Friday after work, Megan picked up a bottle of wine—a pricey sauvignon blanc she'd been wanting to try and knew would go nicely with salmon—before going home and staring blankly at her closet for a good long while. Current issues aside, she really wished Lacey was there to help her pick something. Then again, that would lead to telling her who she was going on a date with, and that was not something she could even begin to fathom.
She finally chose a dress. Burgundy, low-cut, but not over-the-top. She wasn't sure how far things would go this evening, but she had a pretty good feeling she should wear something just as nice underneath. Just in case.
When she arrived at the door to Kate's apartment, the lump in her throat was massive. She took a deep breath and knocked.
Kate answered and Megan's heart threatened to detonate. How she could look any more exquisite than she did every day at work was baffling. She wore a tan, sleeveless dress, lower cut than Megan's but still very classy. Her gold necklace stopped just above her more than ample cleavage, which Megan promised herself now she would not stare at until she'd had at least two glasses of wine. Her hair was wavy and tousled around her shoulders. Megan was sure she'd never laid eyes on anyone more beautiful.
"Hi," Kate welcomed her. "Come in. Dinner's almost ready. I could totally use a glass of wine now though. I've been on the phone with the mayor for over an hour. Finally convinced him it was time to start enjoying the weekend."
Megan walked into the spacious loft, checking out the art and cozy yet very stylish digs.
"Nice place, Dr. Murphy," she noted.
"Thanks. I've been here nine years and I think I've almost got things the way I want them."
"It's really you," Megan continued.
"Hmm," Kate mused as she took the bottle from Megan's hands and worked at uncorking it. "Guess that's what I was going for."
Megan watched as Kate poured, her hands shaking a little. She gave Megan one of the glasses.
"Toast?" Kate asked.
"Uh," Megan smiled, searching for something good. "To…figuring out…something…"
Kate smirked. "That works."
They clinked their glasses together. Both took a good sip as they continued to look at each other. Kate leaned against the marble. She seemed to almost be holding her breath. Megan couldn't help but reach out and take her hand.
"Nervous?" she asked, knowing the answer.
Kate fidgeted. "Why should I be nervous?"
Megan narrowed her eyes. "Answering my question with another question. You're good." She laced her fingers more tightly with Kate's. Kate put her wine glass down and grabbed Megan's other hand, pulling her closer. Megan stood on her toes and brought her lips to Kate's, just barely kissing her before planting her feet back on the floor.
"This is just…something I was sure would never happen," Kate whispered.
"Tell me about it," Megan laughed. "Wait. You said you didn't know when you first thought about it, but thinking it wouldn't happen implies thinking about wanting it to happen…so…"
Kate rolled her eyes and sighed deeply. "I should have known you wouldn't let it go."
Now Megan glared at her more intently. "Why should I?"
Kate tried to appear innocent, gently pulling herself away so should could remove the fish from the oven. "Can't we just be glad it's happening now? I mean…" She poked at the salmon with a fork, examining the tender flakes. Suddenly, she felt arms wrap around her waist. Megan pressed her body softly against Kate from behind and rested her chin on her shoulder.
"This looks amazing," she whispered.
"Thanks," Kate smiled. "I'll let you taste it before giving the final verdict."
The two talked mostly about work during dinner, which Megan deemed exceptionally delicious.
"Ethan's bound to get scooped up by another office eventually. He's well on his way," Megan argued.
"Someday. Is he brilliant? Yes. But his instincts are still a little green."
Kate's phone began to ring from the kitchen.
"Sorry," she apologized as she got up to retrieve it. "I meant to turn that off."
Megan noticed the strange expression on Kate's face when she looked at the screen. The blonde walked back to the table and put the phone next to her. Moments later, it rang again. Megan couldn't help but glance over. It was Lacey.
"She usually call on Fridays?" Megan asked.
"Occasionally."
"Answer it," Megan urged.
Kate hesitated.
"What if something's wrong?" Megan insisted. "Answer it."
Kate knew this was not the time to argue. She hit the accept button and quickly stood, crossing back into the kitchen to take the call.
"Hi Lacey. What's up?"
Megan was trying to send herself into a Zen state so as not to overreact. Kate had done nothing wrong, after all.
"I'm kinda in the middle of something right now. Can I call you back tomorrow?" Kate asked as Megan continued to listen. "Uh huh. Oh." Kate shot Megan a look that meant "keep quiet and don't listen," but she had to know it was pointless. "Okay. Well…I think it's a good idea to get…that…first. But, if you can't wait, you know what precautions to take in the meantime. They're pretty effective."
Megan was about to fucking die.
"Listen, Lacey," Kate tried to whisper. "You know I'm always here to talk about these things, but I have to say… its really hard being in the middle. It didn't feel right before, and now, with your mom…"
Megan would have given her right ear to be able to listen to what Lacey was saying on the other end.
"I won't, you know that…I just…could you please promise me that you will talk to her about it? She loves you so much. She wants what's best for you, but she knows you're an adult and you have to make your own decisions."
Megan scraped at her plate with her fork, making an irritating noise that was not meant to annoy Kate, but she couldn't help it.
