The street's a liar, I'm gonna lure you into the dark,
My cold desire, to hear the boom, boom, boom of your heart,
The danger is I'm dangerous, and I might just tear you apart
-xxxxx-
I didn't sleep well Saturday night, or morning or whatever, in the end I got up before sunrise and went on a run. I felt much more at ease then I had after my kills last night, but even then, the pain in my chest was still present.
I moved out to the edge of the yard, debating which way to go before crossing the street and heading for Forks. This way I wouldn't have to worry about running into someone I didn't want to talk to. I briefly pondered how crazy everyone had gone looking for Bella and I, I smirked.
I moved through the trees, passing the clearing we'd done the training in. A flash of when Leah had nudged me towards Sam and my brother swept through my mind, that ache setting again. I left the clearing, picking up speed and letting my thoughts fall away as I focused on the running.
It's kind of hard to describe what running feels like. Almost as if you become another person, not even a person, some sort of animal or something, especially in the woods. I could almost imagine what it must feel like to run as a wolf. I wondered what it felt like to them. I still didn't think I'd appreciate being a huge hulking animal. I enjoyed running, it was the only thing in the world that made me feel like I wasn't insane. Well the running and Leah, again as I thought of Leah that throbbing pulsed just under the surface. I ran faster.
After about another twenty minutes I found myself walking down a small stream, dragging my feet through the cool water. I knelt down, washing my face with it and sighed as it soothed the heat in my body.
"Kira?" I startled in surprise, standing back up, blade in hand as I turned to the somewhat familiar voice. It was Jasper Cullen or Hale or whatever.
"What are you doing out here?" I asked, moving through the knee high water towards him.
"Getting away, none of us sleeps, it gets boring in the house at night," I nodded, that made sense. "It's barely five, what are you doing out this way?"
"Running," I said gesturing down at my body, my gear barely concealing the important parts.
"I see," he quickly averted his eyes and I smirked, sitting down on the grass and then falling back, enjoying the coolness of the ground. "Do you mind if I join you?"
"Go for it," I said, eyes closed as a breeze swept over me.
"Why are you hurting?" my eyes shot open, and I turned to look at him oddly. They'd all made it clear that they couldn't see anything, feel anything or hear anything related from us ability wise. "It's in your eyes kid."
"Don't call me kid, you may be older then me but I doubt you've aged as much as I have," I said in a clipped tone.
"You don't know that," he countered, eyes shining a little as he recalled some part of his history. "I'm not like the rest of the family. I'm darker, more vicious. I've no doubt you've seen horrible things and experienced some pretty scary things yourself, but your not nearly as bad a person as I am."
"Now you shouldn't be so sure," I said smirking, "you can't get worse people then me, ask Bella."
His eyes narrowed, "where did you take her yesterday? She was acting weird and she wouldn't say a word."
"On a little field trip. She wanted to see how far my pathology went and I obliged, I believe I may have scared her some, it was for her own good."
"Hope you didn't tell her that, she can't stand when people say 'it's for your own good'," he said in an ominous voice that made me chuckle.
"I can't recall, it's been a long weekend," I said rolling my eyes a little, chest aching as everything kept coming back around to Leah.
"How so?" he asked curiously, and I stared at him.
"It doesn't matter really. It just felt endless to me, that's all," I said closing my eyes again.
"What is it about you and your brother that's so strange?" he asked after a moment of thoughtful silence.
"I don't know, I'm guessing Carlisle couldn't figure it out?" I'd imagine having blood on your hands, innocent or not, was more then a little empowering, mix that with a bad attitude, anger issues and free running and you've got what I call The Elliot Insanity, and the best kind of insanity you could come by.
"He has some theories but he's virtually clueless, and we all get the feeling there's something your not telling us," no accusation in his voice just open curiosity. Interesting.
"Your not wrong, you couldn't count high enough the things just lurking under the surface," I said in a dreamy voice as the faces of all my victims surfaced, their cries and screams almost creating this terrible melody. It was beautiful in the worst way, I always did adore beautiful melodies telling terrible things. Maybe that should be my new motto.
