Going Back to Say Goodbye

A few days later, a replacement for the mobile I had destroyed from Harry's call arrived in the post. I ignored the device until it rang later that afternoon. I was willing to let it ring, but Lucas connected the line and put it on speaker. "Harry…" he greeted coolly.

'Ah, Lucas... is- is Kiley available?'

"I am right here," I voiced faintly, and nervously wrung my hands.

'I just wanted to let you know that...that Ruth's service will be the day after tomorrow. And I wanted to merely let you-'

"Harry, we need to be there," I argued vehemently.

"Lucas is supposed to be dead, Kiley- explain to me how I am to account for his presence to the Home Secretary? To Dmitri?"

"Harry, I understand." I flashed him a confused look, and made to protest, but he stopped me with a gentle, raised hand. "But, Harry, Kiley needs to be there- we both know that," he said, never taking his eyes off of me.

"Lucas-" I demanded in a whisper, "What are you doing?"

He cupped the side of my face and gave me a gentle, knowing look. "Kiley, you need to be there more than me-"

"-I can't leave you here," I protested adamantly.

"I will be fine," he assured me, "Go- be with Harry and say your goodbye...tell Ruth thank you for not giving up on me even after what I almost did to her."

'I'll have a car sent for you that will take you to the airport.'

It was pitiful...only a few people were in attendance to remember the woman who sacrificed so much for so many people...Harry and I were the last to remain.

"Would you...would you please give us a moment alone?" I whispered to my godfather, who had yet to give me more than a nod when he was part of the escort to pick me up at the airport. He wordlessly walked off to stand in silent vigil; I stared after him for a time, before I returned my attention to the tombstone at my feet.

Ruth Evershed.

I didn't want to accept that she was taken away...I did not want to believe that she had been killed in Harry's stead. I fiddled with the sodden, mascara stained handkerchief idly in my hands as I struggled to find the words to say. The lump in my throat would not dislodge as fresh tears came to fruition. "You gave me so much...with no thought of receiving anything in turn, and I gave you so little in return," I began tremulously, voice failing suddenly. I cleared my throat and wiped the clinging tears away. "You helped me save a man we both knew was worth saving...we owe you so much, Ruth, and now...I do not know how to-" I chewed my bottom lip and continued once more, "You didn't deserve to the life you had- it was cruel and unforgiving, but it let me meet you...and know what an incredibly loving and forgiving woman you are. I am incredibly selfish when I say that...You saved Lucas, even though many had written him off as a black mark on a ledger...I hope you...I hope you have found happiness, and that you know how much Lucas and I love you...how much Harry loves you."

"Kiley."

I turned to face Harry and saw him standing a bit away from me. His arms easily folded around my slight frame as I fell into him. "I've got you," he mumbled into my hair, "She left something for you...Ruth left something for the both of you." He released me to reach into coat to reveal a small parcel.

My eyes darted over the parcel as I hesitantly took it from him. "I- I don't understand...why would she think of...?" I asked, voice strained as I struggle not to resume crying once more.

"Because you meant a great deal to her, as did Lucas," Harry explained.

"Harry...about what I said earlier- on the phone, I mean-" I began in earnest apology.

"-I know," he interjected, "A car is waiting to take you home." He suddenly walked off. He walked the road of the lonely and heartbroken.

I held the parcel to my chest and I slowly made my way to the sedan car that waited to take me back home. Lucas and Kiley...how heavy those innocuous, three words to me as I traveled back home...I am coming back, Lucas.

There and Back Again

It was late in the night when the car pulled up the drive to the front of the house, the lights were not on and so I assumed that Lucas was asleep. "Thank you for your help," I said to the driver, and shouldered the strap of my suitcase. I watched the car pull away and heard the front door slam against the house. I turned on my heel at the sound and saw Lucas standing in the doorway. "Lucas," I whispered tremulously.

"You're back," he noted. He hurried down the steps and I yelped as his hands came upon my waist to lift me off the ground. He brought me to his chest in a fierce embrace, and I readily returned the action with equal fervour. My brow furrowed in concern when I saw the dark rings had returned.

"Lucas?" I inquired.

"Couldn't sleep well," he explained faintly as his eyes darted all over my face. He leaned into the contact when I reached up to cup his face.

"I missed you," I confessed earnestly, and slowly ran my hand through his hair.

"And I you," he assured me faintly, burying his face in the crook of my neck to take comfort in the scent wafting from my hair. His hands held me fast and I felt his tremulous exhalation against my fluttering pulse just underneath my skin.

I cupped the underside of his jaw with unsure fingers so that I had his attention; I leaned up on the balls of my feet and placed an ardent kiss on his lips. My fingers fervently threaded through his hair as he returned the action, pulling me flush against him as he did. He pulled the two of us into the house, stumbling slightly when his heels caught the lip of the landing. I laughed faintly- only to be silenced by Lucas' lips crashing upon mine once more. We slowly made our way upstairs and ducked into my bedroom. Lucas drew back slightly, cheeks flushed and flinty azure eyes burning in the dim light cast from the window. I caught my lower lip between my teeth as I took hold of the hem of my jumper; swiftly, so as not to lose the little courage I had, I pulled it over my head. I met Lucas' gaze with blushing bluster, and held my breath as he came closer. When he was within arm's distance, he followed suite and I was transfixed by the sight. An unsure hand reached up and pressed its palm over his racing heart, and I jerked in surprise when his hand fell over mine.

Before you let someone love your naked body, let them first fall in love with your flawed, naked soul. Emily Moore's, my best mate, sage words echoed through my mind. I do not think Lucas had seen anything else but flaws until now, and now he faced the physical. Thin waist, too long of a torso-

"Stop," Lucas chided knowingly, and traced the swell of my breath through the simple cotton cup. "You are here with me, and you are the only one I need to be." He guided me to the bed, and we nestled together as we had done in the past.

"I am sure," I whispered into the hyped air.