Chapter Fourteen

[Tori]

Her head is heavy on my shoulder and her hands are warm, holding my cold hand. She is so sweet and so vulnerable, why haven't I seen it this clear before? She and Beck are right now going through a rough time and I want to be there for her. I want her to know that she can trust me, because I will never let her down… I like her too much. I hope she likes me back…

Jade's breathing slows down as she drifts away. I look down at her resting on my shoulder. She looks so calm and peaceful. Without thinking I lean over and gently kiss her on her head. The butterflies I fought so hard against, to lock inside and hide, begin to swarm in their small cell. I just hope that the great chain and padlock are enough to keep them enclosed… but I can definitely feel them.

Slowly but steady everything goes black and I rest my head softly on hers before I accompany Jade in the world of dreams.

The sound of sirens snatches me out of my dream. I abruptly gain my consciousness and realize that it is my wake-up alarm. I reach out to the bedside table to turn off my alarm clock. When the constant ringing ends I fall back on the bed underneath the duvet, exhausted as if I just ran a marathon. Slowly yesterday makes itself reminded…. Jade! I quickly turn over to my left and find… no one, she's not here. If I remember correctly I sat with Jade leaning against me on my bed tonight… she fell asleep curled up beside me. But can't recall crawling down underneath the duvet nor her leaving… I sit up and look around the room, as though she could be hiding somewhere (which is a stupid thought by the way). Was it all a dream? I lay my hands on the bed beside me and, to my surprise, it is warm. Jade left recently. She was here, it wasn't a dream, of that I am now certain. But why did she leave? Suddenly I feel empty inside. I feel abandoned (although I'm not surprised, it's Jade after all).

With heavy steps and slow movements I make myself ready for school.

"You've been quite off since yesterday." Trina takes one hand off the steering wheel and firmly, but gently, pushes me in my shoulder "Will you gather yourself together, it's Friday."

"Yeah" Trina has a point. I need to focus and I can't let this thing with Jade take me over completely. There is, after all, a very small chance that she will show up at school today at all. Which might be in my favor… but I really do want to see her though…

As I make my way towards today's first class I look around for Jade. I'm starting to doubt that it is in my favor that she isn't here because now I seem to look for her everywhere. I shake my head at myself and focus down the corridor towards Sikowitz's classroom. I walk inside and when I catch myself scanning the chairs for Jade I grunt loudly. Everybody turns around to look at me. I sigh deeply as I feel how I begin to blush and I sink down on the nearest chair.

I register fast footsteps and suddenly Sikowitz's face is extremely close to mine (he has never had a good perception about others personal space). "Woke up on the wrong side this morning Tori?" His breath smells weird, like an old rug that someone spilled coconut milk on.

I smile as bright as I can "No, I'm just fine."

To that, Sikowitz eyes me unconvinced but then he turns around and walks, back to the small stage in front of the classroom, very close to the floor on bent legs. He looks like a sneaking gorilla…

"Okay young students!" He exclaims as he smashes his hands together. He leans forward and lets his gaze swoop across the room to make sure that we all listen "Today we are going-"He gets interrupted because the door to the classroom opens. I turn around and see that it is Jade coming in through the door. I straighten up and look carefully up at her as she walks into the classroom.

"Jade. You are late." I can barely hear Sikowitz's voice behind me. I'm too focused on Jade and her movements. Unexpected she looks down at me and gives me a quick smile before letting the corners of her mouth droop into a bored expression.

Feeling warm inside, I follow her with my gaze as she sits down on a chair. I have been so afraid that she was going to ignore me. But she gave me a smile, a smile… I look over at Beck to notice that he looks confused at Jade. I look back at Jade and get his confusion. Jade sat down on the opposite side of the room to Beck, next to Cat. Yesterday Jade told me that they were going through a rough time. I didn't really know how serious their problems were until now. Something is definitely not right between them… and the more I study Beck's confused look, the more I wonder if he even knows what the problem is.

I sigh deeply and suddenly I find that I eye Jade longingly. I don't even know why I am longing for her. My blood accumulates in my cheeks as I blush up, feeling my face heat up. What is happening to me? I know that I miss her… Maybe I should ask her to come over tonight? My greatest fear is probably that she will reject my request. But it might be worth a try…

Sikowitz babbles on about something that has got to do with theatre or something. I'm not paying that much attention to what he says. I'm too busy with trying to keep the war inside me, at least, manageable. Not that it seems to be working that well. I don't really register when class is over. All I notice is that everybody stands up and walks out of the classroom. I try to time my walk with Jade's and succeed, so we walk side by side out of the classroom. I want to say something. But the thoughts never turn into words, they stay in my head. I feel Jade's body heat radiating as I walk by her side. It reminds me of last night when she sat so close to me… She doesn't say anything either. I wonder why she left in the middle of the night. It feels tensed between us, but I'm almost positive that that is just me… my own fault.