"Are you ever going to tell me what's hurting you so much right now? It's all I'm sensing on you, and yes, this I can feel it, with or without my ability," I just shrugged. I was not talking to a Cullen about this, it was bad enough I'd told Bella what went down. I wonder what Caleb must've thought when he over heard our little break up scene.
"Shit went down, what difference does it make? It'll pass."
Jasper was quiet so long that I almost expected him to be gone when I opened my eyes again, he wasn't, he was watching me with a somber expression. "Pain that deep never goes away Kira."
I was tired of this, I stood, stretching a little, "then I guess I'll learn to live with it wont I?" With that I took off back into the woods and back to the place I was supposed to call home and now viewed as hell.
-xxxxx-
The rest of the day was uneventful, Leah didn't show up at the house at all. When she had I hadn't even been around to talk to her, she was in and out in less then a minute. Seth was sympathetic, until I snapped at him to let it go. He kept asking me what was going on, and Caleb tried to cheer me up but I mostly holed myself up in the bedroom for the entire day. even Brandon came by and based on the look on his face when he entered the room, Caleb gave him the rundown. No one was even pissed off that I'd taken Bella out and hadn't breathed a word about what we'd done. I got off easy, but only because I was 'getting over' Leah. Total bullshit if you ask me. Everything had changed the moment she said she'd imprinted on me.
I didn't see Bella Sunday either, for a while I contemplated the likelihood of her blowing the whistle on us and dismissed the thought. Bella knew that secrecy was necessary, I was pretty sure she also understood the severity of snitching on people like us. I mean, I'd massacred people over the last two years and where I regretted how complicated it had made my life because of Leah, I still held no regrets. I was a murderer, it was simple, and I was mostly okay with that. What I wasn't okay with was Leah ignoring me. That was getting to me, and that stupid ache in my chest wasn't dulling at all.
When I got to school my ISS had been lifted, and Hailey was there waiting for me. "What happened Friday night?" I'd forgotten I'd completely bailed when I realized Bella was MIA.
"My friend took off, I went to make sure she got home alright," I lied easily. It struck me as odd how simple lying had become. It was kind of like telling the truth, actually, telling the truth was far more difficult to me. It was as easy as discussing a movie though.
"Kira!" I groaned internally, hearing Jake coming up towards us. Hailey didn't even look all that pleased to see him, though I couldn't blame her. He shot her a quick glance and she glared at him, before his attention returned to me. "Can we talk? Privately?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," Hailey said coldly, and I grinned a little. A weak Random trying to protect little red riding hood from the big bad wolf, it was cute.
"What do you want Jake?"
"I want to know where you took Bella on Saturday, everyone went nuts looking for you and you two were gone all day!" he didn't look happy, more suspicious then anything.
"And what did Bella tell you?" I asked unimpressed with the way he was talking to me. I could put him down like a sick dog if I chose to and the only reason I hadn't was the simple fact that I didn't feel like taking on a bunch of giant wolves. Somewhat trained wolves.
"Nothing, she wouldn't even tell Edward what was going on, even though she was acting all weird and he showed up at the border to talk to Caleb and Caleb got pissed off. A huge fight broke out."
"What?" I asked in disbelief, "how come nobody told me that?"
"Maybe because you spent all Sunday sulking, I came by to talk to you and you wouldn't see anyone," his voice was accusatory and once my surprise had worn off I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Would you stop talking to me like that? I'm getting sick and tired of you assholes talking down to me," I took Hailey's hand, brushing past him roughly and went into the school.
-xxxxx-
Now you're mine, but what do I do with you girl?
