it was necessary. I leaned my head down and shed more tears. The sobbing continued until I had no more tears left in me. I felt defeated and overwhelmed.
A/N: Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter! Thanks!!!!