"Promise? Okay, talk to you soon. Bye." She hung up and walked back to the table. She sat down, not looking at Megan for what felt like an eternity. Finally, she glanced back up at her, determined to keep her resolve.
"Well?" Megan asked quietly.
"Do I even have to say it?" Kate looked so uncomfortable, Megan really did feel for her, despite the fact that she was practically boiling.
"She asked you about birth control?"
Kate put her hand to her forehead and took a deep breath. "I don't know what you want me to do."
"I don't want you to do anything," Megan demanded. "You shouldn't be the one talking to her about this. Why does she feel like she can talk to you and not me?"
"You heard what I said," Kate shot back. "I told her to tell you."
"But she doesn't want to."
"I think she does. She will. She's just scared."
"How do you know that?" Megan yelled.
Kate seethed. "I did not want to be put in this situation again."
Megan sat up a little straighter.
"You mean between Lacey and one of her parents?"
Kate looked up at her again quickly.
"I didn't…"
"I know. You didn't ask to be. I get it." Megan stood, removed her napkin from her lap and brought their plates into the kitchen. Kate followed her.
"Megan…"
"I don't want to be upset with you," Megan turned around after dropping the dishes in the sink, facing her, gripping the counter on either side. "But you have to understand… this…I don't even know what to do with all of this."
Megan looked down at the floor. She couldn't begin to sort through everything that had just been stirred back up again, right when she thought maybe, just maybe, things were starting to make sense. Not only was she completely uncomfortable with the fact that Lacey would rather go to Kate about something so important, but there he was again: Todd. For as long as he'd been dead—which wasn't all that long, really—he never seemed to be too far removed from the situation. Megan realized they had to talk about it. It was the only way they could really move on, if they could. She looked back up at Kate, who she had never seen looking less sure of herself.
"How can you…" Megan swallowed, then began again. "How can you look at me…be involved in Lacey's life…and not think about Todd?"
Kate appeared only slightly taken aback by the turn in the conversation.
"How," Megan continued, "am I supposed to look at you…without remembering that he's…" She had to stop.
Kate took her time trying to figure out where to begin. When she finally did, she waited for Megan to look her in the eye.
"I never really wanted Todd," she began shakily. "I've told you some of why I did it, but there's no excuse. I don't know how to apologize enough. I never, ever should have gone out with him."
"But you did," Megan shrugged.
"Yes, I did. And I can't take it back, and I don't think I can even completely regret it because ultimately it brought me closer to Lacey. I adore her, Megan. You know that," she stressed, watching as Megan's eyes got teary again.
"And as for you…" she continued, trying to maintain control, but failing. "I've wanted this for so long. I think I must have known it…subconsciously…when I was dating Todd."
Megan shook her head.
"And that sounds sick, I know," Kate continued. "And maybe I can't even explain it well enough for you to understand, but…as the relationship went on, when I was put between the two of you, when I was forced to take sides… it was always yours."
Megan knew this was true, though she still felt like the room was spinning.
"I defended you to him so many times, I think he knew you came first," Kate admitted. "Not because you work for me, not just because I think you're one of the strongest, most fascinating people I've ever known, but because I have never been more attracted another woman in my entire life. My parents pressured me into dating guy after guy, and I did it for as long as I could. But with you… I can't deny it anymore, and I can't punish myself for all the mistakes I've made trying to hide. For the last three years, all I've wanted was to figure out how to make things right between us, but I know I can't expect you to forgive me, or want the same things, or forget everything that's happened."
Megan was not as good at holding her emotions in. Her face was red, and she danced her fingers on the marble behind her.
"I don't think I can forget…" she finally responded, her voice threatening to break.
Kate nodded, wiping a tear away. She looked so defeated. Megan couldn't stand it.
"But I can forgive," she continued. "I can try to move on knowing what's happened, knowing you're still here, with me. You've stuck by me through more than anyone ever has."
"Megan, I'm so sorry," Kate whispered again through her tears.
"I know." She took a few steps towards Kate and put her arms around her again, holding her tight. She felt Kate squeeze back, felt her shoulders tremble as the tears finally came freely.
Seeing Kate so broken down hit Megan in the gut. She believed that if there were no Todd, no Lacey even, she would still have been absolutely, madly, ridiculously enchanted by this woman. She had never felt like this before, not with Todd, not with anyone, and she was not about to let him or anyone else stand in the way of it.
"Curtis was right," Megan mumbled, her face buried in Kate's hair. "We are the same kind of crazy."
Kate pulled back and looked at her, panic in her eyes.
"Oh no, no, he doesn't know anything. He just said that once. When we were fighting."
"Could we try not to fight that much from here on out?" Kate suggested, wiping her eyes, trying to fix her mascara. "Maybe we got it all out of the way before dating each other."
Megan smiled. "Are we dating?"
Kate sniffled. "What else would you call this?"
"I don't know," Megan teased. "Let's see how the rest of the evening goes. If we don't make each other cry again, maybe we'll consider it."
"Deal," Kate laughed.
"We still need to talk about Lacey," Megan shook her head. "But I can't do anything about it now, so it's either drink the rest of this bottle of wine or find some other way to entertain ourselves."
"I got us a movie. Just in case."
Megan helped clean up the rest of the dinner mess before they ventured into the living room.