I'll take your heart, to kick around in the dark
The danger is I'm dangerous, and I might just tear you apart
-xxxxx-
The next two days were no different. Leah would avoid me like I carried the black plague, I avoided the pack like they were the black plague and everyone seemed to be completely irritated with one another, or it was just me. I'd even noticed Seth, Quil, Jake and Paul all get into a heated argument during lunch on Tuesday. Hailey, Sarah and a few of my other new friends all watched in amusement, and it got better when I heard them glance at me, throwing in Leah's name along with my own a couple of times. I was glad I didn't have to hang out all by my lonesome now. I hadn't seen Leah and when I figured she was ready to talk, she'd come to me, in the mean time, I stuck with the Randoms. I couldn't stand being around Caleb and Brandon was searching for our other latest stalkers.
I'd been checking in on Bella every morning and around dinner just to make sure she was still in one piece, and we hadn't discussed whether or not she'd finish her training or not. She also hadn't asked me about anything, though she knew the importance of answering the phone whenever I called. We'd also called off the training until she came to some sort of decision.
I was sitting with some of my current Random friends wondering why Hailey was taking so long. All of us were going to yet another party, but first we were supposed to be going to eat in Port Angelus. I wasn't really worried and I'd asked them to keep it hush hush considering everyone would flip if they heard I was still partying after the last few weeks.
"Anyone heard from Hailey?" I asked frowning, she'd been late before, but she was usually pretty punctual.
"You like her, don't you?" Andrea asked, a knowing smile on her face. Andrea and Sarah were two of the few remaining friends Hailey had after the big blow up with Reese in the bathrooms.
"Like who?" I asked confused, not following.
"Oh come on Kira, you two spend all your spare time together, your always touching and flirting, it's completely obvious you have a crush on her," Sarah said logically, "anyone can see it." What?
"I don't have a crush on Hailey," I protested instantly, I hadn't realized that's how it appeared to everyone else. "What makes you think I'm a lesbian in the first place?"
They shared looks, "it's kind of obvious. You have this whole dangerous bad girl thing going on. Your beautiful, you've been asked out by dozens of guys and turned all of them down, you've never showed the least bit of interest in a guy. Are you telling me your not gay?" Well when you put it like that, I thought cringing.
"I'm just not interest in anyone," I insisted, there were already enough problems in my life. They have to be reading into this wrong.
"Well your her type, have you even met Reese?" I shook my head, I'd never come across her and if I had she'd never left an impression. Why should I remember a strange if they weren't a threat.
"I'm not interested in Hailey," I said slowly, watching their faces to make sure they understood me loud and clear.
Andrea frowned at me deeply, "are you sure she knows that? Because I don't think she does. You better tell her before she gets hurt."
"I-," I didn't know what to say, I didn't have a crush on Hailey, I was in love with my fucking sister, and with everything going on, my life didn't leave much room for a crush.
"Hey, sorry I'm late," Hailey said, running up looking winded and breathless, she took one look at my flustered expression and raised her eyebrows, "what's going on?"
"Nothing," we all said in unison, a little too quickly.
"Okay then, weirdos, lets get out of here," she hooked her arm around mine and tugged me towards the car. The bell hadn't gone yet, it would in about ten or fifteen minutes, we were supposed to leave half an hour ago but she'd texted twenty minutes ago saying she was running late.
As soon as we got into the car my phone rang. I frowned, and then recognized the ring tone as Brandon's. I got out of the car, slamming the door with more force then necessary as I answered it. If I'd gotten busted about tonight I would flip. It was a Port Angelus bonfire, some college kids, a couple beers, nothing extreme, it was Wednesday after all. "Kira, I've got a lead on someone camping out the high school. They've been watching Bella, you better go let her know."
"Alright, I'm there," I hung up, turning back to my friends, "I'll meet you guys in Port Angelus, there's an emergency."
I didn't wait for a response before crossing the parking lot and getting into my own car. I tried to call Bella, but it would appear her phone was off, which didn't surprise me and yet still irritated me. I know she thought the Cullen's could protect her, but she didn't understand our need to keep this in the circle. The Cullen's and Park couldn't know and if Edward and his mind reading ability managed to sniff out one of Gabriel's guys we were all screwed.