Jade takes a deep audible inhalation, just as if she is going to say something. But before she actually gets out any words she stops in her action as Beck comes up beside her. I eye them together, trying to find out what the problem is merely by studying them. Beck doesn't do any attempts to touch Jade, not holding her hand nor putting an arm around her shoulder. He looks over at me and smile. I know that he doesn't know the reason I am scanning them, but I feel caught and quickly turn my gaze away to focus on Robbie's back.

"Do you know what the next lesson is Tori?" Beck asks me a question which forces me to look at him to answer it. He smiles at me as he walks a bit tilted forward to look at me even though Jade is walking between us.

"Yeah… We have music." I say, with an unnaturally high voice, and smile unnaturally wide. Beck looks a bit taken aback for a few milliseconds but recovers fairly quickly and smiles gratefully back at me.

Jade doesn't speak to me. But she smiles at me and then sinks down on a chair beside me in music class. I see from the corners of my eyes how Beck sits down beside Jade and how Jade discreet rolls her eyes. Something is definitely up… The lesson is over almost as quickly as it started. It may have to do with my iffy thoughts and absentees.

"And don't forget to choose a song of your choice to perform in front of the class." Our teacher calls out after the disappearing herd of students.

Shit, a song! I had totally forgotten that… I think about it as I follow the pack towards the asphalt café for lunch. I slink down between André and Cat by the table and put my plastic box with food in front of me. I press in my fingers between the lid and the black bottom to yank it open. I feel a light touch on my shoulder and look back. Black hair swoops away with the wind as Jade walks around me. Special, I feel special. It feels as though we have a relationship that no one else can understand. A tiny voice inside me tells me that I can't trust Jade to stick with me forever. But my desire to be with her, be close to her, overpowers the voice so it's barely audible. I can ignore it for now.

"What do you say?"

What? I try to focus on André's hand waving in front of my face. "What?" I murmur out as I shake my head to get back to reality.

"I asked if you two wanted to follow to Nozu instead of eating this crap." He demonstratively bends over and throws his lunchbox in the garbage bin beside the table. "Hello?" He punches Jade on her arm and stares with wide eyes at her. He looks between me and Jade with a frown "What's up with you two? You have been all weird lately." He stands up from the table.

It takes a long time for me to process but when I do I realize that there is only me and Jade left sitting by the table. Everyone else is standing around us with the same questioning look as André on their faces. I automatically turn my attention towards Jade and she discreet shakes her head at me with a bland face. I take it as a 'no' then.

"So are you coming?" Robbie is making himself ready to leave by slowly turning around on the spot. "Let's go now, I'm hungry!" Rex complains in Robbie's arms.

That seems to be the end signal. "No." Jade sputters out with an annoyed voice.

"Okay, see you later then." Beck says and gently puts a hand on Jade's shoulder.

But she shakes it off. "Yeah" her irritated voice is clearly noticeable. And no one wants to stay around when Jade's angry. So with all right, they leave me and Jade at the table in a flash.

One question has tortured my mind since I woke up this morning. Why did she leave me in the middle of the night? But when it comes down to it I don't dare to ask her. I know her too well. If I want to stay close to her I need to play her game. It's her game and I'm just lucky to finally be a part of it. But I still want to ask her over. But I'm not even sure I can do that. I look over at her. She notices that I'm looking and she smirks at me. Okay yeah, I'm going to ask her to come over tonight. Just… let me rephrase it…

"I want you to come over to me after school… but you're not allowed to." I add the last bit with a mischievous smile.

At that Jade chuckles with a wide smile and twinkling eyes. She is so beautiful. Her soft full lips that curves up into a smile that is contagious and so precious, her wonderful penetrating gaze and- NO! I close my eyes to lock her out, trying to keep my thoughts in check (which is tough with the butterflies trying to escape). But I can still hear her lovely voice…

"If I can't come I will show up. You can count on that."

I carefully open my eyes and am met by at her signature smirk and arched pierced eyebrow. I take a deep breath and smile gratefully at her.

A/N: One step back two steps forward.

And by the way, I don't want to have an old rug that smells coconut milk. I prefer my new rug I bought today in town.

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