I pulled up to the school, going from building to building, eventually finding Bella in history. Her eyes met mine the moment I appeared at the door, "can I help you?" the teacher asked, an older man, dark hair and pale skin, clearly upset with my interrupting.
"We need to talk," I said giving her a look. She nodded stiffly, shoving her books into her bag before standing and coming towards me.
"Miss Swan, I suggest you take your seat or you can spend the rest of the week in detention," the teacher snapped.
"Back off," I snapped, eyes darkening and promising violence as I gazed at him, paying no attention to the remaining students in the room. He froze a little, "let it go, I'm not someone you want to piss off."
Bella tugged on my arm, worried I'd go ballistic on her history teacher perhaps? I gave into her pull as we moved into the hall, "what's going on?"
"You have a shadow, Brandon's taking care of him right now, do you have everything on you?"
She shifted from foot to foot guiltily, "I was in school, Edward and Alice are here I didn't think it mattered."
"It does matter, they can't know about what we are, do you understand?" I asked her in exasperation.
"What's the big deal, there vampires, they've killed people," she pointed out.
"To eat, to sustain themselves, not because of some twisted addiction, it is not the same thing," I said running a hand through my hair. I took a deep breath, "keep your cell phone on at all times, and keep one gun and blade on you everywhere. Not in the car, not in your bag or your locker, on you. Until we find Gabriel your a target and Brandon will keep an eye on things to try and track anyone else that's watching you."
"Whose Gabriel?" she asked confused.
"The one that wants to chop up every person I care about and because I fucking hugged you, and mind you I don't do the hugging thing, that means your on that list."
She looked away, a resolute look on her face as she said, "I want to know more."
I raised my eyebrows, "and here I thought I'd scared you away. Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I need to know what I'm getting into. Ever since you showed me what you were, it's all I can think about, it triggered something and i want to know everything. Not because I want to be a blood thirsty animal, but to experience it, to understand what it's like to be more, what it's like to be you. You fascinate me."
I chuckled darkly, a mischievous smile on my face, "alright Bella. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, but not here and not now."
"Saturday?"
"Saturday."
-xxxxx-
Everyone told me they were at the boardwalk and headed to the beach now that they'd finished dinner. Apparently I was an hour late, and they'd already started drinking. I parked the car, Hailey running up to me and throwing her arms around me in a surprising hug. "I thought we were drinking beer?" I asked, noticing the obvious smell of vodka on her.
"Since when you do care?" she asked, smiling brightly, glassy eyes shining under the light. I kept forgetting Christmas would be just around the corner.
"Good point," I said grinning lop sidedly and she tugged me to the beach where everyone else sat.
They introduced me to the other six people here and I just smiled and greeted them, I doubted if I would remember any names. We spent a few hours just joking around and messing around, this time Andrea and Sarah watching Hailey and i to make some sort of point. I saw it too now that i was looking. But we were the only people observing the way Hailey and i interacted, another girl was watching us pretty closely as well. I didn't recognize her but it was kind of annoying. Regardless of this revelation i hadn't changed the way i acted, why should i? I was single and it's not like i was doing anything special to attract Hailey's affection.
"When did you move to La Push?" a girl asked, and I couldn't help but notice the tone in her voice. A few people had glanced between Hailey and I almost suspiciously, but I had thought nothing of it. I didn't recognize this girl, but she looked kind of like a stoner, pretty without effort, black dyed hair, a lip ring and eyebrow ring and a hard look on her face that clued me in. This must be Reese, how had I missed her name again?
"Few months ago," I said evenly, amused with her cold stare and Hailey's tense reaction to Reese's focus on me. "My father married Sue Clearwater."
"Where you from anyway's?" Andrea asked curiously. I'm sure if they had access to my records they could see that. But even my father wasn't keen on sharing that outright, didn't want to ruin our rep I guess. For now we were just two teenagers with a bad attitude, no one had any clue how dangerous we really were unless they nosed around.
"No where special," I said shrugging once, sipping on the bottle Hailey passed me, she gave me a small smile.
"I heard you and your brother are quite the pair," Reese said, "even got into a few fights, detentions left and right, back talk, I can't hep but wonder why Hailey would be interested in being friends with such a person. Last I checked she was too good to keep such bad company."
Hailey tensed again, glaring at the girl, and I pursed my lips tightly. The rest of the circle became tense and quiet as well, waiting for some kind of blow up. They were watching me now, and I just sat back lazily, cool smirk in place now, "What can I say? I'm a hit with the ladies."
Reese gave me a lethal look, and before she could utter a word Hailey jumped up, and grabbed my hand, giving me a frantic look, "I need to speak to you."
I stood up, throwing a smile back at Reese, "nice to meet you Reese."
We were silent as we moved along the pier, passing the bottle back and forth as we got to the docks and out of sight. "Why do you feel the need to upset her?"
"Who?" I asked, momentarily clueless, "you mean Reese? I don't like when people get up in my face about anything and she's just asking for an ass kicking. I'd be more then happy to give her one, with your permission of course."
She stared at me with an unreadable look, "that's all?"
I recalled my discussion with Andrea and Sarah earlier, about Hailey harboring feelings for me. "What else would it be?" I asked carefully, realizing where this conversation may or may not be going.
"I know you and whoever you were with before, it's obvious you guys split, or at least that your having problems, I mean, you got all quiet and kind of sad on me this week," she said looking away again, more then a little nervous.
"Yes, we broke up," but not for long, my mind added, once I got my old self back Leah and I could be together and i could tell her everything. Maybe it was naive to think being a Random again would make things less complicated, but Leah wouldn't hate me or fear me if i was normal again.
Hailey looked at me now, "I know you miss them too. I know what that's like, missing someone," she reached for my free hand, as the right one was holding the neck of the bottle. Her eyes met mine, "I can help, distract you until you dont miss them, because I know you don't feel the way I do. But maybe, once you move on, I can take their place. I can be yours."
But that was the problem wasn't it? No one could ever take Leah's place. Never. I looked around us, the different sailboats surrounding us and nothing but the wooden dock keeping us afloat. I felt like I was drowning without Leah. The only thing that kept me from sinking into the water was the dock. Hailey could keep me from sinking into despair without Leah, couldn't she? She could help me breathe when i felt as though i was drowning, it's all she wanted and i couldn't deny that Hailey made me calmer somehow.
I mean, Leah wouldn't have me, but Hailey would. It wasn't the same as settling, Hailey expected me to move on and to be with her. I knew I couldn't do that, but I could also let Hailey be a distraction for the pain I felt over being separated from Leah, to keep my mind on what I was supposed to be doing. Hailey could be my reminder of what my focus should be on. It wasn't like using her exactly either, she knew that my heart belonged to someone else, she was asking to help me move on.
I turned back to her, gazing at her thoughtfully, realizing how close we were to one another now. "I'd like that." Hailey couldn't have looked more relieved, and she leaned forward slowly, waiting for me to close the short distance. I pressed my lips to hers softly, my mind wandering and trying to put Leah in her place. It didn't work out well because Hailey wasn't Leah, they were just too different.
I let the bottle clatter to the dock, bringing my arms up and deepening the kiss as I forced Leah from my mind and concentrated on the here and now. I could do this.
-xxxxx-
Hailey and I decided to keep it friendly in front of the rest of the world. Her parents and most of her friends were still adjusting to the big revelation and my family still had no idea I was gay, or bi-sexual, either or. We'd spend the same amount of time together, the only difference was the amount of touching we seemed to do. The light kissing or the hand holding. I'd also made it clear that my brothers not see us get physical, I did not need the grief.
I had to say the peace didn't last long before everything blew up in our faces. Hailey wanted to spend Friday night with me and I'd almost agreed until I remembered at almost two in the morning that Leah didn't have to patrol tonight. The house was mostly empty, as it was only nine o'clock and soon Caleb and Leah would be home. I had no idea where Sue and my father were, they tended to take off over the weekend, though I suspected they'd spend the short time in our home town, I didn't care.
"Can I come by tomorrow?" she asked as we reached the door for our goodbyes.
"Um, maybe, I'm seeing a friend, we'll see alright?" she pouted a little, and I grinned. I had to admit, now that I saw Hailey in a new light she was kind of cute. Nothing had really changed, I just noticed her more. A lot of the time my touches were forced, but she managed to keep me focused on other things that weren't Leah related. Though the guilt was starting to eat away at me like crazy.
I pressed my lips to Hailey's, running my hands through my hair as I deepened it, a smugness playing inside of me when she moaned. Hailey's lips left mine and I stumbled forward as she was ripped away from me roughly. She fell to the ground, but I wasn't looking at her. It was Leah. I hadn't even realized anyone was here.
"What the fuck Leah?" I snapped, glaring at her, "what's your problem now?"
"She's my problem! You've been running around with her non-stop and at first I didn't think anything of it until just now!"
"Have you lost your goddamn mind? We've been over this, and it's not like we could talk, you've been ignoring me for days," I brushed past her, bumping shoulders harshly and helped a stunned and confused Hailey into a stand.
"Get the fuck out!" Leah shouted at her.
"That's enough, you knew this was coming," I said before Hailey got the chance to speak. This wasn't Hailey's fault.
"Time for you to leave," Caleb said tensely to Hailey, taking her hand and pulling her towards the door.
She flickered a glance at me and I gave her an apologetic look and a nod. "Now!" Leah snapped. Chris trailled behind Hailey, who looked kind of scared, afraid of Leah's rage. Ironic, considering the only one with anger issues that she should worry about is mine.
Leah spoke again this time to me, calm and coldly she said, "don't bring her around here anymore or she'll be the next missing person."
"I have a right to have friends Leah."
"That didn't look like 'just friends'," she mocked and I glared even more.
"Hailey isn't going anywhere friend or not, lay off, better yet, move on. I figured that was what you wanted when you completely shut me out. You turned your back on me, remember? I said we were over, not that we had to stop talking, you made that choice, dont get pissed off because I chose to give Hailey a chance."
"Sorry I'm not a slut and can't turn off my feelings, that is if you even have any," her words were so harsh that even I flinched.
"Back off, you don't want to piss me off," I warned her, heart picking up in anticipation. My nerves were in a jumble, fighting with the urge to snap as much as the impulse to booket. The words, 'i can't hurt her' rang through my mind over and over again. It had been a long painful week, and i was anxious and restless. It wouldn't be hard to push me so far that I fell off the ledge and went ballistic.
"What are you going to do? Glare at me to death," she said smugly, "please, you couldn't hurt me."
"Says the one who takes shit from a bunch of teenage boys! How does it feel to have to bow down to your ex?" She didn't like that much, and she took me my surprise, moving lightning quick and punching me hard in the jaw.
Everything was all just pent up inside of me. Leah told me she imprinted on me and refused to even give me a moment of her time to speak to me, to let me make her understand, to fix things. She'd ignored me and made me feel like she hated me and now she turns around to act like a jealous girlfriend? I'd spent days in pain, chest aching for someone who had more or less turned their back on me and now she wants to talk?
I snapped as soon as the hit registered in my mind. Then all I could see was red as the urge to tear shit apart took over, my darkness taking control without a care in the world as to whose life i took. I wanted to hurt something, no, i wanted to fucking kill something. Who better then the person who'd been causing me pain, they were right in front of me too.
I wanted to kill Leah. I was going to kill Leah and no one could stop me.
-xxxxx-
This is a bad town for such a pretty face
I'm gonna catch ya, I'm gonna get ya, get ya
I wanna taste the way that you bleed,
You're my kill of the night